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The INFJ Personality Type

INFJs are creative nurturers with a strong sense of personal integrity and a drive to help others realize their potential. Creative and dedicated, they have a talent for helping others with original solutions to their personal challenges.

The Counselor has a unique ability to intuit others' emotions and motivations, and will often know how someone else is feeling before that person knows it himself. They trust their insights about others and have strong faith in their ability to read people. Although they are sensitive, they are also reserved; the INFJ is a private sort, and is selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.

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What does INFJ stand for?

INFJ is an acronym used to describe one of the sixteen personality types created by Katharine Briggs and Isabel Myers. It stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging. INFJ indicates a person who is energized by time alone (Introverted), who focuses on ideas and concepts rather than facts and details (iNtuitive), who makes decisions based on feelings and values (Feeling) and who prefers to be planned and organized rather than spontaneous and flexible (Judging). INFJs are sometimes referred to as Counselor personalities.

How common is the INFJ personality type?

INFJ is the rarest type in the population. It is the least common type among men, and the third least common among women (after INTJ and ENTJ). INFJs make up:

  • 2% of the general population
  • 2% of women
  • 1% of men

Famous INFJs

Famous INFJs include Mohandas Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Emily Bronte, Carl Jung, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Florence Nightingale, Shirley MacLaine, Jimmy Carter, and Edward Snowden.

INFJ Values and Motivations

INFJs are guided by a deeply considered set of personal values. They are intensely idealistic, and can clearly imagine a happier and more perfect future. They can become discouraged by the harsh realities of the present, but they are typically motivated and persistent in taking positive action nonetheless. The INFJ feels an intrinsic drive to do what they can to make the world a better place.

INFJs want a meaningful life and deep connections with other people. They do not tend to share themselves freely but appreciate emotional intimacy with a select, committed few. Although their rich inner life can sometimes make them seem mysterious or private to others, they profoundly value authentic connections with people they trust.

How Others See the INFJ

INFJs often appear quiet, caring and sensitive, and may be found listening attentively to someone else’s ideas or concerns. They are highly perceptive about people and want to help others achieve understanding. INFJs are not afraid of complex personal problems; in fact, they are quite complex themselves, and have a rich inner life that few are privy to. They reflect at length on issues of ethics, and feel things deeply. Because Counselors initially appear so gentle and reserved, they may surprise others with their intensity when one of their values is threatened or called into question. Their calm exterior belies the complexity of their inner worlds.

Because INFJs are such complex people, they may be reluctant to engage with others who might not understand or appreciate them, and can thus be hard to get to know. Although they want to get along with others and support them in their goals, they are fiercely loyal to their own system of values and will not follow others down a path that does not feel authentic to them. When they sense that their values are not being respected, or when their intuition tells them that someone’s intentions are not pure, they are likely to withdraw.

INFJ Hobbies and Interests

Popular hobbies for the INFJ include writing, art appreciation, cultural events, reading, socializing in small, intimate settings, and playing or listening to music.

Facts about INFJs

Interesting facts about the INFJ:

  • Least common type in the population
  • On personality trait scales, scored as Sincere, Sympathetic, Unassuming, Submissive, Easygoing, Reserved and Patient
  • Among highest of all types in college GPA
  • Among most likely to stay in college
  • Most likely of all types to cope with stress by seeing a therapist
  • Highest of all types in marital dissatisfaction
  • Personal values include Spirituality, Learning, and Community Service
  • Commonly found in careers in religion, counseling, teaching, and the arts

Source: MBTI Manual

Quotes About INFJs

"The visions of the INFJs tend to concern human welfare, and their contributions are likely to be made independent of a mass movement."

- Isabel Briggs Myers, Gifts Differing

"These seclusive and friendly people are complicated themselves, and so can understand and deal with complex ethical issues and with deeply troubled individuals."

- David Keirsey, Please Understand Me II

"INFJs' nonstop search for learning, self-growth, and development—and wishing the same for everyone else—makes them very reassuring to others and people worth emulating."

- Otto Kroeger, Type Talk at Work

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Hermione (not verified) says...

I feel as if there is no one out there that feels the same way as we do. As individuals there would be a difference in thought process among us all, but due to the fact that we are all human, our central morals and understanding of right and wrong is usually somewhat alike. Everywhere, you see prime examples of people that HAVE achieved something that impacts the world in some way. There's so much pressure to BE something because there is no point in living if nothing can be done or achieved. There are countless problems sitting there, rotting, getting worse as we humans ignore the fact that they exist solely because the term fear exists. I understand that you feel the need to improve, because I too, feel the same way. We are loners and it's been that way for so long, that if changed, would be unnatural. What you're looking for is there. It's in you, because you are the beautiful that you're looking for inside.

draco (not verified) says...

