INFP
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INFP Strengths

Idealism. INFPs care deeply for others and believe it is their duty to make a positive impact on the lives of other people in any way they can. Because of this unbreakable commitment, INFPs are capable of great self-sacrifice, and they won’t compromise their ethical standards for personal benefit. INFPs are firm believers in the unlimited potential of human beings to achieve remarkable things, and they can always be counted on to provide encouragement or material support to those who are attempting to expand their horizons.

Integrity. Integrity means everything to INFPs, and that includes intellectual as well as moral integrity. Some people might accuse INFPs of being overly imaginative or of being willing to stretch logic to the breaking point in order to find the deeper meaning they insist must exist, but there is no denying that the deeply reflective nature of INFPs allows them to transcend the boundaries of imagination that so often prevent us from discovering new solutions to old problems.

Compromise. As empathic idealists, harmonious relations are like a balm to the soul for INFPs. In family settings or when working in groups, INFPs are highly effective as mediators because they are legitimately interested in the viewpoints of all and will go out of their way to make sure that everyone is given a fair hearing. They are enthusiastic advocates of cooperation and believe that no difficulty is insurmountable when people work together for a common cause. 

Dedication. It is easy to pay lip service to virtues like compassion, creativity, originality and open- mindedness, but these ideas don’t mean much unless they can be translated into real-world applications. Fortunately, INFPs are masters at doing just that. Passionate and committed to the cause, these personalities have a unique ability to mold and shape their surrounding environment in ways that promote self- improvement and transcendent achievement for all. 

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INFP Weaknesses

Sensitivity. Their deep compassion, sensitivity and commitment to originality allows INFPs to interface with their interpersonal landscapes in a constructive manner, but these feelings also leave them vulnerable to disillusionment and powerful existential angst. INFPs who venture enthusiastically out into the world can end up retreating into lethargy and depression when they discover their idealism isn’t always shared or respected by others, and their incredible talents can go completely to waste when they become too discouraged to continue.

Impracticality. While their insistence on standing up for justice and decency is admirable, the intensity of their feelings can occasionally leave INFPs unwilling to make compromises even when doing so might be necessary to get something accomplished. Sticking to your morals is admirable, but in the real world it may be impossible to accomplish anything unless the INFP can find a way to give and take a little and find practical, if imperfect, solutions to problems. 

Selflessness. INFPs have a tendency to neglect or suppress their own needs if they believe it is necessary to keep the peace or make others happy. When a person holds his or her insecurities inside for too long, it can eventually cause a blow-up or an emotional breakdown. Sensitive INFPs often suffer in silence, and this is a pity because INFPs and their fellow travelers usually have people in their lives who care about them a lot and would be more than happy to help them deal with their heartaches and disappointments. 

Vulnerability. Compassionate to the core, INFPs lead with their hearts rather than their heads and this can sometimes set them up for trouble. Unfortunately there are users and manipulators out there who are always on the lookout for easy targets, and from the standpoint of these individuals INFPS might as well have flashing neon signs attached to their foreheads that say “exploit me, exploit me!” Trust is a wonderful thing, but not when it makes you gullible. 

INFP Growth and Development

In order to reach their full potential, INFPs should:

Learn to recognize the difference between compromise and concession. People who disagree with INFPs are simply seeing things from a different point of view, but to an INFP, it can feel like they are being backed into a corner. Instead of digging in their heels, INFPs must find a way to detach from the situation so they can comprehend the motivations of their opposition more clearly. If it is only a difference in values and not a lack of them that is responsible for divergent opinions, then INFPs should not expect others to give in to stubbornness any more than they would if the shoe were on the other foot.

Make sure dreams and fantasies are used to enhance reality rather than replace it. INFPs who look out at the world with idealistic eyes often see grand vistas of beauty and limitless possibility that others are not capable of perceiving. But INFPs sometimes choose to retreat into these fantasies instead of using them to solve real-world problems. Imagination can open the door to better possibilities, and INFPs should never lose sight of its transformative potential. 

Learn to respect the details. No matter how wonderfully inventive a new idea might be, it won’t get anywhere if the logistical details required to put it into practice are ignored or neglected. INFPs may find this aspect of the creative processes a bit boring, but they should challenge themselves to overcome their disinterest and pay attention to all those annoying details anyway. 

Seek out leadership positions. INFPs have strong egalitarian instincts, are natural conciliators, passionately believe in the utility of cooperation, are excellent listeners, and never fail to pay attention when someone has a new idea to share. These admirable qualities double as superb leadership skills, and no one who possesses them should avoid leadership positions simply because they aren’t extraverts. Above all else, leaders must have the respect of those they presume to lead, and INFPs are just as capable of gaining that respect as any other personality type. 

Accept themselves as they are without apology. Because their standards are so high, INFPs have a hard time forgiving themselves when they fail to meet their own expectations. They may also become indecisive and fall into a perfectionism so extreme that it cuts off their flow of creativity and makes it impossible for them to excel and achieve. This dynamic is unfortunate, especially as INFPs would never think of holding others to such impossible standards. For the sake of their mental health and happiness, INFPs must learn to stop comparing themselves to others and recognize that they should prioritize their own happiness.

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Comments

Keegan Bentley Jones (not verified) says...

Hey fam 😊😁✌️ I'm astonished that there others! I've been Soo freaking alone but stuck in my head with everyone else going for my own adventures in these dumb lockdowns... I don't care about hiding now... If we're rare then the government can be a lil kinder in society to us ✌️ how is everyone? I'm in New Zealand ... it's Summer so pretty hot still but the beach is beauty, and never the same each moment... Wash away the fear friends .... It's not our fight, it never was, we can all be the peacemakers, we can all hope that love wins even in our fears and separation, but community can only ever unite after division just as such as the waves and their tides

ShyBoy11 (not verified) says...

