J just found out that I am a ENFJ personality and my question is there anybody else out there with this personality type it appears my empathy is " off off the charts" compared to other ppeople around me.  My commpassion often clouding my judgment of people resulting in being used and taken advantage of.  I have been mad and even "passed off " many tie.is but true anger I never felt until I was 25 years old and it scared me!! Never wanting to feel it again.... how can I better control my compassion and overwhelming desire to help others discerning when to and when not do also about anger why does it scare me so much ? I think you in advance for any help that you can provide me for these questions sincerely Kristie


Andreashiff (not verified) says...

Hi Kristie,

I'm an ENFJ too so I may be able to help you a little on this matter that affected me a lot during the last few years. I think you shouldn't feel ashamed nor feel any guilt about your empathy and your strong desire to help others. It is a great quality. Maybe what you should re-think is the way to do it. You have to remind yourself that some people think very differently from you, and they don't want to be "pushed" in the direction you want to push them/you feel is the best for them. Some people just want to live their lives and talk about it without receiving any advices from others. Remember that we all have personal "conceptual frameworks" and that what makes us think differently and act differently. In any case, don't worry too much about what you can/can't do to help others, and make sure that you love yourself first, and that all the attention and care you give to others, you give to you too. It would be extremely unfair not to. I believe you can't properly love others and/or trust others if you don't do it for yourself as well.  

Lauren Davis (not verified) says...


I completely understand you! One of the weaknesses of being an ENFJ is our huge capacity for empathy and compassion and idealistic/altruistic tendencies. Our high altruistic tendencies make us easy to be taken advantage of because we always look for the best in others and trust people easily. I have been labeled as naive and gullable my whole life! The good thing is, when you have the right friends, they know and understand this, and would never do anything to take advantage of you. In fact, many people are fiercly loyal and protective of ENFJ's, because ENFJ's have always given them the benefit of the doubt and always seen the good in them! That is why there are so many ENFJ leaders that have many loyal followers.

As far as the feeling of anger goes, don't feel bad for feeling it! Allow yourself to feel it. You are human. ENFJ's absolutely HAVE to talk things through with people, so turn to a trusted friend and express this feeling of anger to them and let them help you work through it. Once you have talked about it with someone, it will be super easy to get over it. I have a specific friend I go to whenever I feel sad or mad, and once I get my feelings off my chest, I feel completely normal and better again.

Good luck!

-Fellow ENFJ

Jem (not verified) says...

Hi!  I am an ENFJ and have been many of the professions listed for an ENFJ...writer/editor, artist (musician, artist and theater), and both a high school teacher and university professor. I can tell you that having the ability to feel other people’s emotions is awesome and really hard at the same time. I can “read” what an audience or class of students need before they say a word. I also feel things from people that warn me not to get too close or that they are toxic. Sometimes walking into a choir or theater company can be overwhelming.  You feel all of the strong feelings of the artists all at once...like a strong cloud of confling emotions. Over the years, I’ve had to learn how to turn this sensing off and on for my own well-being. And for the privacy of others. I know that it’s counter productive to who we are as ENFJs, but when you are feeling overwhelmed by others’ emotions or you are just not in a place to deal with other people’s stuff...tell yourself, “I just can’t care about other people right now,” and say it over and over to yourself until your brain believes it. It gets easier and easier to do. It’s always easy to turn it back on. 

sheryl xavier (not verified) says...

Namaste friends, am grateful for being an ENFJ, i would like to share that most of us may be aware we are energy beings. This realisation will help one overcome the overwhelming emotions that arise in this personality type. Learning to channelise this precious resource of unconditional love is the answer. You are a born giver and that indeed is a blessing. Look around you, don't you see there is an energy war out there. Whereas you are too are a source of energy just like the Sun that radiates life giving service to all with no expectations in return. The Sun will not get any weaker by sharing its light. We too have that potential but  due to our conditioning, most of the time our primitive fears and insecurities makes us scarcity oriented. The Universe has abundant blessings for all of us and that we are unconditionally supported by creation. As a Reiki Master and a professor I feel blessed to share my experiences and learnings with my students. And as a nature and an animal lover, fostering dogs, cats or any other animal that requires love and care has given me immense insight in my life. This has enriched my life so much and given me a wealth of different dimensions of light that we donot realise exists. So dear ones begin with love and gratitude towards your own self first and then radiate this energy to expell all elements of toxicity out there. Universe bless us all reikihealersh3@gmail.com

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