I'm an INTJ woman (19 years old) and i have always felt so different from everyone else (other girls especially) and sometimes it bothers me but usually i don't mind at all. I have just recently found out i'm an INTJ and just the fact that there are other girls out there , just like me makes me so happy and proud to be a rare type. My boyfiend is an ENFP and he is my best friend and soulmate, which is funny i guess! :)

Comments

MargoJ says...

Hey! I just recently discovered I'm an INTJ woman as well (close in age to you too, I'm 23) - and while I've always had a hard time getting along with anyone no matter the gender - finding other woman to talk with that 'get me' always seems impossible. I have a boyfriend as well, and thankfully he understands why my best friend (and one of my only friends) is a guy lol. He's always trying to encourage me to find some friends that are women though, and I just never could! It finally all makes so much sense now since I learned all about my personality type and being an INTJ.

Would definitely be up to talk! Hope to hear back from you soon, it's such a relief to find a site like this.

Rebecca (not verified) says...

Hi!! I’m so relieved that there’s others out there like me, I’m often wondering yknow where are all the NORMAL people?! I feel like I’m on a different planet to everyone else my entire life and now I know it’s just me falling into one of the rarest personality types there is. At least I know I’m not going mad now! I’ve always struggled getting on with people in the first place especially maintaining healthy fulfilling friendships with people who get me. Often labelled as cold and judgemental, when honestly if they knew my intentions they’d realise I’m quite the opposite! Good to know there’s people out there, especially girls who I could get along with! X

Guest (not verified) says...

Hello there. Get what do you feel. :)

kkd0725 (not verified) says...

I'm a way older INTJ. Girlfriends are almost impossible to find. My own sister just asked me where my compassion was, and why we couldn't just hang out and talk. We haven't been in close contact for fifty years, so it's like meeting someone new.

Korina (not verified) says...

Curious. Why does it make sense that your only friend is a guy?

Anna Mc (not verified) says...

Hey! I'm a somewhat older (32) INTJ lady. I have to tell y'all, it gets better with age. You learn to identify people who "get you" as well as what red flags to watch out for with people who are incompatible. We are masterminds at understanding systems and patterns, and once you learn to identify what you're looking for, it's easier to hone in on it. 

I grew up with a male best friend, and he's an INTJ. My best friends I've made as an adult are ENFJ and INFJ women. I've been married to an ENTJ man for 10 years. Over time, I've gravitated to and "collected" NJ types as my favorite type of people to be close to, and realized that I don't work well at all with NTP types. It's just something you learn to look for over time, and what works for you is unique to you. 

I would encourage you to see if you can find any commonalities among people you are close too, and seek out people with those same characteristics in future relationships. Be careful of people who act a certain way, but then show through their actions that they're not. Look for what works for you, and learn what doesn't, and find a way to identify that in the people around you. 

SKS (not verified) says...

I agree with a lot of what Anna Mc has written. I'm a 38 year old, married INTJ female, and it does get easier as you come to better understand yourself *and* others over time. You also learn to have more grace for yourself and others -- the way you would like to receive the benefit of the doubt from others when the things that make INTJs unique can come across as "different." 

My brother is also an INTJ and I have two INTJ women friends. They are each precious to me in their own ways, but don't wall yourself off to thinking you can only be friends with other INTJs. The N is the most common denominator that I've found for that rather instant connection, but that doesn't mean S types are off-limits by any means. Remember that just as you are on a journey of discovery and growth, they are, too (whether or not they devote copious amounts of time and mental energy to considering it or not!).

Find a few trusted friends--a "wing man/woman"--who will have your back and can help you experience (or interpret) the world around you as the other types do, as well as help translate *you* to others. We are such a "heady" type that we benefit from those who will (kindly and gently) take us out of ourselves, make us laugh and help us trust more than is likely natural. 

Push yourself, take calculated risks and engage with the real world -- and share your inner world with those you love and trust. 

Rumbso says...

Hi Anna,

There is some good advice there. I’m a 38 year old INTJ and not long found out what all of his means. I suffered a tricky childhood with lots of criticism from my family of being ‘different’, albeit I am the only one who has been to University, made a good home and been successful, through careful planning of course. I still have trouble getting along with my mother as she is very different and doesn’t understand me. I am now in the process of educating her about how mine and her personality type interact so that we can begin to understand what drives us to understand this, our behaviour.

I have been lucky recently with my job (Business Intelligence Analyst) that there are many likeminded people there (as it is an analytical job). I have NEVER men another INTJ though of course. I’ve struggled a lot I think being the ‘Turbulent’ INTJ type. 

Most of my friends are men...and i’ve Always struggled to understand why I don’t make female friends easily. Through this research I am beginning to understand why! 

