10 Unforgivable Sins of ENTJs

Category: ENTJ

Full disclosure: I'm married to an ENTJ. And, at 53% Introverted, 47% Extraverted, my own personality is running dangerously close to the ENTJ cliff edge. So excuse me if I have a soft spot for these cut-to-the-chase innovators that exude confidence and drive.

But as much as I like ENTJs, I couldn't eat a whole one. There are certain things about them that just rub people up the wrong way. Here are the 10 "unforgivable sins" of ENTJs .... with a little commentary as to why they're not the heartless, bossy, puppy kickers they're made out to be. 

#1: They never share their feelings

Coming from an INTJ, this one is the kettle calling the pot black. But in my experience, ENTJs are even more protective of their emotions than their Introverted cousins. My significant other is like a lightning rod for rationality - he gets utterly confused when asked to lead with the heart.

It's not that he doesn't care; in fact, he cares deeply about all sorts of things and can be an incredible listener and intensely loyal friend. It's just that he 'thinks' emotions rather than 'feels' emotions. Everything, repeat everything, is approached like a business decision. If you stumble across an ENTJ, don't be too optimistic about getting him to open up. A touch-feely, heart-on-sleeve, sprinkled with pixie dust ENTJ has never been seen in the wild.

#2: They don't know how to lighten up

It's rumored that Julius Caesar was an ENTJ. Did he ever lighten up?

Not exactly.

In his 55 years on Earth, he reinvented the Roman army, changed the calendar, conquered Gaul, made a stab at Britain, rose through the ranks to become the most powerful man in Rome, mitigated a financial crisis, gave land to around 20,000 poor families and precipitated the collapse of the Republican government. He even knocked out a bit of poetry in his spare time. Blimey.

This man had some serious ambitions to achieve - he didn't want to be told to lighten up or 'chill.'  For those of us who don't have the same level of drive to do things (which is just about everyone), this level of achievement is exhausting. Seriously, ENTJs. Chill. 

#3: Sorry seems to be the hardest word

If I mess up in a serious way, I apologize. I do this because my morals say that it is the right thing to do, and I recognize that some people will have a hard time letting go of an issue until someone has acknowledged their mistake.

If an ENTJ messes up, he or she is very unlikely to want to say sorry. Saying sorry admits a mistake on the ENTJ's part, and ENTJs believe that mistakes are to be expected, fixed and learned from so they don't repeat the blunder. If you aren't making mistakes you aren't trying hard enough. And who should apologize for trying too hard?

#4: They have zero tolerance for whiners

ENTJs are highly independent and believe that everyone is responsible for their own fate in life.  Complaining, blaming, shaming and whining carries no weight with them. Don't approach them if you need to vent or rally against the injustices you're facing. They'll tell you to stop thinking and DO something.

Either that, or they'll look at you like you're a worm.

#5: It's 'my way or the highway'

Subservience is an ENTJ's kryptonite - they cannot NOT lead, which is why they have no problem stepping up to the plate to call the shots. While everyone else is agonizing over a decision, an ENTJ will have spotted the smart way to get things done, mapped out an action plan, and gathered all the resources she needs to accomplish her mission. Which will succeed because, well, she's an ENTJ.

While admirable in a crisis, this take-charge attitude can come across as controlling, unyielding, and irritatingly opinionated. ENTJs can steamroll someone if they're not careful. In our house, this has led to some fairly explosive exchanges. He controls. I refuse to be manipulated. It's almost amusing to see the sparks fly.....

#6: They have no bedside manner

If you live/work/socialize with an ENTJ, prepare to hear some pretty blunt language. These personalities value absolute honesty as they work their own no-holds-barred track through life - it takes a lot of effort for them to communicate tactfully and with charm.

'Impersonal' is the adjective that best describes an ENTJ's thought processes; 'interpersonal' is something that other people do behind the scenes. Sugar coating their language is neither a requirement nor a need unless it's essential to the forward progress of their work. An ENTJ might not mean to come across as bossy and sharp, it's just so hard to pull those punches.

#7: Winning is EVERYTHING

The goal in life is winning. Everything else pales in comparison. ENTJs are totally willing to pay any price in order to win.

Competitive? ENTJs?

