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INFP Strengths

Idealism. INFPs care deeply for others and believe it is their duty to make a positive impact on the lives of other people in any way they can. Because of this unbreakable commitment, INFPs are capable of great self-sacrifice, and they won’t compromise their ethical standards for personal benefit. INFPs are firm believers in the unlimited potential of human beings to achieve remarkable things, and they can always be counted on to provide encouragement or material support to those who are attempting to expand their horizons.

Integrity. Integrity means everything to INFPs, and that includes intellectual as well as moral integrity. Some people might accuse INFPs of being overly imaginative or of being willing to stretch logic to the breaking point in order to find the deeper meaning they insist must exist, but there is no denying that the deeply reflective nature of INFPs allows them to transcend the boundaries of imagination that so often prevent us from discovering new solutions to old problems.

Compromise. As empathic idealists, harmonious relations are like a balm to the soul for INFPs. In family settings or when working in groups, INFPs are highly effective as mediators because they are legitimately interested in the viewpoints of all and will go out of their way to make sure that everyone is given a fair hearing. They are enthusiastic advocates of cooperation and believe that no difficulty is insurmountable when people work together for a common cause. 

Dedication. It is easy to pay lip service to virtues like compassion, creativity, originality and open- mindedness, but these ideas don’t mean much unless they can be translated into real-world applications. Fortunately, INFPs are masters at doing just that. Passionate and committed to the cause, these personalities have a unique ability to mold and shape their surrounding environment in ways that promote self- improvement and transcendent achievement for all. 

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INFP Weaknesses

Sensitivity. Their deep compassion, sensitivity and commitment to originality allows INFPs to interface with their interpersonal landscapes in a constructive manner, but these feelings also leave them vulnerable to disillusionment and powerful existential angst. INFPs who venture enthusiastically out into the world can end up retreating into lethargy and depression when they discover their idealism isn’t always shared or respected by others, and their incredible talents can go completely to waste when they become too discouraged to continue.

Impracticality. While their insistence on standing up for justice and decency is admirable, the intensity of their feelings can occasionally leave INFPs unwilling to make compromises even when doing so might be necessary to get something accomplished. Sticking to your morals is admirable, but in the real world it may be impossible to accomplish anything unless the INFP can find a way to give and take a little and find practical, if imperfect, solutions to problems. 

Selflessness. INFPs have a tendency to neglect or suppress their own needs if they believe it is necessary to keep the peace or make others happy. When a person holds his or her insecurities inside for too long, it can eventually cause a blow-up or an emotional breakdown. Sensitive INFPs often suffer in silence, and this is a pity because INFPs and their fellow travelers usually have people in their lives who care about them a lot and would be more than happy to help them deal with their heartaches and disappointments. 

Vulnerability. Compassionate to the core, INFPs lead with their hearts rather than their heads and this can sometimes set them up for trouble. Unfortunately there are users and manipulators out there who are always on the lookout for easy targets, and from the standpoint of these individuals INFPS might as well have flashing neon signs attached to their foreheads that say “exploit me, exploit me!” Trust is a wonderful thing, but not when it makes you gullible. 

INFP Growth and Development

In order to reach their full potential, INFPs should:

Learn to recognize the difference between compromise and concession. People who disagree with INFPs are simply seeing things from a different point of view, but to an INFP, it can feel like they are being backed into a corner. Instead of digging in their heels, INFPs must find a way to detach from the situation so they can comprehend the motivations of their opposition more clearly. If it is only a difference in values and not a lack of them that is responsible for divergent opinions, then INFPs should not expect others to give in to stubbornness any more than they would if the shoe were on the other foot.

Make sure dreams and fantasies are used to enhance reality rather than replace it. INFPs who look out at the world with idealistic eyes often see grand vistas of beauty and limitless possibility that others are not capable of perceiving. But INFPs sometimes choose to retreat into these fantasies instead of using them to solve real-world problems. Imagination can open the door to better possibilities, and INFPs should never lose sight of its transformative potential. 

Learn to respect the details. No matter how wonderfully inventive a new idea might be, it won’t get anywhere if the logistical details required to put it into practice are ignored or neglected. INFPs may find this aspect of the creative processes a bit boring, but they should challenge themselves to overcome their disinterest and pay attention to all those annoying details anyway. 

Seek out leadership positions. INFPs have strong egalitarian instincts, are natural conciliators, passionately believe in the utility of cooperation, are excellent listeners, and never fail to pay attention when someone has a new idea to share. These admirable qualities double as superb leadership skills, and no one who possesses them should avoid leadership positions simply because they aren’t extraverts. Above all else, leaders must have the respect of those they presume to lead, and INFPs are just as capable of gaining that respect as any other personality type. 

Accept themselves as they are without apology. Because their standards are so high, INFPs have a hard time forgiving themselves when they fail to meet their own expectations. They may also become indecisive and fall into a perfectionism so extreme that it cuts off their flow of creativity and makes it impossible for them to excel and achieve. This dynamic is unfortunate, especially as INFPs would never think of holding others to such impossible standards. For the sake of their mental health and happiness, INFPs must learn to stop comparing themselves to others and recognize that they should prioritize their own happiness.

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Hell lit (not verified) says...


My parents won't react like you... first thing they are gonna do is beat me up for making excuses for not studying, then they are gonna pray to god to force some sense into my head ( well I am going to hate this part cause I am an atheist)... then they will scream at each other and will send me in my room....

