I can't remember a time that I was comfortable around other people. Besides my immediate family, I can barely talk around others, and I almost always feel awkward.

I find myself criticizing my words and actions later, and can get no relief. I want to be a genuinely friendly person, but I struggle with knowing what to say, how much to ask, how to answer, and how to act around other people. I want to get more comfortable around people, and I'm willing to face my fears of making a mistake, but where do I start?


ArobotIntj (not verified) says...

Hey, I have some specific advice that should help u long into your life.

1) Study human psychology

Understand how humans interact and what are each individuals goals are at that specific time. For example, my friends are talking about football in an enthuastic way.
Human emotion: Enthusiasm
Individual goals: To be happy
So in this case, even if u feel awkward, u should try at the very least to contribute to their happiness. Each situation is different and many factors go into it.

2) Talk, try, practice

You wouldn't know the outcome until u try right? Just fake the enthusiasm if u have to, but u must try and talk to people. The famous quote "You miss every shots, you havn't taken" sums it all up.

I advise first to study human psychology, then try out the theories on an individual level to find out whether it is true or not... but then again I also focus mostly on systems and logic. That's what logic says. Hope it helped.

dunkie22 says...

I have always been uncomfortable with people that I do not know and especially when there is a group of people. I cannot chitchat. As I read in one book, I can act like an extrovert for a period of time, but then I need to get away from people. Even as an adjunct instructor at a local university, I act happy and talk and seem like an outgoing guy. However, I am not. I am always nervous on the day of the first class, and after class I just go home. As a special ed teacher at a high school, I play the role, and then hide at home. So, I believe that you should accept who you are, but you may want to consider playing a role. It takes energy, but I think knowledge helps us both understand who we are, but also give us the strength to do the things that are "normal" sometimes.

khthies says...

I enjoy a good conversation, but they tire me out. A lot. I think the main thing for me is learning as much about them as I can so that I can try to relate- totally unconscious decision, but I do it. Maybe if you go about it that way? I don't know, most of what I do is based around the search for new ideas and characters for writing.

caddored says...

I hate small talk and talking in crowds. I usually stick with friends but meeting new people is difficult. I too take on a persona when talking to others for the first time. When I was younger, I tried to act like my outgoing sister. I was constantly asking myself how she would interact in the crowd. What has helped is the knowledge that most people like to talk about themselves, so have a few questions ready. And listen to the answer, then ask them to expand. In the beginning, try one on one conversation, then graduate to groups of three and so on. And don't forget to give yourself time to de-stress after meeting new people.

Mindy96 (not verified) says...

hi it sounds like you are suffering from social axiety a good therapist can help you,

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