So I've been dating an INTJ for a few months. We started off as friends and it never occured to me that he liked me. I have many insecurities and have been let down a lot in the past. Although I know I shouldn't let my past dictate my future I am still quite wary and a little insecure. I'm giving the guy a chance and for thr past ten months he messages me everyday even though I've said he doesn't need to he still has been...up until last week when he just completely stopped messaging me. I found it very odd and messaged him a few times but his response has been just one or two messages and that is it. My initial thought was that he just needed some space which was fine. However then he became even more distant and I then thought he has found someone else more interesting or is now distancing himself as he is no longer interested. So I spoke to him yesterday and we chatted for a couple of hours. But today is the same distance again. I guess I am afraid of losing him as he has become a part of my life and we just are so compatible! Part of me is thinking I should just leave him be and if or when he wants to come and talk to me he knows what he has to do.... But part of me is thinking I really don't want to get hurt. I'm an INFJ btw. I feel like I'm becoming someone paranoid and clingy/needy etc which I hate so much and I'm trying to avoid as much as I can but I can't help it. I just needed to have a rant about this as I'm not sure what I should do.

Thank you for reading this post and any suggestions or advice would be appreciated!

Comments

Austin Baker (not verified) says...

I kindof have the same situation (Same types I'm INFJ she's INTJ) only the genders are reversed and one other thing. She doesn't like me in the slightest. She values my opinion on things because she knows I'm intellectual, at least around her, but that's about it. She hates compliments and general sweetness but also hates when guys are forward and pushy. She's one of the smartest girls I know and it's really frustrating because it's extremely attractive.
Sorry I guess I needed to vent a little too. ;)
As for your situation, I'm kinda surprised he's texting you at all being INTJ. That's a good sign. I feel really bad for you feeling clingy as an INFJ I know the feeling. The only advice I can give is to be honest with him and your feelings. INTJ's are some of the most mysterious and unpredictable types out there so, sorry to say, but you have a hard road ahead of you. It's next to useless trying to figure them out. It'll be worth it if you keep pursuing though. If he really does feel something for you, this might turn his heart. (The pursuing and honesty) If not, then this relationship probably would've ended worse down the line anyway. Whatever happens know that you are loved by friends and family (and Jesus) and that you always have time. The End is Not The End.
Godspeed, Austin

Guest (not verified) says...

well I've been messaging him and he has been replying. We spoke on Friday and it was to do with his work, he was having a hard time with work and quit that day. They seem to not appreciate his hard work. And I think because of that he seems to shut everything he cares about out. I asked him if he wants to be with me and he replied he doesn't know and that I must be crazy to be with him. I told why I like him but I don't know. Although last night he seemed a little bit more OK, he said he's been talking to his sister last night and said we'll catch up. But it never happened but i'm thinking he probably thought I had fallen asleep and normally he messages me the next morning to apologise but I never got that. So now I've been wondering what is going on with us and whether he wants to back out.

I'm not being overly clingy or needy, just sending simple messages like 'hey how are you' so keeping it really simple. Normally with guys like this I give up and move on but this time it's just different and I don't know why :(

christyash23 says...

I can't really diagnose the INTJ type perfectly because I am only a close cousin (INTP). However, both types, I have noticed, won't be the best initiators. We both tend to leave people alone and not want to bother them. If I feel like I am being too forward or texting somebody too much, I usually back off or stop communicating altogether. We try to tell ourselves that we are perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves and don't need anyone. But sometimes, I understand, it is hard to tell whether an INTJ doesn't have feelings for you, or if it is his personality kicking in and causing him to retreat to the safety of solitude.

Guest (not verified) says...

It seems that his self-esteem has got really low and as mentioned above he is going through a rough period and I think he doesn't know how to deal with it all. I explained to him that regardless of what happens I'm sticking by him. I won't just give up on him because he's hit a brick wall.

I wish I was really tough at times like this and not give a damn :(

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm INTJ; I would say to what you wrote....

"So I've been dating an INTJ for a few months. We started off as friends and it never occured to me that he liked me. I have many insecurities and have been let down a lot in the past. Although I know I shouldn't let my past dictate my future I am still quite wary and a little insecure. I'm giving the guy a chance and for thr past ten months he messages me everyday even though I've said he doesn't need to he still has been..." -------He likes you a lot or think's your very interesting if he messages you everyday.

