I'm a ISFJ male and I'm starting to like a INTJ female... She's kinda giving me more freedom than normal, like little touches (hugs, touches in the arm etc). She makes me feel really comfortable around her. When I'm around her... I really feel that she likes me, but she seems to be holding back, and when I try texting her, it seems that she doesn't have interest. Like, I see her online, but she doesn't respond to my texts, or she takes too long to respond (days).

ps: I know her for like 4 years.

It's really confusing me...

What do you guys think?


(sorry about my english xD)


Kelsey0672 (not verified) says...

She's not into you.

I'm an INTJ female. I know the signs. They are not there. She's not interested.

If she were, you wouldn't be asking this question because it would be crystal clear that she likes you.

Unless you've never expressed that YOU like HER, then she's just holding back because she will never be rejected- she has to know her love will be reciprocated before she shows it..

Drea (not verified) says...

Im an intj female and texting for us is hard. It's an abstract communication that lacks context.  We use physical clues to read what us being said. Like tone, body language etc. without it it's like trying to read a book when your blind. We gave no point of reference. Instead of texting call her. Or do face to face. You might get better results. 

Sualk says...

Thank you guys for replying! I really appreciate it!

I will try to show her how I feel... But slowly. I don't want to make her uncomfortable... or something like that.

And thank you again! If you have any more tips for me, please tell me.

MelMckinney (not verified) says...

Hi, INTJ female here. I've actually been dating an ISFJ male for a year now..(off and on). I do want to say something in response to your comment about 'not wanting to make her uncomfortable'. If she is an INTJ who is confident in who she is, then I promise you she will appreciate straight-forwardness. If there's one thing that my ISFJ and I do not have in common, it's that I prefer being honest and straight forward, and he seems to be scared to death to speak any harsh truth or simply say what he's really thinking. It drives me crazy lol...but I truly respect and have much admiration for your all's type! Let me know if anything has transpired. 


MelMckinney says...

I'm curious as to how this has turned out. I'm an INTJ female as well. I've actually been dating an ISFJ male off and on for a year now. Despite everything that I've read on INTJs and our compatibility matches, I find that the longer I'm with him, the more I adore and respect this type. 

My suggestion to you would be to be straight forward. Don't worry about making her 'uncomfortable', as most of us are quite unaffected by fears of what others think, therefore we appreciate straight forward and honesty. I've learned this is something that our types (INTJ & ISFJ) don't really have in common. 


Joy1- (not verified) says...

INTJ female here. 

1. I (we) may be slow texters. Not because we didn't see it. Oh, we saw it. More like, we are analyzing it 5 different ways and trying to find the best way to respond. 

If she hasn't responded yet, maybe she is analyzing how to respond, the best words, the best times. She might be researching it. Asking her friends what she should say, googling, or maybe she's reading a book about these things. Never know. Research may be involved though. 

Furthermore, after she researches it, she might be strategically assessing the best time to text back. She might be trying to play "the game" with you because she thinks that you might be involved in the social rituals of game playing in dating.

2. She might have simply not seen it.

3. She might have been about to text you back, and saw you with another girl and misconstrued the interaction, thereby assuming that you don't really like her, so she retreated back into her mental wall, and blocked you from her life. 

If I were you, I'd call her and if you're interested, ask her out directly. 

She'd freaking love that. And if she refused to go out with you, well. There's your answer.

Mary1234 (not verified) says...

Just wanted to way in here as an INTJ female who has been in a relationship with an ISFJ male for 15 years- there can be some personality clashes with this mix so be sure to lay the groundwork in your expectations. Mainly ANY kind of controlling or clingy behavior is going to wear the other person down and either bog them down in depression and destroy their lives or they will get fed up and bounce...or both.

msbpacker (not verified) says...

Hi Mary1234,

       Thank you for your post. I am an ISFJ with and INTJ spouse. What you related is often how I feel in relationship wiht him. We have been in a long term relationship and the controlling and clingy has really taken a toll on me. On the other hand my emotional reaction has taken quite a toll on him as well. He hasn't understood the intensity of my emotions at times.

Annonymous says...

All im going to say is it's going to be hard, but not impossible.

Sarah Lusk (not verified) says...

Im an isfj female and my boyfriend is an intj. They dont understand emotions, youll have to just straight out tell her

ISFJ wife (not verified) says...

My husband is an INTJ. We have been married almost 8 years. It’s continual work to understand each other, but it’s very rewarding. I agree with a few other of the comments with advise to be direct. That is something that I liked initially in our relationship, and still respect very much in my husband. ISFJs are good at reading people, so I appreciate not having to analize the situation or read into something. 

What has helped us to “work” is that we have the same core values. We are both Christians, so we have a foundation and guideline we can agree on. This also gives us something to continually study together and discuss. 

We will probably never agree on which movie to watch, as he would always prefer something documentary-esque (ex: where black holes come from) and I will always prefer a predictable romantic comedy. ;) We care enough about each other to each compromise sometimes. “Love is patient. Love is kind....” 1 Corinthians 13

Kate Lisle (not verified) says...

Hi! I'm an INTJ female and I think if a girl won't reply right away to a guy's message, then she might not be romantically interested with him. If you feel like she likes you every time that you're together, try to observe the way she reacts to other guys too. You might notice that the way she deals with you is how she deals with everyone else. But then, there is also a possibility that she's holding back because you're not telling her upstraight that you like her. Try to confess your feelings for good measure. You never know, she might feel the same way.

The Analyst (not verified) says...

Hi. This is a super late post. I'm an INTJ female and have been seeing an ISFJ male for 10 months now. I can tell you that if the INTJ lady you like is giving you little touches here and there, she most likely have feelings for you. I can only speak for myself, but as am INTJ, I am not the very touchy feely type. However, there is something truly warm and sweet about my ISFJ guy that makes me just want to hold his arm, hands, and cuddle him all day long. So this may be the case for you. If you haven't told her how you felt, this will hold her back entirely because she isn't sure if the feelings are reciprocated. INTJs have the tendency to guard themselves from hurt and rejection and will not put their feelings out there unless they are certain about how the other person feels about them. As INTJ females, we value direct communication. And because sometimes we can be emotionally clueless, as much as a man may actively show us he likes us, we still won't have a clue he is into us unless he directly tells us, "I really like you," or "I want to date you." Otherwise, we will just think you are a nice guy/friend.

On another note, my guy and I have very busy schedules so we don't see each other often. But I can already tell that we have very different ways of thinking and sometimes have trouble coming up with things to talk about. INTJs need intellectual simulation and like to talk about theories and abstract ideas and watching the discovery channel. My guy likes watching romantic movies and talking about people. So we are on completely different wavelengths. But despite all that, we seem to get along well and he makes me feel really warm and secure. 

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