I just found out last year according to the MB test that I am an INFJ. I didn't really look into it then. Two months ago I door slammed my fiance of 1 1/2 years. Is there a way he can help get me back?


Guest (not verified) says...

I did this door slam in a past relationship before my ex-fiance and with my ex-husband before that.
Is there a way for me to stop doing this? If not, should I warn future partners when we start getting involved about the possibility?

Margi17c says...

Hi guys! This may not be the place for it but I had a question about this topic. I am an INFP and I have been in a relationship with an INFJ for about 5 months now, I love him very much and he is very good to me. I have never heard about INFJs door slamming before, can I ask what that means exactly? What leads to a door slam and how can I avoid that happening with my INFJ? And if it does happen, how can I work to get him back?
I'd really appreciate any advice as I want to work to understand him as much as I possibly can, he means the world to me, and I want him to be happy and I don't want to lose him.

Seven (not verified) says...


I wasn't sure if I understood what you meant by "door slam" but I had an idea, as I am also an INFJ, so I looked it up and sure enough I was right simply because I have done this to people numerous times. I found an article, which you may have already read, titled The Truth About the INFJ Door Slam. The article mapped out how our door slam is not done lightly. We go through a "process" if you will, of trying to get things right. We give someone the opportunity to do better and be different to start to 'act right' and if that person never catches on then they simply get the door slam. Many times we lock door and throw away the key.

To your question. Do you want him to "help get you back"? Are you seeking reconciliation? It is said that INFJ's are strongly intuitive and are known to trust our instincts. What is your instinct telling you about this ex of yours. We are also known to be right most of the time. Maybe in this situation you want to follow your instincts and not your feelings.

I have been in relationships in the past where leaving was easy staying was difficult and I did not enter into relationships quickly. My husband is an INFP he is very good at adjusting to my needs as he was made aware right away that I was "special" and therefore had special needs. Early on I attempted to slam the door on him multiple times at at least started my door slamming process, well he was not haven't it he would find out what I needed in order to feel more secure and then he would make adjustments accordingly. I share this to say that the one for you will realize that you are special even before he learns of this whole personality thing, and if you mean a lot to him he will begin to adjust to your needs.

I just learned, last week, that I am INFJ and began to understand what that all means. My husband had been trying to get me to take the personality test for years, well before we got married but I never did. So before he even knew my personality type he tried to do his best to meet my special needs.

andreakrahn says...

The Door Slam, when it comes to that, is MERCY. It is GRACE. Relationship Euthanasia. It takes A LOT for a door slam to happen. I had performed several of these (maybe 2) before I even knew what INFJ really meant or that this tactic was common amongst INFJs. I did not ultimately decide to leave the relationship this way out of anger, although, I was ANGRY. Very angry. Hurt. So disappointed I was broken. Had tried for YEARS. He was trying to drive me away and out of the house. Finally I said, ok, I’ll take the hit, you are terrified I will fight you for all these things, this house, the drapes, rug, all the things I have become comfortable with over the years, my home. It will sting to walk away from my security and the work put in over these years but I really don’t want these reminders of our failed relationship anyway. Having nothing is quite scary too though. There will never be good answer to this and I am too broken to fight you for a painting or a box of sterling. I would feel stupid fighting for those things if I had given up on fighting for you. So I will leave with my clothes and my dog in my car. The last drive I will ever take as a resident of this place or as a member of this small family unit. And it will hurt and I’ll cry so hard I’ll have to pull over more than once but to know you at least have the comforts of your home makes me feel a little better. Also, you can’t do a proper Door Slam with a full size moving truck and endless bickering on who gets what. Or the legalities. A proper Door Slam is stealth. So while he was gone to a conference that is what I did. It felt really stupid to call and say “Uh, I’m leaving. I won’t be here when you get back.” That made it seem like a threat or a game. And is wasn’t. So I said nothing because whatever mostly wrong thing I would have said was stuck in my throat anyway. I wasn’t trying to Door Slam. I didn’t know what that was. It was just the only way I was ever going to be able to leave there. I could never do it while he watched. I couldn’t plan it while everyone knew and waited in anticipation. It just had to Be. And that is what it was.

INFJ1961 says...

Door slam. Never heard of this before. The term, that is. But I have a health-affirming history of them. Most were indeed done in stealth. The most recent significant one wasn't stealth. It was more like a hurricane that appeared out of nowhere. Though it caught everyone involved off guard, it was also long overdue. Thanks to a better mindset than in the past, I will still talk with this person, but the relationship is torpedoed - and I made that known when I packed up and left.

Thanks for introducing me to this term!

Guest (not verified) says...

I had never heard this term so I read about it and am now back. I totally door slammed my ex. It was not done lightly and I did try several times to talk to him about it. He knew I wanted to talk and avoided it. Finally I said enough and said I needed out. I gave and gave and never got anything in return. I feel a little better knowing that others have the same reaction and decide they can't do it anymore. Thank you!!

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