I'm an INTJ. My boyfriend is an ENTP. We usually get along like soul mates, but every once in a while, he loses his temper and snaps at me for no real reason. In 3 years, it's happened maybe 3 times. When he snaps, its vicious and incredibly hurtful. 

As an INTJ, my natural reaction is to recoil and lick my wounds. Even if he apologizes immediately, I need some time for the burn to stop. I don't lash at him or anything. I just don't talk to him. I literally can't.

So, when I've gotten over the burn and come to him, HE'S shut down and tearing himself up for hurting me. I end up apologizing for him being hurt for hurting me. 

Is this normal for an ENTP or not?? I don't feel that it's normal. I feel that it's manipulative behavior. Am I wrong? We've had wonderful, deep communication. I know he feels deeply just as I do as an INTJ.

Is he really hurt for hurting me or making it about himself??

Comments

Teatime (not verified) says...

Hello, INTJ. As you can probably tell from my name, I myself am an ENTP. I feel like you should know that while such actions are typical of many of us, including myself at times, it's definitely not okay. If he can't control it, he has a problem. I'd presume he snaps verbally, just like I do, using his knowledge of you and his eloquence to hurt you? He doesn't mean it, but it's still not okay.

 

-Teatime

thegps (not verified) says...

ENTP with a temper here. He really is sorry. But don't apologize for him feeling bad for hurting you!  He should feel bad. He just needs to talk about it because it helps reconnect with you, he wants to know you can forgive him, and he may not really understand why he did it in the first place. Personally, three times in three years doesn't seem like much. DO set some boundaries of what kinds of things are definitely NOT allowed to say, and maybe brainstorm together what might lead up to these moments and what he should do instead when he feels frustrated/angry and tempted to lash out.

Odin Goksør (not verified) says...

This may sound kind of rough, but us ENTP's are one of the types more likely to "suffer" from narcissism and even sociopathy. 

It's hard to judge your situation without having been there, but I hope you make the right choice for both of you.

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