Throughout my life I met vastly different people and I usually like to play a little game of "test your personality and values", usually on a complete innocent conversation not to make it too obvious to them. From what I've seen and heard, their definition of right or wrong can differ vastly from my own on many, many levels. Some believe that stealing is wrong, but they can't resist the urge to do it despite knowing it's wrong. Same goes to other situations like, cheating on your partner, lying, hurting others emotionally or physically, the list goes on...

When I see such situations, I can't bring myself to just accept what's going on in front of my eyes because "it's how it's supposed to be". I've seen so much injustice in my life that I really don't care if I get in trouble by expressing myself about it. Some people are worse than monsters, and I like to let them know about it.

If we want to make a difference, we have to start with the people that surrounds us every single day like family, schoolmates or workmates. I'm a loner at heart and I do need to be one because that's who I am, but being part of the human society, makes us deal with other people even if we don't want to. Some will respect you and help you out of the goodness of their heart, while others will simply try to take advantage of you especially if your will is weak to try and defend yourself. But as long as I live, I won't allow injustices like this to happen without fighting them to the best of my abilities. It may seem like I'm a contentious person, but it couldn't be further from the truth because I don't like arguments, but sometimes we just have to act, rather than just being a spectator in something that makes you sick in the stomach.

Pristine (not verified) says...

Man can I relate here. I often feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. It actually amazes me how people can be so contradicting. Because of all of my experiences, as a rule, I don't trust people. Thank God I do have those I do trust, even though it's a very small number (I can't count on one hand). Me, I pride myself on being honest and the few times I have had to lie, man it hurts. Besides, I am terrible at lying. So what I've learned to do is to basically keep my mouth shut.

For me, I just try to make a difference by just being myself and treat others how I want to be treated. Now if I only I could use these traits of mind and find a good job that suits because that's been my biggest struggle.

draco (not verified) says...

You said it all here. I also don't trust other people that easily because at the slightest change that I don't like in their behavior, it's gonna leave a bad taste in my mouth that won't go away that easy. Even if it is a small thing. I am honest and I hate people who lie all the time, especially when they do it in their own benefit. But I do understand an occasional lie if it doesn't affect others negatively. And to be honest I don't like doing that myself, I feel terrible when I have to do it, as it goes against everything I am.

True, I too treat others with respect all the time, unless of course someone crosses the line-- when that happens, I don't lower myself to their level but I do say everything I have to say, whether if said person likes it or not. It's tough to follow our dreams nowadays with all the barriers we have living in a society. I can only hope that you find the perfect job for you, I certainly am not so lucky to have found the one for me, but there should be places well worse than that I suppose. Just have some faith and keep fighting to achieve your dreams! ;)

Pristine (not verified) says...

Thank you. Well, I have unfortunately been betrayed by both kith and kin so I have a pretty good reason for not trusting others. But I learned that bitterness will only hurt me in the end and I always put myself first now because that way I can than help others. It took my awhile to learn that too. I was raised to "always help others", but I've learned that if you keep on giving, you can lose yourself (which I think is a struggle for INFJ types). I've taken that path and it really led me to almost making the biggest mistake in life. Thank God I didn't cross that line.

At this point, just being financially independent is my dream. I've had tastes of freedom a few times, once through college when for one year I stayed at the dorms, and those were the times when I was truly happy. I was active and productive and felt like I was actually doing something.

draco (not verified) says...

Yeah I know the feeling... People can grow accustomed to always being on the receiving end instead of doing things themselves. At some point we just have to close our hands and make them understand that life isn't just begging for help; we have to deal with the problems ourselves and not always waiting for the goodwill of others to help us out. I often hear around these parts: "if you want to lose a friend, just lend him/her money", and it's quite the truth because even if that person pays you back, he/she'll most likely keep asking for more until he/she stops giving it back. You'll be pressed to confront him/her and your friendship will most likely end there as the trust has already been tainted.

There are limits on how we can help others, easy money will make people subconsciously believe that they can get away with debts by constantly asking others for money, which in turn, will probably lead to these situations.

When I help other people, I do it of my own free will. I don't wait or ask for anyone to return the favor later on because whatever I did to help them, was because I wanted to. You can still help others in a way that won't hurt you financially or emotionally, you just have to know when to extend or pull back your hand, it may hurt them, but sometimes people just have to understand when to stand on their own two feet.

And yeah, despite having a job, I don't get that much income to have my own freedom; which is to go and live somewhere else, away from all the things that bother me, and do what I love the most in my life. I understand what you're feeling and I share the same opinion. It's too bad that life can be so cruel, but from all the defeats we get, we can always learn something from it and adjust ourselves the best way we can.

