I fit this profile to a "T"; I own an insurance agency and I am presently studying for my realtor's license. I have always been in sales and sales management and have had (an overall) highly successful career.

Here's my "problem" and I want to know if other ENFJs experience this; toxic personalities and work environments make me almost physically ill. I cannot let negative human interaction or bullying or mistreatment of people fall by the wayside; in other words, I have to stand up for the meek or I must get out of the situation as quickly as possible. No matter how hard I try, I cannot ignore dysfunctional situations and just let things roll off me; when in such a situation, I need to make a change as quickly as possible or I will just EXPLODE!

I have considered seeing a therapist about this (I have had a ton of therapy in my life and am pretty together overall) but I really think this trait of mine is just an integral part of my personality. When I worked for corporations, I was a serious job hopper (I changed every 2 years but I was a top notch sales person) but I have had my own business for 5+ years now so I know that the job hopping was due to my intolerance for corporate B-S. One thing about me though, if I am stuck in a toxic situation I ALWAYS make sure I get out of it!!!!!!!

Can anyone else relate to the way I feel and should I just accept myself for who I am and avoid these situations at all costs?


Tania (not verified) says...

Hi Kathy,

I am in the same boat as you! Almost to a T. I do not tolerate toxic personalities well at all. In my 20's and 30's I used to implode on these type of people, also narcissists, whereby everything was about them. Hence when I was younger, got into quite of bit of trouble (not serious though) in corporate america as well as personal relationships. It does not resonate well with me at all. Even to this day.

Now that I am a little older, and possibly calmer due to life experiences, I choose whether to voice my opinion or not. The choice comes from really listening to the conversation, processing and choosing whether I want to join in and possibly have differences of opinions, and even debates. When I choose more often than not, debates are usually the latter of the 2.

Being passionate of what resides in my core being, is usually what sparks debates / disagreements.

Having been in sales and office work I have been on both sides of the spectrum, and absolutely love the sales side. It is probably the hunter in us, and also the victory of success and sense of accomplishments. You probably, like I love being around people in general (sales background), but at the same time like to have your down time (to recharge yourself).

Like you, have changed jobs quite often, and also very success in sales, I praise you for your own business, that is quite an accomplishment! Also like you, I am looking to obtaining my real estate license. Ha ha!

Accept yourself, and just learn how to navigate gently through situations, without being to hard on yourself. We all as human beings has have strengths and weaknesses. Trying to find the balance can be difficult, but is almost a necessity so you can be at peace within yourself. It's all a learning experience for us all.

Many Blessings!

eaglerising2 says...

I used to be like both of you. Like you, I am INFJ and was in sales. One day I became curious as to why some people are so toxic. I decided to find out by deliberately being around people I couldn't stand. Through trial and error I realized there was a reason why people are toxic. I was amazed to discover that when I took the time and trouble to understand that reason, toxic people ceased to bother me. About a year after I made that discovery, I read, "Dealing with People You Can't Stand", and "How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst" by Rick Kirschner and Rick Brinkmann. Their books confirmed what I discovered. I often wonder how much time I would have saved if I had read them before I deliberately embraced toxic people.

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