First of all,

I have to say I'm so thankful for finding this site.

Reading your comments at least gives me hope that I'm not alone and completely misunderstood in this world.

Also, thank y'all for leaving kind and supportive messages below my post. All of you are so wonderful.

I'm so happy knowing that we understand each other and that we can relate with our stories. 

I agree with some of you it would be nice having some "INFP" group where we could chat or at least just rant about life and everything that bothers us :P

I don't know what social media would you propose where we could connect with each other.

StressedCat (not verified) says...

Hello everyone I hope you all are having a great day especially since 2020 has been a hard year on everybody and many people have been feeling down , lonely and depressed.

 

I'm not going to rant here I'm just sharing thoughts.

 

Age,Sexuality, religion, race, etc does not matter for me you can all be what you want  and it's nobody business to tell you what to be and what to not do, you're all allowed to carry your own thoughts and have your own life and nobody should ruin that for you and I find it strange when someone disrespect the other just because they're not the same and that makes me mad, I mean how much energy would it take for someone to shut up? Be respectful or just shut your mouth.

 

I get hurt alot of times when I see people hurting, bullying, even killing each other not to mention the amount of girls, boys and children getting raped, and instead of caring about these matters all people these days care about are , drugs, gossiping, celebrities, money and being 'Famous'.

 

What a weird world indeed.

 

I'm sincerely writing this from the heart and I hope no one feels offended by anything I say.

 

To me life is always a puzzle that everytime you solve a piece , it gets more complicated and I find it difficult to stop thinking about our existence and life in general because 'everything feels just too 'real for me if you get what I mean.

 

It's hard for me to comprehend that this world is cruel because I just feel that everybody should be loved, appreciated, respected and given rights moreover I as a person finds it easy to love someone and trust them even though I know they won't do the same and everytime life hits me in the face and I just feel hopeless.

 

Many of you lot has been helping each other in this section and that made me awfully happy I even grinned as I was reading your encouraging words.

 

Please keep doing what you're doing and stay positive I know it's hard but you can do it, I mean I could do it so could you.

 

And Remember this through and thorough we are humans we make mistakes, we lie, we hate and we love but most importantly we are there for eachother, sure some of us don't think the same however a lot of us are there to help and encourage ourselves.

 

I personally think that everybody have a value more than they give themselves credit for, its sad how everything is and everyone are today.

 

Smile even if your heart is bleeding inside of you is a quote I took I felt it suitable to use here but it makes so much sense to me because smiling makes someone feel better and makes people around them better. It might hurt, it might break you but eventually it will go afterall every time it rains there will be a rainbow by the end of it.

 

Life goes on, people change it might hurt but it could be for the better, maybe your friend backstabbed you it's okay because you found a possible future threat.

 

Everything happens for a reason, someone fell today it could be a smaller thing to prevent the bigger.

 

For example, someones got a call to stay home from work could be a saving from getting hit by a car or any other accidents.

 

I apologize if you didn't get what I mean but the short end of the stick is "You fell today, later avoided a goner from it"

 

Oh my, I'm terrible at explaining haha but you know what since it's 2021 what happened passed and a new page has been turned.

 

May you all have a beautiful day and Goodbye

 

 

 

 

Justfoundme (not verified) says...

Wait... And you posted this 20 odd mins ago? That's mind-blowing!

Justfoundme (not verified) says...

Hi - it's almost like I read thoughts of my mirror image 0.0

 

Thank you for sharing those amazing feelings :)

ShyBoy11 (not verified) says...

Hi again!

I've written a comment here three weeks ago but I feel very hopeless so I'm writing again hoping someone would understand me.

I don't know what to do with my life.

I feel everyone thinks I'm spoiled because I don't want to accept responsibility for my life. It's partly true. 

I'm just scared. Paralyzed by my fears. Blockages in my head created by myself. I've convinced myself I'm not good enough. Capable. Smart. 

My life has become a burden to me.

I have to decide whether I want to continue my college or not.

If I leave college, I could do only low paid jobs. It would destroy me completely. I would lose faith in myself totally.

I already feel like a failure.

I hate my character. I'm so sensitive. Emotional. I'm too soft for negativity and cruelty of this world. I can't handle it.

I hate my imagination. I live there instead of reality. It's my escape where I can be whoever I want to be. Artist. Performer. Musician. Actor. Activist. 

In real life, those scenarios are just parts of my imagination. Unable to become realistic.

I can't escape from auto-destructive behaviour. I'm drowning in my own negativity and passivity. 

I've started to go to psychologist but I'm not sure if he can help me. No one can help me but myself. The thing is, I don't know how to help myself. 

I hate myself. My looks. Character. Sexuality. Life. Everything connected with me.

I just want to disappear. Like I've never existed. That's all.

Thank you for listening my rant.

LaBoom17 (not verified) says...

omg, this is literally what i always think, i didn't know that someone else went through the same situation, i understand you, like really boy, i'm stuck in my fantasy life :(

cardamon (not verified) says...

Hey

i know what u r saying..

i don't know what I'm doing with my life too. 

Im gonna go to college this year, and I backed up from one major(that I decided)- n now have to choose another but I just don't know.

I feel like I can't, like I'm not responsible enough, like I'm just gonna be wrong. My parents r just not listening to me and I don't know how to make things work. I just don't want to take any wrong decision, I don't want to commit to anything that I'll regret uk?I'm afraid of commitment. 

it's not like I don't want to...I want to study but i just don't know, I just can't decide. I zone out every time I try to think bout it.n it's scary, it feels like I'm no one. But really am I?