Kea (not verified) says...

I've done it once by writing them a letter. I'm not good with words since I got nervous easily, so I wrote a letter instead. It works! My parents came to me then trying to talk to me, they tried to understand me, we tried to solve or help my anxiety together. If you can't say it with words, say it with letter or with whatever you're comfortable with! 

ShyBoy11 (not verified) says...


I'm INFP-T 20-year-old male.

Currently I'm dealing with depression (still not diagnosed), many anxieties and fears especially about life, future and people.

I'm gay but still in the closet who hates himself for being who he really is. I'm also auto-destructive and very pessimistic about everything. 

I don't know what's my purpose and plenty of my time I overthink about myself, my life, world and mysterious things like our existence, faith and other things INFP-T people are love to be occupied with I guess.

I live in my imagination for most of my time and that's my escape from cruel reality. Laziness is also my big problem.

I study Political Science but I don't think it's my passion because I'm more into art, music and spirituality. 

I hide my emotions because I'm Scorpio lol and I don't like to show them to others although I'm very emotional. Feel very emotionally blocked tho.

I just want to accept myself, how I look, feel and behave, my life and start to live it in peace and joy. 

Happy for reading all of your posts because I relate with all of you so much.

Tim D. (not verified) says...

Dear Friend,

Hope my video helps.

Use living in your imagination as a benefit for you.  Take the first step in believing you actually have a real life spirit of unconditional love living within you.   Ask for it to reveal itself, see it, and talk to it, and follow it.  Eventually you will come out of your shell.  My video is my own testimony that explains more.

Tim D.

Gamer81 (not verified) says...

Hi ShyBoy11

I read your comment and I kinda relate to you about the fear and anxiety about life and future in general especially since these days people has grown colder and more cruel. our society is constantly changing to the worse, lives has become cheaper and many more so I get you on that.


I don't really care who you are but there's one thing that you should never be ashamed of it's who you are never be ashamed of that and never hate on yourself for being the person you really are because in the end we all have faults we're humans in the end and I truly believe that everyone want to hide their fault that's not wrong but instead of hating on yourself you should embrase your faults and your fears .


I feel you on overthinking about life and everything because that's what I do most of the time and to be honest I question my existence alot and am I truly here and start getting anxious and depressed but I never let that hold me down so don't let that hold you down too! but if you can't just find something to ocuppy your time like writing your thoughts,drawing,writing,etc.... 


I'm lazy too by the way lol but I try doing some exercises every now and then I also get put to get fresh air and go to the beach it really helps try it out if there's one nearby.


If there's someone that I relates so strong to it's you lmao I'm a scorpio too and I hide my emotions most of the time for the same reason as you.


I won't tell you that life is all great and so because that's not true but I will tell you one thing that is there's still light in the dark no matter what and your life weighs so much more than you think.


No matter how ugly the world is and no matter how cruel people are there's still good in the world and the people I believe that.


I want to write more but I gotta go so see you have a great day! please try to find the good in things even if it's hard don't give up.

ShyBoy11 (not verified) says...

Hi, Gamer81 (Scorpio)!

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I wish there are more open-minded and kind people like you. 

I need to push myself into some activities because overthinking is killing me. I always say I will but then I just do nothing about it. I would change it, I promise. 

I used to exercise but it usually lasts for like two months and then I give up because I don't have enough motivation. I should go to the gym after this crisis finally ends one day. Unfortunately, I live in city and there's no beach but I should start walking. I feel anxious if I do it by myself but I must step outside of my comfort zone.

Thank you for being realistic. I need to calm down and stop living in my imagination. Wish going to the psychologist will help me to overcome me struggles.

Wish you all the best! 

Gamer81 (not verified) says...

Hey again ShyBoy11,


You're welcome, it's my pleasure and I'm very happy to help and I believe there are people out there in the world like me, you just have to find the right person.


Although activities do help as a distraction, please do not push yourself too hard because everybody needs a break at time.


Don't worry about doing nothing everyone have a sloth in them even me and I try to get myself motivated to do things so I don't end up feeling depressed.


You really remind me of myself no joke lol, I used to do many type of exercise for a few months and if I don't do it for one day I end up losing motivation to do it,I get bored easily and it really frustrating.


I think going to the gym after all this is a fantastic idea Also if you don't have any beach nearby how about you go walking to an open space every early morning for about 15 minutes before the sun shines.


It really is fascinating to see it at that time, I guess you could say it gives one hope for life.


By the way if you're too anxious to walk alone then how about you listen to music while walking?


No need for a thanks friend, I simply helped you because I just can't ignore a person in need.


Have a great day and good bye!



John (not verified) says...

Hello all,

INFP-T male for sure. At the age of 40, I feel like I've experienced an amazing life. Substance abuse has been a consistent issue, and my early adulthood was reasonably unpleasant, a whirlwind of drug abuse and prison. Self discovery and starting a business that has given me the ability to not only provide a service but also employ other addicts and alcoholics has given me a sense of purpose as well as a good living despite my early issues. Fatherhood has also been very rewarding. An abusive relationship almost pushed me over the edge, and because of my caring personality I hung in for MUCH longer than I should have. So, more emotional work and self discovery, ending the dysfunctional relationship, and finding a supportive and loving partner has brought me back to a place of feeling at peace with myself and the world around me. I cannot stress enough that self awareness, and abstinence from drug and alcohol use are key factors in finding a better life. Money is secondary, and learning how to budget and live within your means rather than using money as another way to mask our feelings as INFP is also important. We need to always remember that our feelings will most like lead us, so understanding those feelings is a must for me, and I believe most other people with my personality traits. Everything else will most likely manifest itself once we understand who we are and deal with the feelings that plague us rather than make us the healing mediators we were born to be.

