The Secret to Finding a Compatible Partner05 November 2020 / By Juliette Swann Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on November 05, 2020
Analyzing and understanding one’s personality with Jungian psychology can be of great help to you on a personal or professional level. It can be an even more valuable asset on a love and relationship level.
No, understanding this theory will not bring your future partner home to you! Nor will it make your future relationship perfect (because that will depend solely on the work you and your partner put in). However, thanks to our understanding of cognitive functions, we can see patterns of behavior associated with each type.
From this we’ve developed Birdy, our new dating app that connects people based on personality compatibility instead of superficial pictures.
Our system is inspired by Myers-Briggs and helps to explain the compatibility between types. So, you’ll understand which people are naturally made for you, based on the compatibility of your cognitive functions. This is the principle on which Birdy is based: to introduce you to people who you have the greatest chance of creating exciting and rewarding relationships with. This can be a decisive factor in your long-term happiness.
Introduction into Birdy's Compatibility Theory
The Myers and Briggs personality system uses the term ‘function stack’ to refer to the order in which you prefer to use four of the eight cognitive functions: Thinking, Feeling, Sensing and Intuition. The four-letter Myers-Briggs type is really just a code that states what functions you use and in what order you use them.
Here is a quick reminder of what the cognitive functions are and each type’s cognitive functions stack:
As you can see, there are 4 compatibility duos between the cognitive functions: Ti – Te, Fi – Fe, Si – Se, Ni – Ne.
To talk about a duo in general, we will call Xe the extraverted cognitive function and Xi the introverted cognitive function of the duo.
But why are Xe and Xi compatible?
For each compatibility duo, Xi acts as the generator, and Xe as the mediator. It is from Xi that the needs of the individual comes, and it is Xe that acts as a mediator between Xi’s needs and the world.
Let’s dive in with Ti – Te compatibility!
Compatibility Extraverted Thinking (Te) – Introverted Thinking (Ti)
Personality Types with Te as Dominant Function: ENTJ and ESTJ
Personality Types with Ti as Dominant Function: INTP and ISTP
What Te brings to Ti
Ti users live in the complex realm of logic, while Te users will take the time to dissect. When you get two Ti users together, there’s a risk that they will not listen or really consider the logic of the other. Because of that, Te users will understand and connect with Ti the most.
Te will try to offer new perspectives to Ti and reframe the latter then their thinking is not well-enough founded. With that, Te will help Ti find usefulness in trying to implement ideas concretely.
What Ti brings to Te
Ti will spend their time debating Te’s beliefs based on logical reasoning and, with that, act as a filter for Te’s logical errors. Te’s frustration at not being efficient will gradually disappear thanks to Ti’s advice.
Both Te and Ti have the same distance from what they say to each other, allowing for good debates in which both partners can drop all their arguments without risking injury to the other.
Decisions involving Te and Ti users will be made without errors of logic thanks to Ti, and without errors of subjectivity thanks to Te.
Compatibility Fe – Fi
Personality Types with Fe as Dominant Function: ENFJ and ESFJ
Personality Types with Fi as Dominant Function: INFP and ISFP
What Fe brings to Fi
Users of Fe like to connect with others on a personal, emotional, and human level. This is what Fi needs: to be listened to, considered, and respected. The attention that Fe pays to Fi provides Fi with the necessary comfort to share their deep values and morals.
Fe uses their knowledge of Fi’s desires to build a relationship of trust and understanding. Moreover, if Fi slips up and becomes immature, Fe will be able to step back, take a more objective view of values, and use ethics to reframe Fi.
What Fi brings to Fe
In order for Fe to act, they need to know the needs of others. Fe derives pleasure from getting along with others and what they like. Fi’s values will be easily visible to Fe, who will then be able to build a relationship with Fi. Moreover, Fi’s moral values can easily be transmitted to Fe, transforming the Fe user into someone who is not only ethical (objective values), but moral (subjective values).
Individuals with very present Fe – Fi compatibility will find themselves in a relationship based on a very deep emotional connection and an almost perfect understanding of the other, giving way to a relationship of trust and sincerity.
Compatibility Se – Si
Personality Types with Se as Dominant Function: ESTP and ESFP
Personality Types with Si as Dominant Function: ISTJ and ISFJ
What Se brings to Si
Si users are sensitive to experiences—they value comfort, and feeling taken care of. Se users provide that naturally because they like to have a good time with others and be the master of the given experience. Therefore, Si will love spending time with Se. Additionally, the Se user will try to broaden Si’s vision so as not to let the Si user sink too deep into a routine.
What Si brings to Se
Se users love new activities and ways to engage directly with the real world. Si users often suggest certain activities that are of high quality to Se because the Si users always remember the experiences they have lived, as well as the best experiences that Se users could enjoy or already have enjoyed.
Si users, being highly aware of their experiences, will appreciate the experiences created by Se users the most. They also provide the necessary dose of stability in Se users’ life, bringing trust and habits that will offer comfort to this couple.
Si – Se will definitely know how to have a good time together! Between Se users who will open the Si user’s field of action to new horizons, and Si users who will offer Se users the best of what they have experienced, they will continually balance their relationship in the physical realm.
Whether it is for traveling, the discovery of unknown landscapes, sex, or simply routine activities, Se will bring something new to Si who will enjoy it fully. Then Si will give Se all the stability, order, and loyalty in order to rest.
Compatibility Ne – Ni
Personality Types with Ne as Dominant Function: ENTP and ENFP
Personality Types with Ni as Dominant Function: INTJ and INFJ
What Ne brings to Ni
Ne is the intuition brought to the outside world, and therefore allows Ni to understand, analyze, and imagine the many scenarios that could take place in the future. Thus, Ne users will often alert Ni users of the problems they may encounter in pursuing one or more of their desires, offering them alternative thoughts or actions.
What Ni brings to Ne
The flexibility and alertness of Ne users makes plans too volatile to be sustained over time. To help Ne users focus their minds on well-chosen elements, they will follow the intentions and well-defined visions of a Ni user. Through Ni users’ will, Ne users will see themselves acting for a cause or plan, and thus give meaning to their ideas and creativity.
The Ni user will see the perfect future for their relationship while the Ne user will use their imagination to serve this plan. Ni’s tendency to be closed-minded will be compensated by Ne’s freedom of ideas, which will act to meet Ni’s desires. Ni will give a deep meaning to Ne’s sometimes risky life. With good communication and regular work so they don’t lose their sense of reality, this couple can go crazy (in a good way).
Of course, the cognitive compatibilities relating to each relationship will always manifest themselves differently. And they cannot replace the work that will be necessary to maintain any relationship, especially since the environment (culture, values, religion, political opinions, etc.) can obviously play a role on the quality of the relationship.
Nevertheless, these compatibilities are valid especially for serious love relationships. They are signs that your relationship will have a chance (or even a good chance!) of working.
technologic (not verified) says...
As a male INTJ, I'm most interested (in theory, at least) in dating women who are ENTP, INTP, ISFJ, INFJ, ENFP, or INFP.
Zanna (not verified) says...
As an INFJ I have been studying the Myers-Briggs typology since I was out of high school. I've recently concluded a near 24-hour straight-through quest for the best model of cognitive compatibility in relationships. I think the biggest mistakes and weaknesses of so many models out there is this presumption that compatibility is static when the Truth is we must rely on our present reality or personal direction and goals based on our life experience or current emotional growth needs to truly determine compatibility. I don't know how Juliette has done it, but without using staid outworn formulas, imo, this is the best model!