Thats my family, aren't they supposed to listen to me? To support me? But I really can't turn to them. I'm too afraid to talk to anybody.

I don't know what I want- 

I know I should do 'this' 'this' n 'this', but I just don't- lately I just don't want to- like I want things to go wrong. 
It's like- I don't want to help myself- why? I don't know.

I live in my head- things r good there, at least my fictional characters listen to me uk? They understand. They sit with me. They r always there. 
 

but uk what? My life ain't that bad. It really isn't. I just feel like I'm just faking it. I'm just overthinking. I think too much, sometimes it's hard to know what's real n what's not. if that's something I just imagined or like it's real? I'm just pathetic.
I don't want to function in this society. What's the point? In the end, u r gonna die n everybody will forget bout u.

(I don't think these words r helpful-  but u r not alone, I'm destroying my own life too. it will be okay, or at least it should. idk...)

CarmenIliana (not verified) says...

Hey Shyboy11!!!  Aren't u such a beautiful creature!!!  Your as unique as a unicorn well even rarer (we can actually get our hands on a unicorn stuffed as it may)... can't get my hands on one of u tho!!!  U are sincere, understanding, ur acceptance for others (wonderful), caring, sensitive to the harsh reality of what others could have possibly gone thru, a good soul all in all, and well there's absolutely nothing wrong with that or with u!!!  Imagination is a talent that will take u far.  90% of people live in a box and only 10% live outside that box.  You are one of those 10% u might be in a rut but like everything in this life, it's only temporary.  My friend be overjoyed ur not like everyone else...no one truly understands me not even my family but they love me way too much... I'm pretty weird...so if u consider urself just as different and weird...honey ur a diamond in a rough.  Take the world by the horns cuz u are needed not enough of u around.  Don't let darkness take over as if it could...u are too shiny!  You are who u are meant to be that is ur gift, ur talent, so use it...shine baby shine!  

itsoknottobeok (not verified) says...

Dear ShyBoy11 (or anybody reading this),

its ok to feel this way. life isn't supposed to be planned out for everyone, it's supposed to be an experience to feel, to see. don't feel like you've failed, because you haven't. just because you are stuck now doesn't mean you will get stuck forever. i have felt this way before, i still feel it now. i know that my future is uncertain, that my future may not be possible. for now. for now, focus on yourself, focus on what you have right now rather than what you need to for the future. the future is uncertain, but you have to live the present now, especially during these times. take a walk, relax your mind, writing your feelings down. anything will help with this. you may not know what you want right now, but soon it will present itself to you. just wait patiently. for now, listen to your heart. :)

sincerely,

itsoknottobeok

Let's talk (not verified) says...

Hi there!

I don't know if you would be believe me, like a random stranger on the internet, but trust me when I say I went through absolutely every letter of what you just said. So can we please connect?

hi 123 (not verified) says...

hi, i've been rereading your comment for days, trying so hard to come up with things for you to do, not realizing until now that i am going through the same thing. i don't know who you are, neither do i even know who i am, all i know is that it will be worth it. the end is so worth living for. i'm sorry, i truely am.

juuliapod (not verified) says...

Seeing this comment and all the replies is making me hopeful because I thought I was the only one stuck in this same rut. Honestly, if anyone is interested in talking to someone else in a similar situation, I'd realllly love to have people who *get it* to talk about this with. I've felt so alone and confused with this for soo long. I'm in my sophomore year of college. It seems like everyone else knows what they want to do and I keep getting stuck between "do I want to be happy, or do I want to be realistic?" and "if I choose happy, will I change my mind for the millionth time?" and "what if I lose interest or get creatively overwhelmed?" I feel like I have option paralysis. According to my advisor, I should've already started taking classes for my intended major so I'm already behind, but if by the time I finish this semester I still can't decide on a major, I feel like I'll have to take time off to decide so I'm not digging myself deeper in debt while I make up my mind. I really relate to the auto-destructive part, I feel like I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to my abilities and potential. It's like, yeah, other people can achieve their dreams, but it's not like I ever will. It's like I spend all this time telling people that the sky is the limit and you can do whatever you want, but as soon as I try to apply it to myself, there's this annoying little voice that just laughs and goes "yeah okay, let's be real now."

I'm really passionate about cinematography and documentary filmmaking (think Vice meets Jubilee meets NYT op-ed meets a #vanlife travel vlogger) but I don't know much about cameras or editing or anything, I just feel this spark whenever I think about it. But I'm worried that if I choose to study it, I'll lose that spark by learning about topics that don't interest me as much, or I'll get deterred by the technical/realistic aspects of filmmaking. And if that doesn't happen, I'm terrified of losing interest while I'm in too deep to change my mind, or I won't do exactly what I'd like to do, or I'll be a failure and continue to struggle financially like I have all my life. On the other side, I'm passionate about psychology. I was sticking with that for a while because it's a good way to make money and I like the idea of a career where I can get fulfillment from helping people. But now I'm thinking that I'll never be fulfilled if I feel like I gave up on my dream, but is filmmaking really my dream, (insert a million other questions I worry myself about on the daily.) I'm terrified of getting stuck in a routine and feeling unfulfilled and bored with my life. I want to travel, I want to live a full, crazy, inspired, spontaneous life and I'm absolutely paralyzed by the fear that it'll be anything less. Sheesh, ok, I did not mean to go on such a rant. I just feel like I don't have an outlet to truly let out all the stress and fear I have about all this. It feels like I'm running out of time. But seriously, I saw a few other comments from other college-age people who are in a similar position, and if y'all would wanna start a group chat, email, be pan pals, whatever--I know I'd really benefit from having people to talk it through with.

