hello I am new here and I would like to hear your thoughts.

I'm 23 gay guy from KSA living in germany, shy, like to dress good, lazy, emotional take opnions personally sometime, I like to do my own stuff on my own way:like what I think and so on, I play online games like the game LOL waste time on it actually.

I have good eyes on colours, clothes and  rooms and  think moslty how they could be looking better if this and that changed. Friends love go shopping with me to take my opnion.

I love watching others when they speak and see how diffrent they are and what they say and how they say it or express themselves.  I like to support others emotionally and strength them if they are insecure in something. most of friends ask me about thier relationships and problems and how they feel.

I started last year doing nursing and it was fine for me except I did not like the shiftsystem like waking up at 4:30 am and had some trouples bieng like me self or like get hartend ( i dont know how to express it)  when there was superviseros watching my work  .. but then they fired me because of the language .. good grades and the patients loved me! and I dont think I would do it again. 

now i'm working part time at a pizza place, and looking for something to study cause I want to have a good income and balanced life doesnot mean like I want to the richest just ok.

people say I am a good listener and I like to help others I understands emotions of others, in the other hand I like art and I would like to learn it. I am not good at it but I am always amzed by it, I draw like abstracts and so nonesone stuff which I but like.

I feel so lost in life at this Point and have no Idea what I want to do .. 

I like lot of stuff like Psychology, Interior design , Architecture and Art, fashion and think about medicine and Informatik but I dont think with logic came from friends as well .. I am always changing my mind and think about new stuff and years go on so quick without me noticing..

my family are putting pressure on me, they want me do ingenuiring like my brothers they live far away from here but we are arabs so they put thier opinions on what I do, and I dont like that at all.

is there anybody who is like me and have found a solution or a way to help themselves out? 



justanotherhuman says...

Hey sweet thing , I can relate to alot of the stuff u say . Although i am younger than you i hope u consider my advice. First of all i think you should set up your priority lists , what are your priorities in your life ? . Is it to live a comfortable life or to make a difference in other people's lifes ?

You are into alot of things but they all have something in common which is a good eye , Consider a Stylist career , As it usually doesn't require having the (designer) talent , if u can match cloth and accessories in good then why not give it a try ., . Search for a local stylist beside you and ask for intership which basically won't pay you but trust me u will gain alot of experience. Then have An album of your work which will help you reatly to establish a career. Even i it doesn't work u were already a nurse so u have some medical experience ,Although u said u don't want to be in the medical ield anymore , consider a nutritonist career . You mentioned that u are a good listner which means u have the patience and support power to give to people around you. which is part of the nutritionist job to keep their clients motivared just like their fitness coach. courses are everywhere ans u can start small. 

But as you can tell by now , all of these are not you (securejobs)  that can insure you a comfortable life , these are jobs that requires determination and time for its fruits to bare.So you need to be passionate about it becasue that is the only thing that will keep you driven.

 You mentioned that you are gay from Ksa. Which makes me think that you haven't come out to your parents. . Let alone the average arab family pressure o their child , you must feels it even more hiding that secret from them , i am not too cray to ask you to com out to them becasue that is like asking you to throw yourself in hell :P , but find people around you in germany that will just acept you for who you are without conditions and u will find the best pillar of support you want because that is important to keep you focused and filled with positivety.

Finally , WE only live life once if u are confused with all of these options , then go out there and try them one by one , don't let anybody lock that huge potential of yours and  build a wall between you the happy life you aspire to have <3


Daniel Tirsoreanu (not verified) says...

Yes, I can relate very well. I recommend that you look into the enneagram 4 personality and see whether that can you help you to any extent. I also feel very unique in life and as a result 'long' for a purpose in life. 

Shando (not verified) says...

Hi darling,

I can relate easy with your search. I've more than 20 years more of practice. Ultimately, I think it is not about what you are doing, but about "why" you are doing it. Your status in non-arab country, your sexual identity, family pressures ... are just details. Try finding out your set of core values - values you cannot live without, like, say, freedom, safety, autonomy, structure - whatever you can think of which either gets you excited at any time of day and night, or, otherwise, without which you feel you cannot really breathe, or move, or be alive. Then try to come up with a list of your best qualities, talents, skills and abilities - so, you are not an early raiser, but maybe you are the kind who can work steadily for hours. So you have an eye for the shapes and colours, but for what purpose would you use that ? to make things look better or to make people happier ? You seem to be fairly "people oriented" but you seem to also admire (or need) structure, sistems, clear lines (or ideas). Medicine could be a good choice - its obviously about people, but the human body is a system, with clear functions and limitations.