Mon (not verified) says...


I lost my job as a mortgage claims analyst a year ago and have been struggling to transition into a new career. I hated that job as I realized that the mundane work cause extreme boredom and mental exhaustion. I then became a flight attendant and HATED that too. Catering to so many people at one time was extremely draining. Since then,  I decided to pursue my 1st love which is acting and performing. I am looking to pursue a different career In the event that I do not become a successful actress. 


My personality type is INFP-A / INFP-T. All the careers listed do not appear to be interesting to me. I have been spinning my wheels to find a meaningful career for most of my life and I am so frustrated. Is there any advice or direction you can provide?

Tim D. (not verified) says...


It's not as much the career as it is the perception you bring to it.  I'm INFP and an aerospace engineer.  Most every job is a service job--a chance to serve others who are suffering because they do not yet have what you can offer them.  Whatever you decide to go into, always know that whatever knowledge of it and wisdom from it that you gain is something someone else could really use to help make his or her life happier and more fulfilling.  And only you can deliver this in your own unique way with your own unique talents and insights that may help them the most.  A job stops being a job when there is a loving spirit attached to it.  Be that loving spirit.  But first believe that there is a loving spirit that lives within you that unconditionally loves you.  Talk to it, follow it, and gel with it, and you will come to know who you are, where you are, and how and what you are to do and when to do it with the love you've been given.

Tim D.

Vans (not verified) says...

I have this personality too I can send you a drop shipping course I'm currently doing 

Den (not verified) says...

I spent my life going from job to job. I was great at what I did, but it was always so draining. I hated every job. I finally gave up a lot of "stuff" to do what I love...breed responsibly and raise puppies. It gives me great pleasure to bring so much happiness to people. The key is, I needed to make great sacrifice to do it. But I learned, you can live without a lot of material things when it's a choice. Choice is freedom. So what do you mean by "successful" actress. If you wake up happy each day, that's success. Can you work for a theater? Can you teach acting to children? Can you write a blog about acting? Do what you love!! Try not to plan an escape route. It will just lead to another trap.


Melli (not verified) says...

Hello everyone.

My journey- or story isn't anything special or very interesting, but seeing how you guys treat each other - even - or maybe because we're all strangers gives me the courage to speak up.

One thing is for sure. It's hard to be an "missfit" in our society systems. Even more so while dealing with a few mental illnesses.

I had to learn that the way I got shaped in my childhood was the very cause of most things I've been struggling with ever since in life and family/parents who are supposed to be the safe place to go and trust are the furthest away from me because it was the only option if I wanted to stay alive and start my own life.

I think this is one of my main issues. My mother who is physically disabled and most likely a Narcissist raised me as a tool and saw me as her (physical) healthy self, always used me to her benefits. I don't know my dad personally. He left when I was about 2 y/o. Whenever I made traumatic experiences I got either laughed at, brushed off or beaten up, so I grew up as invisible as I could be to avoid getting hurt. Hell.. I even never got the chance to learn the importance of work and how to achieve the best goals possible..just got told to function flawlessly and get good grades to earn money for mom later in life but no one enlightened me about the needed education and trainee years to get there. If it wouldn't have been about a penalty fee - money - that had mother sent me to the job center, I probably would still live by her side, barely knowing a thing about life, which saddens me every now and then.

I am now 35 years old, haven't achieved much and worked as a seller for eight years only before a total burnout and my mental illnesses got the worst of me and already retired because I'm not of use; nothing but a burden and I feel like I've ruined my life before it even started. I mean.. I'm on the verge of poverty, unable to invest into something for a change and it hurts.. I want the strength to be independent, to earn the needed money so that I could move to the countryside and start to recover.. I have dreams and wishes but no matter how hard I'm working on myself to function, nothing gets me anywhere. It seems like I can't stop this loop even though I keep challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone and face most situations I'd rather run from. 

I also gave birth to a wonderful girl 3 years ago - even though a handfull of gynecologists used to tell me to be unable of getting pregnant - I decided to give her into an open adoption so that she gets all the things I've never had and the possibility to grow up in a loving and healthy family. As much as the loss is driving me crazy, I'm just as happy for Vivien.

Yet sometimes I wonder what I'm fighting for and why I'm holding on because every effort seems so useless/meaningless. It's harder to take when the bipolar depression hits in intensely.

I am just so frustrated and hopeless that I often lose track of the good things in life..

Vans (not verified) says...

