Stumbled on this forum by chance today. I'm an INTJ woman in my early 50s and have been pondering the whole relationship thing for many days now. Was married for a while earlier in life, for all the wrong reasons, and I have chalked that up to a disaster I won't repeat. This summer I met a man who is absolutely everything I could want: we enjoy the same outdoor pursuits, have a compatible intellect, have similar tastes in music, and the sex is out of this world. Here's the catch: he's married, though apparently unhappily. Now normally a fiercely independent INTJ woman would love this -- no strings to tie me down, but someone to share parts of life with once in a while. But I'm actually quite taken aback by how much this has thrown me into a tailspin, questioning my lifelong choice of independence over dependence. Oh how I wish this could be someone I shack up with, grow old with, read headlines together, debate theories over tea or scrabble, spend long days not getting out of bed, and having someone by my side who has my back, and vice versa.
Is this a) a (late) midlife crisis; b) a typical INTJ problem, or c) simply a situation where I want what I can't have, which is a coping mechanism for remaining independent? Or d) am I having a mental crisis?