ENFP and INTJ Compatibility: As Coworkers, Lovers and Friends

Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on January 11, 2022

What good is personality theory if you can’t put it into practice? Below we’ll walk through the specific dynamics of an ENFP and INTJ relationship as coworkers, lovers, and friends. 

General communication tips

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of each type of relationship, here are a couple of general pointers in communication between an ENFP and INTJ.                              

First, an obvious pointer that the ENFP is clearly an Extravert (no duh, Sherlock) so expressing inner thoughts and ideas happens more naturally than it does for the INTJ. The upside to this communication dynamic is the INTJ feels happy to let the ENFP carry the conversation. It puts less pressure on them to come up with something to say and allows the INTJ more mental energy to break down the ideas presented to them by the ENFP. 

It’s a great combo, until the INTJ feels steamrolled by the ENFP. Regardless of where you fall on the scale from slightly-below-agoraphobia level of introversion to the “why yes, stranger, I’d gladly be in your wedding party!” level of an extreme extravert  -- everyone likes to be listened to and valued. 

For the ENFP, remember to not only give the INTJ the floor every once in a while, but to also allow them plenty of time to think through their ideas before they are required to speak. Especially when confronting issues, the INTJ is more likely to sweep problems under the rug and will appreciate direct, honest communication as well as a chance to gather their thoughts before an important conversation. 

For the INTJ, remember that your ENFP counterpart is constantly evaluating the quality and emotional overtones present in every relationship. Like you, an ENFP will appreciate direct and honest communication. The trick comes when including some tact with your honesty as you may come across more blunt or confrontational than you intend, especially when offering constructive criticism. 

For both the ENFP and INTJ, openly communicating needs is an important aspect of any relationship. Each of you will value the other person’s needs, but those needs are not immediately clear or recognizable to your counterpart. Your oh-so subtle and clever hints are doing nothing for your partner. Be direct. Be honest. Ask for what you need. 

One last tip for the ENFP and INTJ: sharing physical space can be a challenge. The ENFP isn’t as immediately tied to their physical surroundings. The INTJ will be more aware of their physical space and will naturally take on the lion’s share of cleaning, organizing, etc. simply because they operate with more structure than the ENFP will feel a need for. The ENFP will feel blind-sided by any resentment on the INTJ’s part since cleanliness is just not on the ENFPs radar. It can be helpful to come together and agree on a cleaning schedule or organization system to reduce friction in sharing physical spaces.

ENFP and INTJ as coworkers

The ENFP and INTJ are the intellectual dream team. The ENFP’s main cognitive function acts as a tireless idea-generator and the INTJ’s main cognitive function optimizes ideas. They can be an unstoppable force for innovation! 

Conflict may come beyond the analysis and synthetization of new ideas. The ENFP is more concerned with how decisions will affect and help people around them where the INTJ is more interested in objective calculation and what makes the most logical sense. 

When the two work in concert with each other, a wonderful combination of morality, ethics, and objective logic can be applied to any problem. When the two are out of sync with each other, the INTJ will see the ENFP as a head-in-the-clouds idealist who doesn’t understand how the real world works and the ENFP will see the INTJ as a stone-cold [curse word] who doesn’t give two shakes for their fellow human beings. 

Another point of conflict can arise between the two because of their “big-picture” personalities. They can talk through all the cool reasons their idea is awesome-sauce and high-five over the clever components of a plan without actually nailing down details for execution. It can be easy to assume you’re both on the same page while tiny details trickle through the cracks created by your dynamic problem-solving super powers. 

When details are discussed in, let’s say, scheduling, the ENFP likes to leave things open-ended while the INTJ will want something concrete. Refer back to the section on general communication, take a few deep breaths, and find a way to compromise. 

ENFP and INTJ as lovers

Among some MBTI theorists, the ENFP and INTJ pairing is among one of the most fitting matches for a long-term relationship! However, it is important to remember that there is no “perfect” pairing and every relationship is going to have something special and something difficult (and often multiple somethings in those categories). 

For both the ENFP and INTJ, discovering new things is extremely important. In fact, when you first meet it can feel refreshing to talk with someone at length about deep ideas rather than the small-talk you both dread. This mutual connection over life-long learning and a refusal to take ideas at face-value can act as a fantastic relationship base. 

This means that when your relationship hits any lulls (as all relationships do), you’re both likely to get a bit cranky. Remember to build in systems or keep those ideas spinning for ways to keep things novel between the two of you. Travel, take classes, try new restaurants, get kinky -- whatever that looks like. Refer back to the first section of *ahem* open and direct communication and you’ll combat lulls with your dynamic teamwork. 

The ENFP and INTJ also differ in their need for affection and affirmation. The ENFP may need more warmth than the INTJ is naturally comfortable giving. There are times the INTJ can come across as cold simply because they are more ruled by their head than their heart. It can be helpful for the ENFP to remember that the INTJ shows their affection in acts of loyalty and commitment, even if they’re not the most romantic partner. 

On the flip side, the INTJ may need more alone time than the ENFP is comfortable giving. One suggestion is to designate certain times with your partner for alone time vs. social time. The ENFP’s need for a social circle can actually provide the INTJ with their much needed alone time if both parties are willing to work out a system and compromise.

Ultimately, the ENFP and INTJ are such a great match because of the incredible pairing of their cognitive functions and the balance they provide each other. The ENFP can help the INTJ allow a little more emotion in their decision-making and how to get in touch with the heart of an issue. 

Conversely, the INTJ can help ground the ENFP to make better logical and long-term decisions. With good communication skills (have I brought that up enough?) the ENFP and INTJ can enjoy a long, healthy, and rewarding relationship. 