Email me @chappelcharles205 and I could send you a course of dropshipping that I payed 2000 for all you gotta do is stay motivated and do everything it says and you'll earn a lot of money I could also teach you some money making methods if that course not doin it for you i have the same personality as you and I don't know if that means something but all I know is that if I was in your position with everything you've been through I would be super depressed and I haven't been that depressed in a while I'ma just tell my story while I'm at it basically I'm a burn survivor I almost died when I was 16 in a fire and I had to spend 7 months in the hospital which completely changed me like I would be feeling all types of pain every day. I lost everybody close to me and I had to deal with looking completely different then when I was out of the hospital my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and shit just got bad if it wasn't for those percs and weed I wouldn't have gotten inspired to get sober and learn about life and the real meanings and shit so currently I'm on this mission of becoming a billionaire I would like to help you come out of this place in life 

KrisLu (not verified) says...

hey there I hope you're doing alright. So I read your comment although I haven't experienced what you did I sometimes feel empty and bored of life even though I'm a quite positive person and I feel like it's just like a loop as you said andI know how it feels.

At that time I lose motivation to do anything or change anything I feel hopeless sometimes even disgusted with myself I just think death is better and what's the point of me living since I will die anyways? what difference will it make if I'm alive? 

I always blame myself on things and I have many regrets to count, I always think of the past and what I could’ve done to change it.


I personally feel that my existence just doesn't feel significant or needed I reached a point in my life that  I felt overwhelmingly bad and depressed I had family problems too but not as bad as yours.


Fortunately as I aged I became more wise and knowledgeable than before my perceptive of life changed completely.


I realized that each one of us have a worth even if it's small there's no single person that is useless or a waste of space, you didn't have the time to learn or expand your world you didn't get the chance to. 

There's many good in life as much as there's bad and sometimes one tend to think of negative things more often and I don't blame you for thinking that, 

Life is terrifying and unpredictable there's many thing   going in the world right now

Anything could happen at mere seconds and as much and as I hate to say it us humans are quite greedy and cruel at times to the extent of killing somebody or things more terrible, I feel extremely repulsived at how cruel one could be.


Life is upsettingly hard but not impossible it is hard to achieve goals or dreams or even live through the cruelty of life but I learned to be satisfied in what I have to not be too ambitious or hugely positive and so on.


Everything was created for a purpose be it me,you or anybody else be it good or bad we were created for a reason and each individual hold their own story or value no ones existence is meaningless.


And from what I've read I've learned that you're truly a unique person, you have not given up through hardships that I as a person respect you greatly. I know it hurts to not be able to achieve something you want despite draining your time and strength into.


It is disappointing, depressing or so, I too set goals and dreams for myself but honestly I don't care if theyre fulfilled as long as I lived my life trying my best and it matters not what people think of it as long as I've tried my hardest.


You seem like a great person to me and you've done your best to achieve your goals even out of your comfort zone you tried.


Here's what I think you could do: 

-Maybe set smaller goals and dreams and slowly climb up.


-Try something different?


-Try a different approach.


I might overdone this a little bit so I apologize for that... Also I hope the best for you and your daughter vivian God bless you both and Don't be hard on yourself afterall in this world the only one who won't betray you is yourself and is your best ally.


Thats all I wanted to say sorry for the long comment I tend to write a lot than I wish haha, anyways good luck and farewell.


Tanu Shukla (not verified) says...


A 17 year old infp t here. I don't know how to put it ..... I am someone with a congenital heart disease and will need quite a lot of money for the operation required by 30 years of age. The problem is I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I am studying science and just can't stand it anymore. I feel lost and empty....

Sorry if anyone was troubled by my rant.

Vans (not verified) says...

Don't listen to Mary bee don't go to college start a business early learn about the laws of attraction and you will be rich if you fully focus

Mary Bee (not verified) says...

That was a very short rant 😀. I didn't know what I wanted to do at your age. That's not unusual. Think of what your interests are. What are the subjects at school  that you liked? What are the things that you're interested in? When I looked back my favorite subjects in school were social studies and art. I ended up going to college, got a degree in social work with a minor in art! So my work as a counselor and I've continued to make art. I went back to art school.  It's funny how that works.You have time o decide. 

Tanu Shukla (not verified) says...

Hello Mary Bee!

It isn't small if you face anxiety on a regular basis and grow up with strict parents. Well thanks for replying, last time I sent a message like this to a friend she cut me out of her life.

I do have interests but the issue is financial. I used to love science...but after my operation last year I couldn't keep up with my studies and now I just can't concentrate on science. My mind continuously drifts of. I don't know what to do... 

I like political science and English but there is no way I can convince my parents on changing my stream. It's not about my parents it's that my anxiety won't let me say that I wish to change my stream. Also I think I've anxiety disorder that I don't know how to tell them about. 


Melli (not verified) says...

Hello Tanu,


first of all: Please don't give up no matter what.

You may feel pressured and like time is running out, but it's never too late to find something you're passionate about. The challenge is to figure out what it is and how to combine it with work life so that you can save the needed money.. What are things you enjoy?

Tanu Shukla (not verified) says...

Hello Melli 

I'm trying to not give up but it is getting harder to keep on trying. It's hard.

I don't know how much time is there for me to handle my health and studies. I can't see anything in my future, its just a big question mark. 

I have quite a few interests:  I love reading to an obsessive point, but ask me to read for exams and I would better kill someone ( not literally of course) 

I like listening music. And there are some small poems I write . And I draw a little. But none of them provide a possible career.  

And I can really feel time ticking off. I can. And I feel bad about not being able to be the person my 5 year old self imagined. 

ValmeoApril says...


Lilliannakirby says...

