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The INFJ Personality Type

INFJs are creative nurturers with a strong sense of personal integrity and a drive to help others realize their potential. Creative and dedicated, they have a talent for helping others with original solutions to their personal challenges.

The Counselor has a unique ability to intuit others' emotions and motivations, and will often know how someone else is feeling before that person knows it himself. They trust their insights about others and have strong faith in their ability to read people. Although they are sensitive, they are also reserved; the INFJ is a private sort, and is selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.

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What does INFJ stand for?

INFJ is an acronym used to describe one of the sixteen personality types created by Katharine Briggs and Isabel Myers. It stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging. INFJ indicates a person who is energized by time alone (Introverted), who focuses on ideas and concepts rather than facts and details (iNtuitive), who makes decisions based on feelings and values (Feeling) and who prefers to be planned and organized rather than spontaneous and flexible (Judging). INFJs are sometimes referred to as Counselor personalities.

How common is the INFJ personality type?

INFJ is the rarest type in the population. It is the least common type among men, and the third least common among women (after INTJ and ENTJ). INFJs make up:

  • 2% of the general population
  • 2% of women
  • 1% of men

Famous INFJs

Famous INFJs include Mohandas Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Emily Bronte, Carl Jung, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Florence Nightingale, Shirley MacLaine, Jimmy Carter, and Edward Snowden.

INFJ Values and Motivations

INFJs are guided by a deeply considered set of personal values. They are intensely idealistic, and can clearly imagine a happier and more perfect future. They can become discouraged by the harsh realities of the present, but they are typically motivated and persistent in taking positive action nonetheless. The INFJ feels an intrinsic drive to do what they can to make the world a better place.

INFJs want a meaningful life and deep connections with other people. They do not tend to share themselves freely but appreciate emotional intimacy with a select, committed few. Although their rich inner life can sometimes make them seem mysterious or private to others, they profoundly value authentic connections with people they trust.

How Others See the INFJ

INFJs often appear quiet, caring and sensitive, and may be found listening attentively to someone else’s ideas or concerns. They are highly perceptive about people and want to help others achieve understanding. INFJs are not afraid of complex personal problems; in fact, they are quite complex themselves, and have a rich inner life that few are privy to. They reflect at length on issues of ethics, and feel things deeply. Because Counselors initially appear so gentle and reserved, they may surprise others with their intensity when one of their values is threatened or called into question. Their calm exterior belies the complexity of their inner worlds.

Because INFJs are such complex people, they may be reluctant to engage with others who might not understand or appreciate them, and can thus be hard to get to know. Although they want to get along with others and support them in their goals, they are fiercely loyal to their own system of values and will not follow others down a path that does not feel authentic to them. When they sense that their values are not being respected, or when their intuition tells them that someone’s intentions are not pure, they are likely to withdraw.

INFJ Hobbies and Interests

Popular hobbies for the INFJ include writing, art appreciation, cultural events, reading, socializing in small, intimate settings, and playing or listening to music.

Facts about INFJs

Interesting facts about the INFJ:

  • Least common type in the population
  • On personality trait scales, scored as Sincere, Sympathetic, Unassuming, Submissive, Easygoing, Reserved and Patient
  • Among highest of all types in college GPA
  • Among most likely to stay in college
  • Most likely of all types to cope with stress by seeing a therapist
  • Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction
  • Personal values include Spirituality, Learning, and Community Service
  • Commonly found in careers in religion, counseling, teaching, and the arts

Source: MBTI Manual

Quotes About INFJs

"The visions of the INFJs tend to concern human welfare, and their contributions are likely to be made independent of a mass movement."

- Isabel Briggs Myers, Gifts Differing

"These seclusive and friendly people are complicated themselves, and so can understand and deal with complex ethical issues and with deeply troubled individuals."

- David Keirsey, Please Understand Me II

"INFJs' nonstop search for learning, self-growth, and development—and wishing the same for everyone else—makes them very reassuring to others and people worth emulating."

- Otto Kroeger, Type Talk at Work

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Guest (not verified) says...

I am definetely an INFJ, and I agree people change their type while growing, and not only once, of course. I was and INFP long ago (don't really remember exactly how long, but whatever), and now an INFJ - it fits in all of its meaning I read. Btw, I wanted to share that my largest problem is the following:

I understand people needs and feelings, but I also feel they can't understand me.

