6 Ways to Use Words of Affirmation as a Love Language

The words of affirmation love language can sometimes be confused with flowery words, Shakespeare-like sonnets, or even guitar-wielding hipsters trying to seduce with music and lyrics. 

Truth is, it doesn’t take a creative writing degree to use the words of affirmation love language. 

In fact, as a words of affirmation person myself, I’m here to tell you that the simple, heartfelt statements matter much more than a poem. 

Below are 6 simple ways anyone, whether you prefer words or not, can communicate love using the words of affirmation love language. 

I appreciate…

A natural way to incorporate words of affirmation is to start vocalizing the things you appreciate. 

Your partner cleans the kitchen before you get home from work. Wow! That’s so great! Express your gratitude and appreciation simply by saying something like, “I so appreciate you clearing the kitchen. Thank you!” 

Nothing eloquent is needed, love is very much communicated via words of affirmation. 

You can do this with friends, partners, children, grocery store clerks, even your dog will wag his tail happily if you tell that pooch how much you’re grateful for the companionship. 

If someone makes your life easier or better, express your appreciation and gratitude. 

I love…

One of my all-time favorite people coined the phrase “love burst” to explain a certain feeling you get when you feel a rush of love and appreciation for someone in your life. 

Instead of reflecting on a “love burst” when your bestie does their terrible Sean Connery impression, tell them how much you love it! When your partner lights up talking about their favorite scientific theory and you don’t understand much, but it’s so endearing to watch their passion, tell them that you love it! 

Support an interest, point out a cute mannerism, communicate that “love burst” by saying out loud, “I love [that thing you do].” 

I can see…

As a words of affirmation person, this one is a surprising favorite! 

This is a bit more subtle compared to the first two on this list. This phrase is used to validate an observation. 

For example, your friend talks your ear off about a new jazz group they just love and starts to play you a 15-minute song. An appropriate response (aside from “where has this been all my life?!”) could be something like, “wow, I can see this really lights you up! You’re so passionate about jazz, who knew!” 

The great thing about using this phrase is communicating that you *see* someone deeper than surface level. This is where the love is felt. 

At the end of the day, our relationships matter because we have the privilege of witnessing each other’s lives. You’re not alone and neither are those you love. A great value to our relationships is being seen and understood on a deep level by those we care about. For a words of affirmation person, hearing that understanding voiced out loud provides a level of safety and validation in a relationship. (validation also it seems like/sounds like/looks like) 

You can also use the phrases, “it seems like…” or, “it sounds like…” or, “it looks like…” 

An important note: using any of these phrases will likely invite more information to come your way. 

“It looks like you’re nervous to try this new recipe.” is going to prompt your counterpart to launch into the last time they cooked for a special occasion and it all went wrong. 

This is also insanely helpful in a disagreement. 

“It sounds like you disagree with the choice to buy this pet llama without consulting you.” Be ready for a response. 

I remember when…

This is classic reminiscence and can be such a great boost for someone with the words of affirmation love language. 

Hear a song over the loudspeaker at the corner shop and recall that time you danced your feet off with your best friend. See a sunflower on the side of the road and tell your partner that every time you see a sunflower you think of when they brought you one on your first date. 

A reference to a past, positive memory together reinforces the current bond between you. It also shows you were paying attention and that you are thinking about the other person. 

This is my favorite way to reconnect with friends I haven’t spoken to in a long time. It’s also something I love to add, if applicable, when I’m showing appreciation. “You did the dishes! Thank you so much, I know you were busy today. Remember that one time it took us a full hour to clean up from dinner because we had to make it twice?” 

It’s a great way to inspire nostalgia for a good time and show love for a beautiful memory you share with someone.

I admire…

While pretty straightforward, this is a great way to point out a wonderful quality in a friend or partner. Bonus points if it’s something you particularly want to incorporate into your own life. 

This shows that you’re paying attention and shows appreciation not just for what someone has done, but who they are. 

Like the theme to a great Disney movie, telling someone what you admire about them bolsters their self-confidence and empowers positivity. 

Hearing a point of admiration adds specificity, and thus credibility, to a compliment. It communicates love by helping the other person feel seen and understood. 

You did awesome when…

This lighthearted interjection communicates love and praise, either generally or for a specific action. 

This probably sounds a bit like positive parenting. “You did awesome getting yourself dressed today!” is something I recently said to my son. 

You can also use this when you notice something noteworthy. “Man, that was awesome how you picked up that trash and threw it away.” 

While bordering on the love and appreciation phrases, this one can be easier to speak if you’re finding voicing your feelings difficult. It’s definitely easier to give an ‘atta boy than to say “I love you.” 

What other ways do you most enjoy using or hearing words of affirmation? Let us know in the comments!