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How do ENFJs communicate?

ENFJs are warm, compassionate communicators who show enthusiasm for other people and their ideas. They want to understand what is important to others so that they can take action to improve the situation for all involved. ENFJs readily give affirmation and support, making sure that people know that their ideas are valued. They are good at connecting with a variety of people and creative in coming up with solutions that accommodate others’ needs. They are often natural teachers and mentors, showing others the way and helping them to improve themselves.

What are ENFJs like as partners?

In relationships, the ENFJ is helpful and enthusiastically supportive. They are motivated to understand their partners and to do what pleases them, and are sensitive the the emotions and reactions of their mates.

ENFJs make great cheerleaders, and will encourage their partners to develop and explore their potential. They are engaged and ready to help, and look for opportunities to support their mates in their accomplishments.

ENFJ partners want harmony above all else, sometimes at the expense of their own needs. Conflict is upsetting to ENFJs, and they often avoid it. ENFJs are very sensitive to criticism and can become highly emotional and even punishing when their feelings are hurt. However, they have great insight about people, emotions and motivations; they are often able to put this talent to use in resolving things.

The ideal mate for an ENFJ appreciates their compassion, support, and dedication to helping others, and makes an effort to understand the ENFJ's feelings and values.

What are ENFJs like as parents?

As parents, ENFJs take an active and enthusiastic role in guiding the development of their children. They enjoy teaching their children the ways of the world, and set forth clear ideas of right and wrong in a warm and supportive way.

ENFJs have high expectations for their children, and often envision bright futures for them. They have an interest in their children's potential and want to inspire them to develop it. They can sometimes idealize their children, becoming disappointed when they don't live up to expectations. They may take their children's misbehavior personally, feeling that they have failed to instill their own strong values.

ENFJs and Other Personality Types

Kindred Spirits

People of the following types are more likely than most to share the ENFJ's values, interests, and general approach to life. They won't necessarily agree on everything, and there's no guarantee they'll always get along, but they're more likely to feel an easy rapport and have plenty of things in common.

Intriguing Differences

People of the following types are likely to strike the ENFJ as similar in character, but with some key differences which may make them seem especially intriguing. The ENFJ may find people of these types particularly interesting and attractive to get to know. Relationships between ENFJs and these types should have a good balance of commonalities and opportunities to challenge one another.

Potential Complements

ENFJs may not feel an immediate connection with people of the following types, but on getting to know each other, they'll likely find they have some important things in common, as well as some things to teach one other. Although people of these types may not attract the ENFJ initially, their relationships present a lot of potential to complement and learn from one other.

Challenging Opposites

People of the following types present the most potential for personality clash and conflict with the ENFJ, but also the best opportunities for growth. Because people of these types have fundamentally different values and motivations from the ENFJ's, initially, it may seem impossible to relate. But because they are so different, their strengths are the ENFJ's weaknesses, and if they are able to develop a relationship, they can learn a tremendous amount from each other.

Are you an ENFJ?

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Want to have a more in-depth conversation about being an ENFJ? Head on over to our discussion forum and post your questions, comments, and/or general musings!

Comments

Guest (not verified) says...

haha, same with me. I'm an art student. still, the description matches my personality quite well. maybe a mix with a little bit of ENTP?

mike_1 says...

So that's who I am! I suspected as much.

Guest (not verified) says...

Besides for the career selection, this was right on.... even though I'm a computer engineer, I now manage the international research for an engineering company and my primary job is to guild, grow, and set direction for the teams. So that actually fits in a scary way.

I consider myself to be the research cheerleader :-) I simply hire people smarter then me and groom them to do great things.

Guest (not verified) says...

"I simply hire people smarter than me and groom them to do great things".... Me to a T!

Trish Ann says...

so me. :)

Guest (not verified) says...

instead of saying groom use words like encourage, helping people see their own potential etc... groom, grooming sounds so manipulative, and really belongs to people that have personality disorders.

stephanie.maxine.wood says...

