Are ESTJ and ESTP personality types compatible? See how ESTJs and ESTPs get along in this guide to ESTJ/ESTP relationships. If you're an ESTJ in a relationship with an ESTP, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.

How ESTJ and ESTP Get Along

ESTJs and ESTPs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ESTJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an ESTP.

Your counterpart is a Sensing Perceiver type, which means their core focus is enjoying the moment. In relationships, this means that they look for people that they have an easy synergy with, and often prioritize one thing: FUN. As an SP type, your counterpart doesn't think too hard about whether they connect with other people on a deep level. They're simply looking for companions to keep them company on this crazy ride called life.

You have the potential for a solid connection with this person, although you’re not without your differences. You share an interest in practical, real-world matters, and both of you tend to be straightforward in your communication. You’ll probably get to know each other by sharing facts about your history, your connections to people and institutions, and the communities you belong to, and any shared history will encourage your relationship. 

As you get to know one another, you may find some frustrations with your relationship. Where you tend to be quite orderly and organized, your counterpart is more freewheeling and spontaneous. Plans that you considered to be set in stone may be treated in a cavalier manner by your Perceiving friend, and you may take this personally—or at least consider whether it's worth the frustration to deal with someone who seems to blow things off much to easily for your taste.

But these potential frustrations have a flip side; namely, that your counterpart likely has a lot more fun than you do, and they can bring you along for the ride. If you're willing to abandon your daily planner for a while and immerse yourself in their lifestyle, they have the potential to help you discover the pure joy of living in the moment. 

Communication Between ESTJ and ESTP

Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between ESTJ and ESTP personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when ESTJs and ESTPs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.

You're both energetic communicators, and you may find that when you're together, you're both eager to talk. While this can make for some lively discussions, it can also be frustrating because you may end up competing for the floor. It's important that when you're together, you both focus on being good listeners as well as sharing your own thoughts. This is something you can work on together, and it is a worthy task, as developing your listening skills will benefit all your relationships, not just this one.

ESTJ vs. ESTP Values

Values are intensely personal, and while an ESTJ and an ESTP can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your ESTJ approach to values compares with your ESTP counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.

The two of you are life’s natural ‘fixers’ and you share a strong belief in the importance of pragmatism and logic. Both of you tend to feel that getting things done and honoring your commitments is the highest possible goal. You both value look for the practical solution to problems, embrace responsibility, and seek to be competent in all things. You will find that you connect easily when it comes to sticking up for what is right.

Although you and your counterpart have a similar way of understanding things, it would be a mistake to assume that you’ll agree on all important matters. You each tend to trust your own experience of the world and believe that what has worked in the past will lead you to a correct conclusion. If your experiences are wildly different, or you are each loyal to competing traditions, then you may find yourself having a heated debate.

If you find yourself in conflict over what you believe, most of the time, you will each retreat into a logical and objective process of decision-making. While neither of you tend to get especially hurt when one of your beliefs is challenged, you do tend to have a blind spot in considering your personal values and emotional needs. A relationship between two people such as yourselves tends to be very level-headed because neither of you is likely to call attention to feelings. But it sacrifices subtlety and emotional tact. At your worst together, you're all head, and no heart.

That said, you both value honesty and straightforwardness. You’re likely to be clear with each other about who you are and what your ideals are from the start, and to stick to these value systems over the long term. Building trust in this pairing is often very easy, as you appreciate loyalty and will stick with what is ‘right.’ There may not always be fireworks, but you are likely to feel an easy rapport and have plenty of things in common.

As time passes, it can be challenging for two people of this type to move their relationships to a deeper level. To create a deep bond, you also need to achieve compassion, empathy, intimacy and cooperation. Although these may not be goals you'd naturally prioritize, recognizing their importance will be key to making your relationship a success. 

