Can You Fake EQ — and Should You Try?

Think you could fake your emotional intelligence (EQ) to do better at work or in relationships? 

EQ has been linked to better job performance, greater satisfaction at work, better relationships,  and even overall life satisfaction, so it makes sense that many people are trying to strengthen it. 

Research even says that EQ is a better indicator of happiness than IQ, which suggests that how you handle emotions has a bigger impact on your well-being than how high you score on a cognitive test. When your EQ is higher, you’re more likely to communicate clearly, manage conflict without blowing things up, and choose when to be open in a way that feels safe and honest. Those skills tend to reduce everyday stress and misunderstandings, so instead of reacting on impulse, you can respond more thoughtfully and empathetically. Over time, that’s what leads to stronger, more satisfying relationships.

But what happens if you try to fake emotional intelligence? And is it even possible to fake it well?

How People Actually Fake EQ

Faking EQ usually means copying the behaviors that look emotionally intelligent, without really feeling or processing much underneath. That might mean:

• Acting calm when you’re not. You keep your voice even and your body language relaxed, and show the outward signs of having emotional control, even if you’re angry or frustrated on the inside.
• Saying the “right” thing without meaning it. You use empathetic phrases or supportive language because you know you’re supposed to, not because you actually feel connected to what the other person is going through.
• Performing patience and politeness. For example, if you work in a customer-facing role, you might listen, nod and apologize, even while your inner monologue is irritated or checked out.
• Answering assessments strategically. If you’re asked to take an EQ test at work, you pick the options that make you look emotionally savvy so you’ll impress a current or future employer, even though you never behave that way.
• Hiding emotions to manage your image. You tightly control or ignore feelings like rage, disappointment or disapproval so you’ll look composed in front of your boss or team.

In simple terms, it can feel easy to fake your EQ if you’re good at pretending, especially at work. But that doesn’t mean you’re experiencing genuine emotional intelligence, and over time, people may start to notice the gap between how you act and how you really feel.

Can You Really Fake EQ?

Well, you can try, but faking your EQ will only get you so far. 

A study on faking EQ using self-reported questionnaires found that people could easily boost their scores on paper, but it was much harder to fake EQ on tests that asked them to actually do something, like respond to scenarios or solve emotional problems in real time. Another study suggests that if you fake your EQ test significantly (and do it well), it may push you to the top of the job applicant pool if your prospective employer puts a lot of weight on the assessment. Being a top hiring candidate might sound great, but the drawback is you may struggle to keep up the act once you’re actually in the role.

An article in the Harvard Business Review notes that people can appear emotionally intelligent on the surface, but what they’re really doing is using those skills to protect or promote themselves — their EQ is self-serving. This behavior usually doesn’t pay off in the long run, since people often notice the difference between authentic empathy and performative empathy. 

You may also find you can’t keep pretending if your inner emotions are the polar opposite of what you project outwardly, either because of burnout or a growing sense that you’re out of sync with yourself. If people spot inconsistencies between your words and your actions, their trust may erode, and they may assume you’re manipulative.

But You Can “Fake” EQ As Practice

When it comes to “fake it till you make it,” it may be possible to fake your EQ for a while and start building some of the same habits. We know that people who intentionally practice emotionally intelligent behaviors can improve their EQ so, with this in mind, “faking” your EQ can act as practice for real growth. But it takes effort and intention.

If you decide to fake your EQ temporarily, you might copy emotionally intelligent behaviors such as active listening and pausing to think before reacting when you’re involved in an argument. If you do this often and with good intentions, those behaviors can start to feel more natural. In this case, your “fake it till you make it” approach can turn into a more genuine emotional experience, leading to increased empathy and self-awareness.

Studies suggest that EQ can increase when you’re in environments that demand a high level of emotional engagement with others. One such study followed Sri Lankan medical students over five years and found that their EQ scores increased significantly by the end of that period. This research suggests that students’ routine exposure to emotionally demanding situations helped them naturally strengthen their emotional intelligence.

But before you decide to “fake” your EQ, it’s worth asking yourself what your true intentions are. If you simply want to fake a high EQ to get ahead at work or to make yourself look like a better person, that points to a more manipulative, self-focused motive and might do more harm than good. If you do want lasting growth, faking your EQ should only be a way to practice skills that you genuinely hope to develop.

How to “Fake” EQ With Good Intentions

If you plan to fake your EQ for a short period, treat it as training with the intention of eventually developing a higher EQ. If that’s your goal, you can employ some skills that help you flex those EQ muscles. Just remember that people can usually sense when you’re inauthentic. If your intentions aren’t positive, you can do more harm by trying to fake your way through.

That said, if people see that you’re genuinely trying to do better, even if you fall short, they’re more likely to react warmly to your efforts. Here are some scenarios where it’s good to practice EQ (even if it means faking your way through it with the best of intentions):

• If you’re engaged in a difficult conversation at work: Avoid reacting immediately. Take a moment to think before you speak and consider what response will be most helpful. This may feel unnatural if you’re feeling angry, but controlling your emotions and reflecting before speaking is a habit people with high EQ use to keep their feelings from overriding healthy communication. Practicing this can help you learn to pause before speaking and reflect on the best approach in contentious situations.
• During an argument with a romantic partner: You can often de-escalate tension if you avoid impulsive reactions. Instead, try to listen to what your partner is saying. Even if you don’t feel the empathy coming naturally, giving them space to talk can diffuse the tension and lead to a more productive conversation. Over time, you may start to understand their point of view, and practicing “faking” it may help you become more empathetic.
• If you’re spending time with a friend who’s going through a rough patch: Try to validate their feelings instead of discounting them. While you might not actually understand their viewpoint, doing this can show you how beneficial it is to respond empathetically to your loved ones. This can be a stepping stone to greater emotional awareness if you’re usually the type to miss people’s emotions.
• At team meetings: Practice curiosity. Ask others for their opinions and perspectives on projects. You might be surprised to see that this strengthens your office relationships, especially when you’d typically be dismissive of views that wildly differ from yours. Positive outcomes in these situations may help you appreciate the value of embracing (or at least respecting) other points of view.

While you might experience some failures when you’re trying on emotionally intelligent behaviors, remember that it’s a practice, even if it feels fake. Even if you mess up, reflecting on that failure may be paving the way for better self-reflection techniques, which is a big part of EQ.

Using “Fake” EQ the Right Way

When you hear “faking it,” it can sound negative, but faking your EQ isn’t always a bad thing if your goal is long-term change. When you’re trying to grow your emotional intelligence, “faking it” can be a short-term way to try on those new behaviors and see what works for you. 

The key, as always, is consistency. Habits build over time, and steady practice is much more effective than “doing EQ” every once in a while. As people see that your intentions are good, they’re more likely to give you grace while you learn – and the positive shifts in your relationships can motivate you to keep working on your EQ.

Don’t know what your EQ is? Take Truity’s free emotional intelligence test here. Want to start practicing EQ but don’t know where to begin? These EQ exercises at work and EQ exercises for couples are a great place to start!