Are ESFP and ESTJ personality types compatible? See how ESFPs and ESTJs get along in this guide to ESFP/ESTJ relationships. If you're an ESFP in a relationship with an ESTJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.

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How ESFP and ESTJ Get Along

ESFPs and ESTJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ESFP, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an ESTJ.

As a Sensing Perceiver type, your approach to relationships is perhaps the most straightforward of all the types—you look for connections with people who are up for joining you on all of life's adventures. You may tend to gravitate towards people with a similar background to yours, but you just as easily accept people from all walks of life, so long as you can enjoy your time together. You especially value relationships with people who share your hobbies and interests and a can-do approach to life.

You have the potential for a solid connection with this person, although you’re not without your differences. You share an interest in practical, real-world matters, and both of you tend to be straightforward in your communication. You’ll probably get to know each other by sharing facts about your history, your connections to people and institutions, and the communities you belong to, and any shared history will encourage your relationship. 

As you get to know one another, you may find some frustrations with your relationship. Where you tend to be quite freewheeling and spontaneous, your counterpart is more orderly and organized. Making plans together is especially ripe for misunderstanding, as you often think of plans as flexible and subject to change, where your friend is more inclined to feel that changes to the plan are disruptive and unwelcome. You'll make a lot of headway in this relationship if you respect their orderly, structured approach to life, and make a special effort to be aware of schedules, deadlines, and expectations. 

Although there are some common problems that can arise in ESFP/ESTJ relationships, it's important to remember that there's no such thing as a perfectly compatible pair in personality typing. Whether you get along with someone has more to do with your own self-knowledge and your sensitivity to your friend's needs and preferences—not some magic formula. Learning more about your own type with an in-depth assessment is a great place to start to build the self-awareness that is key to successful relationships.

Communication Between ESFP and ESTJ

Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between ESFP and ESTJ personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when ESFPs and ESTJs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.

You're both energetic communicators, and you may find that when you're together, you're both eager to talk. While this can make for some lively discussions, it can also be frustrating because you may end up competing for the floor. It's important that when you're together, you both focus on being good listeners as well as sharing your own thoughts. This is something you can work on together, and it is a worthy task, as developing your listening skills will benefit all your relationships, not just this one.

ESFP vs. ESTJ Values

Values are intensely personal, and while an ESFP and an ESTJ can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your ESFP approach to values compares with your ESTJ counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.

Both of you are traditionalists and there are many similarities in what you value. You each put faith in the past and trust what has worked for many generations before you. The two of you share an appreciation for the rules and feel comforted, rather than restricted, by institutions and traditions. You are likely to feel a strong connection with this person based on your fundamental similarities in values and approaches.

At heart, you are both deeply practical and logical people. You have a strong sense of duty, and will both play your parts as morally upstanding and socially responsible members of your communities. You both embrace responsibility, and seeing your commitments through to completion is an ethical obligation for both of you. It is unlikely that you would carelessly let the other person down.

You have somewhat different values when it comes to relationships. You tend to be intensely interested in people and are eager to serve them in practical ways. You are compassionate and emotionally engaged, and you seek harmony in your relationships. You prioritize closeness and connection and tend to over-worry if you are not getting the intimacy you desire.

Your counterpart tends to be more emotionally distant, and may hurt you with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words. You tend to take criticism personally and may get overly emotional and defensive in the face of negative feedback. In their defense, your counterpart may not understand your desire for intimacy and may not realize they are being insensitive. To smooth the waters, you may have to put your feelings aside and approach the situation objectively, which is your counterpart’s preferred way of navigating the world.

Fundamentally, you tend to show affection much more naturally than your partner. While you may initially be attracted to your counterpart’s objective and tough-minded approach, there’s a chance that you will feel unfulfilled if they show too much of it at the expense of intimacy. On the flip side, your partner may find you over-emotional and complicated, though they will appreciate your tender heart.

There’s an opportunity here to introduce one another to new ways of thinking. You both excel in sticking to values that are important to you, but you can help your counterpart understand the emotional consequences of their behavior, while they can help you lead with the head before the heart. The challenge for you is to not get too annoyed if your partner is not as emotionally supportive as you would like as they calmly fulfill their duties.

