hi I recently received feedback in my review that I am too blunt/direct and that I should use 5 words when I want to use 2. I also had an internal interview feedback which was excellent with the exception that I asked the interviewer to repeat the question in a blunt way??? Although I understand the need to deliver a message with both honesty and emotional integrity for others I am struggling to accept this feedback. I can’t help thinking you’d never get anything done and spend too much time flowering things up!!! I believe ‘flowering’ (excluding above example) for me comes across as dishonest as people avoid providing honest, clear feedback. I have always seen my direct, honest approach as refreshing and right. I have always believed this is what has enabled fast progress. I now think although it is progressing the task it is not helping my career. I am clearly a strong ENTJ woman so struggling to change such a core trait. Any suggestions that I can employ.

Comments

tinchaa (not verified) says...

Hi,

I just read your thoughts and I can say I have the same issue and still on my way to find the most proper solution. The thing is that most people do not function like we do and are more emotional. They do not use their logical mind so much as we do (it is not wrong it is just different and everyone is unique and has his own talents) and the thing is that they feel insulted or attacked. I usually try to take a deep breath and consider others too (it is not easy when this is our pattern) and how I can say this to them in a very friendly way or indirectly, so they do not feel offended or attacked (although it was never my attention,  it just looks that way). I try to explain my good intention or reason (again in a really relaxed friendly way, not pushing their buttons) why I am pointing out something (because it is for a greater good).

Iris Shikoba says...

I have many thoughts about communication. It is a complex issue that is sometimes mired in societal mores (folkways of central importance accepted without question and embodying the fundamental moral views of a group), cues, and levels.

I have heard that there should be an “this part is good” for every “this other part needs help”. That would be an example of a social more. 

A social cue would be more... a learned “this is okay” to say/do vs. “it’s not okay to say it in that way/use those words”.

The social levels that I mentioned previously are the positions that a person holds relative to another. Examples are parents, authoritative figures (other than parents), siblings, other family, friends, strangers, collegeues, peers, etc. Often it is acceptable to speak a certain way to a family member, but it’s not okay to speak the same way to a colleague or stranger. 

I know it’s difficult. Invariably, everyone will have difficulty with at least one thing. I would ask for feedback (and take notes) to find out how they would express the same thing that you would in the same situation, and try to integrate it into the work environment. 

I wish you well in your business endeavors and success in your life’s journey!

Guest (not verified) says...

Considering the type is a minor percentage in population, also for INTJs, take easy because majority people have difficulties to understand you. Respect the world has majority population who believe mass overpowering. Your inner strength does not need loud applause you know that. Hope this helps?

Melissa N (not verified) says...

I am an ENTJ woman... and I can tell you, it has been such a struggle finding the right position within my career.  People find me too brusk, to-the-point, and intolerable of wasted time, energy, resources, or talent.  I am trying to work on the "softer-side" and become more tolerable of others' personalities.  

Kat says...

Just last week I had my mid-year review with my manager and she brought up the fact that I can come off as harsh and abrasive.  She recalled a recent interaction between me and my co-worker Kim, apparently Kim was very taken back by how I responded and thought that I was mad at her.  When asked about this interaction by my boss, my recollection was that it went well and saved the company money!  My manager recalled several other interactions between me and my co-workers that I didn't realize I was coming off as abrasive just because of the words I was using.  I am also having difficulty figuring out how to navigate this new challenge.  I don't want to turn "soft", but I don't want to be hindering my long term career possibilites.  We ENTJ women should start a group to help give advice to eachother where we can be our wonderfully blunt selves about it all. 

KKok (not verified) says...

Hi Ladies - I have been struggling with this for more than 1.5 decades in my professional life.....  I am known for "calling it like it is" and being somewhat blunt...and brutally honest.

Some of the things that I have found have helped me, in my pursuit of achieving my goals is, while being brutally honest, practice the delivery.  Now, if you know a situation is coming up where there are group breakouts or other things, like if I have to give performance evaluations, or even team reviews, I will practise them on my husband, and ask him "How did that sound?'  He'll say, "Yeah, too harsh there" and I'll try and validate why, but I have given him a position where I will trust his judgement more than mine when it comes to the "nice factor" - let's face it, I can be an asshole and I just want to get the job done... he on the other hand, is one of the nicest people I know.

I also count backwards from 3 before I say something.  I have to be really deliberate - but when someone says or does something that's "f*(S#@ dumb batshit stupid, I just want to kick them out of the way...... I can't stand people who get in the way of progress...... 

RachelN (not verified) says...

Fascinating to read this blog. I am an ENTJ women struggling with the exact same things...getting tired of it though. Not sure being an employee is a right choice for an ENTJ anyway.