Please, could all of you, INFJs like me, tell me do you have the same problem and how to deal with it? Thanks a lot, if any1 needs a consultation I'll never get you left in the dust.

Guest (not verified) says...

Thanks to all for sharing - camaraderie is comforting. Also "started out" as E/ISTJ and evolved -- now consistently test out INFJ. Was a military officer (11 years active, 16 reserves) and enjoyed it immensely. Have worked in civil service for past 15 years...after short stint in private sector... how predictable was that shift? That anger thing - when my sense of doing what's right is challenged -- gets me into trouble frequently, and I am often charged with "being a bulldog" and just "not letting it go." Latest endeavor: academic program in Library and Information Sciences. Conclusion: test results and lists of likes are almost creepy in their accuracy!

To my fellow INFJ above on the concern of being single: If I turned the clock back starting out in high school 35 years ago...I would learn how to express my very real and deep feelings verbally, early, and often, in relationships, and not watch many of them wither in their bud because I was too reserved to engage.

Guest (not verified) says...

I have been reading through the comments and am not sure I agree completely with the concept of personality evolving over time. I think perhaps it is more a case of as you get older you have had more time to get to know yourself and therefore are better equipped to answer the questions honestly. Such self awareness has no set time line and for some of us comes early in life. I have always tested out as an INFJ female since I first took the test at 15 and would be interested to know if this constancy has ocurred for anyone else.

Guest (not verified) says...

I completely agree. A person's personality is their entire essence, or what makes them unique. I think that rather than a personality evolving into something completely different, it is instead influenced by circumstances (e.g. age, people, relationships, experiences, tragedies). However, I see these influences more like... adaptations. Personalities adapt, not evolve.

Your situation is very similar to mine, actually. I took the test for the first time at 16 and tested an INFJ female. I've taken the test many other times, typically testing INFJ, and while occasionally I test something different, I always feel the strongest connection to the INFJ result. As such, I would file that under consistent. The result never does 100% define me, and I do exhibit traits of other types as well, but I find INFJ to be very close to my personality. A perfect test does not exist, anyway.

I agree with your comment about self-awareness. It does not have a set time. It can come early. But only with time and the right experiences can people encounter more of their true self. There are those of us privy to an ability that allows us such self-awareness at a younger age. My grandmother calls us "old souls". Even so, we can still become more self-aware, and some people just need time.

Still, I am glad to know I am not alone in my consistency.

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm a fellow INFJ... I've been trying to focus on myself and personal growth before I look too hard into dating. My sister has always pressured me into putting myself out there to date since I'm so reserved. After finding out my personality type, this makes more sense at least. I'm a very talkative person, and friendly, but I really don't share much about my true self when it comes down to it. I don't like being single, but I don't want to settle either. I would never date someone who wasn't as serious as I about our relationship.

It is very helpful to read this information and try to better understand how others see me. I normally trust my insight into others' lives, but I never think trust my opinion on how others see me.

Does anyone have advice on INFJ's starting relationships? Dating online or should I simply try harder to put myself out there? It's not like I'm not trying already, but I also can't stand to hurt myself too much with rejection so I don't give it my best like I do everything else. Am I doomed to be single? Do I really have to make myself uncomfortable to meet someone? Is it wrong to just wait for something or someone to feel right and hope something comes up naturally? I'm only a college student, so I try not to worry too much yet. But I am tired of always being judged for it. So what if I haven't even kissed someone!

I guess I really do just want some validation in my relationships. I am an INFJ afterall.

Guest (not verified) says...

I don't think I can answer all of your questions, because I'm kind of in the same boat, but I would say, be true to yourself and don't change because someone else is putting pressure on you to do so. You might be able to fake it long enough to get married, but then you're married... and fake. INFJs are not happy in that situation.

filip says...

I'm sure I'm an IN of some sort. I'm leaning towards Feeling and Perceiving but INFP is really far away from me. I'm more INFJ than I'm INFP and I'm more INTP than I'm INTJ, but It's impossible to say if it's INFJ or INTP. The test didn't help (I+N+T/F+P/J). I guess my personality is still forming (if that's even possible) :?

cgriff337 says...

Completely. People change all the time.

jim says...

