How ENTJs Can Deal With Never Being Satisfied01 October 2020 / By Elizabeth Harris Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on October 01, 2020
ENTJ personality types are ambitious to the point of madness, which means they often find it hard to be satisfied with their lives. It’s common for them to feel frustrated with where they are in life and be constantly looking ahead to the next milestone. Feelings of dissatisfaction can be a constant companion.
So how can ENTJs deal with this?
The answer lies in understanding the feeling, addressing the underlying causes and reframing the problem. Here are six ways to do just that.
1. Pause and pay attention
To deal with never being satisfied, you first have to recognize this aspect of your personality. If you find yourself often feeling dissatisfied or discontent, it’s a good idea to pause and pay attention to those feelings.
The first step in coping with a feeling of dissatisfaction is to delve into that side of your personality and draw out what exactly you’re not satisfied with. Try to identify when the waves of dissatisfaction hit and if there are particular scenarios or times of the day when the feelings are strongest.
Run an error test on yourself and see what is flashing red: is it a relationship? Your career? Something else? What area of your body do you store these feelings in? If the feelings could talk, what would they say?
Once you stop and take notice of what you’re feeling, you can start to address the problem.
2. Identify if something isn’t right
ENTJ types excel at being analytical and identifying flaws in a system or organization. We can use this trait to deal with feelings of dissatisfaction in our lives. Far from being a nagging and negative feeling, dissatisfaction can actually be a sign that something in your life is not right for you and can motivate you to change.
You might find it helpful to ask yourself some simple questions, including:
- What is not working right now?
- What is going well?
- What do I still need?
- What don’t I need?
- What would I like to see happen?
This method of self-analysis can help you to deal with the feeling of not being satisfied. It can be easy to sweep things under the rug, to transfer your frustration onto other areas of your life. But the key to dealing with dissatisfaction is to identify if something isn’t right and what you need to change.
3. Work on what you can control
Once you own up to your feelings of dissatisfaction and zero in on what areas of your life are causing these feelings, you can start to work on a plan. ENTJs are happiest when they can create a clear strategy and set their plans into motion. This is one example of when those traits can really come into their own!
When I’m feeling dissatisfied, I find it helpful to write down a list of what areas of my life I can work on changing immediately. I identify the factors that I can control and influence. This step helps me feel like I am being proactive and automatically makes me feel more able to cope.
A few years ago I was stuck in a job I didn’t like, having left a city that I loved to take the role, and to top it off I was in a relationship that wasn’t working anymore. In short, I was at peak levels of dissatisfaction! After a good while of stressing about my choices and regretting the decision to move, I wrote a list of everything that I could control.
It went something like this:
By making even a basic plan like this, I was able to feel more in control of my life and not just like I was being swept along by events. I’ve used this strategy many times and when it comes to the feeling of being unsatisfied, I’ve found this method can provide a lot of comfort.
4. Practice patience
For many ENTJs, dissatisfaction is an unavoidable part of life. Unlike other personality types, however, it’s usually less the feeling of not being good enough and more the feeling of wanting more.
The pursuit of perfection typical of most ENTJs means they often measure themselves against others' successes. Constant comparisons fuel feelings of dissatisfaction. As a result, this can quickly lead to the feeling that others are moving faster, being more productive and achieving more.
In my experience, an effective way to deal with never being satisfied is to remind yourself that things take time. You will not get the life you want overnight. By working on your patience, playing the long game in your life goals, and measuring your successes as they come, you can reduce the amount of time you spend feeling unsatisfied.
When the feelings of dissatisfaction wash over you, try to remind yourself that you can get where you want to be, you’re just not there yet.
5. Understand that you won’t always be happy
Happiness is not a constant.
There will be plenty of times in your life when you feel a whole spectrum of emotions that don’t relate to happiness, including discontentment and feelings of dissatisfaction. These feelings don’t mean that you will never feel happy or never feel satisfied, they are just a part of life.
