As I have begun to mature, I've developed emotional problems regarding myself and my environment. I am nearly sixteen years old, and recently I have begun to feel "displaced", as if I could just as easily be made of metal and circuits as I am of flesh and bone. Not only am I uncomfortable with who and where I am, I tend to feel uncomfortable in my own body. I would say that my current environment causes these feelings, since nearly everyone around me thinks and behaves completely different from me, as well as the fact that I don't feel as independent as I feel I should be. These conditions leave me feeling trapped and somewhat disgusted at most everyone else when I am not alone. Does anyone have advice I could use?


Jack Pool (not verified) says...

Perhaps you could recommend some books?

Guest (not verified) says...

Hi, I am long past 16 but reading your post reminds me of that age as though it were yesterday. I was extremely uncomfortable with who and where I was as well. My singular goal at 16 was to get out of the environment that I was in. School, especially Middle and High School are brutal places if you are thoughtfule, sensitive or an introvert. College is MUCH better, or if college is not part of the picture, just life in general is better after school.

I hope you can look past your current situation to where you can be be yourself more comfortably and be better accepted. I am going to offer one bit of advice it has taken me a long time to learn. Even if your environment sucks, and yours may well suck, you have to be OK with your personality even if others are not. I am not justifying arrogance or pride (guilty of both in my younger years) but I am who I am and if I don't fit someone elses mold that's OK.

Trust me on the future, it gets better. I was suicidal at 17 because that is the worst age. You are old enough to be mentally independent but not old enough to actually establish that independence. It's only a few more years until you can make it happen. Hang in there.

I don't know if you have any spiritual beliefs or not. I didn't when I was your age, but later events changed my opinion. If you have a deeper spirituality it helps put the world in perspective. I am a Christian, but loathe to think of myself as a church person because sometimes that enviroment can be very helpful but other times it is pretty bad too.

I wish you the best, thanks for your honesty and I hope I have been helpful in some way.

God bless.

Priscila (not verified) says...

Hey, first of all, as the days have passed I hope you've begun to feel better. I am 21 years old now, but my memories of being 16 and 17 are vividly clear to me. I loathed school so much, I wanted to actually drop out, despite my GPA being 3.9. I ended up graduating a year early because I couldn't cope with the idea of attending another year and during my last semester (I was 17 then) I also dealt with constant suicidal thoughts. I've gotten better since then but continued to struggle with mental illness and bouts of depression. I've found that it is an ongoing struggle, but it is never as bad as it was when I was 17.

It always sounds cliché and repetitive, and almost meaningless to say, since it's been said so much, but IT GETS BETTER. You have to believe that, because I guarantee you it's true. As of right now, I would suggest a few things that I remember helping me through the last years of high school:

1. You probably have 3-5 really good friends. Hang out with them whenever possible, create stuff with them (videos, podcasts, events, games, whatever you like)
2. If you don't have a pet, get one if at all possible.
3. In your time alone, create stuff too. Writing helped me a lot. Don't let your thoughts consume you. We INTJs can sometimes allow our thoughts to delve so deep into the future that we become upset by things that haven't even happened yet! You said you struggle with your lack of independence. I can definitely relate, I felt the same way for years. When I was 18, I moved out. I moved back in after a year. Trust me, the time comes, and you will learn from it. Don't get too ahead of yourself and don't misunderstand the actions of your family. They likely have your best interest at heart.

I hope this helps in some way, and if not, well. Just know you're not alone in this. Best of luck in everything!

drgoodman says...

Please try to get some counseling support that is faith-based. If you are in school, consider your School Counselor.

Don't give up.

You are loved and never forgotten!

Jessicataylor333 says...