Absolutely! I often describe myself as the teacher's teacher, the trainer's trainer, and the coach's coach. I am good at solving problems because I look at what we did not learn and then teach it.

Trinigirl (not verified) says...

Very accurate and insightful. I took two different tests from two sources and still got the same personality type. I now understand my conflicting feelings of being a 'People' person yet at the same time treasuring my solitude.I also understand now why people often feel compelled to open up to me and share their innermost thoughts and problems. Even though I already understood myself before taking the tests, the personality profile helped clarify some grey areas and underscored others that I have always felt strongly about. And just as a footnote, I was a school teacher for 19 years, I'm currently enrolled in art classes and can't imagine a world without music.My favourite hobby? Reading.Uncanny......

Claire McKenzie (not verified) says...

I could not have written my experience any better! Very insightful and comforting to know there are 3% of ENFJ's in the world :>)

Rubberchicken (not verified) says...

This is definitely me. I earned a BS in Business Administration in college and focused most of my studies on human resource management and psychology. I wish I understood myself this well back then because I am not where I should be right now in terms of a career which is the source of much inner conflict.

StephanieJW (not verified) says...

Are you unhappy with your career path? What do you do?
I've been having some serious career doubts myself recently, but I think that I might know where to go thanks to this test.

Joel Lewis (not verified) says...

The results were so accurate that they were practically bone chilling. I found myself chuckling, feeling anxious and even sad at times while reading the results. This just justified the results more for me!

Guest (not verified) says...

This is so much me that it's almost scaring.

Guest (not verified) says...

Right?! There are some things on this that I try to hide and when I saw the results I was just like, "Um, how did you know that?" It's pretty neat what psychologists are doing with this knowledge. :)

austin edmonson (not verified) says...

really?

Guest (not verified) says...

Hey,

I am an INFP and am dating an ENFJ. I have been having trouble dealing with my girlfriend when she gets sad. I like to express sadness by crying and having one person sit with me and not try to cheer me up, just quietly listen to me talk and then I get over it. When ever my girl is sad, I try to do the same thing for her, but it clearly doesn't work at all...she just gets annoyed and sad. What is the best way? should I be peppy and goofy, or run around with her outside, or snuggle her, or get together with a group of people? Any suggestions from ENFJs out there?

Enfj girl (not verified) says...

Make her laugh,take her out, she needs to be active to stop her thinking. At least try it, it will maker her see you care and are prepare to go out of your way for her. The snuggling will come later.
At least that'll work with me.
Hope it helps.

Guest (not verified) says...

That would definitely work for me too.
My husband is rubbish when I'm sad, he avoids my to give me space which suits him but not me!

Go out with a good glass of wine, somewhere new and different to take my mind off things. Then lots of hugs etc

All sadness will be forgotten :)

Guest (not verified) says...

Maybe she just needs a hug and a sensitive, but funny joke to be made :)

Guest (not verified) says...

I am an enfj, which is why im taking the time to comment on this lol, just hold her, thats all she wants and to be told and validated

Mary (not verified) says...

Bring her her favorite things ( ice-cream, flowers etc). Ask her why she is sad and if there is anything you can do and whenever she is ready to talk about it you would like to hear about it. Always say you're sorry if you honestly think you could be wrong. If she is an idealist and others seem careless that would usually be the reason for her sadness. Insensitivity is an anethema to her type.

Guest (not verified) says...

Encorage her to learn. Learn about her, about live, about growth and expansion.

REL the ENFJ (not verified) says...

What an awesome question! The fact that you care enough about her to set about finding a new way to help her is really special. Candidly, I think that when sad ENFJs can really struggle, my sense is that is so because it is not a place they tend to visit and know that the root of most people's issues come from camping out in these places. That said, what works for me are a few things. First and foremost not being reacted to but rather my husband being ok with me being sad. When folks react to my feelings it kind of sucks because my tendancy is to then take care of them. Anyway, space, exercise and just working myself through it helps.

Trying to be helpful (not verified) says...