EllyK (not verified) says...

Hi! I am graduated from college (23) but have a lot of the same feelings/experiences - would love to share as someone who has graduated and still has no idea what she's doing!

 

Let's talk (not verified) says...

I would absolutely love to connect with you.

A. (not verified) says...

I think therapy helps in terms that it gives you tools to connect better with yourself and what you want. 
I'm 36 now and everything you 've said was how I felt too when I was younger. I even tried to get out of my body when I was a kid through my mind (spoiler - to no avail). 
It'll get better, believe me. The more life you live, the more you experience the more you understand who you are, the more direction your life will have and the better you'll find your purpose. And it's hard at times, soul-wrenchingly tearfully hard, but you'll get through it and you'll find it's so worth it.
And, I wish there were more people like you in this world, gentle and sensitive. Traits that are so so so important and undervalued! Please please please don't give up, there's so much more out there for you.
i don't know if it helps you, but I've noticed when I plan things (and do them) I feel much better with myself (and I HATE planning!), when I don't do it I feel like a slug. There are also good Meditation Videos on YouTube that I found quite helpful. I hope this is a bit helpful at least x

hello are you ok (not verified) says...

Hello, i know how you feel, and im so so sorry,  It can be really hard, and i feel like you as do i, like no one understands. I feel that you need to spend some time and look at what you want, what job, and who you would love to be. 

Sunrise (not verified) says...

Hi Shyboy,

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. I'm 56 and share many of your struggles. If you haven't taken the test to see if you are a highly sensitive person - which is a genetic trait 15-20% of the population shares (including many INFPs) - I recommend it: https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/. If you are, it can help explain some of your natural (and very normal) personality traits. Also, the empath test can be insightful: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empaths-survival-guide/20181...

I'm finding it helpful to listen to podcasts from people who share my traits because it makes me realize I just haven't known many people like myself and that can be really isolating and demoralizing. I think it would help us to form more INFP communities- even online - so we can support each other in creating the world we imagine. I do think the world really needs us now. I strongly encourage you to finish college and study subjects that you're really drawn to. Trust your instincts.

Let's talk (not verified) says...

May I please connect with you?

INFPGirl (not verified) says...

Hi, 

A lot of what you said I relate to as well. I could always get away with being lazy when I was younger, but now that I'm older I've started to realize how irresponsible and unmotivated and lazy I am. I'm scared of what my future will look like if I don't change. I am currently majoring in Mechanical Engineering, but I am so close to failing out of college. I feel like I forced myself into this major and I thought I could handle it but I can't. I also dreamed of bein a musician, but that dream seems super unrealistic now and I could never make a living. Especially during this time, I feel so alone. I've never even had a boyfriend and I'm a junior in college, I'm starting to lose hope for my love life, my education, my career, and everything. Sorry for being so negative, but I think a lot of people are feeling the same way especially right now. I feel your pain, but please hold on and be strong you can do this, I believe in you!

Tim D. (not verified) says...

INFPGIRL:

When I was your age, all I wanted was a mentor or a manual or something that showed me how life works and that I was going to be okay.  Well after 30 years, here you go.  I believe that this webpage and my website will help you greatly.  BTW:  I got my degree in Mechanical Engineering, but there is so much more to me like you will experience.  And whether you get your degree in engineering or something else you enjoy, just know this: Like my mother always said:  "Money ain't everything, but a lack of money really sucks." Indeed.  I hope this helps.  http://www.timdimella.com/where-are-you-depending-on-what-you-want/

Tim

 

juuliapod (not verified) says...

I read that INFPs will tend to overcome obstacles or look past them entirely as long as they feel a strong sense of mission and purpose in their career. If you feel that with mechanical engineering, I think you're on the right track! You can even combine music and engineering by being a sound engineer, or focusing on the technical side of music. The two might go together more than you'd think! As for the boyfriend part, I'm in the same boat. It sometimes feels like I'm way behind or like I'm missing out, but I like to think that I'm benefitting from the extra time I have to focus on myself and other important aspects of my life. Basically, I understand what you mean when you say it feels like you're losing hope. I think taking some time to do a little bit of soul-seeking might be a good answer for us both, I know I certainly need to lol

Ravengardener (not verified) says...

hello there friend,

Firstly thanks for vanting ur feelings i hope it made u feel less stressful..

All of what u said i completely relate to i have been stuck in this same feeling for many months now..the feeling of hating urself more then ever .. all those negative thoughts just won't leave u alone ever ..i know its really tiring..but there is no way out of it ..if u keep thinking abut these things ..i have had those same thoughts for a very long time ..but i just thought to myself one day that no matter what...even if i Idk whats on top of the hill, im still gonna climb cuz atleast im going up..i am not hate worthy at all..see urself like u own the world and love urself first ..it all starts with self love..see urself strong alone . And whatever path u choose ..there is no low or high here ..any thing u do as far as u love to do it and is passionate abut it ..is gonna take u far in life ...but if want the best for urself and ur future then work hard for it .everything starts with hard work and self confidence. And stop asking for answers find then urself ..i hope this helped u somehow 

Just keep doing ur best at what u are doing ..i wish the best for u .

Take care:)

Lisa M Smith (not verified) says...

It took me many years and a whole lot of pain to realize it's so important to do some real soul searching. I needed to really think long and hard what I want in my life. And more importantly what I didn't want in my life. Then I needed to love myself and realize it's not selfish to put myself and my needs and wants first. I also realized I needed to have boundaries with all the people in my life. If you don't bring me joy and happiness and you are toxic to my life then it's ok to not have that person around. It doesn't mean they are bad but there aren't conducive for my personal growth. I made a choice to be happy. Happiness is choice. My life is far from perfect but I am happy I have a good life and the people in my life I love and they love me I never have to doubt there motives life is so much more peaceful now. Good luck remember you are worth it and you deserve to be happy  good luck 

Mimi (probablyINFP) (not verified) says...

