INFJ
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The INFJ Personality Type

INFJs are creative nurturers with a strong sense of personal integrity and a drive to help others realize their potential. Creative and dedicated, they have a talent for helping others with original solutions to their personal challenges.

The Counselor has a unique ability to intuit others' emotions and motivations, and will often know how someone else is feeling before that person knows it himself. They trust their insights about others and have strong faith in their ability to read people. Although they are sensitive, they are also reserved; the INFJ is a private sort, and is selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.

Are you an INFJ?

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What does INFJ stand for?

INFJ is one of the sixteen personality types created by Katharine Briggs and Isabel Myers. INFJ is an acronym for the personality traits of Introversion, iNtuition, Feeling, and Judging. The INFJ type is also called the "Counselor" and is described as idealistic, compassionate, and sensitive.

Each of the four letters of the INFJ code signifies a key personality trait of this type. INFJs are energized by time alone (Introverted), focus on ideas and concepts rather than facts and details (iNtuitive), make decisions based on feelings and values (Feeling) and prefer to be planned and organized rather than spontaneous and flexible (Judging).

INFJ Values and Motivations

INFJs are guided by a deeply considered set of personal values. They are intensely idealistic, and can clearly imagine a happier and more perfect future. They can become discouraged by the harsh realities of the present, but they are typically motivated and persistent in taking positive action nonetheless. The INFJ feels an intrinsic drive to do what they can to make the world a better place.

INFJs want a meaningful life and deep connections with other people. They do not tend to share themselves freely but appreciate emotional intimacy with a select, committed few. Although their rich inner life can sometimes make them seem mysterious or private to others, they profoundly value authentic connections with people they trust.

How Others See the INFJ

INFJs often appear quiet, caring and sensitive, and may be found listening attentively to someone else’s ideas or concerns. They are highly perceptive about people and want to help others achieve understanding. INFJs are not afraid of complex personal problems; in fact, they are quite complex themselves, and have a rich inner life that few are privy to. They reflect at length on issues of ethics, and feel things deeply. Because Counselors initially appear so gentle and reserved, they may surprise others with their intensity when one of their values is threatened or called into question. Their calm exterior belies the complexity of their inner worlds.

Because INFJs are such complex people, they may be reluctant to engage with others who might not understand or appreciate them, and can thus be hard to get to know. Although they want to get along with others and support them in their goals, they are fiercely loyal to their own system of values and will not follow others down a path that does not feel authentic to them. When they sense that their values are not being respected, or when their intuition tells them that someone’s intentions are not pure, they are likely to withdraw.

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How rare is the INFJ personality type?

INFJ is the rarest type in the population. It is the least common type among men, and the third least common among women (after INTJ and ENTJ). INFJs make up:

  • 2% of the general population
  • 2% of women
  • 1% of men

Famous INFJs

Famous INFJs include Mohandas Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Emily Bronte, Carl Jung, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Florence Nightingale, Shirley MacLaine, Jimmy Carter, and Edward Snowden.

INFJ Quotes

"The visions of the INFJs tend to concern human welfare, and their contributions are likely to be made independent of a mass movement."

- Isabel Briggs Myers, Gifts Differing

"These seclusive and friendly people are complicated themselves, and so can understand and deal with complex ethical issues and with deeply troubled individuals."

- David Keirsey, Please Understand Me II

"INFJs' nonstop search for learning, self-growth, and development—and wishing the same for everyone else—makes them very reassuring to others and people worth emulating."

- Otto Kroeger, Type Talk at Work

Facts about INFJs

Interesting facts about the INFJ:

  • Least common type in the population
  • On personality trait scales, scored as Sincere, Sympathetic, Unassuming, Submissive, Easygoing, Reserved and Patient
  • Among highest of all types in college GPA
  • Among most likely to stay in college
  • Most likely of all types to cope with stress by seeing a therapist
  • Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction
  • Personal values include Spirituality, Learning, and Community Service
  • Commonly found in careers in religion, counseling, teaching, and the arts

Source: MBTI Manual

INFJ Hobbies and Interests

Popular hobbies for the INFJ include writing, art appreciation, cultural events, reading, socializing in small, intimate settings, and playing or listening to music.

