Hi all!
First a question. How is it that one source claims ESTJ's are our best bet while on another they are the type to be avoided?
OK being an idealist, has it made you pickier about whom you dated? Did you hold out for what qualities you knew the person had to have? Or did you choose 'good enough'? Has your idealism become a need for perfection (i.e. the laundry must be checked off completely) when choosing a mate? And was 'good enough' a positive experience? Or were you miserable?


kennhinds says...

Thats alot of damn questions. If you read a little about all of this, no one site, nor a single test, will accurately get you. Now this is all my opinion, yet I kinda think im onto something. Its like judging the worlds greatest Dad that gets a DWI after a bad fight with his wife. His one stupid mistake should not classify him. That being said, in my opinion, take the test a couple of times. I am guessing you will get fairly the same if not the same results. Now take that and compare that to the actual theory of the test says. You may find what you are looking for. I am an INFP, and all of your questions i answered yes too, but thats great. Its like this. Does anyone really like what they see in the mirror? No One ever truly. likes what they see. No one wants to "BF/GF type" themselves, yet we kinda would like the opposite. Bonny to CLyde/Ying to Yang/Equal and opposite. Your faults in life may be someone elses answers, and the same to you

andreakrahn says...

No. ESTJ is not your best match. I can say this with confidence because I am INFJ and I am married to one. No idealist needs to be married to ESTJ. Yes, I am generalizing, but it is for your own good. If I am presented with an ESTJ who truly enjoys being married to an idealist while that person is still alive and the relationship is ongoing then I will the trouble to be more specific. Until that time I will generalize for the sake of time and confusion. If any site has the opinion that this is a “best” match then they are simply using the “opposites attract” theory. This is a horrible way to decide who is best for whom because who we are initially attracted to may be FAR from our best match in a long term, compromising every day on every thing, communicating well, mutual respect, marriage type relationship. Stats show that when “opposites attract” that they are rarely in the long haul category and if they are they are constantly frustrated and dissatisfied in their relationship.
ESTJ is your POLAR OPPOSITE. The chances of you being attracted to one in a romantic way are slim anyway if you are healthy in your type right now. They would more than likely be off-putting or annoying to you if you got to know them in any depth. They would likely make you feel confined, judged and as if they thought you were silly, unrealistic, frivolous, flighty, maybe even worthless.

I also know INFJs and INFPs who have ESTJ fathers. They have a very hard time feeling connected to them in an intimate environment and sometimes they can’t even tolerate them.

Guest (not verified) says...

I am an INFP and my (now ex) husband is an ESTJ. We were married 10 years. 10 long years of fights and dissatisfaction and not understanding each other. I felt for years that we just had totally opposite personalities but neither of us had taken the Myers Briggs test until marriage counseling in the last year of marriage. Everything that irritates me about him or that was a bone of contention between us seemed to stem from a basic core difference in our personalities. I tried to explain to his to him and counsellors on various occasions. It wasn't until the last marriage counselor seemed to really hear what I was saying and asked if we'd ever taken the personality test and then suggested it for us. I was totally blown away with the results but at the same time so relieved to see, in full detail, that I was right. That our struggles had a reason behind them and we weren't just both stubborn impossible people. Our personality types fit us each to a T and, surprise, if I was feeling like we're were total opposites then it's because we are. Sure, there were certain balancing qualities between the two like his being an extrovert and affinity for managing daily duties and tasks but they just weren't enough to balance out the other core differences. He was so totally incapable of even trying to understand others thoughts, feelings, or opinions it was as if there was only one possible thought it feeling a person could have in any given situation and if it didn't match his then it was simply infathomable. This caused most of our conversations to turn into heated debates. His solution to avoiding that conflict was to talk solely about everyday mundane tasks and responsibilities involving children and home. Who wants to have dinner conversation centered on issues either the kids not doing homework or whether or not you're using too much electricity? He was incapable of having any thought provoking or in depth conversation about anything of interest except sports. The one subject I just couldn't get into. He also never understood my need for alone time and was overly critical about everything. He was the exact image of the perfect ESTJ. Large social network made up of superficial relationships, successful business executive, driven, overly punctual and traditional, not insightful or understanding of feelings, and very judgemental.

Everyone is different though and may find luck with the this combination. I think if we'd known earlier we may have been able to work on our differences and save the marriage. There was mutual love there (although I question if I was "in love" or if I even can be "in love") but I will never knowingly enter a relationship with another ESTJ nor do I recommend it for other INFPs.

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