Outsider (not verified) says...

Feel the same way. Unfortunately it's only recently, at 38 years old, I am starting to resist my natural desire to help people every time. Even typing this makes me feel like a bad or selfish person. I read somewhere not long ago about what a homeless person's response was when asked how they got to the point they were currently in. To paraphrase, they basically said that through life in the process of building their "house" or "foundation" they slowly through this process gave a brick away to help someone and another to someone else. In the end they had no bricks left for themselves. In a sense I am envious of a person that gives whenever they are able to give but it sure seems like in this world there are so many that take and take with only themselves in mind with no afterthought to give the brick back when they are able. I try to go into situations with helping people that I should expect nothing in return but it still seems disappointing in the end.

draco (not verified) says...

There should be limits as to when we open or close our hands. Lending money is often a mistake, and most people only ask for money because if they can get away with it the first time, they will most likely ask you again and again for more. If someone is really in dire need of help then give them the means to survive: "you need a warm meal, and you have no money to get one? fine, I'll prepare one myself or buy one somewhere.", "you need some warm clothes for winter? fine, I'll give you some old clothes that I don't use anymore or, let's get some new ones from a shop nearby". Just 2 examples here, but as you can see, you can still help people without leading them to abuse from your generosity-- some things don't necessarily have much of an impact in your life, so why would you need to part with money directly? That would only lead to abuse later on.


I personally would only feel disappointed for helping someone, if said person decided to stop fighting entirely to have a better life. Sometimes it's easier to simply be dependant on other people's generosity, other than fighting to achieve something tangible in life. It's a pretty sad sight in my opinion...

MJI says...

This is my reasoning for not giving money to homeless people. I rather not be an enabler. I live in a city  so I get asked every time I'm out. The answer for money will always be "No." If they are genuinely interested in finding services to help find them build their job skills or find a way to get into public housing, then I may point them in the right direction.  But those willing to ask for the later are rare and far between. Asking for money is the most common.

Phonenix (not verified) says...

Hmmm, I agree with pretty much everything you stated, with one small difference. I’m typically willing to trust someone until they’ve given me a reason not to, or if my intuition dictates otherwise. The trust, however, does come with some pessimism, or in some cases, lowered expectations. To most, that might sound like a contradiction or may even sound complicated; for me though, it makes perfect sense, hence, INFJ.

MelissaC (not verified) says...

You speak as if you're in my head. Wow, just beautiful!

draco (not verified) says...

Thanks! :) It only goes to show that people with our same mindset do exist. I felt lost and alone throughout my life thinking that I was the only one thinking this way, now I don't feel so alone anymore. :)

Bubblezz (not verified) says...

Same here! This is a real eye opener to me and so comforting to know that other people out there think similar to me when I had a difficult time finding it. I always felt like an "outsider" or "misunderstood" especially throughout high school and college years even though I always had a social life and friends. Real connections with people were always lacking. 

draco (not verified) says...

I don't have all that many people that I can say without a doubt that are my friends, real friends. Those are pretty hard to come by, but when you meet one, it's usually for life. The word "friend" or "friendship" is usually thrown without much thought given to it nowadays, but having a real friendship with someone else, involves way more effort than a single message on social media like many were made to believe. In our case, I believe it's somewhat harder to make friends because we're loners by nature, so we don't fit in all that well in modern society to begin with...


This doesn't really bother me though, as I've learned not to depend on other people many years; it usually only leads to disappointment in the end...

Phonenix (not verified) says...

You are definitely NOT alone and with a forum like this, we are reminded of that. That said, the next experience will initially take us back to that place where we feel like the only person who exist that feel and think the way we do. I hope that this forum will remind you, me, and everyone else here, that WE ARE NOT ALONE! Whew, that felt good. 

bobby boshay (not verified) says...

absolute peach

Lolilanlu (not verified) says...

I’ve always known I was different...and tried to find a way to fit in. I never thought I belonged with my family even, so I searched the back of milk cartons to see if I’d find my picture. I am just now finding out all these things about myself, and it’s very overwhelming...but at least it’s starting to make sense too.

tashawalkup says...

You've managed to take those words strait from my lips. I've told my loved ones many, many times over the years, it seems to go in one ear and out the other, and just entirely dismissive when I speak. I believe that you and I could benefit a great deal if we were to establish a sincer friend ship with one another

draco (not verified) says...

In essence, our family and friends simply cannot see who we truly are. It's the same as trying to teach a child to read; most concepts about the language can't be taught in a single class, it needs to be a slow process to burn this knowledge into their minds. But there are those who simply don't care about learning and prefer to dismiss it right away as "it's too hard, I can't understand it". So, there are people who do at least try to slowly understand you and respect your thoughts, even if they don't agree with them, and there are those who simply don't understand the basic concept that we are all different and want to pull you into their mindset almost by force, dismissing everything you say as rubbish.