I feel very similar. When life gets too hard the pull to just dissapear (into my thoughts and daydreams) from it all is getting too strong. Then, even the easiest tasks can feel uncomfortable, even emotional painful.

I find it hard to pick myself up and just work harder because my psyche doesn't function that way. It just tends to get exhausted and is too prone to addictions. It is hard to keep on going when your psyche aches.

Iamagirl (not verified) says...

I just read your comment and suddenly realized that i have tears in my eyes, because your situation is the same as mine i cant believe that someone is this much like me

I dont know what is going to happen about my university. I live in my dreams. i want to be famous cause i always feel that noone sees me. i feel im weak. im sensetive. i know im going to have health problems with my heart . I am suffering from erythrophobia and its killing me

I am 18 but i dont think im going to live as much as normal people

I wish I could go to a psychologist...

Forgive me if I had grammatical faults

Because im not advanced in the language English 

Jeneva (not verified) says...

I live with an INFP who has had a pretty rough past and deals with OCD & she has had to go to many councilors. Her life shows that it's possible to get past your past and other obstacles in the way. Life is not hopeless. Although it may seem that way some days or maybe even most days. One thing that helped my roommate & is still helping her was finding a job she enjoyed. We were just talking about it the other evening that she doesn't make much at her job, it's just enough to get by, but she's doing something that makes her happy & she wouldn't trade that for any high paying job. I know not everyone understands her, and I know I for sure don't always, but one thing I understand is her need to find something in life that makes her happy or that seems fulfilling to her personally. Even if it's maybe not what other people think she should do. 
I know for her, whenever she's struggling, it's always best to find someone to talk to about it. It helps keep you in the present & gives you a break from your own head. 
Feel free to send me a message if you ever want to!

Mj N (not verified) says...

Hey shy boy, 

You have to overcome your fears. Tell yourself that you are actually good at stuff. Stop putting yourself down. Once you come to peace with yourself everything will fall into place. I believe in you! I know you can do it. Fightinggg! 

20something living in Japan (not verified) says...

I feel the same pain for my whole life

I've just started my corporate job remotely and I feel negative and useless more than ever before although I understand how lucky I am to  be able to work from home

I just wanna say that you are not alone. Allow yourself to feel okay when you can't do things as you've imagined it to be. Try to go out and find a place where you can be yourself 

I know the slightest ray of sunshine saves INFPs and makes us feel alive and inspired!

 

Infp lady (not verified) says...

Shyboy- thanks for sharing your thoughts.  I'm a mom in my 40's and just learned that I'm an INFP.  I felt exactly as you did in my 20's.  Just know that it gets much better.  These are very difficult times.

I struggled with an identity and wanted to find the perfect job after college that incorporated art somehow.  I never found it.  Instead I worked in insurance.  If someone told this former fine arts major that they would be in insurance one day, I'd have been horrified.  But it wasn't bad.  In fact, I made some money and traveled the world.  It inspired me to paint on the side.  I was able to sell paintings as a hobby and live my dream. Painting sustains me when times get tough. 

 How is this relevant? Don't feel that you have to have all of the answers when you're young, nobody does.  So what if you don't find the perfect job.  Society puts too much pressure on young people.  As long as you pursue your hobbies and passions in some way, everything will fall into place.  
    Some more advice- try to get outside with nature, it's very healing.  It also helps to spend less time on devices, you'll start to notice your other interests.  Focus on putting one foot in front of the other each day to get things done (like college, you'll thank yourself one day) 

You are on this earth for a reason.  Pave your own path.  Don't change for others, you are unique and fine the way that you are.

SilverLining (not verified) says...

I can relate to living too much in my head. Like you, I'm feeling the effects from it - low confidence, judgement, feeling like the outside world is too overwhelming. I'm trying to find ways to act instead of thinking. Finding small things to do to get the ball rolling on the bigger things that seem too overwhelming.  Always thinking about how I feel about doing stuff is crippling me. For example, I want to walk more but I will talk myself out of doing it because I will imagine it will be too hot or too cold or too exhausting or that I simply don't want to see people. I focus on how I imagine it will feel and will decide not to do it. I've indulgedcmy feelings too much. So lately I have just been telling myself to start the action without thinking of the big picture and it's helping. I focus only on putting in my shoes and don't let myself think about any of the rest of it. I always end up going for a walk once my shoes are on. I focus on filling the sink with water, not about the drudgery of doing the dishes. It's actually working. I know it only would solve part of what you described but it is having a positive effect on me and I'm not feeling so stuck and frustrated. I'm using my tendency to overthink to come up with ways to trick myself into action. You're not alone or strange - there are lots of us that process things the same way and struggle. This little change is helping. 

Sarahmarie (not verified) says...

Did you ever stop to think it's the world we live in that is all wrong, and not you? Also, best advice I've ever been given: just because you think it doesn't mean it's true. It helps to know what IS true (God's Word) so when those thoughts come and go, that's ALL they do...come and go. Don't believe everything you think!!! Our culture doesn't place value on the right things, so it's pretty easy to feel worthless, even when you're just who you're supposed to be; you are golden! A child of God! And just as God planned for you to be. 

Imagirl (not verified) says...

I have been there, not with that much intensity. But i know how you feel. People constantly said to me "go to therapy". I hated it. I hated it every single time. Until i decided to go, I got medication and my life change. If you feel that the kind of therapy you are trying doesn't work, might not be the right one for you. I don't know much, but I have seen people doing cognitive therapy and that helped them so so much.