Surely not...

#8: They can get really emotional

Under stress, it's common for an ENTJ to crash into his or her 'shadow' personality. That's the part of their function stack that they have the least access too, and it's usually the exact opposite of their usual type.

In the grip of his inferior functions, an ENTJ will lose his extraverted thinking. Instead, all those underdeveloped feelings will spill out. This highly logical and decisive type will suddenly get so insecure, anxious and defensive that he won't know what to do with himself. The only way out is for him to reconnect with his extraverted thinking, usually in a dark corner away from prying eyes.

We all get shot down sometimes, but failure is especially dramatic for ENTJs - they tend to rise higher than most people, so they have much farther to fall. ENTJs will be deeply embarrassed by their emotional outbursts and will HATE you if you make a big deal about it. They are their own worst critics. There's no need for you to rub it in.  

#9: Like fools, they rush in

If ENTJs have an Achilles heel, it's that they don't sweat the small stuff. They're so focused on the big picture that the 'details thing' does them in. The problem is not one of procrastination - ENTJs are not Perceivers. It's just that dotting the 'i's' and so on requires the ENTJ to slow down and spend far too long thinking about one thing. What they really want to do is smash through a problem, hand over the implementation, and move on to the next big idea.

What we're saying here is that an ENTJ functions best with a wing (wo)man. The ENTJ will deal with the high-profile strategy stuff that's important. The wing person will handle the other 'useless fluff.' Sigh.

#10: They are far too rare

ENTJs make up just 2% of the population - 3% of men, and 1% of women. The most unforgivable sin of all, is that there simply are not enough of them to go round. And really, who wouldn't want one of these energetic, articulate, quick witted, out-of-the-box, competent, critical, heroic, playful, bewildering characters in their life?

 

Jayne Thompson

Jayne is a freelance copywriter, business writing blogger and the blog editor here at Truity. One part word nerd, two parts skeptic, she helps writing-challenged clients discover the amazing power of words on a page. Jayne is an INTJ and lives in Yorkshire, UK with her ENTJ husband and two baffling children. Find Jayne at White Rose Copywriting.

Comments

Whitney (not verified) says...

I’m a woman ENTJ and an Aries. I actually have to pretend to be someone else around co workers because they will hate me because my drive and just being me. It sucks, women especially hate me

Mercedesz (not verified) says...

Whitney: I do the same at my work place. They  don't need to know, that we see the big picture.

Jose M (not verified) says...

Don't be different. Who cares what people think. I too am an ENTJ and an Aries.

I did the same thing but went into crash mode trying to please others. 

Now I am reconnecting with myself and honestly, I could give two **** about how they perceive me or getting people to "like" me.

Emmacm (not verified) says...

Taurus.  Same issue. 

 

Ragini (not verified) says...

I’m a Sagittarius Entj and pretending to fit into the stereotype of a woman is real tough for me. 

I think and emote like a man thanks to my personality type, but I guess the world isn’t okay with that 

Kate R (not verified) says...

Agree. I am a gemini (saggi moon) ENTJ. My mom says I should have been born a man given my personality and interests. 

Tried to blend with the girls, failed miserably. But who cares? It’s their loss, and not up to us to change ourselves for their comfort. 

Orlando (not verified) says...

Being the same, Sagittarius and ENTJ well.. I did try to fit in but when I stopped, I realized I can attract much better people and things in my life just being who I am.. 

Things've gotten pretty exciting since and yes, I don't care much if they don't like me but funny fact is.. theye like me more that way so enjoy who you are..

Mal (not verified) says...

Leo, ENTJ, woman. Now I am aware of my innate problems. And Whitney, you are disturbingly accurate. My main issues are in my career, in a male dominated field. 

E.S. (not verified) says...

I feel you... 

dave23 (not verified) says...

You need to start your own business, or you will never realize your trueself, or potential. Holding yourself back for security and comfort will consume your ENTJ souless soul.

Anastasia. B. (not verified) says...

I'm laughing out out loud as I read this, because I too am ENTJ and an Aries...a triple Aries at that! Women hate me, female bosses and I, no way!!! Ugh, it's a blessing and a curse that we are so rare. 

 

Anonymous8 (not verified) says...

