INFJ
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How do INFJs communicate?

INFJs are reserved about communication, and often keep their most treasured ideas and insights private. They are oriented to values and connection, and will search for meaning in the information they take in. They think deeply and often need time to process and evaluate before they are ready to share their ideas. They seek validation and will take the time to appreciate others and their ideas. They are often talented at making connections to bring people together and integrate ideas, values, and human potential.

What are INFJs like as partners?

In relationships, the INFJ is supportive and guided by a sense of integrity. The INFJ's interest in human development applies to their mates as well, and they are encouraging of their partner's dreams, aspirations, and achievements.

INFJs want to maintain harmony in their relationships and are highly motivated to resolve conflicts. They tend to be creative problem-solvers and look for the emotional core of an issue to create a meeting of the minds. Although they desire cooperation, they are not willing to go along with an idea that does not feel authentic to them. When it comes to their core values and ethics, they are unwilling to compromise.

INFJs want a high degree of intimacy and emotional engagement, and are happiest when they feel they are sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings with their mates. INFJs value a partner who respects their deeply held values and ethics, and one who appreciates their creativity and inspiration.

What are INFJs like as parents?

As parents, INFJs are devoted and loving. They tend to form strong bonds with their children and are very closely tuned in to their emotional states. Counselor parents naturally see the possibilities in their children and encourage them to develop their potential.

Although they support their children in their individual interests, INFJ parents are firm disciplinarians, particularly when it comes to moral or ethical concerns. They are concerned with their children's emotional health and spiritual development, and want to create a nurturing atmosphere that promotes growth and well-being.

INFJs and Other Personality Types

Kindred Spirits

People of the following types are more likely than most to share the INFJ's values, interests, and general approach to life. They won't necessarily agree on everything, and there's no guarantee they'll always get along, but they're more likely to feel an easy rapport and have plenty of things in common.

Intriguing Differences

People of the following types are likely to strike the INFJ as similar in character, but with some key differences which may make them seem especially intriguing. The INFJ may find people of these types particularly interesting and attractive to get to know. Relationships between INFJs and these types should have a good balance of commonalities and opportunities to challenge one another.

Potential Complements

INFJs may not feel an immediate connection with people of the following types, but on getting to know each other, they'll likely find they have some important things in common, as well as some things to teach one other. Although people of these types may not attract the INFJ initially, their relationships present a lot of potential to complement and learn from one other.

Challenging Opposites

People of the following types present the most potential for personality clash and conflict with the INFJ, but also the best opportunities for growth. Because people of these types have fundamentally different values and motivations from the INFJ's, initially, it may seem impossible to relate. But because they are so different, their strengths are the INFJ's weaknesses, and if they are able to develop a relationship, they can learn a tremendous amount from each other.

Are you an INFJ?

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Check out the INFJ Discussion Forum

Want to have a more in-depth conversation about being an INFJ? Head on over to our discussion forum and post your questions, comments, and/or general musings!

Comments

(VERIFIED) (not verified) says...

Now that I know my actual career options, all should go well :)

Guest (not verified) says...

hi there only just been introduced to all this personality stuff but hey how true is it, ive felt lost and alone, didnt fit in (alien) all my life. Now however I see the bigger infj picture Im happy to say I feel better. I have always been able to see popeles pain and suffering! probably in part due to my own!! still upwards and onwards my new friends out there. never give up hope of finding that oh so illusive inner peace.

Andrea

Guest (not verified) says...

It has to deal in part with the rate of the maturity of the prefrontal cortex of the brain becaus it controls certain aspects such as personality

Terrence (not verified) says...

I've always felt that way. I don't seem to fit in anywhere.

Guest (not verified) says...

I feel the same way I do not fit in any where! It is possible as well I could have PTSD...I cannot seem to hold a job any one going through this please help!

brentamiller says...

I also have had an intense sensation that I was different, but couldn't figure out why. At times I've wondered if something was "wrong" with me, and I suppose that is in line with INFJs seeking out counselors. In response to your question, I recently went through a very intense workplace harassment situation which caused hyper-alertness, anxiety and depression. It took a lot of outside advice and determination to keep myself on track, but I could see how it could have resulted in a very negative situation for my career. I landed with my feet on the ground, but despite that tachycardia and insomnia persisted for a few months. Social exclusion is perceived by the prefrontal cortex along the same lines as a physical threat. We're helper types and being targeted is traumatic. Definitely seek advice and counseling. In my case, it was a HR consultant and a lawyer, but a psychologist would have been in order, too!

