Using Personality Types in Dating: The Right Way!30 September 2020 / By Firas Abdallah Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on September 30, 2020
The personality typing system developed by Isabel Briggs Myers is the most popular personality assessment in the world. It’s no wonder then that it is used in all kinds of interpersonal contexts, including dating. In fact, if you are a fan of the Briggs Myers system, chances are you have already done this yourself!
It also happens to be one of the internet’s obsessions. Just type “personality type compatibility” into Google, and the internet will gladly show you charts that tell you what personality type your romantic partner should have. If you dig a little bit deeper, you will also read about the famous “golden couples”. These are personality types that have been deemed, through a combination of anecdotes and cognitive function theory, as the best matches for each other.
Some of the famous ones include: ENFP/INTJ, ENFJ/INFP, and INFJ/INTP.
Compatibility charts are just too limiting
There is nothing wrong with compatibility charts and golden couples. But I personally find them too limiting. Maybe I am being too much of an INTJ here, but I like to stick to first principles and figure out my own way.
Would it surprise you if I told you that my most compatible personality type is ISTJ? According to the compatibility charts, INTJ/ISTJ would make for a terrible couple. Yet, ISTJ is the personality type of my girlfriend of four years now, and it’s the best relationship I have ever had. I owe the Briggs Myers system for some of this romantic success.
It all started on a warm March evening in 2017, in a small bar in Beirut. I found myself sitting shoulder-to-shoulder next to a beautiful woman who was out having a drink with her friend. Lacking any context to start up a conversation with her, I summoned my inner nerd and offered to analyze her personality. That instantly caught her attention and curiosity. I proceeded to quickly figure out she was an ISTJ, and gave her a concise summary of her personality type.
As I delivered my sermon, I could see my now-girlfriend’s eyes light up, as she continued to subtly nod in agreement. The rest is history!
Love is all about understanding
Typing has also been extremely useful in helping us understand and appreciate our differences. To give a concrete example: My ISTJ girlfriend, true to her personality type, is quite risk averse and hates uncertainty. I, on the other hand, am highly excited and motivated by the unknown and lie on the other end of the risk-taking spectrum.
Instead of this being a problem and an excuse for us to judge each other, it has become one of our relationship strengths. I give her perspective and encourage her to take some calculated risks, and she makes sure I exercise some prudence when taking big risks.
Beyond the differences in our individual personalities, typing has also helped us understand the dynamics of our relationship. For example, we know that both my girlfriend and I have Introverted Feeling (Fi) as our third cognitive function. This means that it’s not natural for either of us to openly express our emotions. Knowing this, we always make a conscious effort to tell each other how we feel about the things that matter to us. As you can see, the benefits have been profound!
A dating app that finds your meaningful love match
Reflecting on my own personal experience, I have decided to use personality typing to make online dating smarter and more meaningful. I would like to think that superficial and random “swiping” is a fad living its last days, and not a representation of how human beings choose to meet, date and start a romantic relationship.
And so, I have teamed up with some of my talented friends to bring a new kind of app to the world, an app we are cheekily calling Ur My Type.
Ur My Type is based on the 16 personality types. It empowers you to match with the most compatible romantic partner according to YOUR own personal preferences, which we help you discover through our unique compatibility tool. This way, you are using personality typing in dating the RIGHT way, instead of just following some compatibility chart on the internet.
Through Ur My Type, I hope to make the benefits of personality typing in dating available to everyone, and not just the nerds like myself. Typing was not only a great icebreaker when I first met my girlfriend, and a quick way for me to gain some insights into her personality, but it has continued to be a source of knowledge and mutual understanding in our relationship to this day.
Sounds interesting? Ur My Type is coming out on October 15, 2020. It will be available worldwide and can be downloaded through both the iOS & Android stores. I would love for you to try the app and share your honest feedback with us!