Hello,  I'm a 15-year-old INFP and I'm currently dealing with a lot of problems with my mental health and the frustrating self-discovery confusion doesn't help at all and I know we tend to ignore trying to fix our own problems before others. It's been really hard for me to tell them that I might have depression and a couple of other things and that I want help from a therapist. It just makes me feel so weird thinking about being the one worried about instead of worrying about others. I'm scared to ask because I know they've already asked me if I need to see a therapist or if I have depression and I just started having another panic attack. Does anyone have any advice on how I should handle the situation?

Orlando (not verified) says...

Meditation-Look for Dr. Joe Dispenza on youtube, he offers the how to and the science to explain how meditation changes us.. It's much more than meditation but I guarantee you will see hope. Personally I look for the mystical experience involved.

Mary Moran (not verified) says...

Please sweetheart hang in there.... I'm a 49 yr old female...widow... Meditation is where you can find answers and peace. And yes we do need others....... You are an amazing person connect to your higher self. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE...MUCH LOVE AND MANY BLESSINGS.

Lilliannakirby (not verified) says...

I'm trying my best, and thank you so much for your encouragement! And I'm sorry for your loss I hope you're doing well. I've gotten so many replies; way more than I expected and I'm highly grateful. You're an amazing person as well!! THANK YOU... so much honestly!

stuzzicle (not verified) says...

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I feel your pain as I went through very similar feelings in my teenage years... But with a lot less self-awareness than you! I think you should take these 'bad' feelings as an opportunity, because instead of hiding within yourself, you are looking for help (e.g. writing here, and considering therapy) which is a hugely important step in accepting yourself. 
I am 27 and, after years of anxiety, depression and panic attacks, I have just started therapy. I wish I'd done so when I was 15. I had just the same feelings as you, finding it hard to worry about myself instead of others, and worse, I didn't even understand my feelings like you do. Therapy is for you - it's a time where another person is dedicating their time to helping you, and it is a massive relief. You'll start to understand your thought patterns and feel like you can truly open up, something we INFPs struggle with at times. I hope you will try it! 
Also, it sounds like you're upset by the fact that people are asking you whether you have depression, and that appears to have triggered a panic attack. If you're panicking because of the 'label' of depression, try to remember that depression is a state of being and not a life sentence. These days anxiety and depression are words that are thrown around with such abandon that they are often seen as personality traits, at least that's what I think. There's no need to give these words so much power over you. Hope that helps :) 
We are strangers and I don't know the causes of your problems of course, but I hope all the comments on this thread will help you on your journey. It sounds like you're already taking steps in the right direction. Good luck and take care of yourself! 

Nicali (not verified) says...

Hello, there are a couple good books that helped me

-Codependent No more

-Healing From Hidden Abuse

-Highly Sensitive Person

-I hate you, Don't Leave me

kiwi bird (not verified) says...

Im also a 15 year old infp and Ive never really been big on therapy, its kinda scary for me tbh, but videogames and big distactions like drawing or reading just for fun really help with problems like depresion. Personally I ussualy cope with super over the top edgy stuff to just laugh stuff off and not think at all, some good recomendations are some really cheesy anime and videogames. Thats why I always extra binge or hyperfocus on one thing like smash combos or what Id do if I were in another persons situation like in a videogame or in a series. But talking to someone and goofing is also super important, you dont even need to have super deep conversations just some casual talking is super relieving towards self consciousness and it helps you realize that you dont need to be by yourself all the time and its ok to rely on others. Therapy is big too, if you feel like you need it then go for it, Ive gone in the past and even though it wasnt really my thing it made me realize its ok to not be ok. 

Reiddddd (not verified) says...

There are already a ton of great responses so I'll keep mine short. I'm a 21 year old INFP and I think I know exactly how you feel. Growing up I was depressed and didn't really know for a long time, I even tried taking my life becuase I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I think the best thing to do is find an outlet. Something to let you express your emotions. I tried going to therapists, but I'm not very articulate when talking and I'd just be stressed and cry the whole time. For me that face to face didn't work, but it's something you should try and see for yourself. After that I found photography. It was both a way for me to express how I felt, even if it was subconcious, as well as a way I could be by myself for a little. I guess it ended up being an escape from all the stress of school and the pressure of expectations. I also played sports which was another way to tire myself out enough to not think about those things. Basically I think you just need to find an outlet, whether that's exercise, art, writing, talking, meditation, or a combination of all of them. Things will get easier and then harder and then easier again, the ebb and flows of life can be brutal. I think it's also comforting to know you aren't alone through all of it. I know it's dumb, but looking at depression memes can remind you of that. The more ways you find to let yourself relax and get out of your head the better. That being said, all in moderation, there will be a time when you realise you are pushing away every emotion even ones you can control and that isn't healthy either. I truly wish you the best and it's amazing you reached out like you did. You'll be just fine :)

Anabanana (not verified) says...

Hey! im the same age as you lol. Same thing with me! I have depresssion as well. My advice is to talk to a psychiatrist and social worker. Sounds stupid I know, when i first went i was skeptical but im a lot better now

Brinamarie (not verified) says...

Hey Lilliannakirby, I'm sorry you're struggling with mental health issues, I am also an INFP, I'm a little older than you (27) but I can say that if you feel like you should see a therapist, then by all means go see one! You may be surprised by the results. I have also struggled with depression and anxiety so I know where you're coming from. I have a therapist and she is AWESOME! Just please remember that you are loved, needed and here for a purpose. I understand you want to help other rather than others helping you, but just remember we all need a little self love in our lives. Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it, keep your chin up! This too shall pass

PK_TX says...