You tend to prize hard work and achievement, in contrast with your counterpart, who puts a higher priority on just enjoying life. While you tend to be serious and goal-oriented, they are more relaxed and content to go with the flow. To you, they may appear unmotivated, flaky, or even lazy. But in truth, they just value freedom and flexibility more than you do, and they're willing to give up a few gold stars in favor of a more laid-back lifestyle. To them, your life may seem overly structured, routine, and just plain dull.

You'll probably experience some conflict over your different approaches to life. You'll want your counterpart to get serious, make plans, and stick with something (for once!). On the other hand, they'll bug you to loosen up, relax, and enjoy life. Although this has the potential to be aggravating for both of you, it's also an opportunity for each of you to discover a new style of living. Your partner can help you to become more spontaneous and ensure you are enjoying all that life has to offer. In turn, you can help them improve their ability to be organized, persistent, and responsible when it matters most.

ESTJ and ESTP in Daily Life

Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an ESTJ in a relationship with an ESTP, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.

You both enjoy people, and your lives probably make plenty of room for friends, family, and social events. You likely both have large circles of friends and many parties and get-togethers to attend. As you get to know each other, you'll probably be excited to introduce one another around your social circles, and you'll enjoy getting to know each others' friends and families as a way of deepening your own bond.

You likely share an energetic approach to life and an appreciation for staying busy. You both tend to feel most alive when you're getting out and experiencing the world around you. In fact, your calendars may be dangerously overbooked, as neither of you is likely to turn down an opportunity to get out and do something interesting. Keeping up with one another can be a challenge, as you both tend to be on the go. If your relationship is a priority, make sure your social schedule reflects that.

Your daily routine together can tend to be overly busy and lacking in time for reflection and introspection. You both like to be out and about, and the idea of spending quiet time alone doesn't often hold a lot of appeal. While this approach to life works well for both of you, be mindful of maintaining a balance. Even the most extraverted person still needs a bit of time to be quiet, think and reflect. And taking some time to focus just on each other will allow you to discover new aspects of your relationship.

Organization may be a sticking point between the two of you. While you like to establish structure in schedules, plans, and systems, your counterpart takes a more relaxed approach. You may find that disagreements arise over these fundamental differences.

If you share a physical space, you may disagree over how clean, tidy, and organized it needs to be. You will tend to feel more motivated to keep things in order, while your counterpart will have less of an innate need for organization.

Often, the more organized person in a relationship like yours ends up taking on more responsibilities, simply because they're paying more attention to what needs to be done. This can lead to resentment and imbalance in the relationship. You may feel as if you are the "adult" in the relationship, while your counterpart may feel nagged and harassed.

The best way to approach conflicts in this area is to frame your own desire for organization as just that—something you desire. It is generally unproductive to try to convince your partner that your structured, orderly way of doing things is the "correct" way, but if you approach it as simply stating your own preference, they may be more open to trying to accommodate you. 

Scheduling can also be an area of conflict for the two of you, as they like to leave things open-ended, while you prefer things planned and settled. Again, compromise is the key. The first step is to acknowledge that you have different approaches, and that each style has its benefits. Then, try to make sure your time together includes both scheduled events and free time for spontaneity, so you each get a chance to be at your best.

The two of you want to know who and where you are in the world, and you likely will share a fondness for upholding traditions you can respect and value. While you may not share specific hobbies, you both will be concerned with history and tradition and celebrating important rituals like birthdays and anniversaries.

For both of you, actions speak louder than words. You enjoy experiences and probably share a mutual interest in activities that will stimulate your senses or your body in some way, whether that’s cooking, bungee jumping or arts and crafts. In fact, you may find that doing things together is a great way to bring you closer.

You recall events as snapshots of what actually happened, and have a low tolerance for metaphorical language and esoteric thinking. You both live life in the moment, and are good at thinking on your feet. This mutual taste for ‘doing’ things in the here and now is stimulating for both of you, and helps keep things running smoothly between you. However, during periods of unplanned changes in your life, it's likely that you'll both be a bit hesitant and cranky. Bear in mind that future planning, with all its associated flexibility, is key to both of your long-term happiness.