My 23 yr old daughter is in counseling...ours has been a difficult relationship for many yrs. I finally divorced her ISTP dad when she went to college. Anyway, he never had my back...let her say anything to me...basic message was "It's fine for u to be incredibly disrespectful to ur mom".
So, being an INFP, I dig my heels in when my core values are being challenged. She says she doesn't like the way I think and doesn't respect me. I've suggested we go to counseling together. She refuses.
9 mos ago, her dad passed away 8 mos after being diagnosed with lung cancer.