Astrology doesn't work

Anonymous (not verified) says...

This is funny, fires signs and ENTJ. I am a sagittarius-ENTJ and have the same issues, it is annoying when female get jealous for no reason and so working for myself feels great, for that part so far, I didn't know I was an ENTJ before but I have always wondered why my female bosses didn't like me much, despite I get alone well with everyone. It is interesting to see that this is a common thing for ENTJs

Anonymous (not verified) says...

This is funny, fire signs and ENTJ. I am a sagittarius-ENTJ and have the same issues as Aries, it is annoying when female coworkers get jealous for no reason and so working for myself feels great, for that part so far, I didn't know I was an ENTJ before but I have always wondered why my female bosses didn't like me much, despite I get alone well with everyone. It is interesting to see that this is a common thing for ENTJs

Patricia Hurley (not verified) says...

They re insecure and jealous.

Jamiereverb (not verified) says...

Painfully accurate! I say this humbly and by thinking, not feeling my emotions. As one who has long been aware of my ENTJ pros and cons, for me it is all one big cost-benefit analysis. All of the sins you point out are not as important as the mission. So, I would add not having a worthwhile mission would be a sin for an ENTJ. I have one that I love and am unapologetic about. I do think I am nice and personable, but my blind spot is not nice and personable enough for others.

 

Sherika Stewart (not verified) says...

Wow!!!!!! I have an Entj personality!! Didn’t know as a woman we make up 1%... no wonder I always feel misunderstood.. agreet article

Doreen Ward (not verified) says...

I'm an Entj. I can relate to most of what I read.

However people are complex individuals so I do not agree with some of what is written. 

Yes I do not tolerate fools or whingers but my life experience has enabled me to be emphatic of peoples problems issues and yes I can easily descern ways which I can problem solve. 

My mind is rational logical and reasoned and I have learnt to temper my communications with others. 

What I have found is most people are unable to understand complex issues or quickly resolve them. I have an inate ability to look at something and come up with several ways with which to implement a better way or the best processes.

I also have an IQ of 141 and my mind works on a much higher level. 

What I do have trouble with is developing friendships. But the few friends I do have are life long 

My eldest son said to me recently ... You know mum I never understood you when I was a child but now I'm an adult I get where your coming from. 

I am a very independent person and not much phazes me. I will work out a way to accomplish something even if I don't have the tools or resources to do it 

I am a self published App developer and I did it on a shoe string budget. Soon my App will be published as a book. 

What I do have trouble with is getting a job. I achieved a National level in sales and is since then no matter how many jobs I apply for I get results. So I have resolved myself to being an entrepreneur. I have no other option. 

I'm single and live alone and find that women feel threatened by my personality. Men do not like Entj women because we are seen as being too independent. 

My App is a book which took me 1000 hours to write. The Sexting Master List. It currently has 20,000 installs. In the next few weeks I will be promoting it extensively. I've had some lucrative offers for data collection. Eventually I will be able to sit back and enjoy the income it will generate. 

Currently I work as an independent cleaner so even though I'm classed at a genius level and apparently CEO material it has not helped me to rise on the corporate ladder. 

Your article was interesting and somewhat enlightening.

Thank you

Doreen A. Ward

Author, Creator & Developer of The Sexting Master List App. 

Mercedesz (not verified) says...

Doreen,

Extrem IQ! Mine is 134. Still too smart and too honest. 10 years at an big oil company.  I have to "mask" my real being at my workplace. 

Kaitlin (not verified) says...

So - one of the 1% of females here who is an ENTJ-T and I'm not sure if maybe gender or indivuduality (or a combo of both) has a role to play in what I'm about to say or what BUT I do find fault with some of these observations:

1. I have no problems sharing my feelings - actually I tend to OVER share my feelings more often than not. I'm very forward with how I feel and I have 0 problem with telling anyone where I stand. That being said, I am certainly protective of my deepest feelings and will take some time to fully get everything out I want to say and make sure its an appropriate time and place to say them.

2. Sorry CAN be a hard thing to say but ONLY to those who are untrained in emotional intelligence. I dont think saying sorry should be that hard for an ENTJ. While we DO think our ways are the best ways and we do tend to be in charge and are great leaders - what MAKES a great leader is someone who can level with those around them and pull them along WITH them. So - I dont fully buy into that aspect. We know when we have messed up and a situation warrents our sincerest apologies. 