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Comments

Hnnnn (not verified) says...

Why do you feel that way?

brave & alone (not verified) says...

too idealistic .

Jennifer Elliott (not verified) says...

We always want to help others. As the advocate/counsellor we can attract the Narcissist personality type. I had to learn this the hard way. But I now know that "pitying" people is a way of enabling bad behaviour. I refuse to have pity for people and will not let guilt cloud my judgement. 

Steady INFJ (not verified) says...

Yes- thanks for verifying that trait. We attract narcisists. Think we can save and reform but we just get burned. Age has helped that trait improve. No tollerance for cruelty. I've taken this test a couple of times, years apart. Always the same - INFJ. I also have felt like an outsider looking in all my life. Even as a child I knew I was "different." I was super close to my dad and I'm sure he was an INFJ also. Both Pisces, same allergies, same birthmark, same intollerance for stupidity and cruelty, same views on Spirituality (not taught) and similar high IQ scores. Weird. Miss him so it's nice to connect with some felow "outsiders" here. Cheers!

 

Sabina Miah (not verified) says...

Hey I feel the same. I'm still recovering from my covert narcissist ex and bcs of of the fact that I people please and wasn't that good at conflict resolving (most things were apparently my daily and ofc I took all the blame)... I wasn't strong enough to fight for myself and as a result, I was gaslighted and manipulated. When I learned more about myself and realised that I wasn't the toxic one and started changing, my ex became more miserable and disposed of me when I was looking for answers. It's hard to accept the reality. Only look inwards to make sure you learn and don't fall for another narcissist again and so you can run ASAP. Don't hold onto any good that you see in such people too as it'll cloud your intuition and judgment, you have to be a bit selfish and say no before they drag you down with them

Emma (not verified) says...

I would have to think that we are better off with people simalr to us. We get into our own heads far too much. We long for understanding- But the only people who can understand us seem to be ourselves.

adam_99 (not verified) says...

One question :

Are INFJs good for INFJs ?

 

Melissa184848392 (not verified) says...

This all makes so much sense in my situation. I recently left my job of 10 years where I climbed the ladder to Manager. I wanted to help everyone and did as best as I could, worked my ass off, but the company itself was awful and unethical. I tried my hardest but found it hard to discipline people especially when I knew their work ethic and what was going on in their lives. It was hard for me to purposely hurt their records when I knew I could help them instead. In the end I was more of a friend than a boss and I hated that I couldn't command respect and was uncomfortable with conflict. When I left though they missed me as a person and my style of working because I did what I could for them and I guess they took it for granted? I felt so good leaving and so much stress lifted I did not fit and could not be a jerk like the other managers. Whew well that was my piece 

Lost INFJ (not verified) says...

Your experience is quite similar to me. I want to leave my job of 10+ years as well. Did you leave after you got another job or are you still looking for another job now? What job do you think is more suitable for you?

This job stresses me too much that I want to leave immediately but I'm not sure I can find a job that suits me, esp in this pandemic situstion.

Lost INFJ (not verified) says...

Your experience is quite similar to me. I want to leave my job of 10+ years as well. Did you leave after you got another job or are you still looking for another job now? What job do you think is more suitable for you?

This job stresses me too much that I want to leave immediately but I'm not sure I can find a job that suits me, esp in this pandemic situstion.

Melissa184848392 (not verified) says...