Kris10 (not verified) says...

Wow! You ladies are awesome! I have taken this test twice now and it's been ENTJ both times! Yes, we know we are different. Career choices are certainly hard. I've begun doing some consulting work in healthare sales and it's been very lucrative. Something about walking into a company with a dealine to strategically solve their probelms and then leave is s rewarding.  It allows me to leep my distnace form everyone who wants to check FB all day and talk about their shitty lives. I know, I sound harsh but I'm keeping it real with you ladies. 

It's been difficult for me to work for huge corporations. Specifically people who I know i could do their job better. I understand everything all of you have written about reviews as mine are same. lol

Also, how are we 1% of the world? That fact alone is scary in terms of the mass population "thinking diffeently" than us. Do you guys feel like people in general either love you or hate you and the ones that hate you don't matter becuase we stopped thinking about them the second after we met them? Just a thought...........

Maybe thats "our way" of dealing with everyone else on the planet.

 

So glad I found this forum. Please stay in touch :)

Spring Rose (not verified) says...

I loved yout text Kris10! I am more one ENTJ-A girl tired of fullish and boring posts at FB. It´s great that I could find this forum. It´s really nice to talk to other people like me. And I feel happy to find other women that can understand me because it is really hard to other women that are not ENTJ´s like me as/want to be my friend. And yes, people love me or hated me. Has been like this ever.

Kristen (not verified) says...

That's awesome! Great to hear from you. You made my day!! We are not alone, although rare it seems. Let's stay in touch. What do you do for work?

Marie (not verified) says...

I am an ENTJ woman and I can relate to many of the comments. I have found ‘having the right boss’ and ‘being in a professional work environment’ critical to my success. I work in Sales and Consulting. I am curious in where other ENTJ women have found success in roles and what other factors eg: boss, company size, etc.

entj (not verified) says...

hey there, ENTJ here too, have dealt with the same problem throughout my life... i feel you! Yet i overcame this by reviewing my perspective of efficiency and productivity (something very important to me, and probably you too). 

The clear disconnection ENTJs seem to have with their peers and colleagues is something we have learnt to cope with, yet I have over time found that there is a different way you can approach this detatchment.

Before employing the passionate objectiveness we likely share, it is important to win over (or conquer) your subject first. You must adapt to their ways, create a connection, or a trust if you may, and once you have hooked them, you can enhance any relationship or project by then utilising your excellent analytical skills.

Once you have shown that your are in fact a humble, friendly mortal like them, you can then take lead with your ambition and strong principles... You must tame and train the horse before you can race with it, not the other way around.

This is how I have managed to turn the tables from me alienating myself from others to rather attracting and inspiring a cohort to understand my nature, and value the rationality and leadership I can bring to our shared goals and ambitions.

 

anyways - best of luck

ashwri17 says...

I, too, am an ENTJ, and I have been struggling with this my entire career! I'm at the point where I'm thinking corporate life just isn't for me. I've been so often been called too blunt or abrasive, even though I don't believe I am. But yet I feel like if I take it back a notch I'm too soft. I'm heavily considering either going back to school to become an attorney or go into the police force, because I believe either path would better suit my personality. Thank you all so much for your insight thus far, because I'm glad I'm not alone!

Nix (not verified) says...

ENTJ woman/stable career/decent pay/great future (prob max out at 250k at end of career)\good company working in clinical research BUT I am NOT happy nor do I feel successful. I feel progressively unhappy as I move up the ladder. Like an imposter.

Why is it so hard to be content??? I wish I can turn off my drive. So now I am looking to do a career change at 39. Midway through my MA in Psych and having the biggest mid-life crisis. I feel like I am not living up to my potential or wasting my life away on a job I hate. I love the military and would be my dream to do research for them but I can't stomach 6 years of school! I have exhausted all options and researched the hell out of fields I love e.g. medicine/psych.

What is a woman to do? I can probably stay where I am and have a good life but that nagging feeling of settling is boring a hole in me.  Any one else out there like this?

Also, do you ENTJs out there find that your IQ is at least one deviation above average?

No trolling- do not waste my time. I am here for the exchange of ideas.

" You have a moral obligation to find out your purpose in life" - Socrates?

Satnat (not verified) says...

I'm an ENTJ woman too. Try taking a career break to be a stay at home mum (we live far from family). After 4 years I am so ready to head back to work as I'm climbing the walls! Lol. I'm a Building Surveyor and was a late bloomer in finding my profession so I've never fully flourished and found my perfect role within a company. Will be returning to the field later this year when our eldest starts school. Understanding my personality type will hopefully make me more effective in the workplace as to date I've been very blunt. Will be going back with a new perspective. Great to read comments from fellow ENTJ women! 

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