Can Your Smartphone Make You Less Emotionally Intelligent?

Think about the last meaningful conversation you had with someone. Were you fully there? Or were you half-listening, half-glancing at your phone, waiting for it to buzz?

If you’re squirming a little as you read this—or worse, reading it with your thumb hovering over a notification—know that you’re part of a massive, global social experiment. We’ve collectively normalized this twitchy, half-distracted way of living where we’re tethered to our devices, yet increasingly adrift from the people right in front of us. And a growing body of research suggests our smartphones may be chipping away at something important—our ability to understand, manage and respond to emotions. In other words, our emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the collective word for a series of skills that help you read a room, show empathy, understand what triggers you, and regulate your own feelings. It’s what makes you a good partner, a thoughtful friend and a capable leader. And there’s real evidence that our smartphone habits are getting in the way of developing and using these skills.

Your Phone Is Pulling You Out of the Moment

One of the most well-documented effects of smartphone use is its impact on face-to-face interaction. Researchers at Virginia Tech found that conversations held with a phone sitting out were rated as significantly less fulfilling than those without one. Participants actually reported feeling less empathy for the person they were talking to when a phone was in sight, even if nobody touched it. The researchers dubbed this the “iPhone Effect.” 

That’s worth sitting with for a second. It doesn’t matter that you're not actually using the phone; the phone doesn’t even need to ring or buzz. Just having it on the table changes how connected you feel to the person across from you.

And it’s a two-way street. The person with the phone out is clearly distracted, but the person sitting across from them feels less valued. There’s even a name for this now: phubbing, or phone-snubbing. A study in the International Journal of Human-Computer Interaction looked at this through the lens of “Expectancy Violations Theory.” It found that when a partner phubs you, it acts as a negative violation of the social expectations we hold for our intimate relationships, which in turn drags down overall relationship satisfaction. In plain English? We expect our partners to be “all in” when we’re together, and when they reach for their phone, that expectation is broken—leaving the other person feeling disconnected and undervalued.

Emotional intelligence depends on being present. You can’t read a friend’s shift in tone or notice that your partner seems a bit off if half your focus is on a screen. The more we fragment our attention, the less emotionally available we become.

What Happens When Kids Grow Up On Screens

Perhaps the most striking research comes from a 2014 study led by Yalda Uhls and Patricia Greenfield, who wanted to see what would happen if kids simply unplugged. They sent one group of sixth graders to an outdoor camp where screens were strictly off-limits, while a control group stayed behind and kept up their usual digital habits.

After just five days, the campers were significantly better at reading facial expressions and nonverbal cues. They had essentially “recalibrated” their social radar—the ability to pick up on what someone else is feeling without needing a single word of explanation. Social awareness is one of the five core pillars of EQ. 

It turns out that face-to-face interaction is like a gym for the brain, and it only took five days for the kids to start building those muscles back up. The children who stayed at school didn't show any of those gains. 

As Greenfield later noted, smartphones come with a trade-off. When we replace the messy, nuanced stuff of in-person socializing with the sanitized world of screens, we’re essentially letting those social skills go dormant.

This matters because emotional intelligence isn't something we’re born with; it’s a skill we have to practice and improve. We sharpen it in the “real world” by watching how a friend’s eyes change when they’re sad or learning to hear the hesitation in a partner’s voice. When screens fill that space, kids miss out on the vital practice time they need to learn these cues. It isn't just a hunch, either—a longitudinal study of nearly 1,000 children in Norway found that high screen use at age four consistently predicted a harder time understanding emotions by age six, and the pattern held at age eight as well.

The Dopamine Loop That Keeps You on Edge

Here’s where it gets a little deeper. Every time your phone lights up, your brain gets a tiny, chemically-induced pat on the back—a hit of dopamine. This is the same neurotransmitter that drives our sense of reward and motivation, but your phone essentially turns it into a slot machine. You never know when the next ping or like is coming, so your brain stays in a constant low-level state of anticipation.

Over time, this conditions your brain to crave the new and the shiny. Suddenly, sitting with an uncomfortable feeling, tolerating a little boredom, or just staying locked into a long, slow conversation feels difficult. Yet those quiet, boring moments are a training ground for emotional regulation, the pillar of emotional intelligence that helps you respond to emotions and situations in a healthy, appropriate way.

Research published in Frontiers in Psychology found that this kind of digital tethering can short-circuit our ability to self-regulate. Even for people who are naturally good at managing their emotions, a heavy phone habit seems to mute those protective skills, making life feel a bit more chaotic. Which means your phone isn’t just a distraction from the person sitting across from you—it’s also an intruder in your own internal world.

The effects may be more damaging than you think. Studies suggest that chronic smartphone dependence can actually leave a physical footprint, showing structural changes in the areas of the brain responsible for impulse control and decision-making. We aren't just talking about bad habits here, but a fundamental shift in how the brain processes the world around us.

A Global Emotional Recession

Remember that mass social experiment we’re all living through? The data suggests it’s taking a toll. According to the Six Seconds State of the Heart 2024 report, global emotional intelligence scores have declined by over 5% since 2019, with drops across all EQ competencies the organization measures. Researchers are calling this an “emotional recession”—a widespread cooling of our ability to connect, marked by a rise in burnout, social isolation and a shrinking capacity for empathy.

It’s a societal-wide shift, but Gen Z—the first generation to come of age in the glow of the smartphone—is feeling the brunt of it. More than half of Gen Z workers now score in the “low” category for workplace engagement, signaling a generation at high risk for burnout and total disengagement.

To be fair, smartphones aren't the only culprit here. We’ve navigated a pandemic, economic instability and a relentless cycle of political stress, all of which have left us frayed. But it’s hard to ignore the overlap between a generation raised on constant, high-speed digital stimulation and a measurable decline in the very skills we need to cope. 

How to Reclaim Your Focus (Without Going Off the Grid)

So, do you need to chuck your phone into the nearest body of water? Of course not. That’s not realistic, and it’s not really the point. The goal isn't to become a Luddite, but to become a little more intentional about when and how you use your devices—especially in the moments that actually matter for your relationships.

Start by paying attention to your own habits. The next time you reach for your phone, ask yourself: Do I need to check this, or am I just feeling bored, anxious, or avoiding an awkward silence? That tiny gap between the impulse to scroll and the action itself is itself an emotional intelligence skill. The more you flex that “pause” muscle, the stronger it gets.

When you're with someone, try keeping your phone completely out of sight. The research is clear that even having a phone sitting face-down on the table can make you less empathetic. Simply stashing it in a bag or leaving it in another room is an immediate, high-impact move.

You might also try carving out short, screen-free windows in your day. You don’t need to disappear from the digital world to feel the benefits; studies have found that participants who cut back their daily screen time by just one hour reported significant improvements in their mood and life satisfaction. Small, consistent changes really do add up.

And if you’re curious about where you stand, tools like Truity’s Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Test can help you map out your strengths across the various facets of EQ and where you might have room to grow. 

The Takeaway

Most of us don't think of our phones as a force that reshapes our EQ, but they do. Heavy use can quietly erode our ability to stay present, regulate our feelings, and show up for the people we care about, and that’s proving to be disastrous for our own relationships, and for society as a whole. 

The good news is that emotional intelligence is a skill, and it responds to practice. Every time you choose a real conversation over a scroll, or sit with a difficult feeling instead of numbing it on TikTok, you’re building the muscles that actually matter for your career, your well-being and your relationships. The next time you're talking to someone and your hand starts to drift toward your pocket, just pause. Don't pick it up. That tiny act of staying present is emotional intelligence in action. And the more you do it, the easier it gets.