Eeee I really connect with the comment by Guest right before this, the one who says, "I have spent my entire life feeling like the square peg...never felt truly happy etc." I'm 63 years old, have been married for 42 years to same woman. My marriage has been a roller coaster; I often describe it as going back and forth from heaven to hell, but closer to hell most often. I usually feel so alone, like there's no one anywhere like me, and I live in my own little world wishing someone else could draw really close.

I'm a Christian pastor/missionary, seeking deep intimacy with the Lord, but it always seems I can't get as close to Him as I see others do.

I'm intelligent but sometimes it seems I'm going to go crazy because of my analytical nature; feels like I can't stop my mind from thinking. Yes I try to live a very ordered and organized life, and yes my desk is a mess at the same time.

My wife is ESFP, can you understand why it seems we are from different planets? Yet I know that people, like magnets, are usually attracted to opposite of themselves as seems evident with almost every married couple I know. At best, we complete one another, each strong in areas the other is weak. But it seems 42 years has polarized us further and further apart instead of bringing us closer together.

I'm really emotional, is that normal? If we go to see Les Miz, I'm sitting there crying at the emotional songs; and I often cry in deep relational parts of movies. Seems I cry when no other men are crying, and that makes me feel really weird and un-masculine.

Even now as I write this I'm wondering why am I doing this? Am I hoping to find some anonymous person who will respond to me deeply and then I'll feel better about myself? Sometimes just reading various descriptions of INFJ makes me feel validated, just to know there's actually a category of people like me, although I see it is only 1% of men, no wonder I feel isolated. OK enough for now.

brentamiller says...

Hi Jim, I'm another square peg! And I can relate with everything you say in your post. I'm deeply religious, and considered going to seminary school. I've also had ups and downs in a long marriage, but luckily we survived my midlife crisis. I'm always thinking about "important stuff", so my weak point in relationships is letting impatience flash onto my face or my tone of voice if my wife interrupts me with "mundane concerns" like putting food on the table, keeping the house in good repair or color coordinating clothes... haha! I'm an absent-minded professor. Oh, did I mention that my wife thinks out loud if she has no one else to talk to? And me, I can't stand noise. Anyway, I've slowly learned to be more patient and loving, and wish that my mental energy were could be toned down with more simple things. And I've learned not to always be looking on the other side of the fence at what appears to be greener grass, in marriage, career and city of residence. Most importantly, in marriage.

In terms of being emotional, I don't let it show but I am very sensitive and have deep feelings. Sometimes I wish I didn't. It can cause a lot of pain, and sometimes there doesn't seem to be a good reason. I saw that only 40% of men are "Feeling" types, whereas 60% of women are. My best friends are women, and I've always felt a little weird about that. And speaking of friends, I only have a few good ones. I enjoy talking to people, but finding things to talk about for extended periods of time is difficult for me outside of my profession. I saw another post by a woman who said the internet was far more satisfying for her than face-to-face conversations, and I'm assuming it's because a lack of shared interests with the people around us, and the lack of shared values.

Anyway, we're ok, we're just a little different :) Take care!

teddi (not verified) says...

Hi Jim,

I am a much younger female, fellow Christ-follower who is also married to an ESFP! A strange combination indeed...and a hard one as we are vitally different. Lately, but consistently, I really find intimacy with The Lord is hard- the mortal coild of being alive in a body presents a barrier that honestly puts me away from His Presence, and in this life, that will be something that I think, always hurts a bit.

I've come to realize I am introverted BUT the few folks in my life who I am really close to/need, I need their physical company. I feel at times, very keenly, that I wish to sit in the lap of Abba Father and I will never do that on Earth. It's like being forced apart physically from a very very important person with whom I long to be close to.

My husband and I are in a terrible place right now: living apart as a couple of months ago, after depleting one of our liquid resources via a gambling spree, secretly running up thousands in debt, the truth came out about his opiate(pills) addiction. That said: it seems we're moving forward to rebuild his self from the ground up- then, the marriage and the relationship dynamics. But: I know what brought us together. He genuinely appreciated and valued me and where I am pretty complex and like you always, always, thinking. He is, especially at his core and if we can push past his addictive personality, pretty simple. That simplicity is calming and in some ways grounding and relieving for me. Maybe that is also true in your relationship. Would it be helpful for you to be able to carve out the very few things that are baselines in your relationship that do work and focus on those? We can be perfectionists truly and feel unhappy because we'd like our lives and relationships to be beautiful grand palaces that our imaginations can create: and then, there's reality. So while one part of our palace is delapidated, unfinished, plain, or ugly.... sometimes I do need to realize: I've got the roof over the head, a sound foundation and ... people -my self included- aren't perfect.

