I'm an INTJ. She's an ENFP. I mean, I love and all, but lately it's becoming harder to tolerate her. She always want to play with me even when I'm busy. When I'm randomly standing somewhere she'd leap from behind and surprise hug me. I just want some space. Have any of you had difficulty dealing with different personality types? I tell her to stop all the time but she she keeps forgetting.

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lexie.white says...

That's interesting because INTJs and ENFPs are sort of like the power couple of MBTI! See, I'm an INTP and my sister is an ESFJ so we really tend to butt heads since we're exact opposites. I get really bugged by her and she gets crazy bugged by me too. She thinks I'm pretentious and a know-it-all (which, okay, I kind of am) and I always tell her she's too close-minded and concerned with the opinions of others. I guess the only way I can really fix the fights I have with my sister is to tap into my Inferior extraverted feeling; since it's her dominant function and my inferior, it can be challenging. However it's kind of good in some respects because that way I get to develop my lesser used functions. In conclusion, I totally know how you feel, but like I said INTJs and ENFPs have the potential to make a really, REALLY good team!!!

pukibeth says...

Actually, the ENFP is a wonderful problem that will never leave me alone. For starters, my mom is one. She does things that don't make sense, I do things that do, and we fight- a lot. But mostly she O.K., and does her job well. Somethings though, out of nowhere, we'll be on good terms (again) and she'll start comPLETEly not making sense. A big, emotional fight that usually ends up ripping me apart (and building me up again during the healing process), then some nice, perfect peace, only to have it happen again. It's a cruel cycle that I've been trying to break for years, but I've come to learn it called living w/ a ENFP. Getting used to a having a ENFJ in the house was so tormenting, especially since he's her boyfriend and they tend to team up on stuff that makes no sense. But we definitely aren't as close, so it wasn't as much of a struggle.

This summer I met an ENFP peer at my summer camp. I sized her up as an idiot, (but I tried to NOT trust it since I had had experiences with plenty of people I had put barriers unintentionally w/ because of an almost right guess). It took me 3 days to face all the drama and hurt and stuff you face when going somewhere new, and a huge percentage of that was her and her friends (who didn't know I hated them). After I got used to it she started to hate ME. I just waited patiently for her to get to where I had gotten (which took at least a week, not to brag), and we were fine. We're actually really good friends now, and I couldn't imagine not being friends with her. A similar plot had happened during the school year with another ENFP and I had missed the school friend so much.

As for sibling related problems, we have my brother. He's too young for the test (5), but I've figured out he's an Extravert. We find it hard to get along over the summer when he stays home w/ my grandmother and I go to camp. I really, REALLY try to keep his clingy fingers off me, sometimes I swear it feels like he's super glued on me. After a stressful day I swear it's a living nightmare. But all I can do is spend time w/ him so he won't get like that, and pray that the Golden Rule works for me.

Hope this helps! :)

INTJ tigress (not verified) says...

I have an ESFP sister and we actually get along quite well. When we were younger we used to fight all the time, but now we are on good terms. She leads me around in the social situations and speaks for me when I'd rather not say anything. In turn, I have learned to tolerate the goodnight hugs and randomness. She is very, VERY amusing and never ceases to make me laugh, but sometimes doesn't know when to leave me alone.

The trick is to find something in common. For us, it's music. I play piano and practice constantly, and she plays a wide variety of music and doesn't practice often. But we both enjoy listening to similar genres (sometimes).

Sometimes she has trouble trusting me, because she knows how I can use logic to bend people to my will... cant argue with that one...

Just try to keep things in common, and maybe explain how it makes you FEEL when she bugs you. Because she's a feeler, just knowing that it actually makes you feel could make her realize what she's doing and change her behavior.

So yeah, it's a give and take.

Guest (not verified) says...

