Some people find their introverted friends enigmatic—and even if you’re an Introvert, seeing eye-to-eye with your fellow Introverts isn’t always a clear-cut process. Since Introverts experience a wide range of distractions in their lives, both in their inner world and the overwhelming stimuli of the outside world, it’s hard to be sure if their lack of response is purposeful. So what do you do when an Introvert ignores you?

Before you know how to solve the problem, you may want insight into why Introverts ignore others. They usually do so for one (or a combination) of the following reasons:

  • You’re overstimulating to them.
  • They’re feeling tired and overwhelmed.
  • The Introvert is recuperating after too much social exertion.
  • You’ve hurt their feelings, and they’re avoiding confrontation.
  • They have social anxiety at the moment (due to crowds, loud noises, bright lights, or a combination thereof).
  • They are questioning whether or not they trust you.
  • The Introvert is working on creative or personal projects and doesn’t want to be distracted.
  • Due to high stress, the Introvert is ignoring everyone.

Now you know why an Introvert might be ignoring you, the question is, what can you do about it? Here are some tactics that may help.  

1. When an Introvert ignores you, assess the situation before talking to them.

Before confronting an Introvert who’s giving you the cold shoulder, you might want to think about the last few interactions with them. You shouldn’t assume that you’ve done anything to offend them but take a few moments to think about your relationship. Be objective. Avoid blaming yourself or them for any situation that might have caused discomfort or trouble in the relationship. If there’s a reason you think they might be ignoring you, you may want to reach out to them and ask if you’ve done something that made them upset.

2. Reach out to them, but don’t be pushy. 

As a rule, Introverts get tired of others trying to push them into things they don’t want to do, so you should reach out to them with care. When you talk to an Introvert to ask them why they’re ignoring you, do so with the utmost respect for their time and attention. 

Because Introverts prefer written communication, I’d suggest a text message or email. Don’t demand anything. Ask if anything is bothering them. After they reply to you, you can address your concerns. Remember not to make them feel like an in-person meeting is essential. They won’t want to go out right away if they’re trying to recharge. 

3. Find your common ground.

Sometimes an Introvert needs time to open up, even if they’re upset about something unrelated to you. If an Introvert is ignoring you (and everyone else) because there’s a stressful event happening in their life, the best thing you can do is give them space. However, if you still want to reach out to them, try to divert the conversation first by talking about your shared interests. By discussing things you’re both passionate about, the Introvert may feel more inclined to open up to you. Plus, as a bonus, you helped them momentarily forget why they’re so stressed out and pulling away. A common ground tactic can bring some lightheartedness to the conversation that breaks the ice before you dive into anything serious.

4. Tell them you’re here for them but give them as much space as possible.

As an Introvert, I have to say that the demands of others can sometimes be even more stressful to me than the other problems I’m facing. It doesn’t matter what I’m upset or stressed about—when someone places too much emphasis on getting together, I break out in a cold sweat. It isn’t because I’m antisocial (a common misconception about Introverts). It’s because what I’m dealing with at that moment is so overwhelming that I would love for people to understand that a social outing will make me feel even more drained. 

It’s hard for extraverted types to grasp, but it’s true—a stressed Introvert needs more alone time. So, getting the Introvert together with friends isn’t an excellent solution. Although Introverts might feel the need to force themselves to go out, they’ll count down the minutes until they can go home, too tired to cope. 

The bottom line? If you talk to an introverted person who’s been ignoring you and they tell you they’re stressed and, thus, haven’t had the energy to be social, leave it there. Tell them you’re here if they need to talk but give them enough time to recover without asking them to meet up.

5. Do something thoughtful for them if you think they’re stressed or overwhelmed.

Your inclination might be to head straight to their place and offer them a heart-to-heart chat, no matter what’s the cause of them ignoring you. However, one of the best things you can do, instead of offering company, is to show them you care. Drop by their place and leave a personal note on their door, a box of candy, their favorite flowers, or some other token of your friendship. This gesture isn’t as demanding as appearing on their doorstep and hoping for a chat. Instead, this lets them know you’re thinking of them, but there isn’t a social call attached to it. Odds are, any Introvert will let you know they appreciated the gesture within an hour or two.

6. If they’re still ignoring you, wait until they reach out.

Although it’s the most unsatisfying of options, if you’ve tried everything to talk to an Introvert who’s been ignoring you and you haven’t made any progress, leave it alone for a while. There could be several reasons the Introvert isn’t getting back to you, and most of those reasons are benign. Maybe they’re swamped with work and don’t have much free time to devote to their relationships. They may even be doing some sort of technology cleanse for their mental health! Wait it out. 

Additionally, when an Introvert ignores you, they may be angry. Although they might be mad about something that’s overshadowing their life, they’ll soon recharge and refresh enough to pay attention to their relationships. If they are angry with you, however, they’ll address the issue when they’re ready.

7. Are they an INFJ? It could be a door slam. 

If an Introvert still hasn’t gotten back to you after a lengthy time, you may have to consider another possibility. Is this person an INFJ? If so, it could be the INFJ door slam. You may have been the recipient of the INFJ door slam if you find yourself blocked on all social media accounts and unable to get through to them in any other way. If your phone calls aren’t going through or they never respond to voicemails or texts, odds are this person has decided to shut you out of their life. When that’s the case, the best thing you can do is move on and reflect on why this may have happened. Once a door slam happens, this person is out of your life.

Although the door slam is a quintessential INFJ trait, other personality types are also capable of reaching rock bottom and shutting out others. When this happens, all you can do is wait to see if they contact you again.

Summing it up

Introverts don’t ignore people unless there’s a reason behind their aloof attitude. If you know an Introvert who’s behaving standoffish, most of the time, the reason they’re isolating themselves from others isn’t personal. It’s best to keep patient and wait for them to come around, but if you’re wondering if you’ve done something to cause friction in your relationship, you might want to employ a tactic above to see if you can get through to your loved one. Introverts might seem confusing and enigmatic, but once you understand how they function in life, their habits won’t feel as foreign as they once did.

Cianna Garrison
Cianna Garrison holds a B.A. in English from Arizona State University and works as a freelance writer. She fell in love with psychology and personality type theory back in 2011. Since then, she has enjoyed continually learning about the 16 personality types. As an INFJ, she lives for the creative arts, and even when she isn’t working, she’s probably still writing.