Are ESFJ and ENFP personality types compatible? See how ESFJs and ENFPs get along in this guide to ESFJ/ENFP relationships. If you're an ESFJ in a relationship with an ENFP, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.

For a personalized look at your relationship style across 23 facets of personality, plus in-depth advice on maximizing your strengths in relationships, check our our scientifically validated TypeFinder personality assessment.

How ESFJ and ENFP Get Along

ESFJs and ENFPs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ESFJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an ENFP.

When relating to your counterpart, bear in mind that as an Intuitive Feeling type, they will tend to be highly idealistic about their relationships. They want authentic connections that reflect their true values, and they want to see who you really are as a person. Intuitive Feelers want to go deep, and revealing yourself to them is a worthwhile endeavor—once they feel they know you, they'll be a tireless cheerleader for your dreams and ambitions.

The two of you have some very fundamental differences in how you see things, and this can make getting along a challenge for both of you. That's not to say you shouldn't be friends; in fact, you might find that spending time with this person introduces you to ways of thinking that help you learn and grow. But this relationship will not be without its frustrations.

Fundamentally, your counterpart is concerned with people, relationships, and values. They are highly idealistic and interested in opportunities to make the world a better place. They empathize easily with others, and often feel their suffering acutely. But they never accept suffering as a fact of life; rather, they believe we all have a responsibility to change, improve, and become better than we are. They can easily imagine a better world, and they enthusiastically embrace change when you see it as a positive move forward.

In contrast, you put a high value on tradition and stability. It's not that you don't care about people or making the world a better place, but you tend to be suspicious of change in general, and you rarely see it as the first solution. You tend to believe that the best way to serve people is by keeping things consistent and predictable, and you often find your counterpart’s supposedly “innovative” ideas unnecessary and disruptive. At your worst together, you'll tend to view this person as flighty, unrealistic, and impractical. They'll see you as dull, stagnant, and unimaginative.

So what's the upside? The same things that irritate you about one another are also opportunities for learning. Sure, you’re always reliable and consistent, but you can tend to overlook real opportunities for change and growth. Your counterpart can help you to see the big picture and imagine things differently. Meanwhile, you can be a strong stabilizing force for their flights of fancy. If you take care not to be too discouraging of their new ideas, you might even find they start to seek out your pragmatic, stalwart advice.

Although there are some common problems that can arise in ESFJ/ENFP relationships, it's important to remember that there's no such thing as a perfectly compatible pair in personality typing. Whether you get along with someone has more to do with your own self-knowledge and your sensitivity to your friend's needs and preferences—not some magic formula. Learning more about your own type with an in-depth assessment is a great place to start to build the self-awareness that is key to successful relationships.

Communication Between ESFJ and ENFP

Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between ESFJ and ENFP personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when ESFJs and ENFPs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.

You have a different style of communication from this person, and you’ll need to make some accommodations if this relationship is to reach its full potential. 

You tend to communicate in a straightforward, concrete way, focusing on facts, details, history, and real-life experiences. You focus on the "what" when discussing something, and convey information that you observed directly or can back up with real-life evidence. When making plans, you tend to focus on the specific steps that will occur. And generally, you're interested in talking about real things, not ideas or theories.

In contrast, your counterpart tends to communicate in an abstract, theoretical way. They focus on making connections and interpreting meaning, the "why" of the thing in question. Much of what they communicate is their idea, theory, or interpretation of what they see, rather than a direct observation. When making plans, they are inclined to spend a lot of time talking about the overall goal or theme of the plan without having much interest in the details. 

While it may sound like you are speaking different languages, the truth is that although you have different comfort zones when it comes to communication, you are well able to get out of those comfort zones to meet halfway—and you'll both be the better for it. Your partner can help you stretch to look beyond the obvious of things and explore the deeper meaning. And in turn, you can help them to come back down to earth and discuss the details and facts of a situation, not just the big idea. 

You're both energetic communicators, and you may find that when you're together, you're both eager to talk. While this can make for some lively discussions, it can also be frustrating because you may end up competing for the floor. It's important that when you're together, you both focus on being good listeners as well as sharing your own thoughts. This is something you can work on together, and it is a worthy task, as developing your listening skills will benefit all your relationships, not just this one.

ESFJ vs. ENFP Values

Values are intensely personal, and while an ESFJ and an ENFP can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your ESFJ approach to values compares with your ENFP counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.

Both of you share a deep empathy and compassion for others and probably make plenty of time in your lives to be of service to your family, friends and communities. You both enjoy jobs that allow you to help people, in health care, social services, education or the like, or you both may spend time volunteering for causes that are important to you. However your sympathy plays out, you’ll both agree that the thoughtful helping of others is an important value for you.

Where you differ is how your values are directed. You are a deeply practical and logical person. You show your concern by offering pragmatic solutions, delivered in the here and now, such as giving a helping hand to a friend in need. You offer support that can be useful immediately—that’s today instead of someday—which is the exact opposite of the future-focus your partner prefers. While you certainly care for others, you are unlikely to feel another’s problems as if they were their own.

Your counterpart has a similar value system, but theirs is more deeply idealistic. They can easily imagine how the world could be a better place and enjoy empowering others to explore possibilities, whether they act on these ideas or not. They are not content to simply accept the injustices and cruelties of this world; they want to see right into the souls of others and make the world a better, gentler place. They are so passionate about what they believe.