Lynda (not verified) says...

I also went through a very traumatic bullying situation with a sociopath at work and it crushed my perception of everything I thought about myself. It took me a few years to really work through it all in my head but forever changed the way I see humanity. The only good thing is that it was a catalyst for some inevitable change in my life and I have learned to listen to my intuition the first time around.

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm sorry you're going through that. I also find it difficult to stay at a job long, at least comfortably. What about trying two part-time jobs? That way you're not at anyone place for too long throughout the day and can even have a bit of variety in your day. Alot of of part-time jobs have you there for only 4 hrs at a time.

Guest (not verified) says...

I get along well with every walk of life, but have always felt like I actually belong to none.

Guest (not verified) says...

Yep, that's it in a nutshell.

wandella (not verified) says...

Yep you got it, but the key is to accepting that and to accepting who you are, not trying to change but working on your strengths.

We have got a lot to offer!

Guest (not verified) says...

I totally agree I never fit in anywhere and always thought it was because I must be a social regect but as I got older I realized my social skills are just fine it had to be something else....then I take this test and viola it is all clear to me now.

JCM (not verified) says...

Life is a journey and some of us do grow and change. No not everyone does, which validates your statement but it's not absolute. Some people really go through profound changes as I have myself.

CoffeeChemist (not verified) says...

^^^THIS. Yes. I have to take each circumstance and situation one at a time and find my place in it. It's exhausting.
Then if a known situation changes I have to start over again. The down side I suppose. But it means I CAN be flexible and get along in many different situations I suppose - unlike some other types.

creceda says...

Yes we are who we are, however if one takes this test as a teenager and is easily influenced by others energies he or she might have a change of personality once on their own. I found this to be true for myself. Yes, we are who we are.

Guest (not verified) says...

That's how I feel as well. I did the test first as a teen and then again in my thirties. I did it a few years ago again in my fifties and it has always come out INFJ. I didn't realize how enviable or fashionable a type it was until recently. My point being that your results can be skewed by wanting to be perceived a certain way.

Guest (not verified) says...

There are two aspects to personality: What you are born with, and what you experience. While the core of who you are will never change, how someone percieves and reacts to the world can change.

JulesM (not verified) says...

I agree. We don't change our personality type but as we grow and learn we begin to be more in touch with our true self. Many years ago I may have incorrectly answered questions by thinking how others see me. Hence sometimes being seen as an extrovert when in reality I am truly an introvert. I know myself on a deeper level in my 40's. Blessings

 

madison cory (not verified) says...

i just love my bass guitar. i can connect with it/ music in general better than any person in general. (especially better than any old theripists that i don't know that probably just listens to me for the money.

GeneINFJ (not verified) says...

I have taken the Myers-Briggs test 3 times in my life, once about 30 years ago, another about 20 and again 12 years ago and have had the same result INFJ . 

Arch-Alien (not verified) says...

We completely concur; as in, my #1 challenge has been not so much trying to fit into any class or click but just realizing that I don't and won't, and I'm OK with that.  I just wish I could figure out a way to politely yet tactfully exclude my self from groups trying to include me without standing out and appearing awkward, cause I get along with everyone...until...     

Guest (not verified) says...

Actually, once you understand the cognitive functions, you realize that it does not change as you grow and have new experiences. We might have areas that require growth, and when growth occurs, it can seem that a personality change makes sense. But, ultimately, how we process our world and the way that happens inside our brains doesn't change. It helps to expand beyond taking the online test. After all, those that administer these tests as a profession are highly educated and trained to do so.

Guest (not verified) says...

I am an INFJ. When I took the test the second time (scored the same results), it was explained that people's results can change. It is unlikely that they will change after 25, because your personality and preferences are pretty concrete.

Guest (not verified) says...

you definitely are right; however, when doing these tests, we should use our core beliefs and not what we think is right. I think this is one of the reasons why ISTJs and ISFJs are the most common, their qualities are most valued in our society. Humble, quiet, hard working, and adhere to social norms.

Piss crumbs (not verified) says...

