...after 71 years of wondering why I loved people but chose not to interact much at all. Heard of the Myers Briggs test 4 days ago and I'm still reeling! I've been reading all I can on INFJ, most of it's clinical/scientific. I would really love to hear some real life experiences. A huge weight was lifted when I found out I'm still odd, but now "explainable". I am about 48% extrovert, per the test, and I see that but it only is when I choose to be with others and that choice does not happen often. How do other INFJs work with friends who see/wanna hang with the extrovert more, when the introvert has had enough? I'm understanding why I do this, I just don't know how to handle those who don't. Thanks, Luv, K

Comments

Nathan says...

Hi K :) I recently found out that I was an INFJ as well. It has made all the difference in knowing that I'm not crazy but just unique in how I view the world...

Karen Coussens (not verified) says...

Thanks Nathan! Have you any plans to share your unique view of the world?

JANE (not verified) says...

Hello K - I was very interested to see you are 71 - I am 65, and have known that I am an INFP for 7 or 8 years now, and it does give me confidence to be myself and insist that what I need is as valid as what my more extrovert partner needs, as well as my (few!) close friends who can go on socialising for hours after I've had enough. You can just smile and say how you really feel, without hurting others feelings. Once you accept yourself, others do too. Let the knowledge you have gained about youself sink in and you will soon feel better about speaking up for what you need. I am much more introverted than you are, ( about 80%) and I sometimes feel quite annoyed about how extroverts assume we can only be happy doing the things they like. Stand up for people like us who are kind, affectionate etc., but are very choosy about how and with whom we spend our time. I am English, by the way. I wonder if America is a harder place to be introvert? (I am guessing that's where you are?).

Karen Coussens (not verified) says...

Hi Jane,  Thanks for responding.  I am in the States but I'm not so sure it's any different than being INFJ anywhere else.  Being "different" than the other 99% seems it would carry the same outcome no matter where one is.  :)
I was also married to an extrovert.  We did very well together and thankfully he loved Nature as much as I, so I was able to get my peaceful times.  I am starting to realize that the INFJ traits served us well and balanced us nicely.  Nobody looked deeply at how we interacted and assumed we were both extroverts, they just saw two people who loved each other and all others.
When he passed away in 1997 it was expected by others that I was going to be the same "Joe's wife", but without his extrovert push, my introvert had the freedom to take charge.  
This was, and still is, very confusing to my children.  I have been called by them (out of concern and worry, not judgement so much) reclusive, hermit, loner.  Those words - that I had learned all my life were "bad" traits did a job on my self-confidence.  Then about a month ago I learned about INFJ and it was like my true self came up an introduced herself to me.  We ARE going to become best friends and confident in out knowing of each other.  Like you said, I just have to sit with her and let it all sink in and restore my confidence to be me.  Thanks again, Karen

CathrynH (not verified) says...

I'm 30, an INFJ, and currently in college. I simply set boundaries with those I spend time with, and choose very carefully who I spend my time with. I'm also 48% extroverted, and many people who know me as an acquaintance think I'm extroverted. My roommate is extroverted and sometimes tries to insinuate that I have no social life. I don't let it bother me, because I am so content with me and what I am doing. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's passing. For me, I look forward to being married, to be able to share myself with someone else. Because of college, I have the luxury of explaining I have course work to do, but I agree with Jane. I am polite and have learned to simply express my needs.

Amie Kathryn (not verified) says...

I think that urge for connection but tendency to be more reclusive is a pretty typical INFJ quality. I can't speak for all INFJs, but for me personally I found that I do this because I'm so affected by others energy and their emotional states that it can make even the smallest interaction with the wrong person completely draining. I love to counsel others and swap insights and theories but if I'm not prepared to be in a large group or hang around those I don't know, it's a wild card as to how long before I want/need to leave. I also have a shorter fuse when there are issues going on in my personal life because I end up helping everyone with their problems but am rarely asked about my own. So when I'm in distress, until I see or can talk to a family member or close friend, I'll avoid acquaintances because their lack of empathy (although understood) can anger or make me feel even more isolated much more quickly. It's also that INFJs genuinely enjoy exploring their own mind so getting lost in thought for literally hours is nothing strange for me. I hope you're enjoying all the new information you're learning. It's such a helpful and relieving thing when you figure out you're not so alone in your mind after all 

JaneON (not verified) says...

I discovered that I was an INFJ in the early 90's which answered the question that had been triggered by workmates in my new job "why don't you ever go out?"  I've always been happiest on my own (or with my dog). If so did go out I'd find an excuse to leave after about 4 hours. I love watching the grass grow.....even though retired I don't get too many chances to sit still. Spent a few days with a house guest my partner (extrovert) and I took on a bit of a road trip......after the first half hour I was ready to slit my throat!!!!!! I was completely exhausted......even though I managed to disappear into the background the noise still wouldn't go away....all I wanted was silence

Share your thoughts