Hello! I left in mid February before the pandemic information was released and without a job lined up. Thankfully I had 401k savings I cashed out when I left so I had the luxury of staying home for quarantine. I also moved in June across the country to try something new and I haven't looked back. Without having any work ties to hold me down, it felt like the perfect opportunity.
Fast forward 5 months later I just got hired at stocking/cashier stuff. It is much less pay but it is more independent work. I have never felt less stressed and more alive honestly. I don't have that old pressure weighing on my back, I'm not constantly stressed; I'm a "lower employee" but it means I can go about my work, focus on myself, and then come home without having to bring it with me.
It is risky in the pandemic, I put in applications at stocking, customer service jobs because they're more essential and more in demand with less risk of getting laid off. Out of 15 applications, I had 3 interviews and got 2 jobs (I like a full schedule lol) so it was a bit of a search. 
if I had to do it again I would every single time, I have not missed a thing which is strange because I thought I might feel sad. It simply was not suitable for me, I was not happy, and my stress was overwhelming. However, job security is more important than ever right now. I'd recommend getting a job lined up before leaving so you are able to pay your bills. Think about what you would enjoy working at. When I examined myself I noticed I enjoyed independence, organization, numbers, and staying busy on my feet. I also looked into insurance work, scheduling, and receiving jobs but stayed away from jobs with constant guest complaints. I did research on applying sites to see how people felt at the jobs and what stresses they had mentioned. Sorry this is a long read! This has been my experience.
 

Chez (not verified) says...

I get it, Melissa.  I've twice had to leave jobs that I believed were unethical.  The misery and stress it causes isn't worth it.  The relief on that last day when you walk away, knowing you'll never have to return is so liberating - like a ton of weight being lifted off your shoulders.   I hope you found a job that gives you satisfaction. X

Hey Ryan, Sup! (not verified) says...

Hello guys! I recently confirmed that I'm an INFJ too.  And with that.I just want to share my experiences of being an INFJ (curious if it's just me or it's common with most INFJs). 

1. For me it's hard to be an INFJ when you're a guy. hahahah! I don't know, I find myself different from most guys. It's like I'm more sensitive, and more in touch with emotions that I fear that women will not see me as "manly" enough. I know shouldn't be comparing myself to others but I tend to keep trying to blend in to the norm and it's so hard. (But also, I see the perks of being sensitive, usually I'm the "counselor" in my own circle of friends which I really like to do.)

2. I feel different. I actually have many circle of friends but there's always a time that I feel like I'm not fitting in. I actually feel like an alien trying to blend it so people will not be suspicious. HAHAHAH. I constantly try to change myself to blend in and it's actually tiring. Though I know my friends still accept me for who I am but I still keep adapting myself just to feel normal. hahhaha

3. (Last negativity then I'll start with the positive/interesting ones hahaha) I have really low self-esteem. I don't know, I always think that I'm still not the best version of myself and I should aim to be that. Even though many people keep saying to me that I'm talented, good-looking, kind, I tend to feel embarrassed when hearing it. (just even typing the 3 descriptions of myself made me feel uncomfortable hahaha) It's like my brain just disregard that strengths and would prefer to focus on the flaws that I have to fix. And with this part, I just want to add how ironic it is that I have self-esteem issues yet I'm ambitious with my dreams and my goals. I always caught myself thinking I'm a big shot, imagining my rise to stardome while jamming to Panic! at the disco's High Hopes. hahaha! I have this part of me thinking that I'm special. It's weird getting caught with low self worth and thinking that I'm something superior actually. 

4. (interesting traits coming up) Is it just me or is it common to other INFJs to be attracted to classy things? I usually prefer being sophisticated with my style of clothes. I tend to gravitate on things that have this beauty and exclusiveness in its attributes. Hahahahah!

5. Adapting. I don't know but I think it's common to all INFJs that we're good at adapting Is that right? It's like for me, I can switch from being the shy, timid type of guy into an extroverted, out-going person if the situation requires me to. There's a time where I'm involved in shooting a film then I saw a newcomer joined us. As I observed this guy, I quickly absorbed his feeling of awkwardness and being shy that what I did is I become a really extroverted type for the person. I tell stories and share jokes with him, introduce him to my friends, I even make small talks (that's uncomfortable for me to do). I don't know, I think it depends on my environment. I can switch from being passive, shy person, into a dominant, sociable leader in seconds. 