Obsessive negative thoughts drain all of you energy and self love, the perseption you have about yourself and everything about you. 

I know it's hard, but I believe in you. One day at the time, do baby steps. You can do it. It'll get better. 

You can do arts and another career at the same time, and it'll be ok. Don't waste opportunities that won't be back, finish collage. Studying even opens your thinking paths, it doesn't matter what it is you are learning. You have time, you can do collage and have more years to come to whatever you want to do. It might feel like a huge effort, but it will pay off. 

I know it's hard when you hate yourself, but the world needs what you've got. We are all gifted, and there's something you can give us. And there's so much good and beauty, you must know this if you are into arts. Even in sadness there are some bright beauty, even if not eveyone can't see it. Don't give up. Find whatever you love, even a little thing (I got a dog, also helps me a lot with responsability issues), there's always something that can keep you going and show you how much worth there is out there and inside of you.

You are enough and I love you.

Janita (not verified) says...

Hi.

 

I can relate to this right now. It's like a mood of my own. 

One thing. Let hope carry you. Always. Until its time. 

 

Regard, Jansz 

 

Yamaguchi supremacy says...

Soy una adolescente INFP y realmente, agradezco mucho cada consejo que encontré aquí, me han ayudado mucho, y a la vez, creo que ustedes necesitan abrazo. Merecen tener una buena vida y salir adelante, ¡ánimo!

hiarese (not verified) says...

hey, i want you to know you're not alone in feeling this way. i came to this website to be able to understand myself more so that maybe it'd help me be able to find something in me (or i dunno) to help myself and find my purpose/just something really (tbh idek what im looking for). when i read your comment, i related so hard to all the things you listed. it was scary how you were able to put my exact thoughts into words since im unable to find the correct words to describe how i feel. yet everything you listed is everything i feel. it also came at the exact time where i was looking for something to relate to / make me understand myself (hence me visiting this website). i honestly do not know what to do with my life and i hate thinking about the future because of it. what do i even do? i tend to go through my life one day at a time, always seeking for instant gratification in my imagination (so that's why i read a lot of fiction/watch a lot of films since they make me happy and transport me to a world so wonderfully different from this one). this has made me ignore the responsibilities of "real" life: school, family, etc. scary part is i can't find it in me to care. it's like i just conjure the bare minimum effort just to get through my "real" life and get back to the solace of my room, where i can read a lot, get stuck in my imagination, and ignore my responsibilities.

another thing that's bothering me: school. im still in hs, and im currently just going through each day. i don't prepare for the future; tomorrow is another day, as long as i can finish today, that's all that matters. i have no idea what course i'm going to take (both with college and my life in general). i want to succeed. i want to find a good-paying job. i just don't know how. or even if i can. same as you, i've conditioned myself to think i'm not good at anything. i could try but there would always be someone better and i'd constantly doubt myself and whether i can do it as well as someone else could. i don't trust in myself or my capabilities and always tend to go for the easier route and something that's within my comfort zone rather than fail when i try new, daring things. 

"sensitive" "emotional"? that's me. i envy everyone else's tenaciousness and determination; i want to embody those traits too. when people work hard for something they want and never give up despite numerous challenges? i really want to be that kind of person. instead, i'm the type to cry and hate myself even more the minute a single challenge trips me up. i cry when i fail exams. and yet, i don't do anything to not fail. i cry when i get frustrated when i don't understand the topics given. but that's all i do. i cry and i hate myself. i don't try harder. i give up. i don't even know if i have it in me not to give up. i hate my character too; i just want to have a mindset where i can take challenges, work to overcome them, and not break down over it. 

"no one can help me but myself" i know that too. and yet, why do i not do anything to do so? why do i ignore my real life responsibilities, instead opting for instant gratification in the worlds that i can create in my mind through reading, watching, etc.? i want to help myself. but i know that i can't. i don't have it in me for that. 

so yes, i feel hopeless and currently have no idea what i'm supposed to do with my life. i don't have the character/personality/mindset of someone who succeeds and makes a good life for themselves. i have the character of a loser who everyone pities but ignores because helping such a person would be hopeless. i desperately want to bring myself up but as i have said, i don't know how to or if i even have it in me to try. 

anyways, i'm sorry this turned into a rant of my own. i just want to let you know that you're not alone and i'm here if you need anyone to talk to.

 

Missy (not verified) says...

Shyboy 11.....you sound like you have a searching soul for truth...and nothing is that "one thing" you are searching for and it is making you feel terrible about your life and self.  I can tell you what will change your entire life forever...but you wont want to hear it.  The world is just going to get more difficult to navigate, and nothing is ever going to go back to the way it was.  It is probably going to be even more confusing.  The reality and security and stability we all want is only going to be able to be found in accepting that there actually is a God....who is 3 persons...Father, son(Jesus), and the Holy Spirit.  People have tried desperately to push away from this, but it doesnt make it less true.  Its all very basic...you have a God who loved you, created you, stuck you on earth for a short time so that you can either choose to love Him back freely...or not.  If you choose Jesus, repent , and start doing good and being good...when you die here on earth...you will truly end up living for all eternity with Him (them) .  For some reason people just hate that!  Anyway, Jesus is the one thing you have been missing...and didnt even know it.  Just talk to Him and its not hard.  In fact, its easy.  He already likes and loves you.  I hope you will so that you can get some hope and peace in your mind.

ShyBoy11 (not verified) says...

Hi, Missy.

Thank you for responding. I have to admit your answer has intrigued me. 