Anna - I am going to try and identify which types other people are and see which I get on better with - as you have done. As I am still learning I actually asked if my work colleagues would take the test so I know which they are. They were very happy to do this.. as I thought they might be. 

I will have to find out which type my hubby is as he is one of the only ones who has got close to understanding me.

I just wish I could rewind 21 years and do this as my Psychology degree dissertation!

And thank you.

Sonya

 

Edwardo (not verified) says...

I am lookng for a like minded female intj. Am 42 and have know i was different since i was 19.  That was over 20 years ago.  On this site.  At first i felt strange that i had answered so many questions n also being a true Gemini.  Makes life very intetesting.  

 

 

Rumbso says...

Hey Edwardo,

I am ‘almost’ a 39 year old female INTJ. I think I knew I was different when I was about 3 years old unfortunately, only only just recently found out why! To be honest it’s kinda nice to be unique and possess all of the abilities that our types possess. The downside of being so misunderstood isn’t so great. I’ve struggled making female friends..most friends are usually Male. 

I am also a Gemini which as you say, makes life very interesting. 

It would be great to hear from you!

sonya 

Rae5215 says...

I also just found out that I am an INTJ. I am a 28 year old female. I felt compelled to comment to your post because I felt very similar things as you. I always felt very different (especially from other girls like you) from a very young age. I always got along with guys better. I found things simplar and less dramatic (for the most part) around them. I always wondered if there was something wrong with me.  Little did I know, I was just a rare personality type. Everything that I have learned so far about the INTJ personality type has hit everything about my personality right on the head of the nail. It makes me feel better to know this information because I actually feel like I have a place to belong now. I only wish that I had known this information 15 years ago, so that I understood what was going on. Maybe then, I wouldn't have felt so different and like an outcast in certain ways. I was popular because I was a cheerleader, but I was the only cheerleader who didn't go out with the rest of the girls. I was the one that often sat at home alone wishing that I had gotten out more. I apologize if I sound like I am in my feelings because this doesn't happen often at all, especially not publically. Please forgive me.

Guest (not verified) says...

Right, I feel the same that there are more topics to share with boy/male friends/aquitances than with girls, but just want to have friends (no, rarely going further) to chat or share opinion with but often people mistaken, then you lose friends. I am guessing that far east is no good place for this type and very unfriendly to female belongs to this group. As aging, I sense more oppression from the environment depends on one's mindset or situation? It is not too difficult to hanging with people of other types, for general socializing with eliminated mutual misunderstandings. Yet it is totally different feel in facing people who might be the same type or of types which have least conflicts in the born traits. I guess that is why relax in communication is there.  Nevertheless, personality or anything else, I supose that should not be an issue in a society with majority understand people are diverse and respect individuals' variances.  

Patricia Eddishaw (not verified) says...

I am a 75 now so have lived a lot of years as an intj female - way before I knew anything about mbti. I just knew I was different and that I had no desire to change.  What was difficult for me was that I entered the workforce in the 60's when it was still Help Wanted Male and Help Wanted Female. My degrees in math and statistics got me nothing but bookkeeper offers. Thank god for computers.  Companies were so desperate for anyone with the logic skills to program a computer that they were willing to hire women - plus they could get us really cheap. Regardless, it got my foot in the door and frankly I rather enjoyed being "the first woman" in many of the professional positions I have had.
Finding good female friends has been one of my hardest challenges, but once I retired I was able to be a little more selective about where to live. I got out of the South and moved back north to a small college town.  I now live just on the outskirts of the town with 5 acres of solitude for me and my dogs, plus ready access to  culture, intelligent conversation, and good friends. Admittedly we are a small "blue" circle in a large sea of political "red" but that's ok too lol.

 

Rumbso says...

Hi,

I didn’t want to read and run. I just wanted to say that i’ve Read your post and found your story interesting. I’m 38 and just starting to understand my INTJ female place in society. I now no longer feel like such an outcast... and that there are others out there. We just need to find oir happy place I guess.

With Regards

Sonya

Martha Ruth (not verified) says...

Hiya, 14 year old Intj gal over here. I recently found out too, and I'm so glad there are supporters! I also have suspicions that I'm moderately psycopathic, but only online tests have confirmed it. (I've never talked to a professional)

INTJ Male (not verified) says...

Martha,

Don't listen to those tests. Just the fact that you are 'concerned' that you might be a psychopath tells me that you are not. Most people are not psychopaths. If you take those online tests, they will try to put you on a "spectrum".  Nonsense. The test should just say:

Do you have remorse? (A normal INTJ answer is YES)

Do you enjoy manipulating people? (A normal INTJ answer is NO)

Do you think the rules don't apply to you? (A normal INTJ answer is NO)

Do you lie, cheat and/or steal to get ahead? (A normal INTJ answer is NO)

Are you a compulsive liar? (A normal INTJ answer is NO)

 

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