You simply can't win against these people, even if you try to explain yourself to them (not that you need to or should do that though). They may agree with you at some point, but in the next day, it all goes back to square one and the bullying or the lecture in "how to be a man" or "how to behave as a man" starts all over again. It's truly not worth it to try and convince others that you're different, it simply won't flow. In time, people grow accustomed with the idea of having us around, not that it will stop them from giving you the occasional lecture but hey, it's a start at least.

Sure why not? It's always important and fun to talk to other people, we may even be able to help each other out in understanding ourselves better. :)

Guest (not verified) says...

I kinda have similar experience like you. Since I entered junior high school. I just felt different of any other else in my school. I think too deep. my values do not match to them. High school is the same experience. People just don't understand me. Actually it's my fault that I am not willing to open up but once again their values are different from mine even though I got into the top school in my country. I'm just tired sometimes being different from any other else in my school. I want many friends as possible. Seems fun. :(

draco (not verified) says...

Most people won't understand who we are because their perceptions and values often don't allow them to see further than what they feel it's right for them-- hence why we have so much difficulty fitting in. Those who call you a friend, don't often know the true meaning of the word; what it asks out of them. Most will cower in fear, and even join the bullies, when their "friend" is being harassed for his/her true nature.

I hardly have any friends, but honestly, I wouldn't trade a good friend of mine for a group of people that at the end of the day will shun and harass you when your usefulness expires. This has happened to me in the past and because of that I stopped depending on other people and trusting them the way I used to, as it hurts way more when someone you trust and respect treats you like garbage...

Windyelephant (not verified) says...

I feel in your case even though your values are different than others, you've got to accept the difference in values and contradictions. If you want a friend(s) this is one of many ways to find friendship. You can try to argue your values and even though you don't get your point through, at least you were able find a outlet for your ideals/emotions. If by coincidence, anyone who did listen, will peek a interest and try to start a form of relationship. If you feel like you don't have confidence to do so like argue a point across, there is a practice I learned about gaining self confidence. You pretend and see yourself as a confident person. A projection of the self. Surely, it'll be really weird at first because you're lying to yourself. However, if practiced for a while, being confident becomes second nature and you'll forget pretending to be confident and actually be confident. You are in junior high, take a few or heck many risks. Just remember to make positive change around you and yourself. Change isn't initiated without the thought to want/need. Then action, and lastly an reflection of yourself. 

draco (not verified) says...

Honestly, at this point in life and after so many disappointments, I hardly need or want people around me. True, it's amazing when you're around people that respect you for who you are and do not constantly try to change something in you that it's utterly futile. Because, in my case, I tend to go back to my roots; to what gives me the peace I need for myself. There's no escape from that, at least not for me.

I do accept people for who they are, and what they believe in. Doesn't mean however that I'll befriend them, and frankly, I'm getting more and more disappointed with the people that so casually throw words like "love" or "friendship" at me with no real meaning. Every relationship nowadays seems to be fueled by ulterior motives; a game of interests. I absolutely despise that, and as soon as I notice that it may be the case, things will never be the same again with said person. 

Yeah that's true. I had to learn on how to be a confident person, and even say things that otherwise I would never say to "fit in". It's like second nature by now, despite not really believing many things that I do or say to others. Hardly anything gets to me these days, and to be honest, that's for the better. I'm feeling though, that I became a really cold person meanwhile; apathetic to many, many things in my life.

Windyelephant (not verified) says...

If you're comfortable and not down in the feels. You are where you should be. :)

RA (not verified) says...

Strangest thing, has anyone else had this happen?  I have lost friends in trying to help them - and I DO help them.  I help them to see beyond the situation they got themselves into, and how they can move from this point onward.  I am honestly compassionate of them and let them do the talking, it helps them.  Then their circumstances change and who is left in the dust?  Me.  All of a sudden, because I helped them, I am a reminder or something (?) of their bad experiences?  I don't know, but it has happened a couple times.  So unfortunately now, I have had to totally reject my impulse to help others, and I trust no one.  My husband and my philosophy is "don't get involved!"  It doesn't pay.  Curious if any other INFJs have had anything like this happen to them... ?  Some 'counselor' I am!!  LOL

draco (not verified) says...

It usually happens, especially after your usefulness to them expires. It happened to me as well more than once. It's easy to approach someone and beg for help, but once you don't need that person anymore, most will simply move on and forget about the one who helped them.