Good to know I shouldn't make my careers decisions off of this! 

Guest (not verified) says...

That's also my experience. I was also INTP and now am INFJ. I've read that people can and do move from "types" depending on where they are in life, which makes perfect sense.

Guest (not verified) says...

We humans are complicated folks...while these four areas may be dominant, we are probably a mix of a lot more. Certain things that are latent in our youth may emerge as we mature. I was more of an infp as a youth...as i grew older the p, the judgment aspect emerged and i learned to nurture it so that i am more of a practical doer than i once was...

Guest (not verified) says...

I had the same result, and I do believe your perspective changes as you grow.

Guest (not verified) says...

I too took the MBTI test about 15 years ago, when I was 14-15 years old, and at that time I was an INTP, which made sense to me then in all aspects, and now at 29, I am an INFJ, which seems to fit!

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm 14-15 at the moment, and I got INFJ. I wonder how my result will change.

Thushara (not verified) says...

Never worry about the changes in future. Be YOURSELF, NOW! And if you happen to change, if you really would, then you can BE that person THEN. You have a whole lot of years in your life ahead young one!

woofy20 says...

Hey! Me too, well actually first I got INFP, the INTP then INFJ, it seems my personality is gradually becoming more solid yey!

Clinton (not verified) says...

It's striking to me, really, how many other INFJ's were INTP's in their younger years! I, too, am in that boat, having just taken the test again at 29. I'm so fascinated by the idea that our small group of individuals seem to share these similar stories of growing wiser through experience, and that we seem to unanimously come to the same conclusions, ultimately landing us into the INFJ personality type. I find that being a rarity, oftentimes, means feeling misplaced, misunderstood, and alone, and just seeing all these comments, from those whom I definitely consider to be kindred souls, makes me feel so connected and, even more so, downright comforted!! : )

Guest (not verified) says...

I agree that it's really surprising many INTPs have become INFJs in their later years. I was one of those myself. Now looking more into this personality type I feel like I can understand myself so much better. It fits perfectly and it really does feel nice to know there are kindred spirits. One of the greatest things was finding out a friend I was just introduced to was also an INFJ. It's no wonder we got along so well right from the beginning.

Guest (not verified) says...

That's funny. I'm an INFJ and my daughter who everyone says behaves exactly like me is INFP.

janelle_thorsen says...

INFPs and INFJs actually act quite different. Look at more than one source on personality types.

Another infj (not verified) says...

How funny, I was also an infp when I was a teenager, right up until my early 30's
There's definitely something in this.

Thomas (not verified) says...

I am an IFNJ to the core. When I was a kid, we went on a long trip to visit my maternal grandmother, and I got in trouble because I wouldn't talk to her. She WAS a stranger, after all. I studied science and became a nutritionist and formulator. During my working years, I was the counsellor, facilitating understanding and common vision at every level of management, in every direction. I functioned as an IFNP. My company recently changed the CEO, and the new guy removed me from all active management about a year ago, allowing me the opportunity and the pleasure to revert back to a functional INFJ in my quiet room where I can be creative without interruption. The cohesiveness that used to be there in the company is absent, and he doesn't know why. What I know (since I was basically the sole creator of all the company's products), is that I am responsible for changing the core values of the company, and my creativity led to the 5-fold increase in revenue and profit over 17 years, but the CEO, who's been with the company 14 years, doesn't get it. Now, at 60, as I retire from this company, I know that there's likely a train wreck in the making, but I'm going to be enjoying being a teacher and consultant, a leader of creativity and innovation (among those who do recognize my unique knowledge and skills) to care.

Liz. Also an INFJ (no surprise) (not verified) says...

Same here Thomas. Im glad you recognize yr worth. I think it is our quiet way that sometimes allows us to be overlooked in the noisy, pushy world of business. I have had similar experiences myself to the one you describe. Do enjoy yr time ahead. It sounds delightful!

Guest (not verified) says...

I concur regarding our ability to create a cohesive, open, caring and creative environment. I described myself the other day to someone as the glue that fills the cracks and holds all the stuff together. No one ever gives the glue any credit. You never really see it and think that it is a discretionary, disposable "nice to have" vs. "need to have." Enjoy your retirement. Maybe folks will stick together to honor your contributions and meet the standards and expectations for communication and shared vision that you modeled for them.

brentamiller says...