My second husband and I have been married for 5 years, and now he wants a divorce. He moved out 4 days after announcing it. I am an ENFP, and he is an ISTJ. I think we are on two different planets. When we were dating and first married, I think he was trying to be more outgoing than he really is. So, I got this impression that he was sort of in the middle as far as introvert/extrovert. However, I am in the health care field and have always been a giver...wanting to make people feel good....caretaker....writing letters to people....checking on them......etc. People give me energy. He always thought I was too generous to people, and shouldn't go out of my way to talk to anybody...which he found annoying. I would always give him backrubs...none for me....hurt his hands, etc. He sort of leans on the OCD as far as house-cleaning. I keep a "decent" home, but don't get bent out of shape if there is a blade of grass on the floor. He says we have different "standards." I always tried to let him have his alone/recharge time. He was okay with me going other places to see friends. However, I think he didn't want to work on things....just leaving was easier. I think a lot of it is about understanding and perceptions. Once we took the personality tests, I understood things better. However, I do feel things deeply. And, he is like a sculpture. I think both people need to step out of their comfort zones a little, and realize that the reasons people do things is not to tick you off, but it is innate. If you try not to think about it being the person,then hopefully resentment won't build. I think if people could sit down for brief moments at least to try to explain their personality traits to each other, that would help. For us ENFPs, it is almost like a requirement to recharge us by being around people....we get bored easily too. So, I think it is helpful to talk with each other in relationships, and let the other know what you are able to give, and what "fills" you up. Again, there is no "right" way to do things. All of us work together and have talents to help us all "click."

tiajello says...

I am an INTJ, and my best friend is an ENFP. I love her to death and surprisingly we have a lot in common, but sometimes she annoys me a LOT. In terms of humor, we pretty much share the same brain and have built most of our relationship on that. When it comes to most personal situations, I'm the "know-it-all" trying to explain to and convince her what she needs to do, what will happen if she does not follow it, and also try to convince her the action she needs to take to sound as easy as I can (which, by the way, isn't my strongest suit in doing). Often she does not take my advice, or she'll start taking it but won't follow through on it, which is super frustrating. I pretty much always end up being right and hearing the ol', "You were right, I should have listened to you". The choices she sometimes makes are really frustrating, because it's like... it's so obvious what the right answer is! Why didn't you choose that?! She also has a hard time recognizing where my tolerance level is and when I'm annoyed or in a bad mood.

Aside from the negatives of being friends with someone as different as me, there are lots of positives. The humor is a big one for me. I am extremely introverted and quiet, which I mean isn't always a bad thing, but a lot of the time I wish I wasn't. My ENFP friend is amazing at helping me come out of my shell and be more social. This has helped me gain more friends and at least be more verbal with those who I am not friends with. She has also opened me up to opportunities that I would have never even considered pursuing on my own. It helps a lot to have an extremely extroverted friend to get you, an introvert, to become more involved with the community around you.

I know it is hard keeping your tolerance level high when having to deal with someone like your sister. However, try to keep reminding yourself that having someone who cares about you and is an ENFP is a blessing. Sure, she'll get on your nerves, but don't be too cold too often. You don't want to push her away. Try to tolerate it as much as you can, because honestly it is worth it.

Guest (not verified) says...

Hi, not sure if you still feel the need for this answer, but anyway others might benefit from it! I'm an INTJ female, my sister is an ENFP and we have a 2 years difference in age, both in our early twenties.

I do get what you mean by being annoyed by the loudness, the constant hug and the "circus vibe" they always seem to bring in a room. Me and my sister have always been REALLY close and we still are, because we say exactly what we both want and I learned to compromise (she did it anyway being ENFP).

For example, I know she makes a lot of compromise for me (no loud music all the time, let me study/ read, leave me my alone time, we mostly do stuff I am comfortable doing and that she likes but I mostly refuse to do someting I dont like, doesnt put me in incomfortable social situation, etc), so I try to make compromises for her too.

For example, I know she needs to hug and be hugged, so I generaly give in to the hug (only person I actually hug) but when I dont feel it and say no she backs off. another example is when she wants something reaaally bad, instead of trying to impose my way, I'll try her idea, and maybe modify it to make a "plan" around it that suits the INTJ peculiarities (because yes, we are intense we have to admit it).

ENFPs need to be told they are loved and to be praised, so I learned that if I give her a little love demonstration regularly, then she wont feel the urge to jump me for a surprise hug against my will too often ;) Its all in balance and recognizing both INTJ and ENFP needs. She knows my quirks, and I know hers. I go outside with her and she enjoys deep conversations (not as long as me but still often). We effectively have a similar humour, and I actually can be quite gooffy and warm with her (and most close people).

Overall, I'd say ENFPs bring us joy and keep us out of the darkness and can help us to develop our FI ans SE and we help them get their shit together and think more and satisfy their deep conversation need!

MrX (not verified) says...

I am INTJ, my older brother is an ENFP. It is probably just sibling dynamics. Enjoy the relationship while you can. One day your sister will find some one to marry and you will miss the annoying sibling dynamics. Trust me, been there and done that.

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