Enfjs feel their emotions very deeply and relate to people best in physical ways. Talking doesn't cut it because they are the masters of using their words to make people feel good. So my advice is to Listen at first, agree with everything she says. If I were u I would not say anything contrary or anything much at all. Then try to be affectionate and get as sad as she is. If u can get her to kiss you back you have succesfully told her u love her. Makeout. Definately snuggle, that was a
good idea and in the right direction. After go out for some icecream, watch an old cartoon, or do something cliche sweet like that . I apologize if it is too much, as an enfj i am compulsive with trying to be helpful and ofcourse i compulsively worry about what people think of what I have said . But I wish u best of luck.

Guest (not verified) says...

Hey, love languages and comforting are all different... I highly suggest that you take the time to read "The 5 Love Languages". It describes that people recieve and give love in five primary ways:

1. Gifts
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

I'd try to figure out which of these your girlfriend appreciates the most, and then focus on that. For example, I really don't appreciate gifts at all. They're nice, but they don't mean much to me. So sometimes I have to have a frank conversation with a friend who is only trying to be nice that they should try a different approach. On the other hand, a hug or a few words of encouragement can light up my day instantly.

Give it a try, my friend.

Guest (not verified) says...

Personally, I would really appreciate someone with the same attitude as I use with a Partner or Close friend that is sad and distraught. A soft Approach and perhaps a warm Hand on the shoulder accompanied by calm questions about what is making them upset, followed by questions like "so you feel uncomfortable because this Situation made you feel that you didn't handle it well" and then "so why was you way of handling it that bad, did it creat some great negative Impact really?"I ask These questions in a Kind tone and very calmly and peacefully until the Person has actually made her or himself discover through their own answers that there is no possiblity that things are as distrasous as their Feelings might lead them to believe. Or just to help them have a look at a mood and why it might not be so weird or big deal to be in a bit of funk ocasionally. If the sadness is indeed linked to an Event where my Partner or friend ended up Feeling like they failed or received Feedback that makes them feel bad, I go through the questions and then try to end with asking a question about whether how my friend/partner's Action or Input in the said Situation could not be seen as valuable/intelligent/useful for a reason I perceive and then let them answer what they think. Just Walking someone through the Feelings and Event and Show the other possibles angles of a Situation tends to be very helpful to reduce the worst negative emotions.

I guess that this is similar to your girlfriends expectations. She wants you to help her see that it might not be so grim of a Situation as she might feel it to be at the Moment. Passive silence would be very weird to a ENFJ Person, rather unnatural as a reaction and possibly even a further burden since she might feel that your silent presence is a pressure for her to get out of her funk quicker - without any Support to help her get there! However I don't think you might feel that it's natural for you to immediately jump on the Cheerleader bandwagon so I hope that this more calm Approach of slowly asking questions leading the Person to face and comment on the reasons for their sadness while you Show your interest in a calm and warm manner might do the trick for both of you! Good Luck!

GUEST (not verified) says...

Thank you for posting your paragraphs about how to react to someone who is distressed or sad. Your last paragraph about the awkwardness of silence is spot on. You stated, "she might feel that your silent presence is a pressure for her to get out of her funk quicker". My husband tends to stare at me when I am upset or sad. Finally I had to ask him to give me a hug to show some level of sympathy. I took the Myers Briggs twice when in my 20's and got ESTJ as the result. Now, I'm over 30 and after taking the assessment I realize I am an ENFJ.

Great advice to the one who is reacting to the sad or distressed individual.

Guest (not verified) says...

Ask her. No one else can tell whats best for her than herself.

Gaby (not verified) says...

A bit late here, but as for me, I always want my boyfriend to just confirm that he is there for me. I like affection and affirmation when I'm sad and I want to know that my feelings mean something to him. I want him to listen to me, then do something sweet to show me that he cares and wants to cheer me up. That recipe confirms his caring for me.

Hope that helps.

Guest (not verified) says...

Small thoughtful gifts or gestures that would be meaningful to her. Tell jokes. Funny stuff cheers me right up.

Guest (not verified) says...

Just ask her what she wants. If she's an ENFJ she will be up front and tell you what she wants.

