My very precious friend has some problems with finding motivation and enjoying her life and I have no idea, how can I help her. I'm in similar situation as she is, but I'm ENTP and I just can't understand, why she is soo sad because for me it's nothing special... How can I help her? Any ideas, what makes INFJ soo sensitive or something what will makes me understand their point of view...? 


treefrog says...

Not sure if it's INFJ thing. But I'm INFJ and also is easily depressed and is seneitive to stressors. I have a habit of let myself feeling down and keep thinking negatively unconsciously. I sometimes overcome my such feelings by re-assuring myself and thinking positive way. Also encouragement from other people helps a lot.

I think reminding your friend about positive things can help her. She may say something negative and may seem not listening to you, but I'm sure she does listen and starts think differently and in her mind, she will appreciate it for your encouragement.

pinecone (not verified) says...

What the person above said. INFJs are very VERY good listeners. Just say something positive, and I guarantee you her mood will change (even if she doesn't show it). Just say anything positive. Make them smile about something, and they will really appreciate it. It's so awesome to see that you care!

Jojo2017 (not verified) says...

I'm an INFJ and I've been feeling exactly as you've described your friend. I totally agree with what has been said in the previous comments. Give us some enlightenment and hope that things will change for the better. Try to give some good practical examples so that we can feel related to them.  As an INFJ, I'm always doubting myself and the world and this makes me feel demotivated. Hope you can handle the situation. Being truly supportive is the best thing you can do for an INFJ.

Karen Owens (not verified) says...

Completely agree, being an INFJ I also am very hard on myself and have huge expectations of myself which then compounds my stress and in turn affects my mood massively. Fortunately I have one very wonderful friend who knows me well enought to identify when this is occurring and he listens and talks to me and makes silly jokes and is just there for me unconditionally. This in itself is huge because loyalty, trust and reliability are the backbone of my morals. So be loyal, be trustworthy and be unconditional (reliable) in your care and you will be doing everything you need to be doing to support your friend.

Ioana (not verified) says...

Spend quality time with her one on one, and encourage her to open up and talk about how she feels. I am sure usually she is the one listening to you by nature, so encouraging her to talk about her worries and sadness will definitely help her.

Sylverine (not verified) says...

Whenever people tell me what to do or try to help me I am extremely quick in finding a "but" and it is really annoying. My close friends probably feel hopeless trying to help me. I do not know if this is an INFJ situatiom or not.


There are a few things that help me change my mood:

1) though hard to fabricate, amazing news from a close friend bring light and hope in human race again,

2) an interaction with people who are in a good mood, whether it is a friend or a stranger (stranger sometimes does the trick better, since I don't feel like letting them see my sadness or whatever emotion), and the easiest to recreate:

3) volunteering for a good cause, which never fails to make me see my problem is not that bad (Also helps me think "I have gone through worse and survived! I can do this!"). The whole idea is to get in the right mindset.

Perhaps a book such as "Get Off Your 'But': How to End Self-Sabotage and Stand Up for Yourself" by Sean Stephenson, or a book about sickness or losing a loved one and realizing life is too short to be worrying and stressing over everything.

If I may add, I love practicing yoga because it brings me to the "now" and helps me let go of things I cannot control.

Of course, I don't know what the particular situation is with your friend, but I hope it all works out!

Rachel Brooklyn (not verified) says...

Yes, any advice that is "you should" I find very annoying.  Advice that is you "have to" can be infuriating and I would agree that it's particular of INFJ.  "This works for me" types of advice or "let's try this together" types of things like yoga, coffee or a quiet activity are always preferable for me.  Friends and especially my boyfriend sometimes get into power struggles with me because of overly pushy efforts to help.  I love all your suggestions, Sean Stephenson is amazing I did not know he had a book. ?

Leslie McDaniel says...

I'm an INFJ, too, and agree with what people have already written, but I'd like to add a couple things. INFJs can get really depressed, sad, and lack motivation when they don't feel like they have or know their purpose. We are driven by the idea that we are helping others and making the world a better place. When we don't know our passion or purpose, we can feel like we're floating through life, not really contributing anything. This is a horrible feeling, especially for INFJs.

I would encourage your friend to find some time to take care of herself and to shield herself from the outside world for a time (i.e. social media, etc).  She could come up with a list of things that make her feel how she wants to feel, and make sure to incorporate some of those things in her life each day.

We are extremely sensitive and we feel not only our own emotions, but the emotions of others. If we're constantly on feelings overload, it can really wear us down. 

I would also encourage your friend to find something she can do where she feels like she's contributing. That could be a job where she feels like she's fulfilling her purpose, or a volunteer position as someone mentioned above, or even just a side passion project. If she's really depressed, it may be hard for her to even consider these things now, but it's really important to help pull her out of the funk. 

Hope that helps. I wish your friend the best. :)


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