Hi there ... I'm a lifelong-tested-always-the-same-outcome INTJ female. I've been looking for some observations on whether INTJs are naturally perceived as being too critical in relationships or whether it's just me! After several failed relationships in the past and a lot of self-reflection, I thought perhaps I would be better (i.e. less critical) in the future. Almost three months into a new relationship (after a three-year relationship hiatus), I have already been pegged as "liking things a certain way" and worry that I am coming across as critical. I don't intend to criticize my partner but I think it comes out this way. After more reading on the INTJ type, I am wondering if this is the noted INTJ effort at always improving and finding efficiencies and wanting to support your partner in doing the same in their own pursuits.

Does anyone have the same issues or relationship concerns? Am I just too critical/picky or am I just being an INTJ? Having a better understanding of this will help me know better how to address it.


Guest (not verified) says...

Both. You are being too critical and that's the struggle of a typical INTJ. You may need to learn ways to soften the blow when you talk to people you care about. I made it a rule to treat the person I'm with better than anyone else on the planet and that kind of rule has worked pretty well for me. It seems wrong to treat complete strangers better than your significant other, doesn't it?

Sunrise (not verified) says...

I'm an INTJ male. I understand what you are saying. I have had similar behaviors in my relationships. We have a natural tendency to make improvements.

INTJ Male (not verified) says...

I think I have a problem with being too serious, and critical mostly when talking to or texting someone. I know if I were more of a comedical person I wouldn't have this problem. But I just can't find ways to introduce humor and reduce the pressure of me asking tons of questions and stating facts. I'm really good at getting a girl interested in me but bad at becoming closer than distant friends. Even if I could make them close friends I'm sure things would work out better. Maybe some of this is what you are also going through.

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