Your emotionality is normal part of INFJness I think. We em-path very easily, and connect with the emotions of others. I could maybe encourage you to own and accept that you are a male who can cry. If the world must judge (which generally is something INFJ's hate being- judged) let it. It isn't wrong or weak of you- rather it's an integral part of who you are and how you function. Seriously- screw it!- your a man and you can cry easy. You're masculinity isn't confined or defined by that factor and you are as the Lord created you.

You are right- we're rare and don't often find each other and the societal standards will put down a lot of things or at least invalidate or fail to value personality traits that are vital for us. It can be so very isolating. I think acceptance is just part of the road we have to continually deal with and process: the vast majority around us, even our closest friends, spouses, and family don't operate on the same functioning levels we do- and we're one of the few personality types where the HOW WE FUNCTION is so important to the WHY.

Eli says...

Jim, you've touched my heart deeply. I can SO relate to most of your writing, especially "My marriage has been a roller coaster; I often describe it as going back and forth from heaven to hell, but closer to hell most often. I usually feel so alone, like there's no one anywhere like me, and I live in my own little world wishing someone else could draw really close." I'm married to an ENFP. One with NPD. I'm a Christian, it's what kept me alive for 26 years now. But my time is near.

The fact that you are emotional in movies, only shows that you have a deeply compassionate heart, just like God. That same compassion moved Him to save the world from sin. Treasure your God given attribute, it's highly valuble. Highly respectable. God will use it, to move you, to do His work.

Guest (not verified) says...

I am without doubt an INFJ, and have done the tests to prove it. I have spent my entire life feeling like the proverbial 'square peg'. I have always forced myself to fit in but have never felt truly happy and have always found most people to be quite boring to be around. As such, I have had to force myself to socialise and usually always prefer just spending time in my own headspace or with my husband having a nice lunch or dinner out with a good bottle of wine.

I find that the internet provides me with a wonderful outlet because I can connect with people better in chat rooms and enjoy hearing the ideas and points-of-view from poeple all over the world. You do meet some true gems online. I enjoy flexing my intellectual muscles online as well. I find I am not able to do this often in the physical world as I don't seem to like the things that everyone else does (but, once again, force myself to talk about even though my brain is going to sleep).

Discovering I am part of a very small group of people in the world has helped me greatly mentally to understand why I have always felt the way I have. Now I embrace it and have a laugh about it sometimes (on the inside of course).

amandersen says...

I have come out this time as an INTJ but scored out as an INFJ in the past. The INFJ seems to fit better, though.

Guest (not verified) says...

In a work related context:
I have always been on the reserved side and thoughtful, deep feelings, but never felt shy. I talk when I have something meaningful to say that I have considered, rather than just a lot of word noise.

Due to my 'quiet' nature I have often been made to feel the odd one at at work with managers happy to point out to others 'how quiet I am.'

Over the years it has caused me some resentment but also gave me a lot of determination, along the way a few managers understood my INFJness and encouraged my potential, I am now an INFJ senior manager and fight for all the INFJ's..bloody extroverts!

Guest (not verified) says...

I just took this, and it was very helpful. I've been wondering what kind of person I am, and knowing I was an INFJ took a lot of worry off my back.

Guest (not verified) says...

I took a Myers Briggs test in a high school psychology class and got INFJ. It has been a few years since then and I'm now a college student. I took this test out of curiosity. It told me I was on the borderline for ISFJ and INFJ. However, I feel like INFJ is more accurate for me because of my intuition and creativity. And also because this is the result I got before and I don't feel that my personality has changed much.

Guest (not verified) says...

I took a couple personality test's and all said INFJ. When I saw the least suited jobs for INFJ on this website I laughed out loud. I have been in the Military, been a Paramedic and currently a Peace Officer. Honestly I have not liked any of them, so I guess it makes sense now.

Anyhow, thank you Truity for the insight.

Guest (not verified) says...

I understand what you mean. I'm currently a college student and I'm trying to be someone I'm not. All the disagreeable jobs listed here were the areas I was trying to specialize in for money reasons. Social work and counselor is right up my alley but the pay tends to suck for the degrees I must earn. Oh well. I guess I rather be useful and satisfied at the end of the day...