"up until last week when he just completely stopped messaging me. I found it very odd and messaged him a few times but his response has been just one or two messages and that is it. My initial thought was that he just needed some space which was fine. However then he became even more distant and I then thought he has found someone else more interesting or is now distancing himself as he is no longer interested" ------------He stopped partly because you told him he doesn't have to. He may think you're not interested in him and be protecting/preventing being hurt; so you should be honest and forward with him and just tell him how you feel.-----------

"So I spoke to him yesterday and we chatted for a couple of hours. But today is the same distance again. I guess I am afraid of losing him as he has become a part of my life and we just are so compatible! Part of me is thinking I should just leave him be and if or when he wants to come and talk to me he knows what he has to do.... " --------if you both chatted and did not talk about your feelings then he probably is even thinking more that you're not interested in him. again you should be honest and forward with him and just tell him how you feel.------------

"Part of me is thinking I should just leave him be and if or when he wants to come and talk to me he knows what he has to do.... But part of me is thinking I really don't want to get hurt. I'm an INFJ btw. I feel like I'm becoming someone paranoid and clingy/needy etc which I hate so much and I'm trying to avoid as much as I can but I can't help it. I just needed to have a rant about this as I'm not sure what I should do." ---------- He probably won't come talk to you again as he wrote you off as not interested in him; or not serious. Be forward.

Guest (not verified) says...

I have been honest and told him how I feel, how we are a team and I will stand by him regardless. I explained how I understand that he is going through a rough period and what he must be feeling but not to give up especially on us and it was a lengthy message- his reply was just thanks. And that was it which hurt a little but I let it slide. So he knows and is fully aware of how I feel about him yet he has just been distant and when we do talk he is such an asshole! It's like he just doesn't care because he has lost his way a little. I am hoping he comes to his senses soon because I miss him so much and it hurts.

Ynez (not verified) says...

I personally am a INTJ
The fact he was first messaging you every day is a good sign. INTJ's can become excited about something and pay lot of atention to the thing they are excited about but as the times goes on we think they know they are loved and no need of reminder also we may do a thing which ends up hurting a person without realising it because of us so dont worry, also INTJ's dont feel the need to display affection very often
The fact he is distancing himself from you doesn't need to mean he is no longer intrested so you can talk about how you feel and make him understand your feelings and spend more time together talking about the things both have in common
Ps: INTJs love deep conversations (use that)
;)

Andrew Eadie (not verified) says...

I know exactly what happened, Im INTJ.

INTJ's don't message people everyday unless they are really into them, so it's fair to say he likes you a lot.

The fact that you've been "dating" for 10 months and you saw him mostly as a friend is not a good sign for the INTJ.

Beleve it or not he's really been trying for this relationship and wants more.

He feels like a failure and has simply given up, and is probuly upset with the amount of time he's wasted on this for you to only give him scraps and not a fully commeted relationshp.

Lemontiramisu says...

Hi Andrew

Well believe or not we are getting married in a few weeks time :D he proposed last year and I said yes. Despite his bad habit of going off radar when something has annoyed him and he won't tell me till I bug him about it. But that is a work in progress.

boudoir says...

Congratulations!

I am very happy that it worked out for you!

AnoN INFJ (not verified) says...

Hi, congratulations. You are lucky. I could use some advice as I am in a similar situation you were a year before. I am an INFJ and I have fallen for an INTJ a little while back. We do not live in the same place. We are not dating. Anyway, I met this INTJS and we immediately clicked so hard. It was mutual, he was texting me every day. I thought I'd met my soul mate. He talked about vulnerability and emotions with me so much I was shocked when he took the test and found out he was an INTJ. We did not express any romantic feelings but he said I'm wonderful, pretty, he considers me a close friend, so glad he can finally have intelligent conversation again, etc. This was all as friends. Just friends. Then the new semester started and he said he would be busy with classes and homework but he still wants to talk to me so we should plan video chats - since there is distance. Since he started classes a few weeks ago, he hasn't initiated at all. I'm trying to leave him alone bit after like a week of a time not hearing anything from him I'll send him a message to see how he is and he responds but it never becomes a lengthy conversation anymore. He did say he needs a lot of time to himself and not to take it personally. But it's hard because he went from being so attentive to not interested at all. I googled Signs of his type losing interest and everyone had said if they stop initiating contact is a sign they think it's not going to work out and have lost interest and that being clingy will make them lose interest. I feel like he met someone else or something, lost interest, or maybe I was off the mark and he never thought of me in an intimate way. 

Share your thoughts