I'm an INTJ female, dating ISFJ male off and on for a year. 

My concern is that I've read that ISFJs have real difficulty dealing with emotional or mental stress and in fact my ISFJ will out-right DENY that he has any problems at all. However, I recently read that although they will deny these things, it tends to take a physical tole on their body. That's what I feel is happening with him. When going thru stress, he will claim that he's sick, or down with his back, and I believe he is, but is there any benefit in me introducing the idea to him that much of his physical pain is a direct result of his mental or emotional stress??

Any thoughts or opinions (especially from ISFJs) will be helpful. Thanks!


Guest (not verified) says...

 I am an ISFJ and my mental and emotional state directly affects my physical state. I have fibromyalgia and depression. And it is a vicious cycle that never ends with me. 

Guest (not verified) says...



I am an ISFJ too and sometimes it can be a struggle to open up too. Everyone is different, but what I suggest you can try is establishing a supporting, nurturing environment for him so that he feels an environment of trust where he can open up. A danger of being an INTJ, and maybe this is not relevant to you, is that sometimes your logical behaviour may be perceived by a sensitive ISFJ as attacking or not caring about his feelings. So if you want to help him out, establishing that nurturing environment where he feels he can reveal stuff without being judged will do a world of good for him, and you too as you will likely get to know him at a much deeper level. Hope this helps somewhat. Good luck!

Guest says...


I am an ISFJ and I can see you're male friend is going through an extreme level of stress and needs support. I know INTJ's are smart, but I noticed some can get carried away with their super intelligence and be a tiny bit selfish. I reccomend you try to give your male friend some space and support him as much as you can. ISFJ's try their best to help others but sometimes forget to be responsible for themselves as well. They are also insufficent at controlling their behaviors and emotions so it is best you help him as much as you can. I know this because I have gone through a month of plain stress and depression before. I couldn't help myself but wish I was someone else and not be so overworked. But I got support from others which pulled me out of this depression cage. It is obvious he needs your help and cannot deal with what he is going through alone. But do not do so much that it gets on his nerve, because remember, ISFJ's have trouble with controlling their emotions, so you have to be careful or else he may go beserk. Good luck, and I hope this helps!  

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