Okay guys, I need some input. I'm an INTJ. I love school, and moving myself forward, and just generally bettering myself. I already have two bachelors degrees, and am working on a third, just because I love to learn. All of the rest of my immediate family is IXTX, so we all get along. The only odd one out is my younger brother, who is ISFP. We still get along really well, but sometimes it's like speaking a foreign language. Right now, he just seems to lack all motivation to do anything. He started college last year, and flunked out. He's a smart kid. It's not that he can't do the work, he just ... didn't. I understand that college isn't for everyone, but he doesn't seem to be going after a job, or anything (He won't even get a drivers license). He loves videogames and music, but he can't get a job in either of those at this point, plus now he's got a bad school transcript potential employers are going to be looking at. I want to help him, but I really can't figure out how. He can be very inspired, but that seems to wear off pretty quickly. He likes new and innovative things, but those quickly become old. Have you guys learned anything that keeps you motivated, or interested in a job? Are there certain areas of work that are better/more enjoyable for you?


ISFP drop out (not verified) says...

Yo. I dropped out of university, twice. Why?

I could not take it. It would not be excessive to say that it was killing me.

I like this world and even when I don't I give myself up to it(to 'the way things are'). I would never complain about nature, or reality, or try and change these in any way. Opposite to the ways of modern humans, I yield to truth, to beauty, to the ways of nature: to reality.

What I do not like is people and society thus I distance myself as much as I possibly could, from any of these. Humans are no longer sane.

I am a 'hermit'. Perhaps your brother is the same? You might find the human design system interesting, in which I have what is called a 5/2 profile. http://www.humandesign.com/left-angle-profile-5-2

It really is a good system, if you can get past all the astrology.

Imagine the ISFP a musical prodigy like Mozart, with the struggles that come with that position, or a native American not at all fond of the machinery and devastation.

My recommendation? Send him into the wild. Camping can do wonders to man. Help him get the simplest of jobs and apartment. Anything beyond that is much too much for a hermit, that is much too sensitive to be a part of all this madness.

Kindly Oscar.

reasonless_guru says...

Thanks, this sounds a lot like him. I really do try to not push him into stuff. I want to help, but I also don't want to come across as just bossy and pushy. Camping sounds good. I'm sure he'd like that. Do you think an online job would be a good thing, or is that too difficult to stay with? The only jobs available around here at the moment are fast food jobs, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. What about teaming up with someone else who is creative in music/gaming? He has shown promise in music, but it would be a lot of training before he could actually get a sustainable job in it.

INFJ1961 says...

I feel a similarity with how you describe your brother, as well as the other commenter. My family has pretty much "pushed" and "bossed" me around my entire (in addition to my mother and late father, I have three older sisters) life. Our father was not supportive of the arts, and my mother didn't know how to properly support beyond saying "you can do anything you put your mind to." I have always been enraptured by popular music. In high school, I wanted to join the band. Wasn't allowed. In college, I wanted to study music. Wasn't allowed. In my late 20's, the sister I looked up to most told me I don't have what it takes to make it in the music industry.

I read in many places that we INFJ's can learn to just about anything, whether we like it or not. My work history testifies to that. My last job was a flight attendant - definite not a job for an introvert. But I did manage to grow a lot. After 11 years, though, I couldn't take it. I'd been doing a lot of self study in regards to music, creatively and legally. I never stopped writing songs. I'd be awakened out of my sleep with a melody, which I'd hum into my iPhone.

Next week, I'll turn 55. I'm not trying to get into the music industry. I just want to create, which in my case means writing songs and recording them. With the Internet, some knowledge, skill and inspiration, I think anyone can chart their own path.

By the way, I too flunked out of college twice (though I was a high school honor graduate). In my thirties, I complete a course in cosmetology. The career was short-lived, but I like that I learned it. In my 40's, I enrolled in and graduated from massage school. Before I graduated, I knew I wouldn't be doing that for a living, but it's something I've always wanted to learn.

For me, it all comes back to music. Now I'm working on a way to make that work for me.

If your brother loves video games and music, perhaps an art school would be something that could hold his interest.

Sorry for the wordiness. I don't know how old your brother is, but I don't want him to be me when he's my age. He's fortunate to have someone like you in his corner. I'm sure you can learn his "language."

somebody stalking the forums (not verified) says...

I'm an ISFP student so probably the most reliable you can get

mostly just don't try to push him too hard. If he feels too pressured he might just give up because it's too hard. Hopefully soon he'll realize on his own he needs to pick up the pace. 

the careers I'm most interested in are writing and arts. Artist seems to be a common career among ISFPs; he might like that. Maybe something with animals? I'm not sure if it's a normal ISFP but I really love animals myself

it's really great how much you care about your brother's success. If you can find a way to show him how much you care about him and that you just want him to do good in life that should be good motivation

(also, it's weird, my brother is an INTJ, too)

Nuker89 says...

Hello, INFP here, and je sounds like an older version of me. Your brother sounds like a person of his passions, and he needs to find them on his own. Encourage him to follow his passions and dreams, and if that fails, he'll accept that he needs to go back to school. If not, he can make a career out of his passions. Dont try to show him the logical side, because he will shut you out for a while. Let him do what he wants, because he will work it out if he is as smart as you mentioned. On the other hand, maybe he is working it out and he doesn't want your or anyone's help(that may be blunt, my apologies). He also sounds independent, and just wants to dig his own path. He may shut you out, but that is a common reaction when finding oneself. On the other hand, he could turn to you for help and guidance, in which case urge him to follow his passions, but insist that he needs a backup plan. Does that answer your question?

teafairy29 (not verified) says...

Your brother 2 years ago sound like my brother a year ago. He's an INFP, zero interest in school, didn't want to get his license or a job. I tried everything to get him to engage with life. He loves food and videogames. (Nowadays, you can make decent money streaming videogames if you're creative and can engage with your audience in some way.) In terms of helping my brother, I started with the obvious - food. I told him that since he loved food, he could totally be a chef. Make good food for others to enjoy, eat good food. Create an experience. I started cooking with him on weekends. Told him to do some research on his dream cooking school. Big picture stuff. He also loves anime and Japanese food. He ended up finding a neat 3 year program in Tokyo. His friend worked at a Panera Bread and was willing to recommend him. I told him that all he needed to do was just try it out. See how it might feel to work in the food industry. It's fast paced and stressful, but if food is his passion, it would be fun and worth it. He applied last summer and has been promoted a few times now. Now, that's all he does. Work, work out, go out to enjoy food with his hard earned money. He also got his license so he can drive himself to work. Basically, work with the clues you have. Videogames require a lot of work. Their soundtracks are usually beautiful and really moving. That's a great intersection of his two interests (not sure if applicable anymore 2 years later). It may not be the job that supports his daily life, but it's a breadcrumb that will lead to the next breadcrumb. Careers aren't linear. Jobs exist and then are obsolete. The skills required stay the same. I hope you're brother found his way eventually.

Share your thoughts

Truity up to date