Hey LK. I definitely feel for you. I am an INFP as well and am now 39 years old, but when I was your age, I can remember struggling with some of the same issues and trying to understand the silent and baffling condition of depression, which I've had for about as long as I can recall. I can tell you from experience that although it's difficult and against our nature as INFPs, it is absolutely true and imperative that you take care of your own mental/emotional/physical/spiritual health and issues first. It sounds selfish, but it's the only way that you will be able to have the energy, perspective, and understanding to be able to have the greatest impact on helping others and bringing about the best possible outcomes, especially since being introverted and dealing with depression can already sap your energy for such things quite significantly if you're not on top of it. I would also advise that you give yourself the same grace and compassion that you feel and show toward others, realizing that progress in personal growth and understanding are much more important and valuable than achieving perfection. No one is perfect--striving for this false ideal can hold us back significantly and is often counter-productive even if genuinely altruistic. These imperfections we all have, however, are actually a blessing because they force us to have to rely on others for help and guidance, which builds bonds and relationships among us. The world would be a much lonlier place if we didn't need one another. You should never fear asking for help and relying on the strengths and talents of others just as you offer yourself to other as well. This can actually free yourself up as you strive to be the best version of your unique self rather than trying to swim upstream and be perfect in every regard. These shortcomings that we all have are part of what defines us and allow us to empathize with others. And as a whole, as a community we are always stronger, and the work is more balanced and equitable between us. My advice to you would be to try to be more patient and compassionate with yourself, try to understand what you can and can't control (hint: the former is significantly less than the latter), and be courageous and unapologetic when it comes to your own personal welfare and self-care needs. Try not to overcommit yourself, think about ways other people can help so you're not unduly burdened, and try to find reasonable and pragmatic solutions to problems even is those solutions are not ideal. All this being said, however, none of this is anywhere near as important as seeking help in managing the depression, and yes, you will almost certainly need help, and the path will require action rather than thinking. The amount of fear and anxiety you are experiencing about taking action, I can guarantee you, are just as unhelpful and unrealistic as most fear and anxiety usually is--The mind is attributing the perceived consequences of potential action with an undue and overblown amount of actual risk. Unfortunately, our minds are great at overdoing this as an automated biological safeguard against any harm--It takes a rational approach, knowledge, and experience to overcome. But it does get easier with practice, just like everything else. I would suggest talking to your parents about seeing a psychiatrist to explore possible medication to ease the depression chemically, and there are a lot of great medications available for depression and anxiety. You may have to be patient, however, in finding the right one for you, as they can have different levels of effectiveness in different individuals and can take a couple/few weeks for results to peak/normalize due to the way the drugs build up in your system. But they should all be helpful to at least some degree in most people. Additionally, seeing some type of therapist (such as a cognitive behavioral therapist, typically a licensed practitioner who is a PhD rather than an MD like a psychiatrist is) would almost certainly be of great benefit as well in helping to develop mental and behavioral tools/resources for you to use and habitualize in order to combat depression and especially anxiety. If you start the work now of exploring whether a drug therapy approach is right for you as well as adopting cognitive and behavioral tools through therapy (which really anyone can benefit from), it will only make things easier and less confusing earlier. These things are very important, so please don't wait. Be strong, take action, ask for help, and never, ever be ashamed of your depression. Struggle and adversity is how we learn and grow, and they are almost always accompanied by blessings as we endure and overcome them. And while depression really sucks sometimes, it goes hand-in-hand with our wonderful gifts of great empathy, generosity, kindness, and the ability to love and accept people for who they are, however flawed. Just make sure to never forget or deny yourself that same love as well. Peace and God bless. Peter K. 

Maymai (not verified) says...

hi I'm 17 and I know how u feel about being worried about but know that it's okay and ur worthy of ur parents worrying about u! From one info to another i feel like therapy is a place u will be able to feel safe and explore ur self. I started going at 15 as well and it really is the place for me. Please don't be scared about opening up to ur parents even if they won't understand u completely therapy is really worth it i think especially if ur an infp since they have a tendency to self explore. :)

Juleswhatsup101 (not verified) says...

Hey there! 

I am 23 and an INFP as well. I can relate with you when you say that self-discovery does not necessarily helpful. It can feel overwhelming especially when we are young and in high school and are struggling to feel understood and find affirmation in our feelings. This not always easy being an INFP in general, considering we make up between 2%-5% of the population! It sounds like to me you are concerned your mental health may inconvenience your folks by sharing with them your depression and to ask to start seeing a therapist because they have asked if you wanted to do that in the past (and you said no at the time?). The most important thing to remember is you are not inconveniencing anyone with your depression... you are the one suffering and deserve help managing this. It is likely that they (your folks, or whoever you were referring to) want to see you happy and by bringing up counseling with you, they want you to get the help you need. It isn't unlikely that we may not feel we need something or may decline something if we feel like we are inconveniencing someone (i.e counseling), so sitting down with your folks and letting them know how you are feeling and that you feel that having a therapist or counselor would actually be helpful/necessary would be a great idea. In fact, they actually might appreciate you being honest with them and taking initiative in your own well being is quite mature, which you sound like you are! I hope this helps! Here are some helpful links and hotlines that you can use if you need them. They are free.

Panic Disorder Information Hotline: 1-800-64-PANIC (72642)

Helper (not verified) says...