For your partner, then, the instinct to serve is born of an empathetic heartache, rather than the sense of dutiful social responsibility that's more familiar to you. There is no reason why the two approaches cannot exist side by side, although you may find your partner’s approach too fanciful and soft-headed compared to your pragmatic ideas. While you’ll appreciate your partner’s tender heart, you may worry that they are striving to meet a potential that’s impossible to attain.

There’s an opportunity here to introduce one another to new ways of thinking. You both excel in sticking to values that are important to you, but you can help you partner understand the practical reality of these values. On the flip side, your partner can bring a sense of romanticism to your value system, helping you gain a passion for big ideas. The challenge for you is to not get too annoyed if your partner tends to ignore tradition and the wisdom of lived experience, preferring to use pie-in-the-sky imagination to forge a better way.

You tend to prize hard work and achievement, in contrast with your counterpart, who puts a higher priority on just enjoying life. While you tend to be serious and goal-oriented, they are more relaxed and content to go with the flow. To you, they may appear unmotivated, flaky, or even lazy. But in truth, they just value freedom and flexibility more than you do, and they're willing to give up a few gold stars in favor of a more laid-back lifestyle. To them, your life may seem overly structured, routine, and just plain dull.

You'll probably experience some conflict over your different approaches to life. You'll want your counterpart to get serious, make plans, and stick with something (for once!). On the other hand, they'll bug you to loosen up, relax, and enjoy life. Although this has the potential to be aggravating for both of you, it's also an opportunity for each of you to discover a new style of living. Your partner can help you to become more spontaneous and ensure you are enjoying all that life has to offer. In turn, you can help them improve their ability to be organized, persistent, and responsible when it matters most.

ESFJ and ENFP in Daily Life

Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an ESFJ in a relationship with an ENFP, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.

You both enjoy people, and your lives probably make plenty of room for friends, family, and social events. You likely both have large circles of friends and many parties and get-togethers to attend. As you get to know each other, you'll probably be excited to introduce one another around your social circles, and you'll enjoy getting to know each others' friends and families as a way of deepening your own bond.

You likely share an energetic approach to life and an appreciation for staying busy. You both tend to feel most alive when you're getting out and experiencing the world around you. In fact, your calendars may be dangerously overbooked, as neither of you is likely to turn down an opportunity to get out and do something interesting. Keeping up with one another can be a challenge, as you both tend to be on the go. If your relationship is a priority, make sure your social schedule reflects that.

Your daily routine together can tend to be overly busy and lacking in time for reflection and introspection. You both like to be out and about, and the idea of spending quiet time alone doesn't often hold a lot of appeal. While this approach to life works well for both of you, be mindful of maintaining a balance. Even the most extraverted person still needs a bit of time to be quiet, think and reflect. And taking some time to focus just on each other will allow you to discover new aspects of your relationship.

Organization may be a sticking point between the two of you. While you like to establish structure in schedules, plans, and systems, your counterpart takes a more relaxed approach. You may find that disagreements arise over these fundamental differences.

If you share a physical space, you may disagree over how clean, tidy, and organized it needs to be. You will tend to feel more motivated to keep things in order, while your counterpart will have less of an innate need for organization.

Often, the more organized person in a relationship like yours ends up taking on more responsibilities, simply because they're paying more attention to what needs to be done. This can lead to resentment and imbalance in the relationship. You may feel as if you are the "adult" in the relationship, while your counterpart may feel nagged and harassed.

The best way to approach conflicts in this area is to frame your own desire for organization as just that—something you desire. It is generally unproductive to try to convince your partner that your structured, orderly way of doing things is the "correct" way, but if you approach it as simply stating your own preference, they may be more open to trying to accommodate you. 

Scheduling can also be an area of conflict for the two of you, as they like to leave things open-ended, while you prefer things planned and settled. Again, compromise is the key. The first step is to acknowledge that you have different approaches, and that each style has its benefits. Then, try to make sure your time together includes both scheduled events and free time for spontaneity, so you each get a chance to be at your best.

Finding harmony in your life together may take some effort because you see and communicate different things. While you experience the world with your body and your senses, your counterpart looks behind the scenes and figures out the patterns between disconnected pieces of information. For you, daily life is for living. For them, it’s a springboard for testing out ideas and imagining how things might play out.

In your mind, actions speak louder than words. You are one of life’s ‘doers’ and you like to take concrete action. You tend to choose activities that will stimulate your senses or your body in some way whether that’s cooking, bungee jumping or arts and crafts. People call you down-to-earth since you’re very matter-of-fact.

The reverse is true for your counterpart. They are less focused on facts and personal experience, and more focused on feeding their intellectual curiosity and learning new things. For them, discovering new ideas is a lifelong pursuit and they tend to read widely, take classes for fun and explore the ‘yet to be discovered’. There are plenty of hobbies here that you could both be interested in, but it can cause rifts between couples who can’t come to an agreement on what they want to do in their spare time.

Routines can be another area of conflict. While you certainly have a sense of adventure, you have a low tolerance for shaking things up for the sake of it. You counterpart, by contrast, may dream of adventure to keep things exciting. You have much to offer each other here, as you can remind your partner what is important in the moment, and they can offer up angles and possibilities that give you a broader understanding of the world.

Get Our Newsletter