On another note: The suggested and not recommended jobs for INFJ seem accurate because my part-time job is in the theme park industry. I'm mostly stuck in restaurants or food service and I hate it. During my lunch breaks I don't stay in the cafeteria, I either go back to my car or find a quiet place to sit and recharge. The environment is mentally draining for me.

Guest (not verified) says...

I am hearing you loud and clear. I had the same response. The very careers I am trying out for size, just don't fit.

Guest (not verified) says...

Yeah this test has given me a better understanding of myself, that it's okay to think a little differently than others. I'm in college right now and I get along with almost everyone but I never felt like I fit in to a certain group. I keep my deepest feelings to myself and only share them with those special few. I also worry that my expectations for a girl is too high. Very nice to see read what other INFJ's have to say and they have similar perspectives.

peachgirl says...

lol exactly, I never felt like I truly fit into a group even tho everyone easily becomes my friend, and my expectations for a guy is also too high but it's not worrying for me... well because I'd really like to find someone who meets all of my expectations and at the same time I also sadly believe I'll never find the perfect lover :(

Guest (not verified) says...

My experience too, I'm a girl and I thought that I won't find a guy anymore who could have it "all" :)) So, later on when I would find someone interesting enough, I was ready to compromise on some unimportant aspects if the core would be there.
Well, try an ENFJ and you won't regret it. One of my best (female) friends is an ENFJ. The connection is instant of course, but the communication on so many levels... you'll feel accomplished, understood and happy. She's 10 years older than me, and a few years ago I was joking saying that if I would have been a guy and older than her, I would have married her.
And guess what? I actually met an ENFJ guy myself :))) He truly has it ALL!!! And when finding out that they are the second most rare type among men, I understood why it was so hard to find him. :) I'm slowly falling in love with him and I know he already started to do so towards me. I'm happy and grateful that I waited, not panicked and didn't compromise up until now.
So do your best to be the best you can and follow your mind and heart. Find someone who can truly appreciate you fr who you are in all your complexity and beauty, and who is ready to show you this, and to share himself with you. And don't be afraid to let yourself be and to be discovered and loved! ^_^

Guest (not verified) says...

I Know How You Feel

Donna (not verified) says...

This was quite a fascinating read. I have been doing much research in regards to mbti and really, this is truly a great website for those just starting to get familiar with mbti.

I find it interesting how generally INFJs fit in a certain "stereotype," and I am somewhat excluded in the sense that it doesn't quite describe my persona in the least bit. This used to concern me, but my research pertaining to the cognitive functions aided me in understanding how it is all pieced together. It is okay to realize that the descriptions are merely generalities and really, I am uniquely myself such as everyone else in their own right.

I am not very kind nor am I sweet, affectionate person. If anything, I am described as a strong thinker with no patience for nonsense such as illogical and unreasonable statements, responses, and what not. I am very bad at connecting with other people as I tend to be quiet or a bit too honest when pointing out flaws. It would be nice to have an INFJ I can relate to at present as I have yet to personally meet one. If anything, the closest I could relate my views to is an Ni dom at the moment. Well, it's very good to see other INFJs here.

Guest (not verified) says...

Could it be that you simply have a Loop? It's when the secondary function (Fe) malfunctions and you have to fill in with the tetriary (Ti): this might be your case.

Guest (not verified) says...

I can really understand what you say about not connecting well with other people, not being affectionate or kind, and being really honest about flaws (often brutally honest). I think a huge part of it is that I'm a really extreme introvert and so I find it difficult to 'let people in' or to express any sympathy with people even if I people because I feel socially awkward in situations like that and I'm scared I'll do the wrong thing(e.g. when someone's upset). I also think my judgemental and critical part of my J trait is very strong and that I'm such a perfectionist and idealist that I see flaws in anything straight away and I highly value honesty so if someone asks me for my opinion I feel like it would unfair and dishonest to lie and say something was good when I thought it wasn't. Also, being unable to express sympathy or care about others doesn't mean that I genuinely don't care, because I do, it's just that I hate it when people, especially if they're not close to me, to know what I'm thinking or feeling. I love to be ambiguous and to keep people guessing, not really knowing what I'm thinking, and just generally being completely confused about me because it gives me complete privacy and secrecy.

Yuu (not verified) says...

Or perhaps INTP?

Truity says...

I wonder how you decided you were an INFJ when the description does not fit you? Have you considered whether INTJ is a better fit?