ENFP and INTJ as friends

As stated in the earlier section, the ENFP and INTJ will quickly click as their conversations focus on impressions, ideas, opinions, and theories. You will find each other stimulating and interesting, and who doesn’t want that? 

Speaking to the cognitive functions, each type’s auxiliary function is the other’s tertiary. Translated, that means there is an ease of understanding between the two of you. You both will find a mutual dislike of the mundane aspects of life and will frequently look to “shake things up”. This friendship can be electrifying and help each counterpart grow in new, exciting ways. 

The same cautions come with an ENFP and INTJ friendship: communicate. You each have a different tolerance for social situations. There is a balance between heart and head with these personality types and each of you can help the other become a better, more well-rounded person. Once you’ve breached the “getting to know you” phase, the INTJ can be the ENFP’s favorite sounding board and the ENFP will become the INTJ’s greatest cheerleader. 

Given that both the INTJ and the ENFP have introverted feeling in their cognitive stack (but not as their dominant function), both are inclined to have a sense of stubbornness. This shared introverted feeling can also cause both to be emotionally guarded, which can lead to communication difficulties. 

At the end of the day, ENFPs and INTJs are well-suited to understand one another and help the other person grow. Are you an ENFP or INTJ with this relationship dynamic? Tell us about it in the comments!

Kim Jacobson

Kim spends her time as a freelance content marketing writer and indie author. Her focus is on empowering others to make healthy choices, and personality theory plays a large role in that calling. What else would you expect from an ENFP? She lives in the mountains with her ISFJ husband and two incredible kiddos.

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About the Clinical Reviewer

Steven Melendy, PsyD., is a Clinical Psychologist who received his doctorate from The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. He specializes in using evidence-based approaches in his work with individuals and groups. Steve has worked with diverse populations and in variety of a settings, from community clinics to SF General Hospital. He believes strongly in the importance of self-care, good friendships, and humor whenever possible.

Comments

Astra McNamara (not verified) says...

As a young married ENFP and INTJ couple, the communication between my husband and I during disagreements or misunderstandings can be difficult. We are both stubborn (introverted feeling), but I believe he (INTJ) is even more so than me (ENFP) at times. Conflict is so uncomfortable for me so I try to resolve issues fairly quickly. He can go hours without trying to resolve the issue and can even appear to function normally, which blows my mind because I'm basically a moping sack of flesh that can't seem to get anything productive done when I know he is upset with me. I can be stuborn in that, sometimes I don't disclose my feelings in fear that I am over thinking or I am being overdramatic and irrational.

 I suspect there could be a few reasons why he isn't inclined to resolve issues right away, a few being: he is reluctant to express or disclose his emotions, has to think things over and process the situation, is so irritated and stubborn and he wants to stay that way, or he simply doesn't think anything needs to be resolved. 

I believe we are getting into the meat and potatoes of our relationship, the honeymoon phase has come and gone (it will be back!) and we are starting to see the areas we struggle. Communication being one of them, so this article was extremely helpful! I would love to learn more effective ways of communicating with one another and also learn to understand and appreciate our differences. These stubborn disagreements can really put a damper on our usually very loving, intellectual, and playful relationship. 

 

Love the content on Truity btw <3

- Astra the ENFP

Mike777 (not verified) says...

As an intj, you're completely right about pretty much everything 😂 Also, the way you're handling and thinking about the situation is music to my ears as an intj, so just know you're on the right path 👍

Le Gabs(ENFP) (not verified) says...

I'm an ENFP and have an INTJ friend. Ever since we've met, we've had a spark of some sort. We got along really great and didn't even know why. Anyways, long story short, we fell in love, but are going to wait 'till we are older to do anything because we are not sure what our vocations are. He feels a call to the priesthood(I honestly don't think that'll happen, but y'know I'm supportive of his decision anywyas), and I have no idea what I'll do with my life so far. We're only sixteen, so y'know, keeping our options open. He is actually really social for an INTJ, so that really suits me perfectly haha. But this article really helps cus I do need to work on my communication skills..... :P

MissB (not verified) says...

I'm an ENFP and my Dad's an INTJ and we get on like a house on fire. We can chat for ever about everything under the sun and our conversations often go off on ridiculous tangents. My Mum's an ESFP and doesn't bother to try to keep up with us (even though she's also highly intelligent). We also work well together on practical tasks. I'm very patient and he's systematic and we both like solving problems.

TR (not verified) says...

Being 23 years together as an ENFP/INTJ couple I can only confirm the 'communication part' as being key, as well living your own life, next to the one you have with your partner, keep your own interests & hobbies. And above all stay supportive, honest & true at all times towards eachother. 
 

Ddawg (not verified) says...

This is 100 percent true. A lot of my friends are INTJs and I love em and the love me.  As an ENFP I talk so much nonsense and they are always listening and processing what I'm saying seriously.  Even if I have a silly idea they will always add to it, improve it or make it funnier. They appreciate my grandiose ideas and I appreciate the fact that they take them seriously and actually sometimes modify my silly idea or thought into something meaningful.

They don't take things personally so you can razz em a bit. 

They are sort of like Spock. Friendly thoughtful geniuses.

Jeff K (not verified) says...

I am an architect intj and my wife is a campaigner enfp we align perfectly , but I am also a Virgo and also she is a Pisces which is also a perfect match How rare is this pairing?

Squidy boiii (not verified) says...

As a male enfp who is married to a female intj I gotta say communication is key because if you don’t communicate well with any intj expect a hell storm also realize that they will say what they think and they won’t hold back and as an enfp you can be sensitive to some of the things they might say but know deep down they only want what’s best for you (intj’s are like architects and they want to carve you into a perfect version of yourself but sometimes they need a reminder that you’re not perfect) 

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