Joshuamonkey (not verified) says...

I'm an ENFJ, and one of the main characteristics of the ENFJ is that they like to serve and help the world around them as opposed to being served, and also they reciprocate the feelings of those around them. So the suggestion to go and do something else to not think about it so much is a good one, perhaps even by doing something that involves using their "tertiary Se" to soothe, like music or the outdoors. A good social activity can do good too. It works on myself.

ENFJ Gal (not verified) says...

Make her feel validated and try to understand her. As an ENFJ girl, myself, I have an intense empathetic response to others and I have a hard time connecting with those who lack empathy. By engaging her you're saying "Hey, I feel with you and I want to connect with you and understand you on a deep level."

Once you break the ice and let her express herself fully ( and not make her feel guilty for her feelings) then you can transition into silly jokes and encourage her to do other things to get her out of her slump :)

Guest (not verified) says...

As an ENFJ myself, I can verify that I would prefer physical reassurance in her position. A comforting arm around the shoulder, a few consoling words. Don't overdo it, but being silent isn't quite the position to take either. Of course, every type of personality has flexibility to it. Everyone is individual. For instance, I'd much rather be analyzing a structure blueprint than be a social worker, though that isn't a usual tendency for an ENFJ. In short, just show you are listening and offer a few kind, soft-spoken words.

Guest (not verified) says...

This is so me!

Guest (not verified) says...

Uncanny, I have always worked with people helping them learn, adapt and improve their life. I see potential in everyone and love doing things differently. must get my friends to do these tests its a real conversation piece.

Guest (not verified) says...

I can't help feeling that this must be some psychic trick--so much of this speaks to exactly what I'm doing and the challenges that I'm facing. It not only solidifies what I've always believed my motives to be (make the world a better place; help those around me achieve their personal best), but also neutralizes the negative energies/comments of those around me who feel I do what I do for personal gain and attention. What a gift--thank you.

Ginny (not verified) says...

That's me.

Carrie (not verified) says...

I was on a roll in finding what's best for myself, and it's a good thing that i took this personality test, to know that I am an ENFJ, because by reading the description, it's helping me making the biggest choices I have to face right now, and it's all about my current course. :) THIS IS SO ME! Thank You so much!

enjftoo (not verified) says...

I am an ENFJ to the core... except the conflict part. I'm extremely talented at conflict in work settings and getting people to see "eye to eye". However, in personal life, I avoid conflict like the plague. Anyone else identify?

guest (not verified) says...

I completely agree!

Guest (not verified) says...

Yes!

Guest (not verified) says...

Was somebody reading my mind??LOL It is so accurate I couldn't believe it!!! Not ONE thing off......AMAZING AMAZING!!!! Thank you.

elizadoolittle (not verified) says...

100% ENFJ :o) I am totally energised by time with friends, whereas my non-ENFJ friends can become quite drained in company. Have you seen - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DJblHzEdLw and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXPZZsUTNVE I think maybe his character is ENFJ as I drive my friends crazy with my enthusiasm, joy, positivity and zest for life :o) Reassuring to find out others share my enthusiasm.

Sacha (not verified) says...

This clip is 100% accurate! People think we are being fake because we appreciate them so much...Even the little things no one else notices.

Mary (not verified) says...

Remarkably accurate. Hate discord. Someone burns their hand, I say "ouch". Get along very well with 5 year olds because I am one. Coud never be a dental assistant ( hurt myself with a water pick). Very sensitive around mates. If they say the slightest inflammatory thing I get sad and that confuses them because most people retalliate.
Enjoy motivational speaking and yes, do physical training for stress. Can work a room and a kitchen.
Do get discouraged around egocentic non team player types and control freaks.

Gina (not verified) says...

Yes, I felt this described me almost in detail.

Guest (not verified) says...

To some extent it is me.

Guest (not verified) says...

Sounds like me, teamwork is what I need for my career I want as a firefighter.

Missywolfpack says...

Me for sure! Must be why I lasted not long in the military!

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