J just found out that I am a ENFJ personality and my question is there anybody else out there with this personality type it appears my empathy is " off off the charts" compared to other ppeople around me.  My commpassion often clouding my judgment of people resulting in being used and taken advantage of.  I have been mad and even "passed off " many tie.is but true anger I never felt until I was 25 years old and it scared me!! Never wanting to feel it again.... how can I better control my compassion and overwhelming desire to help others discerning when to and when not do also about anger why does it scare me so much ? I think you in advance for any help that you can provide me for these questions sincerely Kristie


Andreashiff (not verified) says...

Hi Kristie,

I'm an ENFJ too so I may be able to help you a little on this matter that affected me a lot during the last few years. I think you shouldn't feel ashamed nor feel any guilt about your empathy and your strong desire to help others. It is a great quality. Maybe what you should re-think is the way to do it. You have to remind yourself that some people think very differently from you, and they don't want to be "pushed" in the direction you want to push them/you feel is the best for them. Some people just want to live their lives and talk about it without receiving any advices from others. Remember that we all have personal "conceptual frameworks" and that what makes us think differently and act differently. In any case, don't worry too much about what you can/can't do to help others, and make sure that you love yourself first, and that all the attention and care you give to others, you give to you too. It would be extremely unfair not to. I believe you can't properly love others and/or trust others if you don't do it for yourself as well.  

Lauren Davis (not verified) says...


I completely understand you! One of the weaknesses of being an ENFJ is our huge capacity for empathy and compassion and idealistic/altruistic tendencies. Our high altruistic tendencies make us easy to be taken advantage of because we always look for the best in others and trust people easily. I have been labeled as naive and gullable my whole life! The good thing is, when you have the right friends, they know and understand this, and would never do anything to take advantage of you. In fact, many people are fiercly loyal and protective of ENFJ's, because ENFJ's have always given them the benefit of the doubt and always seen the good in them! That is why there are so many ENFJ leaders that have many loyal followers.

As far as the feeling of anger goes, don't feel bad for feeling it! Allow yourself to feel it. You are human. ENFJ's absolutely HAVE to talk things through with people, so turn to a trusted friend and express this feeling of anger to them and let them help you work through it. Once you have talked about it with someone, it will be super easy to get over it. I have a specific friend I go to whenever I feel sad or mad, and once I get my feelings off my chest, I feel completely normal and better again.

Good luck!

-Fellow ENFJ

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