Basically, I (a very near sixteen year old INTJ teenager) am somewhat depressed, and I'm not doing so great in school. I am oftentimes distracted from my work, instead attempting to put off things in favor of vain means of entertainment. Though it seems false to accuse myself of such a thing, I would say that I am in a state of emotional distress. Every day, I become stressed by things such as the inane behaviors of other people, homework, inefficiency, deadlines, lack of reasoning, and sometimes even the passage of time itself. Stress has been hindering me especially recently, as even my distractions have begun to frustrate me, increasingly slowing down my work as a student and an analyst. I would assume that the best way to thin my emotional problems would be to just try to get my priorities straight and my work done, but my nuisances and distractions or perhaps addictions make such a task ever difficult. I need some advice: what should I do? How could I best deal with such stress? How would I best get rid of some of my bad habits and become more focused on work? I would greatly appreciate responses offered as soon as possible.


BettyBettyBetty (not verified) says...

37 year old female INTJ here. When I was in college, I often found myself bored with assignments and would sometimes rush through them just to get them done. I had my big Plan of what I wanted in life, and I had to get through college to get a degree in my field to get there. One thing you have to understand, it's the little aggravating details that you find boring that can be extremely important to the big picture. Rush through, delay, or get impatient, and your grades can suffer, your relationships between your peers and your teachers will suffer, and you might end up sabotaging your own Plan. Those boring assignments aren't things in the way of the Plan, they ARE the way in the Plan.

I had a job where there were several incompetent and bickering co-workers who would get away with everything, miss deadlines, and cause general turmoil in the office because they were unreliable. It drove me crazy and there were days I wanted to just throw my hands up in the air and quit, because here I was showing up on time, doing my job well, and these guys would get away with murder. You cannot change other people's bad, annoying, and unreasonable habits. Instead of allowing them to bother you to the degree that their behavior and actions cause you to sabotage yourself, refocus and take it as a challenge you need to Adapt and Overcome. You let them get to you and it affects your performance or makes you angry and do/say something stupid, they WIN. You learn to deal with it, work around and keep plugging on doing your awesome thing regardless of all their dribble, YOU win. An old guy said to me, "Like water off a duck's back, let the (poop) roll off." How true. And remember, especially at your age, there is always some miserable person who wants to make you miserable just to cut you down to their level. Now you know THEIR plan, so shrug it off, put your figurative armor on, and ignore it. When you learn to work with and around difficult people, you gain important communication and social maneuvering skills that are highly beneficial in life and any career. When you learn how they operate and how they respond, you become a tactician in working with, through and around them.

You mention addiction. Whatever it is, please wean off it and stop. No matter what life throws at you, or how you get mistreated by others, you NEVER TAKE IT OUT ON YOURSELF. Addictions are the worst self sabotage. I was never good enough for my mother, even though I was top 10 in my class and a model student. By the time I was 15, I thought about suicide multiple times and came so very, very close at least 3 times. I suppose I was expected to end up on drugs, sleep around, and run away (which I almost did). But I knew what I wanted and how to get there, and running away, addictions, and suicide would have ruined that. I stopped trying to please her a long time ago and focused on my Plan.

Form *your* Plan of what you want in life. Now map out what you need to do to get there. Write it all down. Good grades, college, a job to get a car, etc. Now look at the ways you are self-sabotaging = addictions, procrastinations, bad grades. You are responsible for those. No matter what crud someone else throws at you, they didn't make you get bad grades or slack off or get addicted.

Also note that at nearly 16, you get madder and sadder to a more extreme degree than an adult because you have raging hormones and have also not had the life experience to pull from to comfortably handle situations. You're learning those now. Beat the snot out of the guy who has been talking smack about you all week, you sabotage yourself. Give him the figurative middle figure and realize "it's mind over matter, I don't mind because he doesn't matter," and you're filling your Learn Locker with strategic skills.

I wish you well!

Mr Taylor (not verified) says...

I can understand your situation, and the answer is simple, the execution not so, you have to work for it. I'm INTJ but have only known this for around two years, the same time I was diagnosed with ADHD. I'm in my late 30's, and since realising my personality type and getting my diagnosis, I started working with my strengths, in doing so I started making changes in the way I do things at work, and have doubled my salary this year alone. At school, I was always distracted, the teachers would say I had the potential but would rather play around. I always thought this was a general throw away comment, not realising it was true.
My advise to you would be, find a career that suits our personality type that interests you. Make it your goal, and work at it. As INTJ, we have a great gift for analytical research, use it for school, even if it bores the hell out of you. If there's one thing I could say to my younger self that I'll say to you "get your shit together, and be all that you can be". In other words, when do you want your success to start, as soon as possible, or when you're nearly 40?

Emma Caroline (not verified) says...

I faced almost the exact same dilemma in high school this year (I just graduated). I don't know if all INTJs are the same when it comes to this stuff but I found that I was able to focus and get back on things when I reorganized myself. Staying organized and doing my work in a timely manner actually made me feel better about school and I wanted to keep on doing it because of the sense of accomplishment. Along with that, I found something to keep my mind off stress and other tempting distractions that I was struggling to give up. I found that creating little projects for myself that I was passionate about that would completely take my mind off of everything and also give me a sense of accomplishment. I really enjoy decorating and old pictures so I went to multiple relatives house to gather up really old pictures and put them in frames and arranged them on our dinning room wall (it took about a week). It kept me busy and I enjoyed doing it and in the end everyone enjoyed my work. Find hobbies and activities that you are into and busy yourself with them instead of other things that accomplish nothing (like TV).
As an INTJ, we definitely don't prefer to hang out with people in our free time, especially when we are stressed. But, let me tell you, hanging out with some good friends, for even just half an hour, does a lot to boost your mood if you have a good time. It takes us out of our little world (and nothing against our little worlds, they are awesome) and forces us to realize that life is good and it's not all about that paper due next Monday or the bad grade in Math. Also, by hanging out with other humans who are also imperfect and have struggles, it reminds you that everyone has struggles and many worse than your own and that's okay, that's life. Take one day at a time. INTJs are big picture people and sometimes I have to take myself out of the mindset when it comes to very stressful times. Enjoy each day that is given to you and do your best, don't worry about tomorrow.

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