I also find myself being the "glue" that sticks everything together. Very important to the organization, but often taken for granted and pushed aside. Forward, deep thinkers are often disliked by impulsive go getters.

One thing that I find difficult is that I do not enjoy being at the top in the hierarchy, but rather in a supporting position; however, in a sector like education, that often means being at the bottom and not having any control over what happens in your organization.

At the moment I'm struggling with the question of whether to move into educational consulting and work on my own, or to lead a more relaxing life as a simple teacher. How can one be the "glue" that holds things together if you are a freelance?

Thushara (not verified) says...

If I were you, I would treasure the relaxing part. You still can be effective as a teacher, concentrating on your individual pupils rather than the big picture of a large educational system. You can groom individuals to be their best. Good Luck Bantonym!

Guest (not verified) says...

INFJs' THINKING and FEELING are both very well developed therefore you can test INFJ now and INTJ later, especially if you are hormonal.lol.So you are still INFJ but we operate well in thinking mode as well because that gives us the ability to practical demonstrate our ideals and desires to make a difference, we are not mere dreamers we are doers.We are so good, what can I ( WE) say.lol ....and humble...

Guest (not verified) says...

This same exact change happened to me.

CTK (not verified) says...

Same thing here....I think I changed from INTP to INFJ as a result of becoming a spouse and a parent. I also think that 15 years of teaching have impacted my personality. Interesting that someone else had the same change.

HeyyItsAJ (not verified) says...

I think we begin to understand ourselves better as we get older and that's why we may score different. When you're stressed you can act in a different way. For example, I'm an INFP, but when I'm stressed I act like an ENFP. I'm naturally introverted, but when I get way too caught up in my thoughts I need outside stimuli, so I become more extroverted. It's just whether or not you're in tune with what makes you comfortable, or if you feel threatened somehow. Hope that offers insight :)

Guest (not verified) says...

You make a great point here. I have always scored INFP throughout my youth and only recently as INFJ. I definitely feel more aligned with my core self now. I realize much of my -P was a protection strategy (in my case, unwilling to face my fear of rejection and take action in social contexts).

Guest (not verified) says...

My opinion is stated as this:

INFJ's have a different kind of beauty compared to most types. Nature v.s. Nurture plays a role in this as well whether we change as we grow- but here's the twist that we should remember. INFJ'S have the ability to adjust to both functions as they go about through life. Our innerworld is what we love to be in, but we also use the functions to be a part of the outer world to make connections because we are so detached from it. When we do come out and we do try new things (different functions), we may feel like we are different from what we were. I was born with hearing, but as I aged to 3 I became deaf to the point where I couldn't hear, so I went through no hearing, to hearing, to no hearing and back to hearing. Now I have a better device which is called a Cochlear Implant. My mind was in its own world for so long because that was all I knew when I was in the process of improving my hearing. So, my Si function couldn't really work as much at all, I was a dreamer and idealist for so long, and very introverted. As I developed, and I began to hear again and met up on the same pace with my classmates, I became more extroverted.

Later I took the Meyer's Briggs test and came out as an ENFJ; I felt that was true, but later I began to take the test again, and different sites so I could see how accuruate it was or not. The test came to be INFJ. I truly found my niche and feel that I can switch between functions to make connections to the outer world while still having my inner world with me. We go through different stages in life.
In child development we learned that by the age of 5 a child's personality is developed, we can continue to change our personality but we have genes that we cannot change and tendencies that cannot be reversed. Honestly there's no argument about what's correct and what's not. We are who we say we are, and only we know the depth of ourselves, secrets in our being that no human could ever explore.

Hope this makes sense somehow.
P.S. I recommend researching many different sites about INFJ's that will give you a well rounded idea- or bigger picture

Matthias Terccero (not verified) says...

I love your comment,

'We are who we say we are, and only we know the depth of ourselves, secrets in our being that no human could ever explore.' This is beautiful. I agree. We have an intimacy with ourselves that know one can truly understand.

- Matthias

Guest (not verified) says...

I think the description of the types give us fundemental information who we are to begin. Years pass and we evolve our foundation. We may begin by being idealist towards the future but experiences over time teach us to live pragmaticly at the presence. The passage of time makes things richer.

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