My philosophy when it comes to helping others is "If you need something to eat because you can't pay for your meal, or, if you need something to wear because you don't have the money for new clothes, I'll help you to the best of my possibilities. Just don't ask me for money." Lending money is a mistake, I've learned that from many bad experiences. But I'm always willing to help in any other way I can. I don't expect anything in return as well; if said person doesn't want to stick around afterwards, that's fine to me. If I'm able to help them, I'm happy for it. : )

I'm willing to say that the "counselor" part doesn't always imply for you to take action and get involved directly with the situation. We are perfectly capable of helping someone simply by giving our insight about the situation; that's probably our best trait, and it involves nothing more than words. 

Timberwood (not verified) says...

Draco, you have to be reading my mind.

You guys have all said the the same things Ive always thought and it's super comforting to me. I juat am actually glad to meet other INFJs. I don't know if its just me or do you guys feel like INFJs were born in the wrong time period? Like someone set us here during this age and left us with an inate need to change the world? Just a forewarning, Im going to say some pretty crazy stuff here, but I think as INFJs you guys will either COMPLETELY understand to point of laughing or getting chills or you just might be sympathic enough because thats what we do naturally....         

  Okay here's my possibly mind blowing, world stopping speech. I feel like sometimes Im literally not human because of things we can do that we KNOW all the other types cannot. Like being able to know the emotion of a room full of people the second you walk through a door. Or being able to basically absorb another person's emotions even if they are complete strangers.

I am a senior in high school and I am friends with just about everyone possible and I, for the most part, am pretty popular even though I dont want to be, Im not aiming to be, and as a matter of fact I detest popularity.  Even though I have I tons of friends, not a single soul actually understands me. I don't have an actual best friend even though I want one but at the same I dont.

You ever feel like your idea of an relationship is vastly different than everyone else's? I feel like a relationship with someone should be indescrible. A relationship should be like connecting the very soul of your life force to someone else's and they are doing so as well, yet you still keep your individuality. I feel like sex with that person should be so true and meaningful. That your only goal is to make sure they are completely satisfied and vice versa (its probably also funny that you might be thinking "wow. He actually is talking about REAL sex", but you've secretly wanted to talk about that with someone you trust).You ever want a friendship so real that you truly LOVE your best friend that its almost to the point that you feel like connected to them just like your husband or wife and even at the same level of bond but it has a different meaning.

You ever realize the large amount of talents we have (physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional). We can think and know just as intelligent as a scientist and yet feel and experience the world like poet.   

You ever feel a connection in every physical environment? Like the city and the woods feel like home to you. You ever try to look at someone and see them as beautifully and handsomely as you possibly can.

You ever feel like you might be more than one type of personality. Almost like you might schizophrenic but you know you are not.                                        

You ever like the world, nature, time, space, and the universe is trying to tell you something. I feel as if INFJs may have caught a glimpse of something that might give us a clue (Search up Carl Jung. He also was an INFJ who discovered the Monomyth and Primal Memory. I swear to God if you into it you will get chills). You ever think that the Multiverse Theory is true?

 I have plenty of other thoughts I want to share because as an INFJ, I have lots. Besides... I think this is pretty damn long.HAHA! Also. Sorry if I messed up with grammar, spelling, or just simply missing or repeating words.


draco (not verified) says...

My regards Timberwood, I’ll address a few of your points here.

“I don't know if its just me or do you guys feel like INFJs were born in the wrong time period? Like someone set us here during this age and left us with an inate need to change the world?”


In all honesty, even if we were born in a different time period, the world would still have a need for change. The world isn’t fair, it never was. You wouldn’t find children starving to death and there wouldn’t be wars killing millions if that was the case. The question here is: what can we do with the limited time we have in this earth to make the world a better place?


I don’t have a loud enough voice to make a significant difference to the world, but, even being just another unknown guy out there, I can always try and make a difference to the people around me. This is our purpose as INFJs— help those around us who are going through a bad time in their lives. It’s not only our purpose, but also something embedded into our very core as human beings— something just as important and natural as breathing.


“ …being able to know the emotion of a room full of people the second you walk through a door. Or being able to basically absorb another person's emotions even if they are complete strangers.”


I do relate to this. Given enough time you can almost read what that person is thinking, or predict a reaction to a specific situation. It’s also not very difficult to know when someone is lying through their teeth.


We are for the most part observers; we study people behavior in a myriad of situations, so that when the time comes, we know how to act accordingly. I personally am guilty to this. I often overexert in this aspect, searching for something special that sparks my curiosity. But this only happens whenever I find someone interesting enough to do so, otherwise I’ll lose my interest very quickly.


“…for the most part, am pretty popular even though I dont want to be, Im not aiming to be, and as a matter of fact I detest popularity.”