Hey there- 

can you look into an online therapist? There are a lot of options out there right now with covid 

Salimah (not verified) says...

Hi! I'm 15 & an INFP as well, and I also need help finding myself & where I wanna go in life. In the earlier half of this year I was depressed severely to the point where I didn't even realize it, and for weeks I didn't even go outside & for days I never left my bed. Which caused me to gain weight because I ate a lot of junk. Now I'm doing a lot better than before & I'm working out at lot by just dancing at home, eating much better. Do you have any friends or cousins/family members your age? I confide in my cousin a lot. And I would say find something to look forward or be excited about, for me it's school. Although my family puts a lot of pressure on me to perform well, I am proud of how far I came. Remember it's not about speed but the direction you're going in! I hope everything works out for you & you could talk to a professional. 

Michael Darius Johnson (not verified) says...

Honestly, you sound way ahead of the ball game compared to where I was as a 15 year old! I had Schizophrenia and didn’t know it! I was put on a lot of medications that made my situation even worse! The more you know about your situation, the more you grow!

The best thing I could do, even now, is to learn how to ride the waves without getting yourself in trouble! That’s what I had to do! Hopefully, my advice helps! As it is, I’d take the confident route, despite your medical problems, and learn to take everyone with a grain of salt! 

kyrell carter (not verified) says...

Hey, i'm a 14-year-old INFP too and im the same way I feel like we just are too helpful. We think about others to much which can cost us to have depression. you should start to meditate it can help you relax and be less stressfull also i would love to meet you sometime.

KellyOnelove9 (not verified) says...

Hi Lillianna, My name is Kelly and Im a 30 year old photographer who lives in California. I too am an INFP. I remember feeling the exact same way at your age but didnt see a therapist and get help for my depression until I was in my 20's. I know it is scary to ask for help and you don't want to feel judged but trust me, noone is judging you and your parents want to help you. Therapy make you feel so much better and will change everything in your life for the better. Your parents love you and want you the be your best, most authentic self and I know you want to be your true self in life too.  Talk to them or text them one day and tell your parents that you are feeling depressed and want to start seeing a therapist. Also, go to a bookstore or order online some depression/ anxiety book.  I like all the books by Edmund Bourne( The Phobia and Anxiety workbook helped me) or look on amazon and get a few depression and anxiety books that have good reviews. 

It was hard to get help but once I did, I was more confident and happy and I finally felt like my true self. It was the most freeing feeling I have ever felt. It helped me finally get the career I wanted and helped me in all my relationships. Before I got help I felt so lost and frankly, I was. I had no purpose, would cry in my bed every day, and would start to ignore all my friends because I was so sad. It was a hard journey and sometimes I did not feel like going to my therapist but once I did and got on medication, it truly changed my life. Yoga, meditation, exercising daily, going to see live music, and surrounding myself with artistic, open minded,  kind people helped too. :) 

I promise you seeing a therapist and getting help for your depression will make you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you will thrive in all aspects of your life. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. Sending you lots of  love and light Lillianna~ <3 Kelly


Estelle (not verified) says...

Hello Lilliannakirby! This is a reply to your comment.

Hello Lilliannakirby! I'm a 17-year-old INFP and I totally get what you mean when you say you feel weird being the one worried about. I've been in a similar situation. When I was 15, I couldn't tell my mom I felt really bad and sometimes even thought about committing suicide. All I was able to say was "I'm sad", and I'm not able to tell these even though, luckily, I'm much better now than before.

However, I'm starting to try to express my true feelings from the smallest step, like telling them "I'm down" directly when I am. I know it's hard, but let's think about it in this way: telling them your situation is not making them more worried, instead, is to help them be less worried about you. Since the problems you are facing are very severe, I think your closest ones should have noticed something, especially when I see you said that they asked you if you need a therapist. Now they only know you are experiencing a very tough time, but they don't know what are the problems, which might make them worry about you more because of the uncertainty. And if you ask for a therapist, at least they know what can they do to help you, plus I believe you do need a professional.

(Since I didn't really experience everything you are facing now, I may not fully understand what these mean to you and all of the hardness you would go through when you try to ask for help. If you find it particularly hard to practice my advice, I feel sorry for that and please please don't over blaming yourself.)

I wish you well in your life, and if you want to find someone not knowing you to talk about, I'm here.

Best regards,


Jen S (not verified) says...

Hi,  Your level of self awareness is really great.  I know feeling so much makes things hard.  I'm sorry for your troubles.  I'm an INFP who has episodes of depression.  It's a life long journey. You use a lot of feeling words - frustrating, confused, worrying, scared.  "Feel your feelings".  Practice really feeling them (in responsible ways) so that they aren't kept locked inside and become toxic.  Get used to feeling, any feeling.  When a feeling swells up inside, feel it.  This includes happiness.  (Writing can be helpful). You also sound like you have good intuition.  If you want help from a therapist then ask for it.  Trust your gut.  You seem to have people who love you and want to help so take it.  Fixing other peoples problems or putting their needs before ours isn't our responsibility (unless we're a parent and have children we have to take care of).  I just learned this after years of trying to fix others.  Get a copy of "Codependancy No More."  Read it.  If it's not the right time or you're not connecting with it, that's ok.  Keep it and one day it will be the right time. Trauma and grief are also valuable things to explore and relevant for everyone. If you re-read your comment above, it's sounds like you are quite wise.  Follow your innate intelligence. We all have it.  If we listen, it's real and never lies.  When fear gets in the way of clarity, just leave it alone for a while and go back to it when you are clear.  "Oh, the places you'll go!  You will go so far".

