I am in a dark place in my life, and trying to make sense of it all. Fortunately I discovered this site, and after I did the test and read more about my personality type, (INFP), things are starting to make some sense. I took care of my late husband until he died of cancer in 2007. I also cared for my beautiful Down Syndrome daughter until she passed away in 2013, at age 22. She was my whole life, my reason for living! Since she passed, my life is empty and meaningless. My family and friends have never been an active part of my life, but now they have totally abandoned me. No reasons, only comments like: "Of course, you are emotional", and "Sorry, you just don't fit in". I am staying with my older daughter and granddaughter. Everyday I wish that God will come and take me home also, but somehow I just know that isn't going to happen any time soon. How do I carry on living among emptiness, rejection and mountains of hurt?

Comments

Zlaty (not verified) says...

I'm so sorry for your horrible losses. I feel your pain, but I know you can get through this. You are an amazing person, with amazing inner strength! Practically, you should keep yourself as busy as possible, so that you won't have time to wallow in self-pity. Get involved in a charity, or visit hospitalized kids. I know from my own experience that helping other people can be very therapeutic. And remember to laugh every day!

Andelene Horsford (not verified) says...

Thank you for your encouraging reply! A wonderful thing happened that changed my life and gave me new meaning! I accepted a job to help care for a sick 83 year old gentleman. He has Altzheimers, and his 75 year old wife also has health problems. Now I am truly happy, taking care of this gentleman on their family farm! It is like honoring my Colleen's life, and also feeling her with me at times. I decided that this will be my new life, to help care for sick old people!

Matt Gusick (not verified) says...

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and daughter over such a short period of time. Do you feel that you have finished grieving? You were the primary caretaker for your daughter for over 20 years, and I take it from your entry that these were wonderful years. Your life was delicately interwoven with your daughter's in a way that few people can understand. When your daughter was on this earth, you and she were no doubt like two peas in a pod. Isn't that feeling of union, of comfort, still there to some extent - - spiritually, emotionally? Your daughter enjoyed being with you; don't you think she would be with you now if she could? What I'm trying to say is: perhaps she is. Perhaps you are still those two peas in a pod, and she is protecting you now like you always protected her.

May I ask, was your daughter creative with her hands? What did your daughter like to do? How wonderful it would be to teach Down Syndrome children how to express themselves creatively. It would be a wonderful legacy for a terrific young lady, and it would give you something worth waking up for every day. I hope you find some peace. Blessings to you. :-)

Andelene Horsford (not verified) says...

Thank you for understanding so well! I think you are right, about my daughter still being with me in spirit. You see, a wonderful thing happened that changed my life! A friend asked me if I would be interested in doing home care for a sick gentleman, and I agreed. The people came to interview me, and I got the job. Now I help to care for this 83 year old gentleman who has Altzheimers. It is almost like having my Colleen here with me! The job is easy and very fulfilling for me, and I get paid to do it! I realized that this is who I am, and what I do best! Taking care of this sick gentleman is like honoring my Colleen's life!

Matt Gusick (not verified) says...

I am so happy and excited to hear about your new home care opportunity! What a great way to channel all your abundant love and attention. Caregiving for a gentleman with Alzheimer's could be very challenging for many people, but this assignment seems to be energizing you and filling you with hope. There's no doubt in my mind that you are getting guidance from Colleen. Keep it up, Andelene, and just take it a day at a time. :-)

Andelene Horsford (not verified) says...

Thank you, Matt. The best part of this assignment, is the bond I have already built with this gentleman. When he sees me, he smiles! Many techniques I used with Colleen, works for him also. I am making a positive difference in his life, and that gives me the courage to carry on! Yes, I
am just taking one day at a time, because thinking about the future is really scary and too overwhelming for me.

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