I'm going to post this topic in both the INFP and INTJ forums.

I'm an INFP woman and recently just started dating an INTJ man. I've read mixed things regarding the success of these two personality types together in a relationship and after recently ending a long and not so joyous marriage with an ESTJ I'm cautiously selecting my next partner based on, hopefully, better compatibility. Yes, I know someone will tell me that you can't base a relationship solely on personality type, that there are many other factors, and I agree with that. However, I believe half the battle in relating and communicating with someone is in knowing how to effectively based on their style, preference, and needs. Also, I know that in order to be with a naturally incompatible type requires incredible work to keep things afloat. All relationships are work, and I'm not afraid to put the work in, but some things should be easy and natural. I just want some level of natural fluidity between myself and my partner. I'm hopeful that there is enough commonality between 2 iNs to offer that.

My brother is an INTJ and we (as adults) get along quite well although we're not around each other extended periods of time really. I recently became friends with, and tried to date, an INFJ. I thought we would be perfect together because we had so much in common. Turns out we were perfect as friends but way too much alike to be in a relationship. He was too content to never live a life outside his box of work and home and I need adventure and new experiences but need that person who can get me off my own comfortable couch and lead me in those adventures. Together we would be hermits. I realize and INTJ may not offer that leadership in adventures style either but the thinking function is attractive in that we could have long thought provoking conversations and discuss different ideas and theories. I love to have intellectual conversations. I just also need that validation of their feelings and positive reassurance sometimes too.

So, does anyone have experience with this combo in a relationship or thoughts they'd like to share?

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