6.There's a time where I met this new group of friends and I really did spend a lot of time with them. Then all of the sudden I start to "absorb" or adapt to their personalities. I became an outgoing extrovert for a week that I never knew I can actually become. Then after that I think I had a "low-battery" then I spent a week locking myself inside my house "reverting to my usual self. hahahaah

As I end my post, I think I just want to state that being an INFJ can be interesting, fun, and sometimes it's hard, exausting perhaps. There's a time where you want people to know you more, like you really are trying to open up but you still end up feeling misunderstood. plus, INFJs have the feeling of being different or left-out to also deal with. What I'm saying is that it's really tiring to be an INFJ but I just want to cheer up the person who's reading this that there is someone who really understand us which is our God! He knows our struggles, and even our flaws and weaknesses and yet He's there to accept us. Also He even know your big and small victories in life that some people may miss out (and I know it excruciating to feel unappreciated 'cause there's a side in us which want to please people) but God knows all your victories even if it's simple and He's proud for you accomplishing it. Whenever we feel terrible, or tired, let's remember that God's there for us to give us comfort and rest :) (Matthew 11:28)

Juan p (not verified) says...

Me identifico con varios puntos que dices, si es así ser INFJ supongo que lo soy, deberías pasar tu contacto para charlar 

Brandy (not verified) says...

Thanks for the encouraging scripture, Ryan

Kristopher (not verified) says...

I relate 100% I loved reading your post! And yes! God always understands us perfectly and is always there! :)  <3 

Esras (not verified) says...

Hey, I just read your experiences with and thoughts on being an INFJ and were just like yes! Even as a woman I could very much recognise myself in all of your six points. I'm also a christian INFJ, which can essentiate the feeling of alienation that you mentioned earlier even further. The last part and bibleverse was very encouraging, so if you ever even read this I guess I'd just want to thank you for your open, kind and hopeful words and let you know that there's other people out here that think, feel and experiences very much the same. God bless. [Sorry for any grammatic errors, I'm Swedish] :) 

Rae (not verified) says...

I just found out that I'm an INFJ! Wow...has this new world of understanding things just opened up. I can relate to about 90% of what you've mentioned, with the biggest difference being rooted (I'm sure) in that I'm female. I'll elaborate in the same order you listed yours. 
 

1. My issue with emotions isn't in being sensitive to how I feel, but rather being overly sensitive to the feelings of everyone around me. Actually, I've been doing it for so long that it takes a great deal of effort for me to know how I really feel about something. In many ways, this makes me feel like I'm not "woman enough" because I'm not personally as sensitive as others think I should be. However, I feel good about the fact that I can nurture my friends and others in intimate ways that they can't get from other personality types. 
 

2. I feel different too. I have many different friends from wildly different circles. Most of the time I appear to mesh really well with them, but that's only because I'm super skilled at either tapping into a certain part of my own personality or adapting to the environment. I'm not sure that I've ever felt I could be utterly and completely 100% myself with any one of my friends. There always seems to be a reservation. 🤔

3. You are very interesting! I don't struggle with low self-esteem. At least I'm pretty sure I don't. I have always been confident in the attributes that I have for as long as I remember. I know that I'm beautiful, hard-working, gentle-hearted, etc., but I'm still always looking to improve or get better. It's not a negative though. You mentioned God later in your post. I think my confidence is almost entirely rooted in my knowledge that I am His and that I was made exactly the way I should be. I remember reading this book as a young child titled "I'm Glad I'm Me." I've learned to love me unconditionally, and so any changes or upgrades I look forward to and strive for are just ways for me to grow. I don't need fixing- you don't need fixing either. I'm intruigued by this feeling you have that you're special; I feel like I have the same one. 
 

4. It's just you! Lol, just kidding. I can't speak for others, but for myself, I was built for luxury and class. I find it really funny because I certainly wasn't born into it. Although, being raised at the poverty line has certainly provided creative opportunity and an appreciation for beautiful and quality things. So my style is a combination of grunge and class if that makes any sense. Black is my favourite colour (I know it's a shade 😒) and I prefer a gothic or punky look, but it's always pretty and sometimes (I dare say..) elegant. I'll call it Pretty Punk haha. 
 

