do any of you other intps feel an immediate urge to rebel when your parents tell you to do something?? its becoming a problem for me, cos I found that I keep getting more and more distant from my mom, she keeps asking ne about everything I do and tells me to do stuff. and I hate it. How did you guys solve the problem?


JJ93 (not verified) says...


I'm an INTP too. I am 25 now and I live with my husband, but growing up I had issues with my parents. The key is 'goodness of fit.' In other words, is your mom suited to interact with an INTP and/or to understand your way of thinking and living? Does she accept it? For example, a totally non-intellectual parent is likely to drive you nuts. INTPs are all about independence - communicate that to your mom and let her know that you are not trying to hurt her feelings. If she is on you for legitimate reasons (like you are not getting your stuff done) then clean up your act to prove yourself. If your mom doesn't back off and you keep being you, it is possible that you just won't have a close relationship. That was the fate for my mother and me and I am just fine. Hope this helps!

Guest (not verified) says...

Hey thanks for suggesting (: from what I observed, she could be an ESTJ and I heard that ESTJs are among the list of people who clash with INTPs. I think it's because I don't like people telling me how to live my life but she keeps harping on me about the most ridiculous things (like "Brush your teeth before you go to bed" when that's obviously something I've been doing ever since I was little). Also, telling her that my type doesn't like being told is useless because she doesn't really believe in all the MB type stuff and she says it's just an excuse for people to justify their mistakes, so I dont think it would work. Should I try to tell her, or just try to understand why she's doing this? I'm 16 by the way (:

Guest ( Durdana ) (not verified) says...

Many people, specially Sensing types see abstract intellectual things as Psychology, Philosophy, Personality types impractical. But I don't think ESTJs and INTPs are mutually hostile (in fact they are good possible life partners.)

I believe the more you resist her control and structure, the more she will force it upon you.

So here is the advice, try to be a bit more tolerant, accept her control (for maybe a month) and make her realize that you are past the teenage rebellious stage, in other words, try to manipulate her (though it might not be morally right, but she needs to see the truth) to an extent you are comfortable with.

When a mother realizes her child has actually grown up (according to her standards) she will give up control momentarily. Then you seize the opportunity and demand same amount of cooperation from her and understanding on INTP personality type. Show to her, the weakness of ESTJ personality type and if she can relate to it, she will believe in Psychology and also your desire for autonomy as INTP.

I am INTP and my mother is ESFJ, so I had somewhat the same problem, but I solved it somehow. So, if you like the idea, then hurry up try it.

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm 15 and that's pretty much the same thing with me. But the difference is, I don't say a word. I'd regret it later if I did. It would cause relationship problems with my mom and I really do love her a lot. Gradually the rebellious urges subside. If they don't I just keep on being respectful and distance myself. I don't need complication when I'm already complicated. One day I'll tell her all the messed up stuff I'm feeling though.

Pranav Ghandade (not verified) says...

I can see my reflection  in you. I have the EXACT same problem. I am an INTP and my mother is an ESFJ for a long time we could never talk peacefully cause her ignorance  in field always  killed me and i could  never stop myself  from  arguing i guess this is due to my teenage vause i am just 15 now. But before this i just used to ignore  her and whatever she said. Thus eventually she gave  up on me and said, life is yours do whatever you want but just in the future dont come to me regretting not lisenting to her when i should have had. So now there is not much of a conflict as both of us try to avoid it. And as always  as an INTP i love freedom more than anything else. Though it quite unfortunate though that my mother is an ESFJ cause she's materialistic and cares about here social  status. Which completely  contradicts me. Though my problem..............well not exactly  solved but it disappeared.

Though i guess i couldn't do much as a son i wish i could do much at least as a father.

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