You are different, and that can be quite uncomfortable at your age when blending is the only means of solitude in a crowd. At your age, I wanted to drop out of school. My mother said that I could miss the maximum number of permitted school absences if I kept my grades up. I made straight A's that year and missed as often as possible. But learning becomes golden beyond your teen years. You will be loving the way that God has wired you to soar in a few years. Until then, just relax and do not expect too much from yourself. Just soak up what you can. You have a hidden black box that is recording insights for you that you will discover later. You don't have to figure it all out now. Just let everything simmer for a while. Use your intuition in fun ways to relieve the social trauma that you are enduring for what will prove to be a very short time. Journal your insights. They will come in handy later when you start putting all the pieces together. And I know that it may be difficult to find Jesus through many religious institutions (understatement). But He is real and He is truth. He understands you perfectly. Jesus knows what makes you feel alive, and He knows what drives you into despair. Find Him! Jesus does not want you to linger in dark, shadowy places. You were created for life and light. And life and light are found in Jesus. I have been a text book INTJ all my life. At your age I was still questioning Jesus because I despised most of his followers. But then I realized that Jesus is different. He is The One Who always makes sense. Our sin had broken our connection with God. I understood intuitively at your age that I was a sinner in broken relationship with God. You probably get that, too. That is the source of despair. But there is no need to despair because God sent His Son to redeem and restore that which was lost. Jesus is truth. Jesus died on the cross to take away our sin and to give us new life that is abundant and free. On the third day, He was raised from the dead. God did not abandon His Son, and He will not abandon you if you seek Him through faith in His Son. Perhaps you already know Jesus. We still have to endure some tough struggles, but in His strength. But even if you know Jesus, then maybe someone else will read this and hear the truth of the only One Who can offer us hope for today and for eternity. Suddenly, your troubles and courageous plea for understanding are redeemed and will serve a far greater purpose than you could have ever imagined. "For God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) God bless you.

peacefromtrevor says...

Hi! My name is Trey!
So reading this, I feel for you. I am an ENTJ. I am 17, and certain conditions were causing emotional turmoil inside that I couldn't really understand. My Feelings are my inferior function. It is even further form me than it is you. But I relate in a sense. I felt that I was different. But I was so aware of the way that other people worked. Where you are more than likely more aware of the way you work... I knew more about the way 'they' worked. I discovered I was different because I knew in such detail how the people played these silly games with feelings and were moved by things and I didn't relate. At first I thought I was doing something wrong... But I quickly discovered that I was more effective than most people. Now consider that I know more about the outside world... and you know more about yourself. It would make sense for you to hear rejection from others, or cause problems for others and it effect you. because you may not understand the deep problems others have that you will not face. What I am basically saying, is that you have a deep understanding of yourself. And for so long I didn't understand myself. But when I did I recognized how effective I was compared to them. You are on this bridge. You are about to learn how incredibly effective you are compared to others. By learning more about the extroverted world. I have an amazing video I have done on YouTube about INTJ's and how amazing they are. Please go watch that.

If you watch it, comment below and let me know.

Jack Pool (not verified) says...

Thank you for the response and the video. I appreciate them as they have helped to increase my understanding of my own emotions and may help me to gain better control of my behaviors and emotions in the near future.

Cave Johnson (not verified) says...

Hello Trey, I think that you should know that the video is listed as "private". I was hoping to watch it but I can't. Please reply if/when you make the video public. Thanks, Cave.

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm also a sixteen year old INTJ. With 3 suicide attempts landing me in the hospital several times, I get what you're feeling. It's bizarre to me because I feel very self confident, just incredibly tired of my situation as well as my lack of friends and people who relate to me. I'm just hoping college will change these things!

Finnegan Grey says...

Hello.  I'm INTJ male in my 40's, and reviewing this thread, just want to say that you can certainly get through it, and if you are indeed INTJ's you are well equipped to do so, whether you realize it or not. I personally spent 10 or 12 years, in my late teens and all through my 20's figuring out who I was and learning to value it, and trust my instincts and the modes of how I viewed the world. A little skepticism of what others say you must do, and what they think is important, is healthy. They aren't necessarily wrong or dumb, but trust yourself. Let your strong Intuition be your guide. Follow your interests, passions and innate curiosity. Throw out your TV.  Read, explore, take classes, travel, even on short road trips, to see something new.  Allow for genuine experiences of wonder and amazement. Follow riddles that catch your attention. And let your TJ function loose, and the planning / organizing function will take you a long long way. Make a plan and implement it. Then another and another. If you follow your interests you will develop yourself, and find along the way that you are happy doing what you like. Be yourself, find what gives you energy, and you will, one by one, meet like-minded people along the way. It sounds obvious, but, when you feel like you are starting at Zero, it seems like a long way to go. I know. I remember.

Exercise is good too.  I detest team sports, and find golf unbearably dull, but I found the physical activities that I like with individual sports (fencing) and endurance sports, such as hiking and cross-country skiing.  Camping allows my seeking out vast outdoor spaces and nature at its most dramatic. These things make me feel truly alive and "in the moment".

"The soul has a slow dark birth, more mysterious than the birth of the body.  When the sould of a man is born in this country there are nets flung at it to hod it back from flight. ...I shall try to fly by those nets."

--James Joyce,  A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

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