5. You're totally right in my opinion. I actually didn't know this about myself until recently. Or at least I didn't know it was a personality trait to be adaptive; I just always thought I was being a 'different part of myself.' But, as evidenced by the various text messaging threads I've revisited on my phone, I change who I am or how I communicate based on who I'm talking to. Lol, I might even be doing it now! (I don't think so in all honesty....I feel like you might understand real me.) But now that I've realized this, I wonder how much of my adaptations I've taken on and assumed to be me? I'm currently doing some soul searching, so hopefully I'll find an answer soon. 
 

6. I didn't realize that I've need a vacation from being extraverted at times until you mentioned it. In fact, I also didn't know that I was an introvert until two days ago. I think that due to a traumatic childhood I learned how to adapt quickly to my situation, and the coping skills stuck. So I've always thought being around people helped me feel better, when really it's probably a combination of my extreme empathy for others that makes me feel useful and my familiarity with chaos that made me think I was supposed to feel exhausted after spending time with others. Anyway, now I understand my valleys after being overstimulated and feel less guilty about not texting someone back right away. 
 

Haha, leave it to an INFJ to type an encouraging message at the end of their post! It's such an important reminder though; for everyone. That we are wonderfully made! And that our differences- our weaknesses, strengths, struggles, and triumphs- No matter what personality type we may have or what our experiences may be, that you are good enough just the way you are and you have purpose! God doesn't only accept our flaws, He created us with them! He doesn't want us to be perfect, but rather to grow. And without inadequacies, we wouldn't have room to explore our potentials. So the flaws are a gift :) 

Suddenly, Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind. Thanks for the reminder of the verse you listed. I've wanted to get it printed on the back of a sweater for work for awhile now. Thought it would be rather encouraging in a hospital setting. ☺️

Sarah C. (not verified) says...

I agree with a lot of what you say and experienced nearly all the same things. But I would be interested to know what you and any others think about being labeled an introvert. Most people, including my own family, would classify me as an introvert. I very strongly think I am a very empathic ambivert. Some might refer to this as being an extroverted introvert. I agree on a lot with being an INFJ, but find myself in a lot of gray areas the world as a whole doesn't seem to understand or being flexible enough to care about.

JennyLetty (not verified) says...

Yes!! Thank you so much for your post! I completely agree with everything you said. My friends often are surprised to hear I'm an introvert because of how adaptable I am to my surroundings and the people around me. I can be the life at the party for a few hours and then be completely exhausted afterwards. Bringing different circles of friends together is so overwhelming for me because of how different I am with each group of friends that I have! And it can be hard having so many friends yet feeling like nobody really understands you. I feel that way often. 

INFJ guy (not verified) says...

"Bringing different circles of friends together is so overwhelming for me because of how different I am with each group of friends"

This sentnce really hits home. I understand what you mean. I am a slightly different version of myself with each group, and I try to avoid any situation where 2 different group pf friends would meet or get intrduced to each other.

I always thought I was strange for  felling this way, because others had no issues whatsoever with mixing all their friends together.

Thendrian says...

This was almost like reading from my own heart, except I'm a girl lol. Thank you for the encouragement!

Sharifa Abdi (not verified) says...

Hi Ryan I can totally relate to what you're saying. I just confirmed am an INFJ about a month ago and been reading all the content about us all through. I wish someone had told me that I am normal and I don't need to try be like other people to fit in. But I believe that if I master myself enough I can be more content with who I am. 

Alex. F (not verified) says...

Wow. I read this and felt it was so spot on with how I view my own life, both the positive and negative aspects. It's so refreshing to come across other people with similar outlooks on life as I always felt like such an outsider. Thanks for sharing this Ryan!

Cintia (not verified) says...

I'm an infj grom argentina and I totally agree with you excep for the part of God... I was wondering how it would be being a male infj with sll our particular sensitivity. 

Michael-113 (not verified) says...

Wow man, It's like you are in my mind, I can feel everything you said. Thank you, really thank you, I can feel less weird right now (HAHAHAHAHA).

MissT (not verified) says...

I agree with all of this especially the low self-esteem. I've been told I'm an attractive girl but I don't see myself that way. People tend to stare at me or talk to me when I just go to the grocery store and it makes me super uncomfortable. I just want to be invisible and get through my day without anyone noticing me. I wear hats... like every day. Big floppy felt hats in the Winter and fedoras in the Summer. People comment on how trendy/classy I look but it's really so that I can partially hide and thus face the world with any sort of confidence. Anyway, totally needed to read this right now. God IS proud. I freaking love you! Ha! Thank you for writing this. 

bella (not verified) says...

