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ESTJs and Other Personality Types

Kindred Spirits

People of the following types are more likely than most to share the ESTJ's values, interests, and general approach to life. They won't necessarily agree on everything, and there's no guarantee they'll always get along, but they're more likely to feel an easy rapport and have plenty of things in common.

Intriguing Differences

People of the following types are likely to strike the ESTJ as similar in character, but with some key differences which may make them seem especially intriguing. The ESTJ may find people of these types particularly interesting and attractive to get to know. Relationships between ESTJs and these types should have a good balance of commonalities and opportunities to challenge one another.

Potential Complements

ESTJs may not feel an immediate connection with people of the following types, but on getting to know each other, they'll likely find they have some important things in common, as well as some things to teach one other. Although people of these types may not attract the ESTJ initially, their relationships present a lot of potential to complement and learn from one other.

Challenging Opposites

People of the following types present the most potential for personality clash and conflict with the ESTJ, but also the best opportunities for growth. Because people of these types have fundamentally different values and motivations from the ESTJ's, initially, it may seem impossible to relate. But because they are so different, their strengths are the ESTJ's weaknesses, and if they are able to develop a relationship, they can learn a tremendous amount from each other.

ESTJs in Love

In relationships, the ESTJ is dependable, responsible, and opinionated. ESTJs appreciate routine and family traditions, and want stability and security in their home life. They tend to have very structured lives and organized homes.

ESTJs can be domineering, and often want to dictate schedules and procedures for the people around them. Decisive and strong-willed, they are sometimes impatient with their partners' feelings. They may need to work on relaxing control and opening the lines of communication.

ESTJs want a relationship they can rely on, and one that helps them live out their ideals of a traditional home life. ESTJs value a partner who appreciates their responsibility and productivity, and one who notices the ESTJ’s tangible contributions to the relationship.

ESTJs as Parents

As parents, ESTJs insist on clear roles and expectations. They emphasize respect for authority and for the rules of the household. ESTJ parents often take control of the family and assign jobs and duties to family members, expecting that these roles be carried out without complaint.

ESTJs are traditionalists with a strong appreciation for holidays, ceremonies, and cultural occasions, and often connect with their children through established rituals. The ESTJ’s ultimate goal in parenting is to raise their children to be hardworking, productive, and observant of the rules and expectations of society.

For more information: Please Understand Me II

ESTJ Communication Style

ESTJs are practical, action-oriented communicators. They often assume control and communicate to organize and determine what needs to be done. ESTJs are clear about expectations and procedures; they explain the necessary steps as well as how and when tasks should be completed. They are open to debate and criticism, but want rules to be followed and work to get done. They are focused on tasks and results and have little patience for deviation or nonconformity.

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Comments

Guest (not verified) says...

I don't know if this is still useful to you, but my parents had this paring and similar problems. My dad would try and try to fix it by trying to make her spend time together like he thought people 'should',  always missing the point that all my mother needed was a bit of space to do her own thing and a genuine appreciation for her own differences and cintributions. If you want to fix it, give her the time and freedom to be herself, and don't tell yourself that you already do that, because you probably don't...you just think you do and that's the problem. 

Morgan Ward (not verified) says...

After taking the test, and reviewing what the studies have described me to be, I would agree strongly with all of this. I am an athlete, and I love to take control and know that the situation is in control and structured. I love to know what is expected, and for everyone to have the same idea and guidelines for the assignment/project.

RachaelC (not verified) says...

Hi all... I have been trying to research myself for once... I usually get deep into details and pickup on the slightest things... most of what I read says that we estj hold jobs for long time... I have a problem with that... once I work somewhere I am very determined to do my part and people tend to feel like I am showing them up or something or even the male bosses seem intimidated... I am currently an admin assitant running the office on my own no help literally... while they are training me same time to be operations support assistant... it is too much I know I can do it all but not as fast as they would like... so the other isue is once I don't feel appreciated for the effort and time I put in... I just want to leave I don't want to stay where not respected... like I usually come in an hour early and stay over by an hour to get the work done... any suggestions for high paying career without having to go back to college... please and thank you!

ESTJ (not verified) says...

Have you considered setting up as a contractor or starting your own company? You can hire people to fill in the skills you lack, while retaining control over managing and structuring everything.

Sanjay Gore (not verified) says...

I am happy to know my personality is ESTJ though need help to develop as ENFpinspiring & ENTp visionary 

That would shape up my character 

Any thoughts...

MrKiemura (not verified) says...

Start dating ENFP as ESTJ. Challenging opposite, you probably do not have anybody in your social circle as these two types avoid each other. But if you happen to dat one ENFP...and survive...you will have learnt something a lot. The idea is that either you can associate with people compatible with you and not being challenged as you are or you can associate yourself with somebody who is absolutely challenging to you as person...which is tough, painful....but it gives to you an opportunity to grow.

Think and Do (not verified) says...

I have known that I am an ESTJ for a long time.  Most of the sites online hit it right on the head with their descriptions of my type.  Over the last six years I have learned to add empathy and emotion to my character type, and when I took the profile test again I was stunned to find out that I am an even stronger ESTJ now.  I agree with most on this thread that being an ESTJ rocks.  Unfortantely, while we appreciate who we are, it can be very challenging for non-thinkers, non-doers and non-traditionalists to understand and put up with us.  I have dated quite a bit and women love me because I am smart, organized, have my life completely in order, have been in a great job for a long time and generally have my stuff together.  What often happens is that this means the initial months of dating are great, then the woman comes to rely on me more like daddy than their partner.  I would love to meet a self aware, intelligent, action oriented, communicationally up front, high integrity woman who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her.  We value our time alone, and cherish our time together.  Like all ESTJ's, I am very social, love to engage strangers as much as life long friends and would love to meet a woman who is a compliment to me - not a carbon copy.  Thanks for reading.  

ESTJ (not verified) says...

Be careful what you wish for. I tried dating other ESTJs when I was younger and it was a nightmare! We would just battle for control constantly and both want to be the dominant one in the relationship. And as a woman, it is usually (not always, but as a general rule) expected that you act cute, submissive and at least a bit needy at times. The stereotypical idea of a woman is not the ESTJ. I think it's considered a bit more attractive in men, since ESTJ traits tend to be quite 'masculine' ('can do' attitude, very logical, not very emotional, etc). A lot of men, especially ESTJ types, seem to dislike those traits in a woman. The ESTJ men I dated all had the same complaints... they didn't feel like I needed them (I didn't, I wanted them), they didn't like the fact that I was so independent, and they found me too coldly logical for a woman if we ever disagreed (I think they were used to non-ESTJ types and hated dealing with someone who wouldn't just give in). An ESTJ dating an ESTJ sounds like a great idea on paper, but in reality you just have the exact same problems but now doubled. I do much better with someone who compliments me. The only thing I would really struggle with is a very emotional and sensitive person. I need a logical 'thinker'.

Lozinho (not verified) says...

Is anybody here an ESTJ mechanic or electrician? I was just wondering if  ESTJ's do any good with mechanical stuff since im thinking about studying one of these professions. 

Jdawg (not verified) says...

I love doing mechanical work and have done some electrical work as well.  I think those are great jobs for an ESTJ. 

lozinho (not verified) says...

Thanks for the answer Jdawg! Its always been something ive been thinking about, but since i didn’t find any of it written on truity,  or any estj mechanics on the internet, i was afraid i wouldn’t like it after trying it. Did you work as an electircian? And if you changed job, could i ask you why? :) Was there any difficulties with the personality in this area? Im just curious 💁‍♂️ 

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