What worked for me were limitations. For years I thought I abhorred limitations (to my freedom, to my options etc.) but then I had to admit that I am at my best when I have to deal with limitations. When I have a limited budget for something, or a small apartment to organize (or decorate) I can easily accomplish whatever task I have to accomplish, and my creativity and practicality spark like magic. If someone would like to see me tortured, they should give unlimited options - budgets, buildings, no dead-lines, no defined results: I'd be thinking, and thinking, and jump from an idea to another, never accomplishing much, growing frustrated and unable to understand "why".  Think of sports, say, football (soccer). Its full of limitations: you cannot touch the ball with your hands, you gotta stay within a defined perimeter, you cannot hurt those who stay in your way - yet, this is what makes the said sport appealing to play, and to watch. The best players are those who can get the end result - scoring - within those limitations.

So I'd suggest to set up a framework for yourself, both inside and out. Things you cannot live without - freedom, options, financial safety, certain social status - whatever you decide it matters for you. Outside limitations: age, gender, finances, location, family expectations (if family is a core value, you should consider these too), sometimes even religion (a buddhist could not become a butcher, for example) or personal phobias, likes and dislikes. Then see what talents, abilities and/or passions you have, and how you can work them out within the said limitations. You'll find out that it turns out to be fairly simple and uncomplicated - the real options are not so many. You can find this out by thinking and mapping your own mind, emotions and soul, or by trial and error, like most people. As you already learnt, trying something like nursing - because it felt good to help people - but not considering your limitations to your freedom (constant supervision) or to your life-style (grueling hours). It took you a while to realize it, and I doubt it was a pleasant experience.

You are also very young, so consider that the "thing" you might like to do may not be, as of yet, within your abilities - say, being a doctor, or an architect, or a human rights lawyer. It may take years of study and hard work up the ladder - but if you are an INFP, it won't matter as long as you know you'll get there. Set up a dead-line for your soul searching - otherwise it may take, literally, years ! - and do not try to re-invent the wheel, that is, do not try to find all the answers in your mind. Read, talk to people, find a mentor or a teacher, feed your mind with information if you want your mind to come up with a good result. Just do that within a dead-line, say, a year from now. Then set up another dead-line for yourself to get wherever you decided to get, professionally-wise. Honestly, if you manage to chose a profession/activity that aligns with your core values, sky is the limit to what you can accomplish, and be as happy as you can be in the process.

Good luck with your quest, and, if you feel like it, document your journey. Others might find inspiration and solutions to their troubles from your story.

Freshly graduated from sociology (not verified) says...

Thank you so much for leaving the comment. I am inspired by the advices.

As I graduated from university, it is time for me to decide which path to take. The seemingly unlimited options scared me, but now I can use the framework you suggested. My fear of deciding is less strong now.

I would like to ask one more question, what do you think about taking risk to get into a field that you have little knowledge of? I like music and art very much but I didn't learn how to play an instrument or how to paint. Should I start now or just forget about being an artist and be a fan instead? I'm not sure.

Thank you so much. Have a nice day. :)

Dagonz says...

Hi,  I perfectly understand what you discribe. I am also gay and have also many different interests and skills. Many times I've spent to much time learning new things that I would eventually give up.

Don't worry too much about that, I'm 40 and still searching. At your age I finished my BA in Law but never really practice. The only piece of advice I'd give you it's try to find what you like doing through volunteering activities. You could for instance do accompaning to elder people and try to cheer them up using your skills for colours. Try this for a while and if you don't really like move on to a new activity. Just don't keep thinking too much about what you could do, you'd better experience. There're plenty of charities and NGO you can colaborate with. Hope this helps you as it's helping me to make my mind up with my future career choice. Take care and enjoy life and take action!!

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