Guest (not verified) says...

I think that I am mis-typed as an INTJ. After reading the descriptions of both I think that it is too hard to figure out whether I am an INFJ or an INTJ. I think that maybe I am a mix of both. When I have taken the MTBI, I was first an INTP, then recently I was an INTJ and no matter which tests I take, I still come out as INTJ. However, many of the INTJ characteristics do not fit me, but some of the INFJ do. It is confusing especially when one is trying to find the right career for one's self.

Guest (not verified) says...

@ texas tea. I believe the reason they are the highest in marital dissatisfaction is because they have a really high standard of what it is to be in a committed marriage. If it seems like their partner isn't as enthusiastic about their perception of how deeply serious they are about the marriage, then it causes dissatisfaction. Just my take on it.

P.s. I'm an INFJ.

Guest (not verified) says...

My biggest fear in being a mother one day is being overprotective with my kids and having them reject me or suffer because of being overprotected all their lives.

Will need to get therapy to not let this happen.

If anyone has any comments on being overprotective, please let me know!

INFP = "The Protector" personality type.


Guest (not verified) says...

I've taken this test as administered in a psych class and 3 other times over the last 15 years. I've scored INFJ every time.

texas tea says...

why would they say INFJ are highest in martial dissatisfaction?

Guest (not verified) says...

My guess also would be that we are "misunderstood" quite often. But I'd have to agree that a happy marriage is possible. Marriage works because the two people are willing to do the work of being married. If two people really want a marriage and learn about each other and try their best to understand the other (not necessarily agree) and there's a good level of respect, then TRUST is earned from both sides and this leads to marital satisfaction. I especially like the research Dr. Gottmann has done regarding relationships and factors that influence relationship satisfaction. My point being that at first my husband found me beguiling and mysterious but now as I've learned to trust him with my innermost thoughts and feelings he knows me better than anyone and still loves me and cherishes our time together. We've had to do a lot of growing and learning to communicate effectively, but it is possible. I also think that because we are such a small portion of the population, other types aren't exactly sure how to relate to us, they've never had to before or they've never met anyone quite like us, so there's a bit of a learning curve. I do attribute my relationship satisfaction with my desire to believe in our connection and wanting to continually better it. Being an INFJ can contribute to satisfaction, I would think, given we learn how to communicate our needs and understand the needs of our partner. I can, however, see the flipside where our ideals are never quite met by our partner because we set them too high.

Eli says...

Maybe it's because our differentness causes conflict in all areas.

My huge need for headspace is interpreted as being selfish, boring etc.
My privacy need provokes suspicion in my partner. I'm under surveillance 24/7.
The "frown" on my face when I'm thinking deeply, (I call it the screensaver look, lol) always trigger my partner to fight.
When I'm going to the deeply emotional connection way, my partner cuts the conversation and walks out of the room.
To keep my body healthy is priority. It results in conflict in meal choices, time for exercise, medication etc.
My creativity is being criticised for: taking up too much time (like drawing, guitar, writing), people will think you're bragging (meals for guests, interior decorating in my house - which is so simple anyways) etc.
My 'slowness' to answer on the spot, my partner interprets as I'm busy plotting a lie.
The list goes on and on...
Point is, there's no space for me as an INFJ to just be...

Thomas (not verified) says...

The key is finding a way to accomodate the needs and wishes of our partner without feeling like we are compromising the core person we know we are. I know when we get criticized a lot it hurts, but in my case, because I know myself so well, I know when I deserve it and when I don't. If I don't deserve it, I just let it pass right over as the other person's difficulty (caused by stress, marital difficulties, money, or whatever), and ignore it. If it's my wife, I usually smile and say "I love you too dear" ;)

About "slowness", my wife of 23 years is an extrovert. She's commented numerous times that for someone with a Ph.D., I sure think and answer slow. Well, there's no way I can tell her what's going on inside my brain, so I just say that my thinking process is "linear", that I have to go through a lot of yes/no decisions to get to my answer, and sometimes that takes time. There's no worth in reminding her that that "slow" thinking process is what has given us the lifestyle we enjoy. She asks a question, and I give her a WIKI-length answer, and she cuts me off, saying I always give her too much detail in my answers. She just wants a yes/no answer. That's happened dozens of times over the years, and it'll keep on happening. Just because she doesn't understand that I treasure my knowledge and understanding, and that I want to share my treasure with her too, is no reason to get upset. As they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink. In this instance, I've tried to do my good deed and be helpful(countless times), and the pleasure of knowing that I've done my best is enough. It's really a matter of being CONFIDENT of the depth and richness inside me, that almost everything I need (not to be confused with wants) is right here where and when I need it, that makes it possible to demand so little from the outside, or be dissapointed when the outside offers little in return.