Passerella (not verified) says...

I spent waaay too long waiting for people to "realize" that I was hurting on the inside. "In fact I used the food feelings of helping others to mask the pain and issues I wasn't dealing with. Get help. I wait until just now (26) to get regular mental health help and it was because I finally broke after my brother died. Even so I didn't go to a therapist until my husband practically made me. In my sessions I often find that my therapist has to get me to stop talking about others issues and talk more about myself lol If for whatever reason you stop going to therapy or can't afford it anymore or whatever, I have a book that may help you. I found this book years ago when my panic attacks started affecting my health more negatively. Heart palpatations, chest pains when breathing, getting dizzy and passing out suddenly.....I went to tons of doctors only for them to tell me I was completely healthy. The book is called "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes. The book literally lays out all the different kinds of panic attacks, how they physiologically happen in the body and how to reverse them over time. This book literally taught me how to lessen the strength of my panic attacks to the point where I could control them, to eventually after 3 years of practice I hardly have them as often. When I do have them they aren't scary anymore since I know how to deal with them. The best part about this book is how empathetic it is. When you read it, it doesn't feel like reading facts but more like someone talking to you directly. I hope whatever you do you find peace and fuctionality with your beautiful soul! Our personalities are really special and powerful if we can only learn to use our propensity for understand and empathy correctly. If you want someone to talk to on the regular please feel free to email me!!! 

Tayla Dix (not verified) says...

Hi! I totally understand where you coming from. Recently I was struggling with what sounds like something similar. I started talking to a therapist and he has really helped me feel more calm and more normal. Just speaking my fears or issues out loud to someone I don't know (and who dosnt know my friends or anything) who listens ( like what we do for others) has been so helpful to me. I was terrified at first and cried a lot but once I let myself open up (how I love others to open up to me) it has been a very positive and helpful turn in my life. I hope this helps you. Let someone else do for you what you do for others. <3

T. C. (not verified) says...

Tell that you have to take care of yourself in this way. Explain that if they love you, they'd want you to love on yourself by talking with someone (therapist).

Anastasi (not verified) says...

That's always the hardest thing to do, but it's so important to take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone else to take care of you, that might never happen. I always have to remind myself that I and my needs are just as important but it took a lot of hours with a therapist to even get to that point. So it's ok to change your mind and say you need to see a therapist . 

Sharn (not verified) says...


I'm INFP.  The most critical advice I can give you is to have the mantra, "How others receive my words, is their life lesson".  Most INFPs do not make cruel off the cuff judgy remarks as it just isn't in our nature.  Asking for what we need is very difficult too but you need to start practicing straight away.  The people who care about you will try to give you what you need, the others will be very easy to spot as they just won't be able to help you.  No problem.  It gets easier to align yourself with more genuinely supportive people the more you have no shame in reaching out.  All INFPs need to release and best if you can do that with a licensed mental health professional.  INFPs who suppress their truth, are risking so much more.  So speak up and free yourself.  Xo

Suzan R Naylor (not verified) says...

Hi Lillianna!

Your post means you are ready to get help. I am an ISFJ mom of an INFP. My mom is an INFJ. I really wanted to let you know that YOU CAN DO IT! All it takes is 20 seconds of bravery to ask for help from people who can get you help. Can you be brave for 20 seconds? I really, really hope so.  Remember, anyone who is a good person will not judge you for needing help, they will just be grateful that you were brave enough to ask. If you can find your courage, you will never regret asking for help. Another important thing to remember is that not all therapists are suited for all people and situations. Make sure the person you find really "gets" you. Hopefully it is the first one you come across, but if it isn't, don't feel bad about looking for someone else who is better for you. Just remember that if these random strangers on the internet care so much about you and want to help, how much more the people who love you do. You can do it! 20 seconds!

Rabia Durrani (not verified) says...

Hi! I'm an 18 year old INFP dealing with the same problems of self-discovery. If you feel you are stuck, please ask for help! I was really scared as well to talk to a therapist, but trust me after the first session you will feel better. Just letting out your problems and acknowleding it will give you a better glimpse of the situation. Our personality type does tend to worry about others, but its just as important to look after yourself:) For the panic attacks, a therapist can help you find your triggers, and give you some excercises to help you deal with them. I hope this helps, and if you want to talk more, feel free to reach out:)

anonnn (not verified) says...

hey lily, 

i understand what you're going through. I did too. In my case I felt selfish and rather guilty to have depression or anxiety for i felt people have problems much bigger and more serious than mine. Overtime I began avoiding my problems with my mental health and let me tell you, it got to a point where i wasn't in a good condition mentally. I finally gathered the courage to seek out a therapist and I'm much better.

I  just want to tell you that i know how you feel, i understand what you're going through. It is OKAY to seek help for yourself first. It does not make you selfish nor does it get in the way of helping others. You need to be in a good condition mentally to then help others. Prioritising yourself does not make you selfish, it makes you human. Talk to your therapist hun, make sense of what you're feeling. don't let your mind be overcrowded and jumbled for so long.  I know we all desire to help persons, but sometimes its ok if that person is you :) Take care and I hope you feel better. 

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