Every point was on point with how i feel in literally EVERY situation... it like were the same lol

Thabiso (not verified) says...

Just want to say, what you wrote is a spot on reflection of my own personality hahaha.. I practically experience the same things and into the same things too,haha ha it's sooo weird reading about someone else that views the world the same as me. Anyway thanks for your words. They just made my day bro.👍

Arvin (not verified) says...

Hey Dude. You are not the only one.. btw what a wonderful explanation.. i think you are one of us... welcome to the INFJ's World of Up's and Down's haha xd...

Anna Louisa (not verified) says...

Hi Ryan. Many of your experiences of being an INFJ sound familiar. As I was reading your post, with your comments about feelings awkward sometimes as a guy and being an INFJ and mentioning that you were filming something,  I thought of Steven Spielberg whom I believe seems like an INFJ. There is an HBO documentary on his filmmaking with bits of interviews with him describing his feelings of great sensitivity with his parents’ divorce and his drive to create a world of his making through film. He also surrounds himself with a core group of highly creative, talented people who totally get him. This documentary made me believe that there is indeed a successful path for INFJ’s if we believe in ourselves, set high goals and surround ourselves with others of like mind/heart.

i too find great comfort in knowing that God knew me first and always loves me and cares for me. All the best to you .

HeySusan Sup (not verified) says...

I feel exactly all those same things, Ryan. Great description in every way. And I LOVE the song High Hopes--it really gets me fired up!! Thanks for the Bible verse. God is who I turn to when I feel misunderstood, which is most of the time. I wish you all the best! Thanks for posting. 

Samantha Jo Pryor (not verified) says...

Everything you wrote is spot on with my experience except the struggles as a Male. I love that you know God and his comfort. 

Nicola88 (not verified) says...

I literally might as well have wrote all that myself. People always say I beat myself up so badly etc it yes it is low self esteem but at the same time I believe I am very capable and know that I will be successful. Perhaps that's why I'm so hard on myself. like you said, feeling as if one should always be more and better! Others see it as good enough, we don't. Someone called me an enigma once, because I'm all the opposites in one person where I am both things, but no things simultaneously. 

instruggled a lot growing up with identity issues. Not knowing who I was really because I seemed to act like someone in order to simulate a young female doing what they do. I tried to be a chameleon with only a few knowing this about me and then I would play characters for fun and people find it funny. It's like they are in on the act lol my loved ones. I always put on accents or dramatisations of reactions for jokes etc it's like I'm an actor who never had a lesson. I can't tell you why I am so good at it I just am. The other part of me is this wise woman. Everyone who gets close to me sees me as their counsellor. Even elders. I don't know why that is either but people always say I have a way or seeing things and putting things. That makes me happy because I enjoy soothing others. A true advocate I'm a mental health nurse. 
 

people don't understand when I am emotional because I am so rational. No one seems to think I can crumble and need someone to pick me up, as it's always me picking everyone else up. It's taken me many years to come to the realisation that I need to be alright, first, before helping others. Because then I go down it's game over, especially for me. Also accept this is how it is, many benefits to being an INFJ, but expecting people to know what you need when they are not INFJs is useless lol because you realise oh shit yeh it's me who lets other people know "oh check on so and so he seemed abit down". No one else notices. I don't expect anymore and it's been a massive release of anger, but now I LIMIT who gets the gold standard counselling services free from me so therefore I can just have my quite time (you know the golden time) where we INFJs can heal ourselves! You don't want a door slamming now? Many people been getting that lately.

anyways that was rant. Lol. Peace, 
 

 

Marian Lee (not verified) says...

Amen. I can relate. Thank you for sharing!

waterandtrees (not verified) says...

I felt like I wrote this entire thing. lol

Groundhog (not verified) says...

