Big‑Hearted, Big Families? Why Feelers Tend To Have More Children Than Thinkers

Does personality type come into play when predicting who will have bigger families? The answer is: yes, absolutely! When Truity conducted research on personality type and family life, the results highlighted one interesting finding: in the Myers-Briggs personality system, Feelers tend to have more children than Thinkers.

This might come as no surprise at the outset, as Feeling types have a warm-hearted, people-oriented approach to life, while Thinkers are more analytical and logic-based. But that doesn’t immediately explain why people with a Feeling preference should have or want more children than their Thinking counterparts.

To understand the difference, we need to look at what the Feeling-Thinking dimension of personality means. Everyone has emotions, but why they prioritize (or don’t prioritize) family life may come down to a few factors, one of which is how people make important life decisions.

What Truity’s Research Found 

Truity’s research, titled “Who We Are When We’re at Home: A Study of Personality Type and Family Life,” which you can read in full here, took a deep dive into how your personality type may influence decisions surrounding family life. Each person surveyed took Truity’s TypeFinder® assessment (based on Myers and Briggs’ 16-type personality theory) and then answered a series of questions covering family roles, childcare responsibilities, attitudes toward parenting, parenting satisfaction, demographics, and attitudes toward having children. Over 15,000 respondents (roughly two-thirds women and one-third men) took part, and their answers revealed some intriguing findings.

Some of these findings included the clear differences between how Feeling and Thinking types felt about having children, and how many children they chose to have. The study found:

• Thinking types were far more likely (62%) than Feeling types to say that they didn’t want children now or in the future.
• Feelers reported having more children than Thinkers. While the average for Thinkers was 2.02 kids, the average for Feelers was 2.12 kids.
• Some Feeling types (ENFP, ENFJ and INFJ) were more likely to express interest in having children in the future, perhaps hoping to become parents later in life, than to report already having them.
• INFP and ISFJ women were more likely to report being stay-at-home parents.
• When asked—if financial logistics weren’t an issue in becoming stay-at-home mothers, would you like to?—many Feeling types reported that they’d like to do it either part- or full-time. In fact, the average answer among all eight Feeling types was 86.25% yes!
• Six of the eight Feeling types among men were open to being part- or full-time stay-at-home dads, with an average “yes” response of 73%. This was markedly different from Thinker responses (only 60% yes on average).

So there’s clearly a difference between Feeler and Thinker attitudes toward family life. But why? 

Making Decisions Around Emotional Connections

While Thinking types can and do build meaningful emotional connections in their lives, the difference between Thinking and Feeling types is in how they make decisions. Thinking types make decisions based on logic and facts, and this analysis leads them to choose what they consider the most sensible choice over the pull of their emotions. 

Feeling types are the exact opposite, and this may be the main reason they prefer larger families. Feelers make decisions based on a combination of social considerations and their personal value system. At their core, their values are deeply human. They are less interested in whether having kids costs a lot of money, or how they’ll juggle jobs and childcare, or how difficult child-rearing will be. By separating the facts and arguments against having many kids, Feeling types are most drawn to the emotional connections they will create and nurture with their family.

This decision style makes parenting feel more like a life calling than a logistical undertaking filled with practical challenges and trade-offs.

Turning to the Big Five personality system for a moment, research shows that people who score high in Agreeableness are more likely to become parents. While Agreeableness doesn’t always mean “family-oriented,” it does share common ground—Agreeable people are warm, accepting, tolerant and tender-hearted. They’re attentive to relationships. While it’s not a direct correlation, high Agreeableness aligns more with Feeling types.

This isn’t to say that Thinking types wouldn’t (or couldn’t) score high on Agreeableness on the Big Five. But the main difference is that Feelers will consider their emotions and how their choice affects other people first, before making a decision. So, on a question like “I often put others’ needs above my own,” a Feeler would likely check ‘yes,’ and a Thinker might be more likely to check ‘no.’ 

Since Feelers cherish emotional connections and prioritize them, it’s easy to see why a larger family would appeal to them. Why have just one close connection with a single child when you could have more?

The Idea of Leaving A Values Legacy Appeals To Feelers

Everyone wants to leave a legacy for the next generation, but what that legacy looks like may differ depending on your personality. In the case of Feelers, their deep devotion to their personal values and relationships may create the dream of passing those same values on to their children. The idea of a “relational legacy” is very meaningful to them, so the appeal of parenting is more than day-to-day caregiving. 

Many Feelers dream of making an impact, passing along their wisdom and teaching their children what they believe is right. They see their kids as a way to continue fostering compassion and empathy to build a better world. As a Feeling type myself, I relate to this. When I’ve dreamed of having children, one of my foremost thoughts has been how I would try to instill empathy, politeness, respect and a sense of goodwill toward others.

