Worst fault or, if you prefer, trait most likely to cause problems.

I think, for me, it may be lack of self-confidence and mistrust of my inner voice. I have an INTJ friend who once said, "I always listen to myself." Not boasting, just objectively stating a fact, and puzzled that I don't do the same. Why wouldn't anyone? For my part I envy that quality so much--I so wish I had somehow discovered the seed of that quality when young and nurtured it before it was too late.

I'm the opposite. I tend to mistrust myself, and especially when I was young, I either ignored my inner voice or did the opposite of what it was saying when making decisions--including major life decisions. The result has been a lot of wasted potential, and a *lot* of misery for myself and those around me.

Of course, that's my own personal huge character flaw, but I suspect that being an INFP made me susceptible to it.

Comments

Savannah R (not verified) says...

Hi! My personality type is INFP as well. Firstly, I want to tell you that you should never envy anyone else. Any trait that you admire, you can acquire. It is never too late. I too, have struggled with self confidence. I continue to work on having self compassion, and self acceptance everyday.

I think that you should definitely start listening to your intuition. It is there for a reason, and gives you messages and feelings for a reason. I can also be indecisive at times but now I go with my inner voice. In the past I was very indecisive and very much unsure of myself and my decisions.

Everything around me seemed confusing, impossible, like dark clouds and I always felt like something has to be missing. What am I not getting??? Over time I chose to seek myself and my inner truth. Trust me it's never too late to heal, grow, improve, or change. Yes even changing your way of thinking and habits. Next time that your inner voice tells you something, listen to it. Go with it. Do not question yourself. Do not doubt yourself. Do not discredit your inner voice. It is trying to get your attention for a reason. You can indeed overcome. Maybe try to understand why it is that you are unsure of yourself. Do some digging. And when you find out why you do, And get a better understanding, accept it and love yourself. Before self confidence comes self acceptance. Then learn from it. You are living your life, nobody elses. This is your path and it's yours to learn from. Believe in yourself and take care. Of yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, your well-being. <3

Bard says...

Thank you for your very perceptive and kind comment, Savannah. I didn't mention that I'm in my late sixties, so I'm not so sure it is *never* too late.  :-/

Hope (not verified) says...

I used to work for a psychologist and her oldest client was an 89 year old woman who wanted peace in her life. She found what she wanted and shared it with others as she drew nearer to the close of her life. 
Imagine walking into a convalescent home and locating a 93 year old man sitting in the TV room alone. Imagine drawing a chair up beside him and proceeding to tell him he's too old to contribute anything to anyone, he shouldn't "waste" time developing himself and recovering from old wounds, and saying that his "too old" to grow or work toward peace in his life. You'd never do it because you don't believe it....for others. I don't believe it of you. Perhaps techniques like these (e.g., would you say that to someone you met) might help you see that it's not true of you? :)  

Bard says...

Sorry it took me so long to get back here and reply.  I've been thinking about your very kind and useful idea and will try to remember to apply that technique.  :-)  Thank you.

Sarah (not verified) says...

As an INFP I'd say my worst trait as far as the one that bother me the most is my tendency to put others first to my own detriment. And when I've done the opposite and put myself first I end up feeling badly anyway and unable to enjoy myself. I've often wished I could be more selfish without the mental anguish- as I see so many happy people do. And then a close 2nd place would be my inability to block other' emotions. I soak them right up. 

Razell (not verified) says...

We can't seem to put ourselves first. I don't think it's a bad thing. It's part of our natural self.  I think the key is to know what you value. When someone crosses that line then we have a issue.

Russell_P (not verified) says...

I wish I was better at verbally articulating and communicate my thoughts on the spur of the moment. I think this is related to extraverted thinking (our weakness). I believe we (INFPs) have much wisdom to communicate, for we (I) think about deep things at great length. We wrestle with abstract ideas and concepts better than most, but we (I) suck at communicating our conclusions verbally - when it matters - in the middle of a debate - when we have the audience - when we can make a real difference to conversation. Yes we can write our ideas down well (typically), but fail to make the most of those precious moments in a conversation when they arise (do you agree?)

How do we (I) get better at this? I wish I knew...

Bard - I can understand what you are saying about not trusting your inner voice. Is this related to our desire to obtain as much information as possible before making decisions about things. We are always open to receiving more information to update our understanding of things. How do we know what we know is right, or enough, before making a decision? We leave decisions to the last minute in case more information becomes available, or things change... (do you also agree?)

Bard says...