It’s easy for us to get the trust of other people rather quickly, and more often than not, they’ll feel enough confidence to reveal more about them that they don’t often talk about openly. I would argue that we’re not just good listeners, but also good advisers. How often does another person come to you and simply talk about their life? They know that you’re able help them out whenever something comes up in their life, and even if you can’t, the conversation itself will feel interesting enough to them— thought-provoking at the bare minimum.


Those interactions will make you popular, even if you don’t want that kind of attention. I certainly have many, many people that do trust me and my insight, and will often talk to me whenever they need some advice. Now, do I seek that kind of attention to feed my ego? No I don’t, and I would hate myself if I ever fall that low in life. I guess that’s just the nature of the beast; if you’re a good person and demonstrate your values to others, people will enjoy being around you. It’s a good thing in my perspective, but it can become overwhelming at times.


“Even though I have I tons of friends, not a single soul actually understands me. I don't have an actual best friend even though I want one but at the same I dont.”


It’s only natural, many people don’t want to accept different points of view in regards to how you should behave in modern society— you either join them in mediocrity, or you’ll be seen as an outcast. Only a few people understand my motives, or at the very least, accept my nature. The rest? I’m most likely a mystery to them. Not that I actually care about it, though.


Real friends are hard to come by, and the more you look for one, the harder they seem to find. I believe that friendship is something that happens naturally, just like falling in love with someone. If you try to force it though, in an attempt to feel less lonely or something of the sort, showing clear signs that you’re in need of some comfort, it may lead to the other person abusing that weakness of yours for selfish reasons. It can be quite dangerous and traumatic if you’re not prepared for a situation like this.


Friendship often involves a complex balance between your common interests and how committed you actually are to interact with the other person— if said person isn’t really all that interesting to talk to, despite having a common interest with you, you’ll most likely lose your interest. Same thing goes to when you find someone interesting, but you have nothing in common with him/her, and a boulder of ice will take form between the two of you.


My advice is pretty simple, just be true to yourself and always behave the way you usually do. When you less expect it, someone will befriend you and will stick around for years and years to come.


“You ever feel like your idea of an relationship is vastly different than everyone else's?”


I believe this is one of the main reasons people have a hard time understanding who we truly are. Love and devotion walk side by side to me, and without either of them, the relationship devolves simply into passion— a simple carnal desire.


A simple look, a simple touch from your loved one should be more than enough to pick you up from the ground on a bad moment of your life. The usage of words shouldn’t be required to deliver a message— you’ll know exactly how your loved one feels when you’re together. Sexual intercourse would feel like (as you’ve said) the merging of your very souls into a single one, something that not many people would know the meaning of. Everything should be built around the utmost truth, where no doubt remains between the two.


Tell me now, how many people see a relationship in this manner, other than in a poetic or simply fictional way? How many people believe something like this is even possible?


Well… I vehemently believe this is what true love actually means. I also believe it is possible to achieve such a high level of affinity towards your loved one, despite being a long road that many fail to traverse.


“You ever feel a connection in every physical environment? Like the city and the woods feel like home to you.”


Yes, especially if I’m the only one around in that place. The sound of crashing waves in the ocean feels almost like therapy to me. The absolute silence under a starry sky fills me with thoughts; carrying me to very distant places as I sit quietly appreciating its immense beauty.


It’s hard to explain exactly what it is, but moments like these give me a sense of peace. I feel revitalized whenever I have the time to spend with nature like this. Maybe it stimulates some primal sense that is kept dormant for the most part of my busy, busy life? I don’t know… it’s a really interesting thing though.


“You ever feel like you might be more than one type of personality.”


Sometimes, but at my very core I stand as an INFJ. I can pretend I’m someone else for the most part of my day, but when something comes in direct conflict with my inner values, I have a hard time partaking in it.


It’s hard to fight against your own nature, and if you do, you’ll feel terrible about it.


“You ever think that the Multiverse Theory is true?”


I could ramble about this topic all day long, but since this message is long enough as is, I’ll keep my answer short.


To a degree yes, I believe this is pretty much possible. However, whatever balance we have in our universe, could be pretty much turned upside down if we ever find a way to fiddle with reality itself. Have you imagined one day getting home, and as soon as you open your front door, you find a perfect copy of you walking around the house? How crazy and scary would that be?


There’s plenty more I could discuss about this, but I’ll leave it at that.


Now, something that I didn’t expect when I first commented in this website, was the amazing reception my comments are taking from you people who relate to the crazy things I say here. I feel flattered beyond belief, you people are amazing! Thanks to all of you!! :)

Pws1735 (not verified) says...

Thanks for the insight, Draco.  I'm a male infj, too and I feel like I've never really fit in - although I certainly can adapt to most situations.