3. I do sweat the small stuff. While I may be focused on the bigger picture 99% of the time I am very meticulous about crossing my T's and dotting my I's when I'm planning something. If anything I tend to think SO FAR in advence all I have time to do IS ruminate on every little aspect of what I am trying to do. Ive always been incredibly organized and I do NOT need a wing-man or woman to handle the "unimportant stuff" (because that IS important). I tend to be the detail keeper for my ESFJ boyfriend who is usually too busy trying to help everyone else around him he cant remember to take care of himself lol

Again - I dont know if these are just individual  things or if being an ENTJ-T female is different than being an ENTJ male. We all know males can be a little different in how they approach details and their feelings than females. Just my two cents!

John Wilder (not verified) says...

I am a Classic ENTJ.  I am more touchy feely than most and work hard at hearing, protecting and caring about other's feelings.  I definitely think outside the box and that has been the motivation for most of my life's successes

Mercedesz (not verified) says...

Hi,

No.1: we don't share our feelings because it is not relevant to the subject. We do what must be done. 

Sister River (not verified) says...

Don't worry about your astrological sign, this will give rise to personal confusion.  Besides, using astrology as a reliable means to determine temperment / fate has been disproven ( just check the research) More can be gleaned from Astronomy or any other type of Earth Science, really.   The greatest struggle for me ( anyway) is to stay humble.  It is VERY easy to become prideful in this personality  category -( if you haven't noticed this personally-  a time of self relection may be in order)  What I have found helped me :    I have studied the 800,000 words of the Bible for about 10 plus  years now - in Hebrew mostly  - this is the most fascinating of all puzzles, I recommend to anyone who really wants a challenge.  I say this here, in this forum, because I am of the opinion that our group ( should) be " the ones"  that do not form hasty judgement prior to making a full investigation on a matter  -  ps: There are many keys of ' self-revelation' can be found for ENTJ both in the Books of Esther and Jonah ...have fun!

Peace ( Shalom)

Katie Chenoweth (not verified) says...

I am highly educated in a highly tech ical profession. I am also a student of esoteric subjects and an amateur astrologer. I have found that dis crediting another's passion only indicates that we are condemning another's perspective. Astrology is a piece of a whole picture. All tools were created by people and therefore subject to innacuracy. When I express a belief , I qualify it by saying it is my perspective and not subject to your condemnation. 

S0phia (not verified) says...

I can't believe all the comments from females saying they suppress their personalities.

I'm seventeen and an ENTJ girl. I always wondered why I was different to all of the girls through primary school. They were all so shy and kind and delicate, meanwhile there was me who saw everything as a competition and powered through any work I was given. I always looked down on the other girls, I saw them being freely emotional and thought it was weak.

All of these things set me apart from others, but it never made me an outcast. I've learned to respect others for who they are, and others have learned to understand that I'm straightforward. The guys have done nothing to try and suppress me, they see me as an equal. They treat me as they would any other person, because I've made sure that they see me for my personality, not my gender.

What I'm getting at is that you shouldn't hide your personality type because other people don't like it. Be you. We're one of the most kick ass personality types in the world, we're the people who see what needs to be done and get it done right. We make up just only one percent of the woman population. It's sad to see so many accounts of woman being too scared to be extroverted. Us ENTJ's can do anything. Don't let anyone stop you from being yourself.

I'm only young, and maybe I don't know much, but I think women have just as much a right to be in power as men. I hope that when I'm older, the new generation of ENTJ women won't hold back, because women have been doing that for thousands of years and I think it's about time we stopped.

Ally (not verified) says...

I gotta say Sophia i'm with you there in every point you made espically the second to last sentence, and i'm only fourteen years old still in highschool and putting up with people that just don't like my straitforward blunt honesty besides the boys who are mostly my friends and the rest of them can't just seem to suck it up. :) 

 

 

Tammi (not verified) says...

Sophia..."Get it Girl!!!!!" Don't ever change! Be you!!

Katie Chenoweth (not verified) says...

