Hey guys,

Always been skeptical about MBTI until just recently a friend of mine explained to me the 8 cognitive functions that explained each of the different types, and I found out that I was indeed, a Fi dominant person (i.e. I make decisions based on my personal value system / emotions rather than objective facts and data).

Anyways, as a male INFP, I find it quite hard to balance feeling so much / being so sensitive to things and preferring the arts over more 'masculine' things like sport and violence / being aggressive with my goals etc. I will pretty much always shy away from confrontation, preferring to keep quiet in an argument as a way to not further fuel the flame, only to repeat and battle the scenario in my head over and over again when I am alone.

I guess my question is - are you / do you know any male INFPs? What have you / they done that you find particularly masculine?

I don't believe I have to necessarily fit society's image of what a 'masculine' man is, but at the same time, I would like to become more masculine, whilst maintaining the harmony of my INFP-ness.


John H. (not verified) says...

Just starting to look more into my personality type as I struggle to find a career I can truly feel passionate about, so I'm not sure what is or is not allowed on here.

I recently had a similar realization and struggle. The truth is authentic masculinity is not merely defined by athleticism and problem solving abilities. True masculinity is a more defined knowledge of self, purpose, and humility. I think one of my masculine traits is an ability to understand others, like truly beneath the words they say, and knowingly sacrifice my own self interest to their benefit. This lines right up with the traits of most INFP's with the key difference being knowledge of self.

True masculinity is being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, interests and non-interests and still being confident in you and what you bring to the table. Confidence!

That isn't to say we shouldn't grow and expand our interests and work on our weaknesses. It just means know you and be confident in you. I've gained a lot from a podcast called The Liberation Project. It is focused entirely on masculinity and redefining/understanding it. I encourage all of my guy friends to check it out.

Farzad says...

I'm a male INFP and i must say its kinda weird how exactly you described my personality. every little thing that you said, i experienced and suffered. so i can feel what you say bud. the whole confrontation thing, that masculine behaviour that you explained. and it IS really hard for me to control my emotions. (I can control it but its really hard i must say) the brainstorm after an argue just killing me inside.
one of my colleagues said that i could sense and feel the girls better. i don't agree but that wrong judgement came from my extreme sensitive personality so i know the core.
ok. now time for the answer.
as a male INFP i should tell you that you should not confine yourself to other people's standards. even i must not say you "should or should not" this is your personality. just follow your inner guide and don't get distracted by other people's ideas. just listen to them and think about them(no brainstrom lol). i tell myself these sentences every time i confront people with contradictory ideas.
i hope you read my comment and think about it :)
best wishes for my INFP friends :)

vrom (not verified) says...

I don't want to sound cliche, but masculinity is being true to yourself. As an INFP male, I understand the world through understanding myself in a certain way as even when I look to other things outside myself, I always bring it back within to try to discover the significance it has in my own life. Johnny Depp, Kurt Cobain, Albert Camus and many other INFP males have been true to themselves and in my opinion, have redefined the term masculnity beyond this narrowminded view that society created of it through the media and so forth. Don't worry about societies flawed and superficial values and instead just focus on your strengths and be true to yourself. INFP is the most creativly innovative type and you can do amazing things with your natural functions. 

Russell_P (not verified) says...

Hi. I have been wrestling with the idea of what it means to be masculine for a while. I outright reject the definitions portrayed by the main stream media and modern Western culture. The best definition(s) I have arrived at to date come from a Psychologist Larry Crabb in his book "Fully Alive". His thinking is shaped by the Bible.

From memory (and these are my words), Larry believes, at the core, to be masculine is "to move" - into chaos, into battle, towards relationship, to wade into the unknown and make a difference, TO HAVE AFFECT, to have gravitas (weightiness). Not without fear, but with courage and readiness to face what may. Man's "core fear" then, is to have no weightiness, to live a life characterised by ineffectiveness, and in relationships with women, to have his sincere advances rejected, to be disrespected.

On the other hand, to be feminine, is to be "open to receive", to welcome and nourish. The core fear of women is to be "invisible", to have their invitation for relationship ignored.

So to be masculine, is to move towards those problems in your life, into chaos, face the dragon, approach relationship, not without fear, but with courage. To be a masculine INFP is to do that in your unique way. I am INFP and am still working this out, but will not be with fanfare, or seeking attention, or needing recognition, or to solely generate wealth, or be superficial...

I encourage you to read one of the Gospels to see Jesus demonstrating true masculinity with sensitivity in relationships. He moves into chaos with great affect, not without fear or distress (see his prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane), but willing to face what must be faced, even to the point of death.

(Just my thoughts at the moment, hope they are useful in some way)

SarahKD94 (not verified) says...

I'm currently dating a male INF who is borderline P and J. A few things that stand out to me about him are that he loves the outdoors and nature, but doesn't hunt or fish. I remember when my parents first met him and he mentioned that he loved the outdoors, and the first question was "so you like fishing and stuff?" (It really is funny how outdoorsman and hunter are often assumed to be one and the same, but I digress.) Also, when we went to see Mad Max, neither of us really enjoyed it, it having a bare-bones plot and barely any substance; and were shocked when it ended up being almost universally acclaimed. He works out to keep himself healthy, but thinks professional sports and the weight we put on them and their outcomes to be a waste of time, though he does enjoy frisbee golf. I think my point is that masculinity is whatever you want it to be. :) 

Dagonz says...

Maybe you are just sticking to one of the many models of masculinity you can come across in modern society. There are so many masculinities as men on earth, just define what that is for you and forget about the rest. Try no to split between men and women, we are just human being and no social rolls.

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