How Dating By Personality Type Can Help You Find Your Love Match

Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on February 13, 2020

Dating in 2020 can be challenging. Many people now turn to dating apps to help them find a partner, only to discover they are missing a crucial piece of the puzzle: personality compatibility. It’s one of the most important ingredients of attraction, yet it’s not even a small consideration in most dating apps. 

So how can personality typology help you find ‘the one’?

What romantic compatibility looks like  

Firstly, let’s consider what an ideal personality type pairing looks like. When it comes to dating, it helps to have some similarities in order to ‘get’ each other and some differences to create that spark. 

Without shared ground of some kind, it can be challenging to relate to and understand each other—both of which are essential to any fulfilling relationship. At the same time, having differences helps create the chemistry that’s crucial for attraction and catapults a platonic relationship into something more. 

If each person has complementary strengths and weaknesses, it makes for an unstoppable team.

Romance starts with loving yourself 

Recognizing personality types can help your love life in numerous ways. Meeting someone who sweeps you off your feet seems to be the focus for most people, but it’s equally important that when you do meet that special someone, they want to be with you too. 

Knowing and understanding your Myers-Briggs personality type is one of the most powerful tools for personal development and becoming the best version of yourself. It can help you understand your weaknesses, strengths, priorities, values, response to stress and much more. 

This degree of self-awareness is fundamental when it comes to healthy relationships. Maybe you have a strong aversion to conflict? Or you lash out during arguments? Being aware of your own behavior is the first step towards change and self-improvement.

Love comes from mutual understanding

As well as knowing yourself, personality typing can be used to better understand others. Using a framework like Myers and Briggs' can help to see where someone is coming from and why they act the way they do. 

It can be easy to assume that other people think similarly to ourselves, show love in the same way or have the same needs, but more often than not it just isn’t the case. You might show your love for someone by shouting it from the rooftops, but your partner needs physical touch in order to feel valued. 

Knowing even this alone can make for a much more harmonious relationship. Mutual understanding is everything when it comes to connection.

About those dating apps

Meeting someone who is also interested in personality types increases the chance of being on the same wavelength. There will already be a shared interest and if both of you know your personality type on your first date, it can create a more interesting starting point for conversation. 

Typically, people who are taking the time to learn about personality types will also be interested in personal development, which means you can continue a journey of personal growth with a companion. So Syncd, a new dating app and website based on the personality theory created by Briggs and Myers, offers an easy way to meet like-minded people—and it's available just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Personality types can help define what matters to you when looking for a partner. Most people have some idea of what kind of person they click with, but using parameters can provide clarity. Are you looking for someone who is practical and structured to balance out your own go-with-the-flow nature? Or maybe you want to meet a partner that you can share plenty of deep conversations with? By identifying which traits are important to you, you can then work out which personality types encompass these characteristics. 

You can start by exploring comprehensive descriptions of each of the 16 personalities. Knowing which traits or personality types you are looking for can make it easier to recognize compatible partners when you do meet them, or you can use So Syncd to search for people of specific personality types.

The final word

Attraction and compatibility are highly complex. Many other factors come into play as well as personality type, such as shared values, common interests, life experience and so on (even different immunity genes can play a role). But Myers and Briggs' personality type framework is a highly useful tool that can be used in various ways to help you find the one and, perhaps even more importantly, to have a happy, fulfilling relationship when you do.

Jessica Alderson

Jessica, an INFP, is the co-founder of So Syncd, a dating app and website that matches partners based on their Myers-Briggs personality types. She and her sister are on a mission to make dating more meaningful, fun, and successful. She loves the beach, stacks of pancakes and people who are good with directions.

More from this author...
About the Clinical Reviewer

Steven Melendy, PsyD., is a Clinical Psychologist who received his doctorate from The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. He specializes in using evidence-based approaches in his work with individuals and groups. Steve has worked with diverse populations and in variety of a settings, from community clinics to SF General Hospital. He believes strongly in the importance of self-care, good friendships, and humor whenever possible.


Mark Mosely (not verified) says...

I love studying personality type, but it has ruined dating for me. I would never again date my opposite, the ESTP. I also would never date the other type that I am naturally attracted to, the ENTP. Studying personality type has helped me learn what types to avoid at all costs and made me content with being alone.

Beth Davis (not verified) says...

Gee, Mark, that really sounds depressing. You know what types to avoid at all costs and that makes you content with being alone? Can't you just avoid the types you need to avoid? I'm a sixty year old, single woman with lots of (mostly bad) experience with relationships. Being alone is easy, once you learn to love yourself. Being alone also sucks when you go home to just your dog at night. I'm not saying you HAVE to be in a relationship, but they do so much to enrich our lives and humans were not created to be solitary creatures. It makes me sad to see so many young people giving up on relationships and choosing to "be content being alone", when the vast majority of the time, that's just a way to avoid getting hurt again. I hope you decide to reconsider spending the rest of your life alone. I have friends who made that decision in their thirties and forties who are now in their sixties - and thoroughly regretting it. Please don't be "that guy". 