Russell, it's certainly true for me that I often don't think of the best thing to say in the moment, but only later when I've been pondering it for a while.  I'm better at this than I used to be, though, and I think that is partly just time and experience.  But I've also learned, when the occasion allows for it, to say something like, "I need to think about this.  Let me get back to you."

About not trusting the inner voice, you have a point there, I think.  I don't know if that is *all* there is to it, at least for me.  (Like everyone, I have my issues beyond my MB type.)  But yes, I think INFPs have a kind of inability to shut off our open-mindedness that contributes to this problem.

Freakveeks (not verified) says...

I think that if you put yourself into enough terrible situations from not listening to your inner voice you eventually get better at letting go of your addiction to know more and start listening better for your own sake. At least, that has recently been the case with me. I also have made strong connections with very gifted highly perceptive folks to help me out. However, it is also valuable to follow that drive for knowledge and even if the resulting situations are overwhelming or painful, they do provide powerful lessons. It is also nice to practice to decide that what we think we know is enough with low-risk decisions, ones where we can practice letting go of the need to know more but still have the peace of mind that the decision is reversible or flexible and can be shifted if we have updates in the future. This kind of thing develops with practice and making lots and lots of mistakes. 

As for not being able to think of things rapidly enough, it is possible to expand our methods of processing information and relating to it in ways that don't require thinking for great lengths, by increasing our exposure to events where we have to respond quickly and with brevity. It may not be the most satisfying, per say, but sometimes less is more and others can inquire later if they want more information from us. Of course, this kind of practice must be balanced with an outlet where we have the opportunity to express that desire to accurately decipher and connect everything and effectively articulate it. 

CalvinP (not verified) says...

I think the worst trait I have pertaining to my INFP personality type is my tendency for hermit-like behaviour when life gets hard (which I have read is an INFP trait).

Alexia T (not verified) says...

I have this problem as well. Sometimes it's hard to verbalize my frustrations or stress, especially when it involves others. Instead of discussing or tackling it, I just push people away and live in my own little world until I have no choice but to confide. It makes it really hard to maintain relationships and compromise when I get like that. 

Daina says...

Personally, I feel like I struggle most with expressing myself verbally and communicating with others. I often feel like I can't be or act as myself around others, mostly people I don't know well or don't feel comfortable around, and have to laugh and joke in order for them to like me. Maybe it has to do with embarrassment in myself or something. It probably does. Does anyone else feel the same way?

E_llie (not verified) says...

I can relate to every word! To Russel_P also. I was just thinking back over my day, berating myself for how much I struggled to articulate what should've been a straightforward point. It's so frustrating to feel you have something worthy to contribute to conversation, only to fluff your words entirely (nevermind the inner critisism/ anxiety this provkes in me personally). I've long attributed this, partly, to dyslexia - so it's reassuring to learn it's not such a unique fault.

Jessica Marie (not verified) says...

 I'm just now discovering this thread but thought I'd post my thoughts 

 

       I believe my worst trait as an INFP is putting others first in almost every situation. I am about being selfish to get what I want in life, but often in small everyday situations I am often self-deprecating in relationships. I will be the one to take no for an answer but I am understanding. I am the one to tell the person to let me finish something. I am the person that will clean the restroom at work while the other counts the money. 

      Another trait is dislike is being to into my own thoughts and not open enough with them. Most of my thoughts will not get spoken because I did not come up with the best way to speak it out loud before the subject changed. I will take the longest to text back because I will compose a whole paragraph of a text message then go over and critequette. I will rethink scenarios and judge everyone's behavior and conclude on someone's personality rather than speaking to them myself to understand them. I will overthink everything because of this.

     I will often not speak a word in 3 people converstaions because I am too busy analzying the two others words. 

     We often think too much before we even take a step and this is something that can be very detrimental. 

 

   Good thing is, I believe we age like fine wine. We analyze and criquitte enough for 3 lifetimes, and so when we are taking steps we are with caution. It's just that I always miss the chance to make a turn because I am never sure it is the right path. 

David B. (not verified) says...

My biggest shortcoming and biggest concern is the difficulty in connecting to objective reality, getting out of my own head.

I feel like a man being sucked into the ocean by a powerful tide-making some progress, and escaping into the concrete, [Sensing] world-only to be pulled back by some powerful idea or (more often) emotion that pulls me out to sea.

I feel at such a disadvantage in the world! And like Bard above, I tried to be someone who I'm not for so long, and getting little for it but exhaustion and trouble, never reaching any kind of potential for what I could've been. I've decided to learn from that and make the most of what I have now, but that tide is pulling me, relentlessly..

Share your thoughts