Guest (not verified) says...

You might need a new partner

Guest (not verified) says...

I think because we have really high expectations of our partners.
We're so often misunderstood too; hard to find someone compatible with our personality that fulfills our needs.
And we have a difficult time forgiving, especially when it's something that goes against our core values.

It's not impossible though. Everyone has faults and you learn and grow wiser with life experience... Been married 11 years and I'm happy with my hubby. My mother was, I think, an INFJ too (passed away from brain tumour) but she was miserable with my father. My father and she were not compatible at all. If you find the right person, you can be very happy and fulfilled in marriage, I think.

texas tea says...

I am interested in communicating with INFJs. I tested out initially as an INFJ but have also tested out as an INFP.

Vanight says...

Then the test was low quality or incorrectly administered. Types dont change.

Guest (not verified) says...

I tested as an INFP before also but now every time I take the test I come out as an INFJ.

Guest (not verified) says...

The same thing happened with me except reversed…a year ago I tested as an INFP but I recently tested as an INFJ…it's pretty interesting.

ryan.steffany.johnson says...

My wife wanted me to post this. I think now that she understands why I don't share all my inner most thoughts and feelings and why I don't just go along with her on whatever idea she has and why I don't jump when she does but follow behind closely, she can better appreciate the complexity of me. My hope is for a deeper understanding of each other. I love her, I want to love her more.

peachgirl says...

I am an INFJ female and felt overwhelmed and teared after reading this, not b/c I am sad but b/c I felt connected to what was said and also wish for my future partner to understand my lack of desire to share or follow willingly. I have no idea if all INFJs tend to easily connect emotionally with strangers or small details... but I do! :"(

Guest (not verified) says...

I am also an INFJ PERSON. I can really relate to the analysis of INFJ minority and I totally agree with what your comments. I suddenly feel I am not alone living in this world!

Guest (not verified) says...

@SS I am also a former ENFP that is now an INFJ. I feel that as I've grown and learned and mellowed over the years, and honed in on the things I truly value, this change makes a lot of sense. When I realized that I was going to some concerts, parties and dinners simply for the sake of going and realized I would have preferred to stay home and read, write or spend time with my family, I knew that my extrovert flair was diminishing. I've always been good at seeing issues from all angles, but am quick to withdraw from any situation where my position and values don't mesh with the rest. It's why I sit alone at my desk working with headphones on, while my co-workers are chatting and drinking coffee or running off for lunch. I'm sure some would think that terribly boring and sad, but at this stage of life I prefer my solitude. Someday, I'll have my own Walden...

Guest (not verified) says...

this fits, my husband and I perfectly, we got the same EXACT score on the test to the single digits, these descriptions fit us like a glove.

SS (not verified) says...

I completed a similar "Personality Style Test" (Myers Briggs) during graduate school (as I was completing a Masters of Counseling degree). At that time, the test results indicated that I was an "ENFP". It has been several years since I took the Myers Briggs. I thought it would be rather interesting to retake a "Personality Style Test" to identify changes that may have occurred throughout the years. I found it rather interesting that Truity's assessment revealed an "INFJ" personality profile rather than an "ENFP". I attribute this difference to my educational training; professional experience as a psychotherapist; and most importantly to my personal journey of healing, growth, and change. I believe that the Myers Briggs "ENFP" test result was a correct assessment of my personality style "prior" to the recovery of my "authentic" self. However, through the process of psychotherapy, I have since reclaimed my "lost INFJ self". I found Truity's Test to be a helpful tool in identifying and substantiating personality style.

Guest (not verified) says...

There's been a lot of comments on here about types changing. For the sake of discussion, I wonder if maybe INFJs struggle some from "type envy"--where we identify so closely with another person (my mom in my case) that we tend to label ourselves according to their personality (she is definitely a TP), but as we grow older, we learn that trying to be that kind of person doesn't really make us happy, and slowly we settle into our INFJ identity. Just a thought...

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