Mike 0167 (not verified) says...

You are not alone Timberwood.  Like myself, you are definitely an INFJ, but you ae also an EMPATH.

I am amazed that you are only in high school and have this level of undersatanding about this.  Good for you.

Maybe you will be the one to figure out how and what we all should be doing with our abilities?

Guest (not verified) says...

Yes this has happened to me!! I had one friend who I helped out of a bad place, offering advice, lending her money occasionally (I haven't seen a penny back of that money), inviting her to stay with my family, even over Christmas etc. Then all of a sudden she gets a job and a boyfriend and now I don't hear from her anymore. Actually the one time I ever needed something from her, I was in hospital and had just had an opertaion. I was feeling a bit lonely and all I wanted was a simple conversation just to say 'hey how are you, I just had this, this and this happen to me and now I'm in hospital'. She opened the message but never responded! I feel so deflated when I put so much effort into something or someone but get tossed aside like yesterday's news when they don't need me anymore! 

Shannon W. says...

Oh my gosh ! YES ! I’m totally right there with you , then the antilitic in me starts breaking down and wondering why I’m totally out now. Peace and Happiness to you, most importantly we have to always remember our own self love and care. We tend to forget , and not take care of ourselves. Should I have used “I” statements

Louise Sansam (not verified) says...

Wow you are the male vison of me! I cud sit and read your words all day!

Toussaint (not verified) says...

Wow, I thought I was the only one who thought exactly like this. This is my life everyday. I have to deal with being different and always feeling alone, or the only one thinking in a certain way. It really feels good to find ouy that there are actually some people with the same thoughts...

MusicienÉlégant says...

I also agree. I haven't dated since the sixth grade. I'm a college Freshman right now. Most people question why I don't take the flirtatious actions that I get more openly. Why I don't go and try something. And I always respond with, "That's not what I'm interested in." I want something sincere. Something that's founded upon the core foundations of who we are as people. I don't like facades and I'm certainly distanced from people who prefer as such.

I had realized that my personality and values weren't common, but I wasn't sure how uncommon. If I land in the 2% of everyone on Earth that has this personality type, then it's easier to understand why I don't find very many people that have similar values. Despite that, this little alien comes in peace.

Temi Lori (not verified) says...

I totally understand what u are trying to.My whole life I felt like an outcast..always trying to figure out why I stand out so much and up till know I still don’t understand why I stand out so much.i always hated it when people liked to judge others or reject someone just because they are not like them. And honestly I feel that most people like to look at the outer beauty of others rather than the inner beauty and I’ve accepted that that’s the way society works.I suffer from depression and sleep paralysis but I’ve never told anyone apart from my family and one friend because when I tell people they act totally different around me..When I feel like I’m stuck or suffering from something- I realized that no matter how I explain to someone how I feel they just don’t understand so I just keep quiet like I always do...U aren’t the only one feeling that a relationship is more than being married or having a kid..Most times when I try to tell people what I feel, I just want them to put their selves in my shoes and actually try to understand what I’m feeling rather than just only telling me the solution.

Guest_26 (not verified) says...

Hi don’t give up you’re truly not the only one who feels like that. I have felt for some time that I am on the outside observing & not fitting in much as I wanted to. Now I don’t bother so much , I just want to be true to myself , after all I have to be able to face myself in the mirror each day. Be your essential self , be true to yourself , sooner or later people who share some of your traits & interests will find their way to you. Don’t be with someone only so you’re not alone , wait for that someone who suits you , it’s not worth the hurt to both of you . Best wishes in your search , I hope I will be lucky too.

Allie Kim (not verified) says...

This is probably the most effectivly written eplaination of my relational struggles. 

So thanks, that was refreshing  :)

Steph says...

I absolutely agree. I have always felt different, misunderstood, unloved & taken advantage of. Relationships are emotionally deeper to an INFJ & connections can be intense. Sometimes as an INFJ I think I am better off alone so I don't have to feel the negative emotions of a mediocre relationship. I don't think I will ever "feel" fulfilled & loved. 

Waiting for Godot (not verified) says...

That is how we feel most of the time; frustrated. Attempts to connect do not end well and are very draining emotionally, reaffirming my belief that I would be happiest living in a small cabin in the mountains, surrounded with my books, a chocloate lab on the rug in front of the fireplace. Lonely?? I don't think so...I'd rather be alone than constantly disappointed. But every now and then I venture forth to tilt at another windmill. ...I am a firm believer that time spent caring for someone is never wasted. It is a true test of your emotional maturity to risk a pain like no other, again and again, hoping but never expecting to find someone worth caring about.

dalywood says...