Julia, an INFP mother featured in Truity’s research, said her deep sensitivity has helped in her parenting. She has a values-based approach to raising her son: “I spend a lot of time thinking and reading about respectful parenting and want to create an atmosphere of safeness and freedom for my son to feel and express those feelings [...] I want to parent from that sensitivity and raise children who feel deeply, are compassionate and have integrity and courage and character.”  

While not all Feeling types have big families, instilling their values in one child can feel so rewarding that they’ll want to expand that legacy. Passing on their values is a central purpose for Feeling types with children, and the bigger the family, the bigger the legacy.

Interdependence Over Independence

Interdependence may be a more natural preference for Feelers than it is for Thinking types. Like all traits, the extent varies from person to person. Not all Feeling types will have the same drive for interdependence as others—for instance, Feelers who are also Introverted might not have as interdependent a social network as Extraverted Feelers. Nonetheless, all Feelers prioritize emotionally meaningful relationships, whether that’s with a few key people or many.

This emphasis on human connection often outweighs their desire for independent achievements (even if they prize their alone time!). For instance, a Feeling type might decline a dream job that would uproot their family if they felt the emotional turmoil would overwhelm their loved ones. Facing the same dilemma, if the job offer was the most logical move, a Thinker might take it, even if that meant making their family temporarily uncomfortable.

Feelers often make life decisions based on how those decisions affect their loved ones. They view the choice of interdependence not as easy but as more emotionally rewarding than life without that nuclear family unit. By contrast, a Thinker would weigh their personal goals, independence and practical considerations like cost, logistics and the sacrifices they may have to make to start a family, rather than considering emotional rewards first.

When describing why he would wait to have children, one 18-year-old ENTP named Derek said, “I’d be very annoyed having important routine things I'd have to do.”  Another person surveyed, 34-year-old INTJ Andrea said, “I wanted to have many [kids] when I was a child myself, but now I have the feeling that as a parent, I would have to give up most of the things that I really like and would have to lead a boring life with few intellectual challenges and a lot of repetition.”  

A Feeling type might have the same worries, but they also see a big family as a ready-made support system.The Feeler parent may feel drawn to the idea of their firstborn having siblings they can turn to for love and guidance. This type of thinking means they’re already planning for a close-knit support system for their kids—even when they’re no longer with them.

Feelers May Experience Less Decision-Friction Than Thinkers

Although the decision to have children is a big one, Thinking types may experience far more hesitation and friction about it than Feelers. 

While Feeling types will still consider things like costs, they probably won’t have as many conflicting thoughts surrounding whether having children is an “efficient” or “logical” choice for their future. Feeling types won’t be afraid of losing independence; they’ll be elated at the idea of sharing their life and building meaningful memories with their kids.

Thinkers, on the other hand, will have an internal battle before deciding whether to have children. Things they’ll consider as cons against having children include a loss of time, freedom, less of a financial cushion, (sometimes overwhelming) lifestyle changes and a messier, less efficient schedule. Ultimately, they’ll choose the most logical choice—which obviously isn’t always the decision not to have kids! But it may be a matter of choosing to have fewer kids than their Feeling counterparts, or spacing their family, for the sake of finances, efficiency, future college funds or other factors.

While Thinkers dwell on whether having kids is logical (When is the right time? Can we afford it? Do we need a bigger apartment?), Feelers will make the decision and quickly move on to planning their future family (What will their names be? What kind of parents will we be? How will we raise them to share our values?). The difference in a nutshell is this: Feelers may answer the question of whether to have kids sooner than Thinkers do. Often, a Feeler will already know they want three or four kids, just because it “feels” right to them. But Thinkers will go through a list of pros and cons and ruminate on it much longer. And, yes, they’ll bring out that list again when they’re deciding whether to add another child to their family.

So, Why Do Feelers Have More Children?

For Feeling types, the decision to have children, and many of them, may stem from their intense desire for human connection. These human-centered types prioritize relationships and personal values, and they measure the rewards of parenting in emotional currency (love, compassion, connection, support). They might not shy away from having kids when faced with common challenges such as less autonomy, career changes and less personal time. This emotional outlook can be the deciding factor for Feelers to have bigger families—the more children, the more love, and the higher the reward.  

Thinkers function differently, focusing on efficiency and logic. They still leap into parenthood, but may take longer to do so—and when they do, they may limit how many kids to have based on logistics. Neither of these decision-making patterns is wrong. It’s just that Feelers tend to follow what feels meaningful, while Thinkers look for a version of family life that fits their goals and resources.