Hi there,

I am a filmmaker for indie films and I work aside as waitress in restaurants only because, making movies don't pay yet and as a waitress I know I won't have to deal with homework and assignments.
The problem is that I read people's personality extremely well - which helps me knowing if I want this or this person in my circle of friends - however, as soon as I meet someone which I know has a problem or will be a problem to me, I just shut the person down and try to just avoid this person. When I say "problem" I mean, people that are over controlling, or abusive etc.

I personally don't think I meet these type of people more than any other person, but I certainly spot them very easily which affects my behaviour toward them since I absolutely banish them from my life.

The problem is that I cannot keep a job when I meet someone like this, especially if this person is a manager or is ahead of me. Now, I'd like to know how do you guys do to keep on working with people you don't want to engage with. I mean they know I do not want them around, they feel it only because I'm alway nice and joyful to people I meet until I find out who they are. Then I just keep it to myself and stop sharing anything with them.

I hope what I wrote is clear to you,

Please reply, thank you.

Comments

Guest (not verified) says...

Wow, I have this exact same issue. I've always tended to attract this certain type of very controlling person, but the type of person that you don't realize at first who they are -- they seem very friendly and actively work towards friendship. Eventually I realize they have controlling, and manipulative tendencies -- at which point I completely shut them out. It has been an issue in the work place as well.

I wish I had a good solution, but I feel I am in your same shoes; not sure how to solve this one...

Tony

Guest (not verified) says...

I am also an ENFP. This has happened to me with roommate situations, where I have shut down completely and shut out the person for a period of time because of the manipulation. I am a very kind person and see the best in others, but would find myself seeing the best, then the worst, and not being able to confront the issue head on because of dislike for confrontation. Over time, the roommate grew to see what they did to divide us, we are friends again, but it was difficult getting that trust back.

In the workplace. I have learned to spot these individuals and play the same game with them. I hate playing the manipulation game, but I have found that when they are a supervisor, you can't avoid them. I killed with kindness. If I had to ever ask a question, I would flatter my boss first by telling her that I had to ask her some questions because I knew she was the best at -fill in the blank. She would melt a little and use me a little less. I learned to anticipate what the manipulations would be. Sometimes my boss was asking me to do things that went against my value system in terms of how I treat others. I figured out ways to appease my boss without treating others differently. I no longer work for this individual, but I was one of the few people under her that she treated respectfully.

Sometimes learning the motivations of others manipulations can be very helpful for determining how to operate (which can come easily for ENFP). In my specific case both individuals were manipulating others for attention. I pulled my attention from the roommate because I didn't want to partake. I gave attention to my boss before she could seek it in a negative manner to reduce conflict. Others in the office sometimes looked to me for what to say to her because they knew she liked me so much. It was a tough act to put on, but I got through it and became stronger as a result.

Hope this is helpful!

Share your thoughts