I was trying to connect with God few times in my life through praying but I couldn't. I can't feel connection with God. I feel like I'm pretending he exists but I can't convince myself in his existence actually.

Partly I think it's because of my sexuality. Religion isn't very supportive about homosexuality. I've convinced myself gay man can't be believer. 

Also, I can't separate God from Church as institution. I really don't like what Church does. 

I also think it would be easier for me if I have relationship with God but I've found some kind of comfort in other stuff like astrology.

Hope you'll understand.

 

mr. what zit tooya (not verified) says...

Hi Shyguy11,

First of all, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and I totally understand what you are feeling. 

I don't know how much of college you have left or anything but there is no shame in taking time off of school... I'm 21 and in college too, I took last semester off and it was the greatest decision of my life... Getting a long and healthy mind break but also knowing that you have something to look forward to next semester, a fresh start.  The break can be longer than a semester if you need it... College will always be there when or if you want to finish... and plus online classes are super awful and hard to focus on during this stupid pandemic.  And plus plus your mental health is the MOST important thing, much more important than a degree.  

Also journaling helps me get all of my endless feelings out on paper (or digitally lol its the 21st century)... And you don't have to keep the journals or docs you can delete them or rip them up or burn them if you are worried about someone reading them or something... I usually write whatever my mind is thinking at that moment, it doesnt have to be anything special, its just a place where you can just vent your thoughts and ideas and just vibe.  I keep all of mine and look back on them all the time because I can see myself grow and change on paper... Another thing to write is a list of little things that make you feel a little bit of happiness or joy or even just not as sad... things like driving around alone singing your favorite songs, or little things your friends or family members say or do that you love, or a movie that you love, your favorite dinner... stuff like that, even if they're cliché like my examples lol.

Anyways, please remember that you are SO young.  You do not have to have your whole life figured out yet.  Take your time!  Life feels so heavy and rushed all the time, especially at our age... its like "go to school for 12 years, graduate, and then go learn more" with no real break to find yourself.  I think we forget how young we are, that its okay to make mistakes, that everyone's "path" is different (as cliché as it sounds).  There is no rush !! You will figure it all out.  

Aurita Rey (not verified) says...

Hey! I totally get you, I´m just coming out of a very dark season. I felt very similar to you for the last 8 months and harder, the last 4 months (there is hope I promise). So I want to share with you what happened through this time, and how I'm getting out, hope it helps you in any way. So I'm 25 and through college I've had to drop school already two times for financial issues, every time, made me feel like I was failing in life, but through time I´ve come to learn that it actually was a huge blessing for growth and finding myself, what I love, and to develop a small business I own now. To this day, after 8 years I´m finally finishing this semester of college, it wasn't easy at times, but again, I think it taught me a lot to overcome new challenges.

On the other hand I have to tell you, I don´t know you, but I'm pretty sure you are great, there is so much potential and so much purpose in your life, so much light to share with the world. I know from experience, sometimes we feel like the worst people on earth, like we are super broken and different, and we wonder and punish ourselves on even feeling this way, but the truth is, we need to realize how great of a gift our life is to this world.

One of the things that helped me greatly was to talk to my mom about how I was feeling, it was hard for me because I hate to talk about this things but I realized I really was looping on a never ending darkness and really needed help so, in my case I told her how bad a daughter, a worker, a student I was feeling, like I wasn't fulfilling the standard,  and 1st she told me how all of that was a lie I was believing, telling me how she was watching the opposite, and also, she told me that I was just trying to reach an ideal of who I think I'm supposed to be but not really looked at all the beautiful things I actually am. That woke me up, and started making me find my way.

The other thing is I read a book "The four agreements' ' by Don Miguel Ruiz, I realized how I was damaging myself by how I talked to myself, every part I tried to make it my own and also made the commitment on the book to start changing my “agreements”.

Also let me share with you this Youtube channel: search for Ms Dory Linda, she is awesome, I found great help there.

I must tell you it's a process but I know you are very capable of going through it, overcoming it and reaching new levels of revelation for your life, every hard part of life brings growth, and I bet you´ll be able to live it and enjoy it.

Best wishes for you, and yeah! definitely, we are with you, you are not alone, we feel you.

(Also, it's not bad to feel as much as you do, it's your superpower, learn to use it)

<3

 

Amepe (not verified) says...

Hey i completely understand how you feel. Ive tried to accomplish so much in my life and as of right now nothing to show for it. I suggest doing one thing a day that declutters your life. Like a walk or clean a dish or make something or write something use you daydreams as an outlet. And i would think staying in college would be the best bet even if your grades are lower than you would like you should definitely try to finish the semester you'll feel a sense of relief when the semester is over instead of feeling like a failure. Im struggling with everything i just suggested myself but if you fail one day just try again the next. 

Jimmy s (not verified) says...

Well from reading instead of hating love these things I've felt the same way and still do at times but I'm always reminded that bro someone else is way worse focus them not me ps learn to love the imagination write it down and put it into action it's working for me 

 

A Kitteh (not verified) says...

I went into college to study Mechanical Engineering before I was tested as an INFP (dreams of space travel). There were numerous times that I was so lonely and miserable that I wanted to quit and retreat to some dark cave in the woods. But part of disciplne is accepting the pain and difficulty for the vision of something better. Now I am employed in my field and I have a beautiful home and family. Ultimately, you must decide who you are, accept the challenges of that path, and remain committed. You should not expect to arrive at the destination of you life quickly; Leonardo Da Vinci was 39 when he got his first noteworthy project. You must decide who you are, claim ownership of that person, decide what path is best for that person's continued existence and growth, and buckle down and remain commited when it gets tough. Only you can do this, but if you do this, you will find your place in this world.

friendtohelp (not verified) says...