I am an ENTJ -Pisces. I am a giving, kind, considerate person. I've been tested twice professionally. What I have experienced is people are confused by me. I have a great amount of education and when I say something to someone Im working with, it comes from experience and data. Usually, I am accused of being arrogant and overbearing. Id love to resolve this dilemma and would appreciate feedback. It's clear that I shouldn't work for someone else. 

Rakan (not verified) says...

Hi there, I am a male but thought could share my thoughts regarding the topic since I am an ENTJ-A personality.

#1: They never share their feelings

Who cares what we feel, even if we spoke of it most of the time we will get trolled or mocked or even not give a fuck kind of response. We see the bigger picture. People dont. That simple.

#2: They don't know how to lighten up

This has nothing to do with the ENTJ personality. This is an attitude. And as an ENTJ I am the most lihgten up worker in my team for an instance. Saem with my family, friends etc. 

#3: Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Same thing this is not related to ENTJ. True leaders say sorry. Its humble and wise to say so. And a starting point to become a great perfect ENTJ. For me I always admit the mistake and never flee to face it infront of every one. I sometimes even take the consecquences over my shoulder and be proud of it.

#4: They have zero tolerance for whiners

100% agree. They are whiners. Nothing else. Waste of time. I personally experincesd this my self and i never regret not approving them.

#5: It's 'my way or the highway'

We have been made to lead. 

#6: They have no bedside manner

100% agree. Consedring that we have the biggest balls ever, emotions and charm is left for the rest of the population. Go ahead, lie to each other.

#7: Winning is EVERYTHING

I like the taste of it. At least we have something to pursue. We dont give up. We fight. We win. Till death.

Whats the point of life after all?

#8: They can get really emotional

I personally used to be like this. But I discovered that it might affect my health and decesion making and learned how to control it. Once you master your emotions as an ENTJ, you are unstoppaple to perfection.  

#9: Like fools, they rush in

Exactly, I personally used to do this untill my co worker heloped me big time. He is a patince personality. Thats life we complete each other. However, I learned from this situation to at least think twice before doing the risky things since I am working in a bank. And ofcourse generalize it to all life matters. 

#10: They are far too rare

Thanks for the complement. Its the wisdom of life. And yes, we are REALLY rare. I see that every day. People are shallowy and boring. Repetative and predicatable. I hate that my self. Even womans. Most of them at least. Are stupid acting and wannabies. But to be honest when I knew who I am I laghed. I knew that I deserve special kind of woman. special kind of life. special kind of ending. 

 

Thanks for the post. God bless you all.

Moi (not verified) says...

So you're better than other people? 😕 Nobody is ever boring. You have to take the time to get to know them. Actually I have a co-worker who is ENTJ and he is very good at doing certain things to make sure he fits in/gets along/gets more powerful. Shouldnt judge motives but he laughs at things which I'm sure is fake etc. And this is personal criticism but his voice is very boring and annoying. I agree ENTJs are rare. Before he started at the company I'm at, I had never met one. I very much value the work he puts in and sometimes his sociable attitude but I am glad there are not more. Realise this is 2 months old. Maybe someone will read and get some value tho  

~ (not verified) says...

"Who cares what we feel?"

Nice people care

"We see the bigger picture"

That's not true

People share their emotions because that's how they feel better

You're just not like those people

"Emotions and charm are left for the rest of the population"

"Go ahead, lie to each other"

People can be nice and care about other people's feelings without lying

DeanKlutz (not verified) says...

It's really harmful that a lot of these articles fail to mention that many of these "truths" hold true only for ENTJ's with poorly developed Extraverted Feeling (Fe); in those that have taken the time to do the work––I can proudly say I have––I am offended that these stereotypes seem to say "f  ck all the work you've done upon yourself".

Capt (not verified) says...

Wow you certainly seem to fill the role of a entj now. Lighten up about this? 

So_Much_ENTJ (not verified) says...

I've never felt more at home than I do right now reading this comment section. 
 

I'm an ENTJ and a scorpio. Intense with a second layer or intenseness. People consider me rude and impatient. It's taken me years to slow and and "tolerate" others and play nice waiting for them to come to the same conclusion I realized last week. I also know that just by saying that, I'm technically, "Too full of myself" and that I should lose my big head. I'm tired of working with other people, but I'm also an extravert. What's a girl to do?

