I'm an INTP female married to an ESFJ male. Anyone else in a relationship with these two types?

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jonjamesmovip says...

Hello!

As it turns out, I'm an INTP male married to an ESFJ female.

Makes for very interesting argu-... conversations!

Just kidding :)

All jokes aside, it really is a difficult but extremely rewarding relationship. Something new to learn about each other all the time!

What are your thoughts?

-Jonathan

ConorC (not verified) says...

My wife is an ESFJ, and I am an INTP. Having learned about the cognitive processes, I realized that we actually mesh well precisely because we are "opposites." Our cognitive stack is the same, just flipped. That also explains why we become evil versions of each other when we're stressed. She negatively fixates on analyzing the problem and its potential outcomes, while I read negative emotions and motives in others. It is a very rewarding relationship, however. Her strong personality elements are my weak ones, and vice-versa.

tmccarthy617 says...

I have been married for 9 years (together for 11) and find it quite difficult to coexist with an ESFJ. There is just far too much emotion for my liking. It's like watching emotional fireworks just spewing from a volcano of feels. It's even worse for me because I'm a woman and statistically am supposed to be more emotional. Instead, when he goes into "feely" mode I just make awkward, irritated faces and for the life of me cannot figure out why he can't just put a cap on it.

Ljmac22 says...

Is he whiny and needy? Is that what you mean?

Unikorn19 (not verified) says...

Yes, he is very emotionally needy and I am the exact opposite. It's not in my nature to be nurturing or to cater to emotional needs. I handle these types of situations objectively and almost completely devoid of emotion. He sort of has realized this but not to the extent that he fully understands. I think he thinks I'm cold (which I can be) and not just that I don't use my emotions liken he does.

josh3288 (not verified) says...

Hahaha! I'm not alone, yay!

Ljmac22 says...

I am an INTP female married to a ESFJ male! We mesh well. He doesn't argue with me or play devils advocate (that would be my main job in life). I think it would be exhausting if he did. Once he wound me up it would be endless. We are very different. He errs towards tradition and I question it. But he isn't militant in his stances on things-so i think that is the key to us getting along. Also we are both extremely laid back.

MR (not verified) says...

Hi everybody..
I am an ESFJ female married to INTP male since 13 years.We are totally the opposites in our personality.First the pros,I admire his thought process,ideas,intelligence, and creativity...He admires my extroversion,my care towards family,helpfulness in general...
Now the scariest part,the cons are:For him,I don't think much,I hate uncertainty,I love discipline and order and tradition which he doesn't like,I like to settle sooner in life,etc...For me,he doesn't decide anything at all,he postpones all important things till the last minute, he doesn't care about my emotional needs,he keeps the house messy,He needs my help for simpler things also...If i don't give him logical reason then the argument never stops,only continuing for 3/4 days.He doesn't care about what he said or what words he used,while those small words drain out my whole energy...Being an ESFJ,i can adjust to any extreme,learning to lighten up things and create harmony in house.Being an INTP,he helps us in exploring the world and its technicalities which otherwise we wont be able to see.His creativity and Innovation amazes me at all times.How he helps the kids with their problems is one thing why you want the father to be an INTP. Surely out of box thinking is useful for kids,house,family,job,Business..

Pranav Ghandade (not verified) says...

A female ESFJ and a male INTP  are really in fact very dangerous match cause they will never be able to agree on a point and often will start a fight every other minute. Well i am a male INTP and my mother is a female ESFJ and our wavelength never match (even before finding out the personality  types) because her level of thinking  contradicts mine. More then often in conversation we argue, well though of course now both of us try to avoid that as much as possible cause neither of us like to waste time   in stupidly  arguing. Though naturally an ESFJ and an INTP could never fit together initially though as it is just a personality  it can be changed  or developed.

64CAD says...

Hello! I'm an INTP. It seems like quite a few users are either a male INTP married to a female ESFJ or the other way around (female INTP, male ESFJ). Isn't it kind of hard to get along? How did they get to be married?

Unikorn19 (not verified) says...

I'm an INTP female, I was married to an ESFJ male, it didn't work. I am in a relationship with an INTJ male who is the absolute love of my life. Any thoughts on those two types together? So far we couldn't be more perfect for each other. 

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