Cari (not verified) says...

Absolutely, Mark. Has completely affected my personal & professional life, and whether I want to engage in conversations, as well. 

LeAnn (not verified) says...

Well, I can say that being single and not dating is far better than being involved with someone toxic which is the only type I attract.  After decades of being married to the wrong guy and then faced with one toxic fellow after another, I am VERY happy to be alone and just moving on with my own goals in life.  Being very intuitive, an HSP and an empath the odds are stacked against me unless I find a way to recognize someone who will not use me for their own gain.  Mom would say 'never say never' but I am lucky to have actually survived this long, period.  I've read younger women are choosing to not get married until established in their careers and having children is an optional choice.  I didn't have any children but realize now that was a choice of not wanting my kids to have an abusive, chemically dependent father.  Of my 5 nieces, the oldest is unmarried and has no kids, is very happy with her life. The second is married but they decided to get a dog and are choosing not to have kids.  The third refused to marry the father of her two children, is very successful in her career and probably will never marry.  The fourth is married to a lovely fellow from Denmark and has two girls. The fifth is also married to a great guy and has 2 kids, she is also an entreprenuer in her own right.  Recently I read a survey that reported the happiest women are those who never married and never had children.  If I'd realized I would have no children I would have never married and would be in a far better financial situation ~ although I can say I'm doing better than most of the retired women I know.  That career life paid off but it's been almost 10 years getting over the last relationship and I'm in no hurry to get into another one.  I do have a lovely 'soul cat' and that is amazing, I don't see pets as "just" an animal, their unconditional love is a great example of what we can all aspire to.  One day maybe I'll be ready to share parts of my life but for now it's a year of balancing and self love. If the right one comes along then it's karma, period.

Mark Mosely (not verified) says...

I reread my previous comment and realized how negative it was. I would just like to say that I think that using the Myers-Briggs personality system to find a compatible partner is a great idea. I have been studying the Myers-Briggs personality types for a long time, and I am absolutely convinced of their reliability. I started studying personality types and Jungian Psychology when I was an undergraduate many years ago. I independently observed that I could tell the difference between Sensing types and Intuitive types by their eye movements. I tried to find confirmation of what I was noticing in the many books that I was reading about Myers-Briggs personality types. However, I couldn't find anything that mentioned anything about the difference in eye movements between Sensing and Intuitive types. Fortunately, a few years later, in graduate school, when I started reading Carl Jung's work more intensely, I found a passage in one of the books of his Collected Works that mentioned the differing eye movements that I had independently observed. Carl Jung described Intuitive types as having a blank gaze most of the time, and he detailed how the pupils of the Sensing types would move. I was completely convinced of the accuracy of the Jungian personality types and the Myers-Briggs personality types after I got confirmation of what I had observed from reading Jung's Collected Works. I wish I could remember which book of Jung's Collected Works that I read it in. I don't think that it was Psychological Types because I had a copy of that a few years ago and couldn't find a reference to the eye movements. In closing, I would just like to say that I believe in the Myers-Briggs personality types, and that the So Syncd app sounds like a great way to find that special someone that you can have a meaningful and compatible relationship with.

Maryam says...

YES, i noticed the eye movements too, but well not the pupils. still,im not sure if judged the movements correctly. and i've seen some N types that have a lot of eye movements and notice so many things and made me mistake them fo the S types. I'm an E/INTP but don't know and cant't test my eye movements,i wish i could.

Jessica Alderson says...

Mark, that's fascinating about the eye movements. If you remember which book you read it in, please do let me know. I'm super interested in the correlation between body language and personality type. This isn't directly related to body language as such, but one of my favourite books is Neuroscience of Personality: Brain Savvy Insights for All Types of People by Dario Nardi, which looks at the brain patterns of different personality types. It contains some amazing insights. I'm very happy to hear you think So Syncd sounds like a great way to meet that special someone and we'd love to have you join at some point, when the time is right.

John Ian Bobbitt (not verified) says...

I've been on so synced the last few days and have discovered a really weird trend. Women who read about INFJ males, and sign up as a INFJ female to get our attention. that combo is through to be the origin of soul mate stories... and ai guess hey think they can wrestle their way in the back door. Like it's not obvious within a few minutes they're no INFJ. 

Married 3 times? not an INFJ

4 kids by 4 men? Not an INFJ

wants a 500 word essay for a conversation... NOPE

Share your thoughts


Myers-Briggs® and MBTI® are registered trademarks of the MBTI Trust, Inc., which has no affiliation with this site. Truity offers a free personality test based on Myers and Briggs' types, but does not offer the official MBTI® assessment. For more information on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator® assessment, please go here.

The Five Love Languages® is a registered trademark of The Moody Bible Institute of Chicago, which has no affiliation with this site. You can find more information about the five love languages here.

Latest Tweets

Get Our Newsletter