I very much relate to several points you made. However, I would say I'm more disappointed (in people) and at times disillusioned (briefly, and cyclically) than frustrated. Your comment about preferring to be alone rather than being disappointed is right on the mark. I totally understand and it is my dream as well to live in a cozy cabin, in the mountains, with a creek, with my cats, in front of a fireplace, reading and exploring in a multitude of ways (internally and externally). I'm rarely lonely as I now have a compatible partner in life, and he is more introverted than I am; my alone time is a necessity of proportions I cannot begin to describe. I am also rarely bored as I'm always learning, discovering and find ways to entertain myself. Lastly, I don't think people understand the pain we always carry, but it is that pain that makes us as empathetic and caring as we are. It is a two-edged sword and with time and life experiences (I'm from the baby boomer generation), we learn how to use and live with that pain in more constructive and caring ways. I wish much peace and love for you.

Kdkm (not verified) says...

Oh, beautifully said. Thank you for sharing about the pain we carry. Yes! That has been my experience as well. I feel life so acutely. The highs are higher and lows are deeper. There's a beauty in that emotional range and depth, but it is also filled with isolation and pain too. Would I change this about me if I could? No!! I love seeing life the way that I do, however it is also a burden. Thank you for validating my internal perspective.

I found the discussion about preferring to be alone versus disappointed by others interesting. I was married for over thirty years before my husband passed away last year. I have to say that despite the marriage being less than ideal, sharing my life was very satisfying and preferable to being constantly alone. I have met someone recently who is more similar in personality and it has been an amazing experience. It is making a world of difference to be in an intimate relationship with a person who is more compatible. So I'm encouraging those of you to not throw away your wishes for that kind of interpersonal intimacy. It's possible and very worth it.

Guest (not verified) says...

Wow. I never thought there were people like me. I'm only 12 and this is all so new to me. I try again and again to make people understand who I truly am, but it doesn't work. I've realised that you shouldn't live to please people because there's always gonna be that one person that you're gonna miss out. Helping people realise their potential, realise who they are is all I want to do and to do that obstacles must be waded through, pushed aside, gotten rid of. But not taken to heart. Sometimes, I wish I could fly, soar in the sky and leave all the worries and worldly matters behind. But then my heart takes me back to the people I love and care for and then the next day, it's the same thing again when you realise that people just won't understand.

I hope I never change. I want to live my life helping people, I really do. I feel horrid when I get envious of others because that's not who I am. There comes a time when you realise that you have what you have and to give is the best way for me to feel like I've been given something great. Somebody can give me the greatest thing in the world but to pay it forward would make me feel better than to receive it. I want to live my life changing the world. I have dreams, huge dreams. Like ending wars, inventing wings, crazy things. And I hold onto the, because I know they'll get me forward. It warms my heart to know that there are people out there who understand me and I hope they stay that way. For me, the thing that keeps me going is: to give is to receive. Thanks for being there and supporting all those in need.

P.S:- I love cats too. A cabin in the mountains with just me and nobody coming around calling me a crazy cat lady is sometimes all I wish for.

Mysticablue (not verified) says...

Thank you so much for clarifying not only the depth in the pain we carry, but also the truth for the good in it. I am a highly sensitive INFJ and very empathetic. I know that these are not values that are store bought, but that are driven deeply at the cost of my superficial existence that I am learning to separate from daily. By the way, I just learned that the INFJ has a shadow self that mirrors a superficial reflection of a ESTP and the purpose is to prevent us from discovering and accepting our authentic selves. We must break away from this and re-discover the freedom and beauty in being, just as we are.

Allie Kim (not verified) says...

Reading this made my heart smile. It's exactly what I want.


Guest (not verified) says...

Find an INFP if your lonely. Worked for me.

Andromeda (not verified) says...

I agree :) Boyfriend is INFP and I couldn't be happier.

Guest (not verified) says...

Heh. My twin sister is an INFP, and whenever I'm feeling particularly lonely, or sad, I find it really helps to talk and just hang out with her.

Trish says...

I agree with you.  I can see how the person's actions have lead them into the situation they're in, then I can see possibilities of helping get back on the path they want to return to.  Many times I come across as insensitive, or they don't believe what I'm saying.  I usually end up walking away.  It took a long time for me to figure out that it is their choices and their life, and I can only offer a solution.

Guest (not verified) says...

Exactly, every time I try to help someone because it seems like what they are doing will hurt them in the future or create a bad image of them, they think I'm judgemental and trying to control them when all I'm doing is pointing it out to them so they can help themselves. It's frustrating being misunderstood all the time. If you give advice you're interfering or judging them and if you try to stay quiet or stay away you're apparently being rude or ignoring them. It's hard trying to let people know you when all they end up doing is blaming you and making you look like a bad person. Being an INFJ is hard.

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