MK (not verified) says...

As an ENTJ I do recognize a lot of patterns of your experience with a similar personality type, but when do we ever learn to not generalize the whole population when one or two does something (wrong)?

These things you say do descibe YOUR experience and yours alone. 

Still most people would not even question this, because it is so easy to be victimized by us people. 

Wanna know why I suppress my feelings? It is because the environment does not allow us me to. The people either love or hate me. Also when people love you they want something in return. Since you cannot meet their needs it turns into hate. 

The thing about what people do when they feel hate is not look at themselves. They do not want to admit they are jealous or that they feel threatened. No they round up other people and start checking: hey do you hate this person to? Ah good then it is not me! 

For me it took years to have found someone that let me into their hearts. Finally I also got to learn to love, be patient and have empathy. 

 

Wh (not verified) says...

I am ENTJ-T, you understand us completely. It so hard sometimes being someone like us, we think so fast and far ahead, other people in my work place just can't keep up, it took me quite sometime for me to explain my thought to them, sometime they just rejecting my idea, but what makes me annoyed is, in the end, they always ending up using it, sometimes they forgot that i already mention it before which they turn down, it just making me crazy.

Robin L (not verified) says...

I'm an entj woman and am studying this because of continual problems with feeling misunderstood. We seem to be read as cold or indifferent but I don't feel that way at all. That said, other women can be a mystery to me in terms of their ability to BE really emotional in front of other people. My emotions are very strong and can feel overwhelming but I always question where they're coming from because they can come from past conditioning, ego, transference--any number of places so often don't seem to pertain to present situations and it seems unfair to project them. So I don't share or show them unless they pass some real tests inside. 

I feel very misunderstood in terms of motivation a lot as my head definitely works with the idea of helping groups thrive. It seems that people think this personality type is about power but for me it comes up like poking apparent leaders with sticks to make sure they actually have a pulse up there. Otherwise I will take the lead. Not because I want that role but because groups need leadership, even if it ends up being temporary.

Marshal (not verified) says...

Cool, I'm basically a unicorn

QCW (not verified) says...

This article came up when I googled “why do people hate ENTJ?” I’m female and an Aquarius. So I’m double weird for a lot of people. My husband is a ENFP, although he adores and admires my strength, most of our couple friends clearly love him more. Like some of you, I tried to be more “normal” for the last fear years and it worked ok but back fired on my health. I constantly felt tired and some other problem came along with constantly try to juggle the mask. Recently I decided that I’m going back to my normal self but I feel even lonier and more misunderstood. It’s like my teenager voice came back again. Ugh. Why can’t we have more people in this world who aren’t afraid of honesty and welcome challenges. 

Bill-R (not verified) says...

Coming from the flip side as an INTJ-A male with ENTJ spouse, I understand. 

I am very introverted, she is as far at other extreme. I understand 10 points above, sounds very much like my spouse. As an intuitive thinker, doesn’t neccesarily mean I agree with them. After all I’ve thought these all through myself and sometimes come to other conclusions. To add to this, I was in my mid-40s before I met her so my personality had a chance to mature on its own. 

Like you, sparks fly when we have disagreements over the points above. They say an ENTJ/INTJ match is a good combination. INTJ keeps ENTJ grounded while ENTJ spurs INTJ to action. However, can at times be challenging.

 

Briana112 (not verified) says...

This is so true. I am a female INFJ and my husband is ENTJ. We have trouble when it comes to emotions and him expressing his. Other than that, everything else is great for us. I also agree that everything has to go their way otherwise they get mad so I try to compromise and or just do what he wants to avoid conflict. 

Nelson Balano Tragura (not verified) says...

I have to say this is real. I had many issues regarding questioning my type ever since highschool and college. I do believe depression and peer pressure can dissolve someones personality type. I also had some major learning issues if not for father's barbaric upbringing I probably would not have developed "survival" techniques. Yep, everything was a flaw and fakery until I reconnected with my inner child. I remembered winning a lot of cash from Christmas parlor games, 7 otmut of 12. Then my mom took all the money. I think that was my first taste of depression.

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