Hi, I'm an INFJ with Asperger's Syndrome(AS). Is that a rare type? It's weird because some of the expected attributes such as intuitiveness are hidden by AS. I was diagnosed as having AS nine years ago at fifty. It was very difficult as a child because I reacted to bullying very negatively, not realizing that if I didn't react these bullies would have got bored with me and left me alone, no one ever explained that to me. The situation worsened leading to me becoming expelled from two schools before my ignorant book worm Psychiatrist referred me to and was sent to a boarding school for problem behavior children at age nine. She also had me medicated on heavy drugs to treat Schizophrenia, which I hated because it hijacked my brain and emotions.  This was partly my own fault because I did everything I could to confuse her at every appointment which including lying to her, lol I hated her, but I forgive me now.   

I have struggled with employment all my life and saw last year the BBC documentary by Chris Packham "Asperger's and Me" where he stated that AS is in the lowest group of employment at 14%. I have been in Sales working self-employed and commission-only throughout most of raising my family of 6 children with my wife. That was a nightmare of uncertainty. Added to that my wife had a bad temper and eventually left me in England, for a man living in California. It's been 20 years since I've seen three of my girls and all due to my ex-wife's determination to exclude me. I remarried and had another daughter. We separated three and a half years ago and I rarely see my youngest. 

I'm now the happiest I've ever felt. I'm waiting for my divorce to go through the courts. I fully embrace my AS and see it positively with the strengths and weaknesses it brings. I recommend Claire Sainsbury's book "Martian in the Playground" it's ten times better than any other AS book I've read.

I learned about 16personalities.com a couple of years ago. I was totally blown over by the accuracy of the test and subsequent INFJ info. I felt as if God was explaining myself to me. It's brought huge unloading of explanation to my life especially my emotional journey. Whereas AS has unlocked my understanding of my difficulties. I've become interested in CS Joseph and his methods of typing people, that's currently on hold for me until the Coronavirus is over. Being able to accurately diagnose people with their Myers Briggs personality type when meeting them will be a great skill. It will enable me to reach out to others in a way that is best for them. I love learning about so many things that enhance my life now. Knowledge is power and we owe it to help others. 

As a Christan of forty years, I see life's challenges as a measure of God's love for us. I know he is making of us what we cannot become alone. The refiner's fire is God's way of helping us become like Him. 

I've covered a lot, hoping it might be helpful to others who struggle. Below are some other recommendations that I do myself. None of what I have said is for financial gain it just honest kindness. Thanks for those who contributed I've enjoyed learning it!

 

Salty Sweet (not verified) says...

Female INFJ here.  Totally relate to everything you just said.  Nice to know I'm not an alien, haha!  Weird to come across so many people like me in one place!  I appreciate your share, it does kind of legitimize me being me a bit.  :)

Jeep Girl (not verified) says...

HAHA! I am glad I am not the only one to refer to themselves as an Alien. Even my fiance makes jokes about it. But thats how I have always felt. 

waterandtrees (not verified) says...

SAME. It's insane. I am usually the lone wolf and I've never felt so relieved. 

Neo (not verified) says...

Wow I'm out of words..you literally just explained me everything is a tick and I love the ending part

Isela (not verified) says...

Ryan!!! I can't thank you enough for taking the time to share your raw thoughts and feelings, I too, am an infj, I found out a few years ago, and it was life changing, I wish I knew I was an infj long before, but  I'm thankful that I finally realized what was "wrong with me" which in reality nothing is wrong it's just that we are so rare, that we feel like we don't belong anywhere. I want you to know that everything you expressed I've felt too, you are not alone. It's comforting to know that there ARE people out there that understand, I smiled the entire time reading your words. Thank you for sharing my fellow infj. :)

Jade (not verified) says...

Oh my gosh, we are like the same person!! I am a woman, of course, but like everything you wrote I was like "yep, that's me!!" I had so many doubts that I had this personality because recent situations I've been in have made me feel more extroverted, but reading your post made me feel so much better! My twin sister is an ENFJ and I'm thinking "no, she and I have different personalities I know that." And then I searched up how INFJs do in marraige and Google told me that "She is drawn to the opposite sex" and I'm sitting here like, what? I am kind of in the closet but I am bisexual and I am a Christian. I guess that makes me stand out even moreso in the INFJ community. Your post really made my day!!