If you find yourself getting bogged down in negative emotions associated with dissatisfaction, you might find it helpful to write down your feelings. Try starting with “I’m unhappy with…” or “I’m scared that…” Getting the feelings down on paper can be a way of releasing them.
6. Focus on what you love
If you use the feeling of never being satisfied as a way to push you forward, it might be time to change your mindset. Using dissatisfaction as a driving force in your life can mean it’s hard to shake off, even when you’ve achieved your goal. This is a slippery slope that can stop you enjoying life and living in the moment.
One way to avoid falling into this trap is to use enjoyment as a driver. Rather than focussing on what you’re not satisfied with, try shifting your outlook to focus on what you really enjoy.
Ask yourself what your best features are, what skills you value, and what you’re most proud of. It might sound strange, but this is a great exercise to gradually build up a feeling of satisfaction with yourself and your life.
By centering on enjoyment and the parts of yourself that you are most satisfied with, you can try to shape your life so that you are fueled by positive emotions, rather than discontentment. ENTJs are hardwired to always want more from their lives but the trick is finding a path that creates a sense of fulfilment rather than dissatisfaction along the way.
As an ENTJ, I can certainly relate, and have had the experience--for the first time in years--of practicing actually having patience, with God's help. Such a different road to travel, but I am learning just how important it really is to acquire this trait, and I see how with each day of "waiting" a new aspect of myself is emerging that I never knew existed. I was just so used to giving in to my impatience that I never knew how to be satisfied and content. Now, however, I am much more relaxed and at peace with the way my life is going. I trust I can help younger individuals blessed with this same personality (I speak lightly, as we are all blessed with our own personalities, and one is not better than another's!). I say that since I am "well enough" up in years and am just now coming face to face with this reality. Patience is key to so many avenues: happiness, contentment, satisfaction (same, really, as contentment, but worth mentioning, anyway), peace, relaxation, enjoyment, anticipation, hope, excitement, etc. It is, also, about letting God be in control, instead of always wanting it to be me in control, thinking I can do it sufficiently myself. And that (let me assure you ENTJs out there!) leads to relief; since, without fail, I pain-stakingly and obsessive-compulsively, go about tasks with high speed, undaunted by the effort and work it takes, taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, until I get to the goal in sight.
Michael Reardon (not verified) says...
Haaaa. I read these ENTJ comments and have to ask if we're ever really happy?! Where and how do we fit in?
Lucifer Valentine (not verified) says...
I'm insatiable, I can't say I've ever genuinely been satisfied. Lust is basically like breathing to me. I want to be happy with one person but this lust is a genuine problem, and another problem with this is I compulsively tell the truth so you can imagine my response when I'm asked if there's "someone else", they always say the truth is better then a lie but that's hard to believe especially when their reaction is normally cutting things off. There is always someone else, once I'm fixated it doesn't stop. It feels like pure primal adrenaline. The only time it stops is once I get the person then my fixation moves to someone else. I just can't be satisfied by anyone. It has so many implications on my life because I hate being like this, I have a need for punishment. Every action has a punishment wether your actions are good or bad and I feel like I deserve to be punished (not in a kinky way). It's pure torment. So I live out my life carrying insatiable hate for myself it doesn't stop. So please if you have any advice I would really appreciate it
Lja (not verified) says...
I get it. It is sad. I am that way too. I suggest prayer. May sound too simple but it works. Pray for this to stop. Tell God how you feel as you did in your comment. Whatever religion you are just pray. Then thank God for helping you. Keep the prayers up and see what happens.
Kate999 (not verified) says...
Have you tried polyamory? I honestly think expecting 1 person to satisfy all of your needs and to be everything you want them to be is pretty unrealistic. Once I realised monogamy isn't for me, my relationships started to bloom. Been in a poly relationship for 4 years and overall non monogamous for 7 years and don't think I'll ever go back to monogamous relationships.