Hi Shyboy11

thanks for sharing. I get how hard it can be to have so many difficult and soul-sucking emotions/thoughts and it can be excruitingly difficult to share them with people. Just want to let you know, you're not alone. This world sucks and its so hard to grow up in it. the transition from teenager to adult is honestly the worst period for humans in my opinion (other than puberty- yuck). There is a lot of doubt and confusion and fear and anxieties. You're not alone in feeling and thinking these emotions and thoughts.

It so good to hear you're going to someone for help. I would recommend keep going. It might take a while to connect with the person or perhaps they just arent the right person to help you and you need to find someone else who can- someone who understands you more. this process can be tedious and hard but it is so worth it when you feel comfortable and safe enough with someone. I must say i disagree with your point that only you can save yourself. Us humans are pack mammals by nature. we need others, need a community. We cannot save ourselves entirely- no one can. We need help from people around us and it is completely okay to ask for help. It is natural!

As for hating yourself. I discovered this trick a little while ago and it has helped me a bit. Whenever i find myself spiralling into negativity and hateful thoughts about myself (looks, personality, character)- I focus on one aspect that I do actually like. I like my eyes. I like that my sensitivity makes me a better listener and empathiser with others, I like that my imagination means that I'm not limited to reality- some people can only be a teacher for example, whereas I can be a musician, an artist, a superhero, an explorer, an activist. Some people are only limited to one world- we can venture into a thousand. It expands our empathy, our imagination- makes us better people, better artists- its also fun, as long as we dont forget to stay connected to reality. 

As for what to do with your life, there is another trick i can offer. 1. work out what you actually want to do in life (dont limit it to a career option)- what do you think is your purpose as a person in this world. 2. can this purpose be linked to a skill set that you have- something you are good at and enjoy. 3. can you get paid for this. 4. does the world need it? will it help the world or not? We cant truly know what career we will enjoy or be satisfy with until we try it. And if you choose a career and hate it thats okay! You can choose another career. I actually think its good to have more than one career for your life. Imagine 40+ years in the same profession- boring. Its okay to make mistakes, its okay to change your mind- this is part of being human.

None of us can disappear from the world as if we have never existed. If we do leave, the people we leave behind break a little. You might not love yourself at the moment but many people do- even if they dont verbalise it or express it in a way you notice. I wish our world expressed our love and gratitude for each other more- perhaps then everyone would be able to see themselves how other people do and come to truly love themselves.

Lasts thoughts- theres a quote I remember; 'if you're going through hell- keep going'. Everything ends, even hopelessness and doubt. so keep going.

I hope that helps Shyboy11

Nothing Noblet (not verified) says...

Is nothing real?  Why do I believe these blacktors, -John

elliethefirst (not verified) says...

Fascinating. Well you're absolutely right on the lowest income front. I have always been the lowest paid wherever i've worked and now i'm the lowest paid senior even though i just got promoted. going to leave and yes looking into becoming self employed too. far too sensitive to be around office politics and being treated like dirt. Deserve far more. I work way better alone.

Best of luck to all of you INFPs. The world was not built for our type. My only hope is that there's another world that is after this one! Protect yourselves!x

T (not verified) says...

Yes! Also an INFP. The older I get the more I feel that I was never meant to be on here on earth - I'm always wanting to go back home to my own alien land wherever that may be. This place is strange and the people so awful and fickle and sad no one is real. 

justjen (not verified) says...

Hey Ellie,

I feel your pain. I have experienced the same. Lowest pay, and extremely sensitive for traditional office politics with their backstabbing and coniving ways. I am presently working on starting my own creative business. 

I would have to say I do enjoy working alone, but I do even better with people who are caring, creative, and determined to have a positive impact on the world and create a world that values us.

Mariam alsabahi (not verified) says...

M.S

Meowmi (not verified) says...

Hi, I'm 27 and a INFP. I am currently at a point in life trying to be happy.

I quit my job last month and I'm mentally struggling. Everyday is a struggle. Making myself eat even tho I have no appetite. I get hungry but just cant seem to enjoy food like I used to. I've lost a lot of weight. And I cant seem to get it back up.

I live with my family, one of them gets a little abusive when ever she drinks. But things have been getting better. As a result, I have to deal with my anxiety & depression (Self-diagnosed, because going to get professional help will ruin my chances for a job prospect) Working in a corporate company was traumatising to me, the office politics and drama was a doozy. I am glad that I quit. I used to come home from work crying daily.

I worry about many aspects of my life. Money being the main one. I started a small home baking business recently but things are a little slow. I worry about my family's future bc pretty soon I will have to be the sole provider. I think being self-employed was a good thing for me, at least I'm not crying daily. But starting a business on my own is like being on uncharted waters. Will I be able to provide? is a question that I cant seem to answer

And being an introvert with 3 extrovert best friends do make me feel a little odd. I am happy to see my friends getting out there and find love or just having fun. I realise that sleeping around (thats what they are doing) isn't really for me bc I want to find my person and that bond. I dont know if I will ever find that. Am I being too unrealistic? I enjoy being alone but a lot of the times, I wish I have someone to unwind the day with and all that. Is it weird to be holding out for that one person? And what are the chances of finding that person? 

I feel like I've made many bad life decisions and at the same time I am a little happy of where I am currently. 

But all my worries are always bugging me. Up to the point where I would feel depressed. I keep telling myself, one day at a time. 

I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of topic. But seeing everyone being supportive is making me brave enough to talk about this. I've talked to family members and friends about my worries but they dont seem to see why I'm depressed or feel that way that I feel. Hell, somedays I find myself in bed with tears rolling down my eyes with no particular reason. 

 

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