Synne (not verified) says...

I have felt all of what you are feeling! On the noe selfasteem but high ambiotion part, it has helped me to do student volanteer work i truly belive in. This makes me feel that im becoming the person i want to be more of in the future. So doing things that make me proud of myself increases my self esteam. Im not religious, which i can see makes me even more lonley, but countributing to society right now, while Studying keep satisfied. I also can swich from shy to outgoing in seconds, And the student volentaring also helps me here. Im always outgoing here because I work with something I belive in and we have to work in a devoted team to finish good projects. 

So Thats a quick tip from me! I also had to lock myself in for a week after beeing outgoing with a new group of friends, but this is not the case with voulentare work. It may because the work is not about me, while whit the group of friends, I had to as you said, become myself again, but also prosess everything we talked about. I am for the most part only friends with introverts, but as my self esteam grows from doing things I believe in, I enjoy more and more henging out with extroverted people from time to time. I still find it hard to become close friends with them, Even exausting, claude i dont think they seek friendships on the deep level a want. 

I also feel less og an erge to adopt to people after doing meaningful work by myself. But Thats still a challange, as i still have the irritating trait of wanting to be liked by everyone, instead of beeing myself and hoping they find me interesting enough to tagg me along. 

I never ones felt normal (as in met another person that is like me) my entire childhood, but University is the best place so far. 

Sorry for spelling mistakes. English is not my mother tongue 

 

Can't tell my name (not verified) says...

I'm in a lot of pain. I just want to be normal. I want to express my emotions, but there's a big barrier. I don't know where to go. I feel like no one could understand me like I tend to. It almost feels like no one even cares about me like I have care for them. It's quite exhausting. I'm trying my best to shine in my talents, I'm trying to distract myself from the lain I have. But during the night time .... when everyone is gone and I'm alone with my thoughts, I feel so lonely. I'm not able to open up myself to others like they do to me. I know the deepest secrets of other people, yet no one knows who I am underneath. No one even cares to give a thought about it. These are the thoughts I tend to ponder about when I'm alone. Please help :/

Fer (not verified) says...

Yup, I see you there my friend. I felt like that since elementary school. Even in Highschool I wondered why I knew everybody's secrets, and somehow managed to help them always, but no one knew nor wondered about mines. I find the most distraction within the boundaries of my mind, and myself. I love being with myself in my mind (even if my wife is next to me). In my own world, perfectly constructed, where I am simply at peace. But I feel you, I know I am complicated for others, even for myself, but at the same time, I am very happy with who I am :) You need to hold onto that, is healing for us INFJs.

INFJ’s Up 😀 (not verified) says...

Remember you have to take care of yourself as well. Don't waste your energy if it is not being appreciated. Start opening up little by little with friends and family and let them in, that's what friends and fam are for. Find an activity group that does something you like sports, books, hiking, etc. or exercise find videos on youtube on how to exercise properly so you don't hurt something. This is good for you mind. Eat healthy take care of you first. 

Incognito (not verified) says...

If you want to talk, I am here to listen. I want to try and understand and may be even help you feel better.

Guest (not verified) says...

I dont who you are .. or where are you from..but yet i felt every single word you’ve sayed ..

want you to know that u r not alone.. cause somewhere on the planet there are people who’s feeling just like you everyday . 

Much love .. i pray for your heart to find peace and your soul to be healed❤️

Guest (not verified) says...

I think all there is to say is that there is nothing wrong with you. You're doing an amazing job by being a selfless friend to so many. Honestly it is unfair and I'm sure extremely exhausting that you pour and pour and pour out to others but can't find a place to be filled again. But I want to emphasize again that you're doing nothing wrong. Where you are in life is exactly where you need to be. And they all become learning experiences. You're going to one day love where you are in life, love the person you've become, love the friends that have walked into your life, and love the heartaches and troubles you've endured to make it where you have. Don't give up. Always be hopeful and trust that you are loved loved loved, because you are.

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