One of your key values is flexibility and freedom, and this in an area in which you differ from your counterpart. While you take a relaxed, come-what-may approach to life, they tend to be a bit more serious and goal-oriented. They value stability and structure, while you'll gladly trade stability for your own freedom to do as you wish. They may sometimes feel that you simply aren't serious or driven enough, while you may occasionally find them seriously lacking in fun.

You may find you have some conflict about whether it's really more important to work hard and achieve, or relax and enjoy the ride. Remember, though, that there's a time and place for both these values. Hard work is certainly worthwhile, but naturally hard workers must also learn to unplug and enjoy life. And for yourself, while you're not likely to miss out on any of the fun in life, you may find that you enjoy more success in your career and other pursuits if you allow yourself to be influenced by your more goal-driven peers.

ESFP and ESTJ in Daily Life

Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an ESFP in a relationship with an ESTJ, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.

You both enjoy people, and your lives probably make plenty of room for friends, family, and social events. You likely both have large circles of friends and many parties and get-togethers to attend. As you get to know each other, you'll probably be excited to introduce one another around your social circles, and you'll enjoy getting to know each others' friends and families as a way of deepening your own bond.

You likely share an energetic approach to life and an appreciation for staying busy. You both tend to feel most alive when you're getting out and experiencing the world around you. In fact, your calendars may be dangerously overbooked, as neither of you is likely to turn down an opportunity to get out and do something interesting. Keeping up with one another can be a challenge, as you both tend to be on the go. If your relationship is a priority, make sure your social schedule reflects that.

Your daily routine together can tend to be overly busy and lacking in time for reflection and introspection. You both like to be out and about, and the idea of spending quiet time alone doesn't often hold a lot of appeal. While this approach to life works well for both of you, be mindful of maintaining a balance. Even the most extraverted person still needs a bit of time to be quiet, think and reflect. And taking some time to focus just on each other will allow you to discover new aspects of your relationship.

Organization may be a sticking point between the two of you. While you tend to be fairly relaxed about schedules, plans, and systems, your counterpart takes a more structured approach. You may find that disagreements arise over these fundamental differences.

If you share physical space, you may disagree over how clean, tidy, and organized it needs to be. Your counterpart will naturally feel more motivated to keep things in order, while you'll tend to have less of a need for organization.

You may end up feeling nagged or harassed by your partner's demands for organization, but it's important to remember that working on this aspect of your personality is a way of respecting who they are. Often, the more organized partner ends up taking on more of the shared responsibilities, simply because they're paying more attention to what needs to be done. This can lead to resentment and imbalance in the relationship. If you think of being organized as a means of showing respect or caring for the other person, rather than a chore, this may help you to feel more motivated.

Scheduling can also be an area of conflict for the two of you, as you like to leave things open-ended, while they prefer things planned and settled. Again, compromise is the key. The first step is to acknowledge that you have different approaches, and that each style has its benefits. Then, try to make sure your time together includes both scheduled events and free time for spontaneity, so both of you get a chance to be at your best.

The two of you want to know who and where you are in the world, and you likely will share a fondness for upholding traditions you can respect and value. While you may not share specific hobbies, you both will be concerned with history and tradition and celebrating important rituals like birthdays and anniversaries.

For both of you, actions speak louder than words. You enjoy experiences and probably share a mutual interest in activities that will stimulate your senses or your body in some way, whether that’s cooking, bungee jumping or arts and crafts. In fact, you may find that doing things together is a great way to bring you closer.

You recall events as snapshots of what actually happened, and have a low tolerance for metaphorical language and esoteric thinking. You both live life in the moment, and are good at thinking on your feet. This mutual taste for ‘doing’ things in the here and now is stimulating for both of you, and helps keep things running smoothly between you. However, during periods of unplanned changes in your life, it's likely that you'll both be a bit hesitant and cranky. Bear in mind that future planning, with all its associated flexibility, is key to both of your long-term happiness.

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